#zaperc

[6 March 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

When Zaperc led the Saiyans to Nat-Chezz II, their plan had been to defend the planet against any would-be invaders.   The idea was to imitate what the Super Saiyan Luffa had achieved with her establishment of an interplanetary Federation.   Instead of seeking out easy battles, they would stand their ground and try to cultivate a reputation as a force to be reckoned with.    This would in turn attract even stronger invaders, giving the Saiyans a chance to become stronger themselves as they repelled them.   At least, this was the theory.

In practice, Zaperc’s followers were virtually indistinguishable from the sort of invaders they pledged to drive off.    Upon arrival, they declared martial law, shut down much of the planet’s communications, and helped themselves to whatever supplies and treasure they wished.  The Chezzi people had endured worse occupations in the past, so they tolerated the situation for a time, but they still breathed a sigh of relief when Luffa discovered their plight and intervened.  

In the weeks that followed, Luffa subjected these Saiyans to intense training, determined to mold the band into the sort of champions they had claimed to be.   The Chezzi King had allowed them to keep the mansion they had appropriated, but all the treasure they had taken was returned, and the Saiyans spent most of their days drilling in the wilderness or conducting war games with the Chezzi military.   When their work for the day was finished, they convened at their manor and feasted on whatever luckless animals they happened to find during their training exercises.  

“That’s what I like about you, Jikama,” Lesseri said as she ripped hunks of flesh from a carcass on the table.  “You may be half-Chezzi, but at least you eat like a Saiyan.  I knew a mixed-blood on Siphone II.  Guy had no appetite at all.  Creepy.”

“Thanks... I think,” Jikama said between bites.  “So, any word on when Luffa’s coming back?”

“Nothing new,” Vigurd said as she drank an entire pot of stew and wiped her mouth on her forearm.  “What’s wrong, Jikama?  You miss that gilded blowhard already?”

“I just enjoyed her cooking,” he said awkwardly.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with this, but we’ve been roasting animals on a spit for a week now.  I could go for some of that insect crumb of hers.”

“Insect crumb, my foot!” Lesseri scoffed.   “Don’t listen to him, Vigurd.  He just wants another pat on the head from Zattie.”

Jikama chuckled at this.  Of all the Saiyans in Zaperc’s group, he had shown the most improvement in tracking Zatte through dense foliage.   Luffa’s alien wife lacked Saiyan power, but she could make herself virtually undetectable, and she was armed with advanced weaponry and a talent for asymmetrical warfare.     She had praised him a number of times in front of Luffa and the other Saiyans, which had earned him a lot of teasing from his comrades.   Not wishing to antagonize any of them, he smiled and tried to take it in stride.  

“If you asked me, it’d be just as well if she never came back,” muttered Brockle.   He sat at the head of the table, nursing a flagon of ale while he devoured a plate of spare ribs.

“Please, Brockle,” Vigurd laughed.  “We’ve all seen you leer at her when you think no one’s watching.  You miss Zattie more than Jikama does.”

“Yeah,” Lesseri added.   “Don’t take it personally, Brockle.  You’re just not her type, if you know what I mean.”

The two women laughed, and Jikama tried to delicately suggest that maybe they shouldn’t make a habit of calling her “Zattie”, when Brockle slammed his fist on the table.  

“I’m not talking about the damned alien,”  he said.   “I meant Luffa.”

“I wouldn’t let your father hear you talk that way,” Vigurd warned.  

“I’ve learned all I need to know from the Super Saiyan,” Brockle insisted.  “I’m getting stronger every day, and before long I’ll be powerful enough to surpass her.”

“No offense, kid,” Lesseri said, “but get real.  We’ve all felt the ki Luffa puts off.   You’re nowhere near her level.”  

He stood up and raised his fists.  “I’m more than a match for you, Lesseri!” he shouted.  

She nodded and sipped her drink.  “You’re right, but being stronger than me doesn’t change anything, does it?”  

“I have the potential to beat her!” he insisted.   “I know it!”

“Maybe so,” Vigurd said, “but until you do, you’ll have to put up with her crap like the rest of us.   Unless she’s dumb enough to get killed in spaceflight.   I wonder if someone could sneak an explosive on that ship of hers without her noticing...”

“Now what would that accomplish?” Lesseri asked.  

“Oh, I’m just thinking out loud,” Vigurd chuckled.  She finished her meal and patted her sizable belly with satisfaction.  “People would pay a fortune to hire the mercenary who slew the Super Saiyan, wouldn’t they?”

“Not once the word gets around that she’s just a run-of-the-mill Saiyan like a hundred thousand others available for hire,” Lesseri noted.   “All you’d prove is that you know how to set a time-bomb.”

“Wouldn’t someone else try to bomb your ship?” Jikama suggested.    “Then they could cash in on being the one to kill the mercenary who killed the Super Saiyan.”

Lesseri pointed a table knife at Jikama.  “See?  He’s only half-Saiyan and he gets it.”

“I don’t know why my father put up with you fools,” Brockle grumbled.  

“Because he knows he needs all the help he can get to keep his son from getting himself killed,” Lesseri said.   “Maybe you were in line to serve in Rehval’s elite guard, but you fouled that gig up, and now you’ve got to scrape together a living like the rest of us merc trash.   You don’t have to like us, Brockle.   You don’t have to like Luffa either, or her blue-skinned devil girl, for that matter, but you still need us for the time being.”

He opened his mouth to respond, when suddenly all four of them gasped with shock and turned to look up at the sky.   There was nothing to see, at least not with the naked eye, but the ki they had sensed was powerful enough to be sensed, even from outer space.  

“Is that... Luffa?” Vigurd asked.  

“It can’t be,” Brockle said.   “It feels completely different.    And there’s... two of them.”

“Jikama, contact the Chezzi military,” Lesseri said.   “We’ll need telemetry on that ship.”

“Huh?   Oh, right!” he said as he scrambled out of his seat.   While he took off into the air, she turned to Brockle.  

“Go find your father,” she said.  “Looks like we finally have a fight on our hands.”

“I don’t take orders from you, woman!” he said indignantly.  

“That’s right, you don’t,” she said.  “We both take orders from your father, and I’d like to start taking some before whatever that is gets here, so hurry up and find him!”

He muttered obscenities under his breath as he got up from the table, promising himself that she would pay for her disrespect, but Lesseri didn’t care as long as he did as she asked.  

She looked to Vigurd next.  “Do me a favor and prep Zaperc’s ship for launch.”

“What?” Vigurd asked.   “You want to run?”

“Right now I want to keep my options open,” Lesseri said.   “Without Luffa to back us up, I don’t know if we can beat these guys, and I don’t know if Zaperc’s sensible enough to order a retreat.  I don’t know about you, but I’d like an escape route handy.”

“You know, so would I, now that you mention it,” Vigurd said after a moment’s consideration.  

“Yes, I thought you might,” Lesseri said after Vigurd flew off.

*******

Two hours later, Zaperc was with Hijik in the throneroom of the King of Nat-Chezz, accompanied by several high-ranking military commanders.   They had been discussing plans to destroy the incoming vessel  before it could deploy its forces, when suddenly an image of two women appeared in the center of the room.    

Both of them had pale, almost transparent skin.  The shorter of the two was almost completely concealed beneath a black cloak.  Only her bare feet and lower shins were visible below the hem, and the hood of her cloak revealed only the portion of her face below her eyes.    Her nose and mouth were contorted into a cruel sneer.  

The taller woman was adorned in black leather up to her chest, which added emphasis to her large, muscular arms.  An iron helmet concealed her eyes as well, though a dark, horizontal slot on the front presumably allowed her to see out of it.  Lengths of wire hung from the back of the helmet, almost as if to serve as a crude substitute for hair.   Her lips were stretched to reveal her clenched teeth, as though she were constantly on the verge of biting someone.

“Are they holograms?” the king asked.  

“I think they’re some sort of ki constructs, Sire,” Zaperc said cautiously.   “Hijik, can you sense them too?”

Hijik nodded, and curled his tail around his waist.  Before he could give his own opinion on the images, the cloaked one addressed the room.

“Hail, King of Nat-Chezz.  I am Ünderlyne, and this is Stryquethru.   Henceforth, we shall be the new masters of your world.”

“Long have we coveted your scandium resources, King of the Chezzi,” Stryquethru growled through her teeth.   “You will surrender your world to us, or we shall take it by force.      Doubtless you have warriors who can already sense our power approaching your world.  They will tell you that we cannot be defeated.   Heed their warning and surrender to us!”

