Debut: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
I am sorry to say that today’s post is a tragedy. The plight of the poor little Eyeball Frog is simply Messed Up! Sometimes I remember the Eyeball Frog, and think, man. The Eyeball Frog. You know? It’s ok if you don’t. You will soon enough.
The first things you probably notice when looking at the Eyeball Frog are its Eyeballs. I don’t think that’s really out of the ordinary, eyes are typically the part of a creature my own eyes are drawn to first! But these are not just any eyes. The are Eyeball Frog eyeballs, clearly quite some eyeballs, for the frog to be named after them!
So what’s the deal with Eyeball Frog’s eyeballs? Well, it has the fascinating ability to use its very own eyeballs to help push food down its throat!... I assume. That’s just a standard real frog thing! Every frog you have met is an Eyeball Frog, and this fictional one’s eyes don’t actually do anything special, biologically.
They are apparently delicious when fried, though! I would not eat them. This may be why this frog is known as the Eyeball Frog, but it also may not be...
Eyeball Frogs are used to make eyedrops! It’s unclear whether their eyeballs are the key to this, or if they are Eyeball Frogs because they soothe the eyeballs of other beings, but this is their unfortunate fate. If they aren’t having their eyeballs eaten, they’re being turned into eyedrops.
Does this all seem weird to people who haven’t played this game? Are you wondering why there are eyedrops in this game? It is all part of a wacky optional sidequest!
You see, there is a big Goron, named Biggoron, and he has made a sword, and it is called Biggoron’s Sword. It is a very good sword, but it is broken! He could fix it, but his eyes are irritated. So he needs eyedrops! And he has expensive taste in eyedrops. He is a pretty nice fellow, but is the death of an Eyeball Frog worth it to soothe your eye irritation, Biggoron? Regular store-brand eyedrops aren’t enough? You’re fine with the fact that at LEAST one frog must die for the soothing sensation?
That’s right, at LEAST one frog! In this wacky trading quest, you need to be quick and deliver things fresh, and that includes a frog! Now, it’s true amphibians are very sensitive to environmental changes, but I’d think a frog would be able to go three minutes outside of its home without DYING, because if it is not made into eyedrops within three minutes, this poor frog DIES. And even worse, you’re asked to deliver it before it “spoils”. Yeesh! Don’t use that word for a frog! This isn’t milk, this is an animals!
So, this is the tragedy of the Eyeball Frog. If you want Biggoron’s Sword, at least one Eyeball Frog will have to die. It is entirely avoidable. But at the same time... could this be a necessary evil? So many “monsters” are killed over the course of the game. Does the Eyeball Frog’s life truly have more inherent value than theirs? Is it a worthy sacrifice to help a friend in need, especially considering the seemingly infinite supply of frogs, and the fact that they may very well be kept with the intention of being eaten at some point anyway? To answer these questions, Eyeball Frog is not real. Just be nice to frogs in real life, please. Thank you.