“Surrender, and you shall be shown... mercy...” promised Ünderlyne, though her tone lacked sincerity.   “The tender mercies of Stryquethru and Ünderlyne...  Oh how we beg you to submit.”

“Resist,” Stryquethru seethed, “and your people shall suffer terribly!   Woe to the defiant!   For there is no refuge from our wrath!”  

“Woe!” wailed Ünderlyne.  

“Woe!” added Stryquethru.

“Wooooooooeeeeee!” they howled in unison.  

As their voices faded, so too did their images, and the message appeared to be concluded.   The king looked to his advisors, and then to the two Saiyans, desperate for counsel.    

“At current velocity, we expect them to reach the planet in two hours, Sire,” said one of the generals.

“My son Brockle may be able to destroy their ship before it reaches the atmosphere, Sire,” Zaperc said.   “If not, I would recommend deploying our forces here...”

“Is this a joke?!” Hijik yelled.  

Suddenly, everyone in the room fell silent, and all eyes were looking to him.  

“It’s obviously a trick!” Hijik said.  “Am I the only one who sees it?”

“Hijik, what are you talking about?” Zaperc demanded.  “We don’t have time for--”

“That was Luffa, of course!” Hijik said.  “Luffa and her alien ‘partner’ or whatever she calls it!  They left the planet days ago, frustrated that we weren’t jumping through their hoops fast enough for them, so they dreamed up this phony invasion as some pathetic team-building exercise!”  

Silence fell upon the room again.   At last, the king spoke.   “Zaperc, could he be right?   Would the Super Saiyan do such a thing?”

Zaperc hesitated.   He had studied Luffa’s career for over two years, only to find that the real Luffa was very different from what his sources had told him.  She had been testing them for weeks now.  Could this be another test?  If it was, wouldn’t she have informed the king?  Perhaps he was aware of her plan, and he was feigning ignorance to help Luffa gauge their reactions.  

“I... I don’t know,” he finally said.   “Perhaps we should wait and see.”

“Wait?! Wait for what?” one of the Chezzi generals demanded.   “Neither of those women looked nothing like Luffa.  The shorter one was at least six inches taller than her.”

“It was a ki projection,” Hijik said.    “They could have made it look any size or shape they wanted!”

“And since when does Luffa have that ability?” the general asked sharply.  

“Her woman has all sorts of energy manipulation powers,” Hijik said.  “Working together, there’s no telling what they could do.”

“But why go to all this trouble?”  the Chezzi king asked.    “Why not simply arrange a war game maneuver?”

“Because it’s a team-building exercise,” Hijik said.  The disgust in his voice made it sound like he was describing the most detestable atrocity he could imagine.  “You don’t understand how women think, Your Majesty.   They want to humiliate us, then force us to work together against a common foe, and then they’ll reveal their ruse at the last moment, to reinforce the idea that none of us can accomplish anything unless they allow it.”

“Wh-what?” the king asked.  

Hijik sighed.  “I can see I’ll have to go over the basics of involuntary celibacy with you.   I’ll need something to write on so I can make a diagram...”

********

On a cozy island village off the coast of one of Nat-Chezz’s larger continents, Bodi stood in a library and watched patiently while a Chezzi woman looked through an almanac.  

“Sorry this is taking so long,” she said as she ran her maroon-skinned fingers down a table printed on page 702.  “You’d probably have more luck calling the Royal Astronomy Society.   They have a computer program that calculates things like this.”

Bodi smirked as he rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger.  “Luck?   Calculations?” he asked.   “With the fate of this world on the line, there can be no half-measures.   Take your time, and while you concentrate on finding the answer I need, I will drink in your beauty, and let it inspire my Saiyan power to unseen heights!”

The woman faltered for a moment, and clutched at her temples.   Even the horns on her head seemed to droop slightly.  

“Is something wrong?” Bodi asked.  “Have you found it?”

“No, I just... felt a little ill for a moment,” she said.  “Could you maybe save the cheesy lines for after the invasion?”

“Very well,” Bodi said as he dramatically removed his sunglasses.  “I accept!”

He had been patrolling this part of the planet when he sensed the huge powers approaching from space.  With Luffa and Zatte offworld, his standing orders were to report to Zaperc and the Chezzi military command, but he knew better.   There would be only one way to halt this impending doom.   Only one power that could bring Bodi and his comrade the victory they all craved.  Bodi would seize that power, and with it, the triumph, and with that... maybe some grateful Chezzi women...

“Okay, I think I’ve got it,” she said.  

“Good job!” he cheered, pointing at her with both hands.   “The location of the full moon!”

“Well, that’s just it,” she said sheepishly.  “The full moon won’t be in the sky for another week.   It doesn’t matter where you go on the planet’s surface.   It all depends on the moon’s position in relation to the sun.”

His jaw dropped.  

“What I was thinking of was a solar eclipse,” she explained.    “With those, it depends on where the observer is on the planet’s surface.   At a certain latitude, the moon would obscure more of the sun’s disc, but that has nothing to do with lunar phases.   I’m sorry.”

He didn’t move.   A pathetic squeaking sound emanated from his throat, but nothing more.

“Are you sure you need this Giant Ape form to win?” she asked.   “It just seems kind of unreliable to me.   You get all this power from it, but it only works under the light of the full moon.  And what if the invaders managed to cut off your tail?”

He nodded slightly.  

“Well, is there anything else I can help you with?” she asked.   “If not, I’ll uh... let you get back to strategizing.   I feel like I ought to see my family before this ship arrives.   So, uh, good luck out there.”

She left him standing there, dumbfounded.  One by one, the other patrons left the building, until at last the librarian at the desk shut off the lights and locked the doors.    Bodi didn’t move, except for a slight twitch as a single tear ran down his cheek.  

*******

“Behold, mistress!   The world of Nat-Chezz.   And soon it shall be ours!  The domain of Stryquethru and Ünderlyne!”

Stryquethru gazed at the image of the planet on the viewscreen, admiring whatever her helmet allowed her to perceive through the slot that obscured her eyes.   A tear of blood ran down her cheek as she made a twisted smile.  

“How peaceful it looks!” she exclaimed through clenched teeth.   “Soon, very, soon my lady--my queen, we shall have all the scandium we could ever need.  Scandium enough to sate the darkest of appetites!”  

Their ship had only one deck, containing a single, nearly empty room.   Nearly every surface was shiny and black, with heavy chains and manacles dangling from various positions on the wall.   There were no physical controls.   Ünderlyne simply waved her hands, seemingly clawing at the air with the long black nails on her fingers, and the ship responded instantly.  

“But hold!” she said.    “We are under attack!”

“The fools!” Stryquethru hissed.  “Do those spineless worms reject our kind warning already?”

“Worry not, my pet,” Ünderlyne said in a spiteful tone.  “The energy beam is a powerful one, rich in vital energy, but easily avoided.   Yes, we need only slip our vessel beneath normal space, into the welcoming darkness of subspace, and wait for the danger to pass.”  

As she spoke, she gestured with her hands to illustrate, and Stryquethru grunted with malicious approval.  Then she tilted back her head and growled.  

“Do I sense... Saiyan power in that attack?” she asked.  

Ünderlyne paused and considered the question carefully.  “Yessssss,” she said with a gleeful cackle.     “And added bonus for our conquest!”

“I would bathe in their blood!” Stryquethru insisted.   “The one who fired that insolent shot!   Yes, my pet, I will not rest until shreds of his viscera are lodged between my teeth!”

“Let us not be hasty,” Ünderlyne said with an evil smile.  “The Saiyans make fine stock for breeding, as well as for soup.   Imagine an entire offshoot of their race, toiling away to refine scandium for our dark bidding.”

Stryquethru screamed for thirty seconds straight.    “Delightful,” she added.   “I cannot bear to wait any longer!  How long until we arrive?!”

“Soon!” Ünderlyne cried.

*******

“Now!” Ünderlyne cried as they stepped out of the hatch of their ship and onto the courtyard of the Chezzi royal palace.  

“Where is the king!?” Stryquethru screeched.  “He must surrender his world to us immediately!”  

“Bring us the king!” Ünderlyne shrieked.  “Lest we hunt him down and devour his eyes!”

But the courtyard was empty, save for the two invaders and their black, disc-shaped vessel.   Suddenly, the vessel was engulfed in an explosion.  

“How dare!” Ünderlyne rasped.  

“My chains!” Stryquethru howled.   “All of my favorite chains were on board!”  

“Take heart, mistress,” Ünderlyne said.  “We shall soon forge new chains, of scandium alloy!”

“Seems your ship is much easier to hit when it’s standing still,” shouted Brockle as he flew over the courtyard.   He alighted just in front of the invaders and the burning hulk that was once their ship.   “Now I only need to destroy the two of you.”

“You were the one!” Stryquethru moaned.   “The one who fired upon us before!   Saiyan!  I would have your innards!”

Brockle clenched his fists and raised his power level to its maximum.    “Come and take them if you can!” he growled.    “I’m going to make an example of the two of you.   When I’m through, no one will dare come near this planet again!”

“Then let us do battle, fool!” Stryquethru shouted.   “Let the seas run red with our blood!   Unleash your power Saiyan.    Bring forth your fury!”

“Wait, stop!  We surrender!”

Brockle turned to see his father running out from one of the palace doors.   He ran past Brockle and dropped to his knees before the dark women.  

“Father, what are you doing?” Brockle asked.  

“Spare my son, please,” Zaperc asked as he clasped his hands together in supplication.   “He is only a boy.”

“Father, I am not a boy, I am seventeen years old!” Brockle protested.  

“How touching,” Ünderlyne cooed.    “The son seeks war, while the father begs for peace.   Do you truly know what you ask, filthy Saiyan?”

“We’re no match for you,” Zaperc said.    “We have no choice but to yield.”

“Then prove your sincerity, knave!” Stryquethru commanded.  “Cut off your tail and eat it here in front of us!”  

“That is disgusting, Stryquethru!” Ünderlyne muttered.  

“It is the only way they will learn, my mistress,” Stryquethru said quietly.  

“Father, you can’t be serious!” Brockle said.   “I’m strong enough to defeat these wretches.    Let me--”

“Son, your power doesn’t even compare!” Zaperc snapped.   “Look past your pride and sense what stands before you!   I’m not sure if even Luffa could stand against these monsters.”

Zaperc’s words were like a heavy blow to his gut.   In that instant, all the confidence simply drained out of Brockle.  “F-father--!” was all he could bring himself to say.  

“I’ll do as you ask,” Zaperc said, glancing down at the end of his furry tail.   “If you agree to let me and my son leave this planet peacefully.”

“No!”

The four of them turned, and found Hijik floating over the courtyard, looking down upon them.   There was a large sphere of energy in his right hand, and he was brandishing it with look of desperation on his face.  

“Hijik, what in blazes are you doing?” Zaperc asked.  

“I’m rescuing your dignity from these she-beasts!” he shouted back.   “We can’t defeat them, but we do have enough power to destroy the planet, or at least render it uninhabitable!”  

“Are you mad, Saiyan?!” Stryquethru barked.   “Put that energy away and come down here!   Or do you want to kill yourself along with the rest of us?!”

“I’m not bluffing!” Hijik said.   “If we can’t have this planet, neither will you!  I suggest you get back in your ship and leave.    This world isn’t safe for your kind!”

“They can’t leave, Hijik!” Zaperc groaned.   “Brockle destroyed their ship!”

This was apparently news to Hijik, or he may have seen it happen, and simply failed to consider the ramifications.    “He... did?!” Hijik stammered.   “But... but...”

“We cannot leave!” Stryquethru gloated.  “Nor would we wish to do so.    Tell me, little man, would you hold that ball of death over us forever?!”

“No, wait!” Hijik said, thinking as fast as he could.  “You could take our ship.”  

“In the first place, Hijik,” Zaperc said, “it’s not ‘our ship’, it’s my ship.   And second--”

As he spoke, they all sensed another Saiyan life energy moving overhead.   It was Vigurd, piloting the very ship they were just discussing.

“What is she doing?” Zaperc asked.  

“That coward!” Brockle fumed.   “She’s running away!  Leaving us behind!”

“Well, someone get to a transmitter and tell her to turn around!” Hijik yelled.  “She doesn’t need to run away now!   She can bring the ship down and hand it off to these two.   Hell, she can leave with them for all I care.   Just so long as they--”

Suddenly, Zaperc’s ship exploded into a fireball, and began a steep descent towards the horizon.  

“Vigurd?!” Zaperc cried.   He couldn’t sense her energy now.   It was possible that a Saiyan of her power level might have survived the explosion, but if Zaperc couldn’t sense her ki, then that meant Vigurd wasn’t using it to protect herself, or to break her fall to the surface.    If she wasn’t dead already, she soon would be.

Hijik wasted no time dreaming up another alternative.   “There’s plenty of other starships on this planet,” he said.  

“Enough!” Stryquethru shouted.   “You’ve put up a nice front, little Saiyan, but your game is over now!  Come down here, and if Ünderlyne deems you suitable, we may make use of you for our breeding experiments.”

“Breeding?” Hijik said.   “You mean, me and you?”

Ünderlyne simply cackled and waved her hands with abandon.  

“And perhaps I as well, dog,” Stryquethru added, “assuming there is anything left of you once dear Ünderlyne is through.”

Hijik quickly dissipated the energy ball in his hand and descended beside Zaperc.   “When do we start?” he asked hopefully.

“Hijik, are you mad?” Zaperc asked.   “A moment ago these two demanded that I eat my own tail!”  

“What’s your point?” he asked.  

“Not so fast, ladies!” called a voice in the distance.    

“Oh, what now?” Hijik groaned.  

The dark women were equally annoyed.   The looked and found a figure standing atop one of the stone pillars in the courtyard, with his arms crossed and his back turned toward them.    With a flourish, he backflipped off the pillar, twisting and flipping as he moved through the air, until at last his feet touched the ground and he struck a dramatic pose.

“Bodi,” Zaperc said.    “I’m asking you to please stay out of this.”

“I’ve come to issue a challenge!” Bodi said.   “We can’t defeat you ladies now, but in a week, when the moon is full, my comrades and I will be ready to fight you with all we’ve got.”  

“Why should we do such a thing?!”  Stryquethru asked.  

“Your comrades are already surrendering to us!” Ünderlyne hissed.   “What possible reason would we have for delaying our triumph?”

He rubbed his chin, then adjusted his sunglasses.   “I see,” he said as he closed his eyes and smiled.    “It seems I failed to consider that.   Very well.   In that case, all that I have left is...”

There was a long pause, and for a moment, Zaperc dared to wonder if Bodi actually had a way out of this situation.  

“... No plans!” Bodi declared.  

Zaperc shook his head mournfully and looked down at his tail once again.  

*******

[7 March 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

As it turned out, Zaperc got to keep his tail, at least for the time being.   As sadistic as the invaders were, they seemed more interested in savoring their victory than in carrying out their threats.   Thus, the first ever “Surrender Banquet” was held in the palace’s main hall.  The decorations made the occasion resemble the interior design of Stryquethru and Ünderlyne’s ship.   The streamers were made of black paper, the bouqets of flowers were dyed to as dark a hue as possible, and pieces of rusted scrap metal were laid upon each table like centerpieces.   At the front of the room was a stage, where the new rulers of Nat-Chezz sat upon their “throne”, which was actually just a black leather sofa they had stabbed with assorted swords and knives.    Hijik and Bodi stood on either side of them, each wearing heavy manacles on their necks and wrists that were more symbolic than functional.  

“When do we start the breeding program?” Hijik asked Ünderlyne .  

“At a time and place of our choosing, mortal fool!” Ünderlyne insisted.   “If you do not stop asking, I shall carve out your tongue!”

“Oh, let him babble, my lady,”  Stryquethru said.   “I enjoy hearing the Saiyan whimper like an animal begging for table scraps.”  

There was a loud metallic crack, and Stryquethru turned to scold Bodi.   “Worthless wretch!  I told you to stop fidgeting with those chains!   Now you’ve broken them!”

Bodi had been trying to scratch his back, which had strained the metal to its breaking point.   He grinned and adjusted his sunglasses.  “Apologies, ladies,” he said as smoothly as he could.   “I suppose that I was so overwhelmed by your animal magnetism that I forgot my own strength.    Best surrender ever!”

At one of the tables, Zaperc was apologizing profusely to the Chezzi king.  

“We still have a chance,” he said in a low voice.   “Lesseri and Jikama are unaccounted for.   One of them might find a way to summon help and--”

“What good will that do?” the king whispered.  “These women are too powerful, Zaperc.  They could defeat an army of Saiyans, and I doubt your comrades can find us that much help.”

“There is the full moon,” Zaperc suggested.   “Bodi may have had the right idea after all.   If we bide our time, we might--”

The king was horrified at this suggestion.   “Don’t you think they’ve already anticipated that tactic?” he asked.   “In another week, they’ll either chop off your tails or destroy our moon.”  

Zaperc sighed as he realized the king was right.   It wasn’t supposed to have been like this.    His son Brockle should have unlocked his hidden potential and become powerful enough to tackle any challenge, including these invaders. Instead, Stryquethru and Ünderlyne had taken the planet without a struggle, and Brockle now sulked in a far corner of the hall, his spirit completely broken.  

"Silence!"  Stryquethru screamed.  "We would have music!  We would see merriment!  Dance, Chezzi insects!  Dance for your dark queens!"

With some reluctance, most of the ’guests’ rose from their chairs and began to dance in an open area of the hall.  As commanded by their new rulers, they all wore black gowns and formal wear mottled with ashes.

"Shall we?" the king said, offering his hand to Zaperc.

Zaperc was irritated by the situation, but he supposed every moment he spent playing along was another moment he got to keep his tail attached to his body.  Begrudgingly, he took the king’s hand and led him through a rudimentary waltz.

"You’ve done this before," the king said with some amazement.  "I didn’t think Saiyans knew how to dance."

"It was in the book," Zaperc explained ruefully.

"The book?   You mean The Luffa Way?" the king asked.

"There’s a section about opening oneself to new experiences.  It goes on to describe a time when Luffa supposedly taught herself to waltz in order to defeat a giant sea serpent on Planet Zeezil."

"And you resolved to learn the same steps," the king said.

Zaperc nodded.  "All of it was a waste of time.  The real Luffa told me the book was a pack of lies.  She had never been to the Zeezil system.  Her wife--who isn’t even mentioned in the book-- told me that Luffa doesn’t know how to dance."

"How gauche," the king said.  "I wonder what they did at their wedding reception..."

"Luffa levitated herself an inch off the ground and let Zatte slide her across the floor like a shuffleboard disc.  At least, that was what Zatte told me.  She may have been joking.  It’s hard for me to tell."

"That sounds rather fun, actually," the king said.  "Would you care to try it?"

Zaperc frowned.  "The point is that I’ve been wasting my time.  I devoted years to following in Luffa’s footsteps, only to find that her feet weren’t even touching the ground!  All the rumors and tall tales and false accounts I’ve studied--! All it’s won me is a life of bondage.  It would all be worth it if this somehow led to a better life for my son, but look at him over there.  I’ve only doomed him to the same fate."

The King glanced back at Brockle, who was still sulking in his chair.  A Chezzi maiden asked him to dance, but he wouldn’t even acknowledge her presence.

"Don’t give up hope, Noble Saiyan," the king said.  "My people have endured numerous conquests and occupations in our history.  This too shall pass."

"How can you say that at a time like this?!" Zaperc asked.  "We can’t defeat these monsters!  Not even Luffa could--!"

Suddenly, there came a loud noise from the back of the hall.  There was a massive double door at the entrance, made of particularly expensive and sturdy breed of Chezzi timber, and decorated with bismuth ink.  These now lay on the floor, the wood splintered and cracked where they had been shorn from their hinges.

"Eh?  Who dares!" Stryquethru screeched.

The newcomer stormed into the hall, walking directly toward the invaders without acknowledging the Saiyans or Chezzi.  When she was standing directly in front of Stryquethru and Ünderlyne’s sofa, she extended her hand and curled in her fingers, beckoning them to come closer.

"Let’s step outside," Luffa said.

     [7 March 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]  

"Saiyan maggot!" Ünderlyne snarled. "Have you learned nothing from the defeat of your kin? Your power doesn’t begin to compare to ours!"

"I’ve noticed," Luffa said, smiling excitedly. "I sensed the two of you from orbit. Very impressive. Let’s do this."

Nat-Chezz II had fallen to a pair of alien invaders less than twenty-four hours ago.  The fighters who had pledged to defend the planet had failed.   Stryquethru and Ünderlyne seemed to be completely unbeatable, to the point where surrender had been the only sane option.   The pair wasted no time in celebrating their bloodless conquest by staging a ball in the palace of the Chezzi King.  

And then Luffa arrived to confront them.

"Have a care, Saiyan!" Ünderlyne warned. "The power we possess will reduce you to a cinder! Beg for our mercy, or we shall annihilate you instantly!"

"Maybe you don't understand how this works," Luffa said. She balled her fists and threw back her head as she transformed.   Like all Saiyans, Luffa had dark hair and a tail covered in brown fur.   These suddenly changed to a luminescent yellow, and her eyes flashed as they became a menacing shade of bright green.  She extended her arm toward the couch the invaders were sitting on, and pointed at each of them.

"I'm going to fight you now," she said with a twisted grin. Get up and let's get down to business!"

They looked at each other and exchanged confused looks. At last Ünderlyne said: "Perhaps this Saiyan does not realize the full extent of our power, my lady. We must summon our full might to show just how far beyond her we truly are!"

Luffa was growing impatient. "No, I get it, you're both stronger than me.  I'm excited, really.  Let's hurry up and fight. If you don't mind, I'd like to take you on one at a time. You know, just to make this last longer. But if you're more comfortable working as a team, I can adjust."

Stryquethru was visibly disturbed to hear this. "What is wrong with you? You admit we're stronger, yet you still want to fight us?!"

"Okay, enough of this crap," Luffa said. "I was hoping you two were just as anxious to test your powers as I am, but it doesn't really matter. I'm going to start hitting you as hard as I can. If I were you, I'd start thinking about hitting back."

With that, she started to yell, gathering her power as her aura raged like a tempest. Most of the people in the hall ran for their lives, while a few took cover and looked on in terror.

And then suddenly, Luffa stopped yelling, and she drew back her fist. "Ready or not!" she shouted.

"No! Wait! I give up!" Stryquethru cried.

"You what?" Luffa asked.

Stryquethru got up from the sofa and fell to her knees. "You win! We give up! Don't kill us!"

"Stryquethru, don't be a fool!" Ünderlyne scolded. "This Saiyan is only bluffing!"

"But what if she's not?!" Stryquethru asked. "If she's really this powerful..."

"It matters not, my pet!" Ünderlyne said. "For we are stronger still! This Saiyan won't dare attack us--ARRRRRGH!"

Without warning, a bolt of green light burst through one of the large, stained glass windows of the hall, and struck Ünderlyne somewhere beneath the folds of her black cloak. She fell off the sofa and started twitching.

"I told her to stay out of this," Luffa muttered. "Sorry about that. My wife is kind of over-protective. I told her I was going to fight you two and she got a little nervous. I guess it was because you were so much stronger than... wait a minute."

She looked down at Stryquethru, as though seeing her for the first time. "What happened to your ki?" she asked. "It's like you turned into a wimp all of a sudden."

"Please, spare us!" Stryquethru whined. "It was all a deception! We have the ability to manipulate ki perception! That way we make ourselves appear to be more powerful than we really are, and our opponents don't dare to challenge us."

Luffa considered this for a moment as she looked at Ünderlyne convulsing on the floor. Then she gently tapped her finger against Stryquethru's shoulder, and she collapsed, clutching her arm in agony.

"You're telling the truth!" Luffa said. "You idiots! I was ready to come at you with my full power! I could have killed you!"

"Wuh-we never expected any...one to call our bluff!" Ünderlyne whimpered. "Our illusion makes us seem unbeatable! Who would want to fight a superior opponent with no hope of winning?!"

Luffa opened her mouth to answer.  She wanted to say that any proud Saiyan would eagerly accept the challenge, even at the risk of death. Then she remembered that there had been other Saiyans to greet these invaders, and they had apparently given up without a fight.

So instead she said nothing, and went to find the Chezzi king to inform him that his planet had been saved.

*******

 [8 March 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]  

"If any of you had thrown a single punch at either of them," Luffa said, "you would have exposed their trick instantly! Those women weren't invaders, they were con artists. Tricksters!"

In spite of her disappointment in them, she had cooked a meal for the group, and was now serving it to them while she critiqued their performance. They took the food and ate, but none of them seemed to relish the experience, and no one was in a hurry to speak up.

"Hijik," Luffa said. "I would have thought you would have caught on. You've been accusing me of being an impostor Super Saiyan. The king tells me you were convinced that Stryquethru and Ünderlyne were me and Zatte in disguise! You're just about the most suspicious man I've ever met, but you didn't see through this?"

Hijik shrugged without looking at her. "They were so strong," he said. "And they weren't going to hurt us. I figured there was nothing to lose."

"Nothing to lose?!" Luffa snapped. "What about your pride as a warrior?! They were going to use you all as breeding stock!"

Hijik shook his head. "I should have known they didn't mean it. All you women are alike. You make demands, tease us with the promise of sex, but you always find a way to back out at the last minute."

Luffa grabbed him by the throat and yanked him out of his chair. Before he could react, she struck him in the torso several dozen times, then tossed him to the ground.

"Get the hell off this planet," she said. "I've had enough of your paranoid fantasies. You're a waste of Saiyan blood."

Hijik coughed as he recovered from Luffa's beating. He looked up at her bitterly, as if to remind her that the feeling was mutual. Then he leaped into the air and flew away.

Zaperc watched him go, but said nothing.

"Is that it then?" Lesseri asked. "You're firing us? I think I'd rather skip the lecture then, if that's all right with you, Supe."

"You didn't even show up to face them, Lesseri," Luffa growled. "You sent Vigurd to prep the ship so you two could abandon your comrades and your duty to this planet!"

"I only had one 'duty', sister," Lesseri said with a laugh. "And I did it. Helping you losers tackle a pair of aliens was never part of my plan."

"The Chezzi forensics team found traces of explosives in the wreckage," Luffa said. "Vigurd's death was no accident. You're going to tell me why you did it, or I'll pull the answers out of your mind. Your choice."

Lesseri laughed again. "Why should I keep it a secret?" she said. "Yeah, I killed Vigurd. I've been plotting to kill her for years. I only joined this outfit so I could get close to her and find the right opportunity. I was afraid you might save her, Luffa, but then you and your wife went on that trip to Tingi V, and I knew I had my chance. The invasion made it perfect. I knew Vigurd would be in too big a hurry to escape. She'd never bother waiting for the rest of us, and she'd certainly never think to run a pre-flight sensor check for any hazardous substances on board.

Zaperc hung his head as he listened to her confession. Lesseri seemed to enjoy his reaction. "That's right, old man. I never cared about your stupid movement. I doubt Vigurd did either. She was a coward who probably only threw in with you because it was easier than going it alone."

"You talk about cowardice, Lesseri," Luffa said, "but I notice you didn't bother to challenge Vigurd to a fair fight."

Lesseri laughed again. "I wanted to kill her, not defeat her," she said.  "If I had challenged and lost, she might have killed me first, or run away before I could get my chance to finish her off. I didn't want her to realize what I was up to until it was too late."

"Why?" Luffa asked. "What did Vigurd ever do to you?"

Lesseri looked her straight in the eye and smiled. "You heard what she said before. About how she abandoned her brats at a gestation facility. As I recall, you didn't approve of that very much."

"I don't," Luffa said coldly. "But that's no reason to kill--"

"I was one of the brats," Lesseri said with a snort. "She thought they were twin boys, but we were actually girls, which shows how little she cared. She had no idea I was her daughter, and I made sure to keep it that way right up to the end."

Luffa was speechless, which seemed to make the moment even more enjoyable for Lessri. "Nothing to say, Super Saiyan? You don't have some snappy lecture about the honor of motherhood? Vigurd left me to fend for myself, and I made sure she died the same way I grew up: confused and alone. I betrayed Zaperc, and you, and this planet, but so what? It all worked out in the end anyway. So go ahead! Beat me to a pulp! Kill me! Do whatever your old fashion morality tells you! I've got my satisfaction, and I was prepared to die for it, so do whatever you think is best."

Lesseri leaned back in her seat and put her hands behind her head as she waited, but Luffa didn't move. She glared at Lesseri, but took no action.

"Fine," Lesseri said. She stood up and started to walk away from the group. "I'll take that as my cue to leave. Thanks for your help, everyone."

Luffa waited until she was gone, then regained her composure. "Where's Jikama?" she asked.

"You're just letting her go?" Brockle asked.

"Where's Jikama?" Luffa repeated.

"No worries!" Bodi said as he adjusted his sunglasses. "Jikama contacted us last night. He had a meeting with the Chezzi King, but promised to be here as soon as he could."

Luffa held out her hands in resignation. "Fine. Fine. Let's talk about you, Bodi. You tried to get the invasion rescheduled until the night of the full moon."

"Uh... they didn't agree to my terms," he said.

"Would you like to walk into my fist next week, Bodi?" Luffa asked. "Would lunchtime work for you?"

He seemed to take her point, and tugged at the collar of his blue tunic.

"I haven't turned into a giant Ape in years," Luffa said. "It might not be safe for me to use the form anymore, but more importantly, a lot of planets don't have moons big enough to trigger the transformation! And the ones that do aren't reliable either! You might have to wait months or even years for a full moon, and then a cloudy sky could ruin everything!"

"It's worked well--" Bodi began to say, but Luffa cut him off.

"In setpiece battles!" she said. "When you've got hundreds of individually weaker enemies to mow down. Then you can play cat-and-mouse, and lure them into a position where you can overwhelm them in the Oozaru form."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and smiled. "Very well," he said. "For the next invasion, we should get an army to land on Nat-Chezzi! Then I'll show the ladies just what Bodi can really do!"

"You still don't get it!" Luffa said. "You're here to defend a single planet! You don't get the luxury of picking who to fight, or where, or when! That's the whole challenge, Bodi!"

"I see," Bodi said. He had said the same thing the last seven times someone had explained it to him. Luffa was beginning to think would never understand. She wanted to kick him out of the group, but she wasn't really sure that he was ever really in the group to begin with. Sooner or later he'd just move on, so she resolved to ignore him.

Besides, there wasn't much of a group left to kick Bodi out of. All she had left were Zaperc, his son Brockle, and Jikama.

"This is a waste of time," Luffa said. "I can't help these people, Zaperc."

"The fault is mine, Luffa," Zaperc said. "I accepted whatever followers I happened to find, but at the time I was basing my teachings on The Luffa Way. Now that I know the book is a fraud, and now that I've trained with the real you--!"

"You think other Saiyans will flock to your movement?" Luffa asked. "Don't be ridiculous. You failed just as badly as the others. You were so worried about your son's safety that you forgot to fight." She gestured to Brockle. "And he takes all his cues from you, apparently. You talk tough, Brockle, but only if your dad thinks you can win."

Brockle crossed his arms and looked away from Luffa like a petulant child.

"Luffa," Zaperc asked. "Could I speak to you alone?"

*******

Inside the mansion the Saiyans had been using for a base, Luffa took a seat in front of Zaperc's desk. "All right, spit it out, Zaperc," she said.

"I want to apologize for my son. He's been very insolent towards you and your woman."

"Accepted," Luffa said.

"You probably think I coddle the boy," he said. "That I should have taught him some manners before he became too strong for me to handle."

Luffa rolled her eyes. "He's not the rudest Saiyan I've ever met, Zaperc.  "Thought that isn't saying much.  He's only called me a whore twice."

"You must understand that he's very special," Zaperc said.

"Of course. He's your son."

"No, it's more than that. He had a tremendous potential since the day he was born. I've always known that he was destined to do great things. That is why I've devoted my life to supporting his development into a mighty warrior. That is why I wanted him to learn from you."

"Is there a point to this, Zaperc?" Luffa asked.

"I would ask you to teach my son your power," he said in a reverent tone.

"What?"

"Your transformation," he said. "I want you to make him into a Super Saiyan."

"That's... that's ridiculous!" Luffa said. "I've been trying to teach him this whole time.   The Shiei Fist, remember?  He won't listen to me."

"That's because what he really wants to know is how to be what you are," Zaperc said. "Invincible. Unbeatable. The ultimate warrior."

"He thinks I'm a freak," she said. "But if he could do it, suddenly that makes it okay?"

"If you can show him how to become a Super Saiyan," Zaperc said, "then you could teach others! The Saiyans would have to acknowledge you then! They would hail you as a hero who showed them the road to even greater glory!"

She stood up and began to pace around the room. "I don't even know if it can be taught," she said. "It's not like the Galick Gun. It's not a technique I developed and refined. It just... happened."

"You're a fighting genius," Zaperc said. "And you've had this ability for at least three years. Surely you've gained some insight that can be passed on."

"What about the legends?" Luffa asked. "Chanisp and Old Darbock and the rest. If I can show someone how to do it, then why didn't they?"

"Perhaps they lacked the right student," Zaperc suggested.

"Your son won't listen to me," Luffa said. "I doubt he'd listen to Chanisp, for that matter.  Why should I waste my time?"

"Think of the possibilities," Zaperc pleaded. "You have no rival in the universe. Even if you find another warrior to challenge you, you'll just overcome him as you surpassed the Shockmaster, and you'll be back where you started. But if there were other Super Saiyans, constantly working to surpass you..."

Luffa closed her eyes and made a rather wistful smile. "It'd be something, wouldn't it?" she asked. "All right, maybe it's worth a try. I'll need some time to think this through. I have no idea how to put it into words."

"Of course. Brockle and I will await your summons."

*******

"I knew we couldn’t beat them head on," Jikama said. "Even if we all worked together, so I started gathering supplies and preparing for an underground resistance."

Zatte looked up and down the walls of the cavern and made a low whistle. "Very impressive, Jikama. You’d still have a long way to go, but this is a great start for just one afternoon of work."

"I dug this one in a hurry," he said. "I figured everyone would he so busy fighting that they wouldn’t stop to wonder what I was doing using my ki out here in the middle of nowhere. Once I had the tunnels laid out the way I wanted, I headed for the mansion and grabbed as many supplies as I could find."

"Luffa will be impressed," Zatte said.

Jikama smiled. "No, she probably won’t," he said, "but it’s nice of you to say so."

"Yeah, but this reminds me a lot of the story she told me of the last Super Saiyan, Chanisp," Zatte said. He found a place to train in secret, and finally turned the tables on his enemies."

"Maybe so," Jikama said, "but I’ll probably never be that strong. I’ll keep trying to get there, but until I do, I’m better off using my head, like you showed me."

"Well, for what it’s worth, I think we’re leaving Nat-Chezz II in good hands," she said. "Unless you’re planning to run off and join another gang of Saiyans."

"I think I’ve had enough of outer space," he said. "I only went looking for Saiyans because of my father."

"You were trying to find him?" she asked.

"No, he died in a battle not long after I born," he said. "I never knew him. I sort of hoped that if I lived with other Saiyans, went on the kinds of adventures Saiyans have, that I’d understand him better."

He looked around at the cavern. "Zatte, can I ask you something? You know Saiyans pretty well, right? From living with Luffa, I mean."

"I wouldn’t call myself an expert," Zatte said. "But I know a few things, sure."

"Do you think my father would be proud of me?" he asked. "If he could see me now."

She screwed up her face as she tried to formulate an answer. "I don’t know," she finally said. "Luffa killed her own father after he betrayed her. Then again, Zaperc seems pretty supportive of Brockle. I think it really depends on the person, but the bar seems pretty low, at least the way I see it."

"Yeah," Jikama said. "It doesn’t matter anyway. Everything I’ve accomplished, all the things I’m going to do, well, they were for me as much as they were for him. I’m going to protect this planet and my mother’s people, no matter what anyone else would think about it."

Zatte patted him on the shoulder.

*******

Hours later, Luffa met with Zaperc and Brockle on the peak of a mountain.   "You want me to teach your son to become a Super Saiyan?" she said. "Are you sure you know what you’re asking?"

"Yes!" Zaperc said. "Please."

Luffa balled up her fists and transformed. The golden aura raged around her body like an otherworldly storm. Her cold green eyes stared at Brockle as though gazing directly into his soul.

"What about it, boy?" she said. "Is this what you want? It’s not just power, you know. Once you cross the threshold, nothing will ever be quite the same."

Brockle looked to his father, then back to Luffa. "I...I’m ready!" he said.

"You’ll have to suffer for this, Brockle!" she warned him. "You’ll have to pay a terrible price to become what I am.  They didn't write about that in any damn book."

"Anything!" he shouted. "I’ll do whatever you ask!"

"Your father," she said in a low voice. "He will have to die."

"Wh-what?!" Zaperc gasped.

Brockle snorted as he turned towards him. He raised his hand and charged it with his ki. Zaperc was too stunned to defend himself.

"Then so be it!" Brockle laughed. He brought down his hand with blinding speed, and with a destructive force sufficient to tear through solid steel.

And then it stopped, just short of Zaperc’s neck. There, Luffa had blocked Brockle’s strike with a single finger.

"Stand down, boy," she said.

"What?!" Brockle asked. "What are you--?!"

Luffa frowned at him.   "I told you to stand down."

"But I did what you told me!" Brockle whined. "You were testing me! To see if I would really do it!"

"And you failed," Luffa said grimly. "Now power down, before I--"

"I did what you told me, you stupid bitch!" he howled. "You said I had to kill this useless dolt, and I would have, if you hadn’t stopped me!"

Zaperc backed away from them. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but he could tell that Brockle was making things worse. "Son, don’t--"

But Brockle was too angry to listen to anyone now. "You’re afraid, aren’t you?!" he growled, pointing his finger accusingly at Luffa’s face. "You know that if I had the secret I’d surpass you! And I would! I’d beat you, and then I’d show you what a real Super Saiyan can--"

In a flash, Luffa had taken his arm and twisted it behind his back into a hammerlock. Brockle wailed in agony as she cinched the hold.

"Oh, I’m just terrified," Luffa said.

Brockle tried to hit her with his free arm, but Luffa’s body was so small that he couldn’t get reach her. As she was strong enough to maintain the hold with only one hand, Luffa used the other to torque Brockle’s wrist, adding to his torment.

He wailed in pain.

"So this is what a real Super Saiyan can do," she said.   "I had no idea this world even existed."

Brockle's shoulder blade was scraping against his rib cage, but the sound was drowned out by his pathetic cries.

"Don’t hurt me, Brockle," Luffa said coldly. "I beg you."

He squealed as she applied more pressure. Then she suddenly released his arm and wrapped her arms around his waist. Before he could react, she pulled him backward, launching him over her body and releasing him as he collided with the ground. So great was the impact that Brockle’s body had formed a crater.

Luffa rose to her feet and pointed at him. "When he wakes up, you tell him to think long and hard before he ever faces me again," she said to Zaperc. "Because the next time he pisses me off, I’ll kill him."

She snapped her fingers to indicate how easily she could carry out her threat.

"I don’t understand!" Zaperc said.

"I can’t teach your son," Luffa said. "That’s all there is to it.  I had to figure out what it was that made me this way, and it's not something I can teach.   It's not something he can learn."

"But why not?" Zaperc asked. "Please, at least tell me that!"

Luffa looked down at Brockle. "I can’t teach him to become a Super Saiyan, because to do that I’d have to kill you," she said. "I’d have to torture you to death while he watches, completely unable to stop me."

Zaperc took a deep breath. "You said I must die, but when he tried to kill me you stopped him."

"Because he thought I wanted a sacrifice," Luffa said. "That’s not it at all. The point is that he has to experience a loss so heartfelt and painful that his body will have no choice but to transform."

"But he was already humiliated by Styquethru and Ünderlyne," Zaperc said.

"I’m not talking about pride," Luffa shouted. "If all it took was a wounded ego and a dead parent, every Saiyan male in the universe would have ascended a long time ago!" She pointed at her face. "Look at me!   Do you think I tried to turn into this thing? That I just did a bunch of pushups and tensed up a certain spot on my back?!  No."

"Then what was it?" Zaperc asked. "What did you have that Brockle lacks?"

"Compassion," Luffa said.

"What?!" Zaperc was so confused now that he started to laugh. "That makes no sense!"

"I didn’t understand it either at first," Luffa admitted. "I had already been defeated, already suffered a lot worse than Brockle ever has, but it wasn’t until I was worried about someone else... And then I remember becoming furious at myself for being so helpless."

"Then that’s why you’ve been protecting planets all over the galaxy!" Zaperc said. "To become even stronger!"

"No, I do it because it’s the only way I can find a worthwhile challenge," Luffa said. "And also because I know what it’s like to be helpless. I sympathize with people like the Chezzi. I was hoping that maybe you could learn to sympathize with them too, but I was wrong."

"No!" Zaperc said. "It can still work! I was right to come here, Luffa. I was imitating your methods without knowing their purpose, but now I see! Once I explain it to Brockle, I’m sure he can--"

Luffa snarled and waved her arm, pushing Zaperc away with the force of her ki. "Don’t you get it?!" she shouted. "Brockle doesn’t care about this planet or its people! He never cared.   He doesn’t care about anyone or anything but himself! He’d kill you just for a chance to have this power, but that’s not how it works."

Her hands started to tremble. She turned away from Zaperc and crossed her arms tightly to steady them.

"He’s so ruthless that he’d kill his own father, even though you’ve spent your whole life trying to support him. If your death wouldn’t stir those emotions inside him, then I don't know what will.  I can’t teach him, Zaperc.  No one can."

"One of the others then," Zaperc suggested, desperate to find a solution. "Perhaps Bodi is soft-hearted enough to--"

"Even if he were," Luffa said. "I’d have to hurt him in a way I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Brockle might have been willing to kill you, Zaperc, but I’m not.  You remind me too much of my own father... or at least the man I wanted him to be."

She started to walk away, and Zaperc moved to follow her. Heedless of the danger, he reached out and grabbed Luffa by the arm.

"Luffa, please!" he begged. "You can’t just keep this secret to yourself! Think of our people! The Saiyan race could do incredible things with your power!"

Luffa looked at him sadly, then shook her head. "Take care of your boy, Zaperc," she said. "He should learn to be worthy of the power he already has. That should keep you both occupied for a while."

She shook him loose, and then flew away, leaving him with far more questions than answers.

*******

Luffa wasted little time making her departure from Nat-Chezz. She boarded her star-yacht, confirmed Zatte’s presence on board, and ordered the ship’s computer to lift off and set course for the nearest starport. Then she went to the hot tub on the observation deck. She removed her boots, but didn’t bother undressing any further before immersing herself up to her nose in hot water.

Just as she was beginning to forget her troubles, Zatte entered the room.

“Well look who dropped in,” she said in an icy voice. Luffa suddenly found herself wishing she lived on a much larger starship. In another galaxy.

They had argued for most of the previous night. Their return trip from Tingis V had been fraught with complications, and the invasion they had found on Nat-Chezz had strained their morale further, and then Luffa’s farce of a battle with Stryquethru and Ünderlyne. Luffa had told Zatte to remain in orbit with the ship, but instead she had participated in the battle, albeit with a sniper rifle four miles away. The revelation that Strykethru and Ünderlyne were never a threat to anyone should have broken the tension, but somehow it had only made things worse.

In hindsight, Luffa wasn’t sure if she had taken her frustration with the Saiyans out on Zatte, or if she had taken her frustration with Zatte out on the Saiyans.

“The least you could do is say hello to your wife when you come on board,” Zatte said. “Or are we still not speaking to each other?”

“Hello,” Luffa said wearily as she lifted her head out of the water to speak.

Zatte put her fists on her hips and stared down at her. “Is that all?” she asked.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you last night,” Luffa added.

“And?”

Luffa smiled in spite of herself. “You were right to shoot Ünderlyne,” she said. “It was a beautiful shot too. Did you use the gamma scope or the AI model?”

Zatte’s frown melted away and she disrobed, revealing her swimsuit with “Super Saiyan Club President” printed on the front. “Move over,” she said as she entered the tub.

“I really hate that suit,” Luffa groaned.

“I know you do,” Zatte said. “I put it on because I was still mad at you, but if you keep saying nice things about my fieldcraft skills, I might change into something else.”

“Zaperc wanted me to teach his boy how to turn into a Super Saiyan,” Luffa said.

“I’m gonna guess it didn’t work,” Zatte said.

“Bullseye. You’re a crack shot even without a gun.”

“I’m sorry things went so badly with those guys,” Zatte said. “I really wanted you to be able to reconnect with your people.”

“They seemed so... small to me,” Luffa said. “I kept trying to get them to see the bigger picture, but they just couldn’t let go of their petty self-interests. I guess I used to be like that. Back on Dorlu Prime, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Zatte said. “But I always got the feeling you only acted like a big jerk because you thought you were supposed to. Like, you were afraid you’d turn into a Dorlun if you didn’t carry yourself a certain way.”

“Huh. And now?”

“You’ve been on your own so long that you’ve become your own person,” Zatte said. “It’s liberating, but it kind of leaves you exposed. If people don’t like it, you take it harder than if you were pretending to be something else.”

“I’m really sorry for last night, Zattie. I trust you, but I don’t want you getting hurt because of me, either. It’s hard for me to know where to draw the line.”

“Same here,” Zatte admitted. “I would have stayed put like you asked, but I kept worrying that those two would be more than you could handle.”

“We should have just said that to each other last night,” Luffa said. “Would have saved us a lot of hassle.”

“Better late than never,” Zatte said. “We’ve grown a little since yesterday. Brockle might seem small to you now, but he just needs more time to grow. Maybe he’ll become a Super Saiyan on his own some day.”

“Maybe,” Luffa said. “At least Jikama’s got a good head on ”his shoulders. Nat-Chezz should be in good hands, at least.”

Zatte made a puzzled face. “I didn’t think you gave him that much credit.”

Luffa shrugged. “As a Saiyan, no. But I’m not too impressed with Saiyans right now, so that works to his favor. He was worried about whether his father would be proud of him, but his old man was probably a creep like Brockle or Hijik, so it doesn’t really matter. Once he figures that out, he ought to do just fine.”

“Yeah,” Zatte said. “I think you’re right.”

[19 February 234 Before Age.  Toth-Thoth]

Detective Bret ducked under the brightly colored ribbon that cordoned off the crime scene and found a group of lawmen huddled together.  He headed straight for them and introduced himself.

"Glad to have you on this case, Bret," said Captain Neier.  "I usually hate it when they call in people from other precincts, but this time we could use all the help we can get."

Bret nodded. "May I look at the body?" he asked, pointing down at the tarp lying at their feet.

"Sure," Neier said.  He titled his head and glanced over his shoulder.  "Over this way."

Bret looked past him, and spotted a covered body lying on the ground.  "I don’t understand," he said, pointing to the tarp they were standing around.  "If that’s the body, what’s this?"

Neier sighed.  "I’d better show you the victim first."

Bret shrugged and followed him to the other tarp, which Neier pulled back to reveal the corpse of a humanoid male, six feet in height, lying face down in the alleyway.  He couldn’t tell much from the first look.

"No signs of a struggle," he said. "No obvious wounds.  Can’t say I’m surprised.  This guy looks like he could handle himself in a fight."  He sat on his haunches to take a closer look, and noticed a rip just below the belt-line of his trousers.  "Is that...?"

"A hole for his tail," Neier said. "He’s a Saiyan."

Bret looked up at him in amazement.  "Who could have done this to a Saiyan?"

"That’s what I’d like to know," Neier said.  "Between you and me, this is one perp I’d rather not find.  With any luck, the killer’s already left the planet, but it’s not like anyone here would have been a threat to him, you know?"

Bret shuddered at the thought.  He removed a pen from his jacket and carefully manipulated the fabric around the tail-hole to get a better look.  "So where’s his tail?" he asked.  "Some Saiyans cut them off or lose them in battle, but this must have happened recently, or he wouldn’t need to rip a hole in his pants."

"And that’s why we called you in," Neier said.  He waved for Bret to follow him back to the first tarp, and nodded for one of the other police officers to remove it.

It was a pile of Saiyan tails.  Bret took an involuntary step backward as he realized what he was seeing.  Something about the sight of all those furry appendages lying together made him nauseous, even before the smell wafted up to his nose.

"We’re assuming one of them is his," Neier said, "but we’ll need to run DNA tests to be sure.  Best guess for now is that this collection goes back about two months."

"There must be..." Bret stopped to wait for his stomach to settle down.  "Must be twenty of them there."

"I counted twenty-four," Neier said.

"But there haven’t been that many Saiyans on Toth-Thoth in the past two *years*," Bret said.   "I don't think there's two dozen Saiyans in the whole sector."

"Like I said, whoever did this may already be long gone," Neier said.  "I don’t know why he left behind his collection of trophies, but I doubt he’s finished hunting.  He’s out there somewhere, waiting to kill again."

*******

[26 February 234 Before Age.   Nat-Chezz II.]

Inspired by Luffa's exploits, Zaperc had tried to follow in her footsteps, but the path was even more difficult than he had expected.   Most of the galaxy only knew Luffa by reputation and rumor, and even the planets she had fought for had only a vague idea of who she was and how she operated.   In desperation, Zaperc had turned to an unauthorized biography-cum-self-help book entitled "The Luffa Way".   He then assembled a band of followers and led them here, to Nat-Chezz II, where he planned to protect it from invaders, just as Luffa had done for other planets.   It was going well, right until the real Luffa showed up and turned his entire movement upside down.  

Meeting her was an honor, though she was very different from what Zaperc had envisioned.  For one thing, Luffa was a woman, and she acted very much like most off the typical Saiyans he had known throughout his life.  At the same time, she had an idealistic streak that put his own lofty dreams to shame.  

Zaperc longed to achieve greater glory, if not for himself, then for his son, and for the Saiyan race as a whole.    Luffa, however, seemed to have an almost apocalyptic worldview at times.  She never quite came out and said so, but she seemed almost disappointed that she wasn't constantly fighting a desperate battle to the death.  All Saiyans loved to fight, but there was something different about her, something that ran deeper than the golden transformation she used to manifest her immense power.  

He wondered if Luffa had been changed by her evolution, or if she had been that way from the start.   As he and his followers sat in a half-circle to learn at her feet, he hoped that the answers would come forth through her lessons.   Thus far, however, all he had learned was that she was a very unorthodox teacher, and she didn't seem to care if it made her students impatient.  

Standing before them, Luffa balanced herself on the toes of  her right foot.   She then crossed her left leg over her right thigh, bending her knee such that her left foot was pointing toward the sky.    

“I know this seems a little weird,” she said, “but it’s a pretty effective technique, especially when you’re surrounded by multiple enemies.   Now, you’ll want to put your left arm up like this, elbow straight, with the wrist bent so your hand is over your head, palm down.   Then you put your right arm up like this, parallel to your shoulders.  Bend the elbow and bring your right hand palm up in front of your chest.    It’s like you’re using your hands to sort of frame your face.   The pose is critical to the technique, so if you get it wrong you could be wide open to an attack.  Any questions so far?”

Brockle raised his hand.   Zaperc smiled with pride.   While he was grateful for all his followers, he hoped that his son would benefit from these lessons most of all.   Brockle was extremely talented for his age, and with the right guidance, Zaperc was sure he could become a warrior on Luffa's level.  He lacked patience, true, but at least he was asking questions about Luffa's skills instead of resenting her for them.  

“Go ahead Brockle,” Luffa said.  

“Why the hell are we doing this?”  Brockle asked.  

Zaperc sighed and closed his eyes.   Brockle still had a long way to go.

“Because the Shiei Fist is a brilliant technique,” Luffa replied.   “I picked it up while fighting a horde of shadow warriors on Planet Zansu.   The Zansans who developed it couldn’t do a whole lot with it, but in the hands of a Saiyan, the explosive wave is--”

“This is stupid!” Brockle growled.   “You said you would teach us something useful, and you’re showing off alien dance moves.”

Luffa dropped the pose and approached Brockle.  “Is that so?” she said.    “Well maybe you’d like to teach me something.”

Brockle sniffed with contempt.  “What’s the use?” he asked.  “You’re so strong, you can afford to use whatever sloppy techniques you please.”

“Oh, is that my problem?” Luffa said.    “You admit that I’m stronger than you, so you want to salve your ego by pretending you have more finesse.    Well I’ll tell you what, Brockle.   Why don’t you show me your finishing technique, your ultimate move, and I’ll evaluate it for you.”

“You’re on,” Brockle said.   “It’ll be worth it to put you in your place for once, woman.”  

In spite of the hostility between Luffa and Brockle, Zaperc was hopeful.   As much as he wanted Brockle to respect Luffa, he also longed for Luffa to recognize Brockle's potential, to see Brockle the way Zaperc did.  Perhaps this demonstration would show her that Brockle was worthy of her respect.    

Luffa waved for Brockle to begin, and he gathered his ki, powering up to his maximum strength.   Luffa watched him and crossed her arms, apparently fascinated to see what he would do.  

He held his hands in front of his face and made the tips of his index fingers glow crimson.    Then he began to wave his fingers in an intricate pattern, weaving a complex image of red light that trailed his hands as they moved.   In a matter of seconds, he had created a globe of criss-crossed energy tendrils, and he smiled arrogantly as it floated above his outstretched palm.    

“The Devil Mesh!” Brockle announced.   “I can make it change direction, but it can also alter its shape in mid-flight.  It can tangle enemies like a net, or impale them like a spear!”

Zaperc beamed with pride.   The Devil Mesh was based upon simpler techniques Zaperc had used for decades.   Brockle had managed to refine them into something far greater, and he seemed to complete the execution of the technique a little faster each time he tried it.  

Luffa rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she considered what he had made.    “Interesting,” she said.   “It’s a little too clever by half, but I like the versatility.”

“It’s only ‘too clever’ because you’re too stupid to do it yourself!” Brockle snarled. 

“Well, I’ll give it a try,” Luffa said.  

To Zaperc's surprise, she didn’t bother building up her ki.   Instead she simply made all ten of her fingertips glow, and she waved them around with an intense speed, completing a globe like Brockle’s in a fraction of the time.  

“That... you can’t...” Brockle gasped.  

“I just did,” Luffa said.   “It’s a little tricky, but kind of fun to play with.    It’d make a good training exercise for a kid.   And it’d be a good lesson on spotting weaknesses in techniques.”

“Fool!” Brockle growled.   “There is no weakness to the Devil Mesh!”  

Luffa pointed her finger at Brockle and fired a thin beam of light at the crimson sphere floating over his hand.    

It exploded in his face.    

“It’s so complex that it's unstable,” Luffa said.   She waited for him to finish coughing before she continued her explanation.   “If you actually made one of those in the middle of a fight, your enemy could easily sabotage it before you’d ever get a chance to use it.   It wouldn’t even take much power to pull that off.   Even a weakened or dying opponent could still have enough energy to take you down with him.”

Zaperc was stunned, almost as if the Devil Mesh had exploded in his own face.  Only a moment ago, he thought of it as his son's greatest achievement, and Luffa had deconstructed it with ease.  She didn't even need her Super Saiyan form to do it.   He knew she was powerful, and he had long assumed she was brilliant, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined!

She quickly dismantled her own Devil Mesh  before any of her students got any bright ideas.    “Now, maybe we can get back to the Shiei Fist?”

Brockle gnashed his teeth as he sat back down.  Zaperc wished he could offer him some sort of encouragement, but it was better to let things take their course.   Luffa's training was a bitter pill to swallow, but she *was* the Super Saiyan.   If she couldn't show Brockle the way to the next level, then no one could.

*******

Deep in the dense, treacherous jungle the Saiyan had been using for training, Zatte was helping Jikama to his feet.  

"How long was I out?" he asked as he rubbed his forehead.  

"About an hour," Zatte said.  

"You've been waiting here for me to wake up this whole time?" Jikama asked.   He rose to his full height, and while he wasn't quite as tall as some of his comrades, he was still massive enough for Zatte to fit entirely in his shadow.

"Normally, I wouldn't stick around," Zatte said with a shrug.  "But you're not nearly as sore a loser as the others.   Especially Hijik.  I took him down about six hundred yards that way.  Went back and shot him again twenty minutes ago, just to prove a point."

She patted the large pistol holstered on her hip as she said this.  

"It's because I'm only half-Saiyan," Jikama said.  "I find I'm not nearly as hot-headed as the rest of them."

"I don't care if you're half, full, or double-Saiyan," Zatte said.  "Hijik's a dick, and being a dick for no good reason is a good way to get yourself killed.  Anyway, my wife's as pure-blooded as he is, and she still knows how to show a little respect."

Jikama chuckled.   "Not to me, she doesn't," he said.  

Zatte made a concerned frown as she looked up at him.   "Something bothering you, Jikama?" she asked.  "I know Luffa's rough on you guys, but it's for your own good, trust me."

He shook his head and smiled.   "It's nothing I'm not used to," he said.   "Saiyans look down on half-breeds like me.  Oh, the others are accepting enough, but only up to a point.  Aliens like you are on thing, but a half-Chezzi like me will always be one foot in, one foot out."

Zatte nodded.  "But you did really well today.   That's why I hung around, to congratulate you.  You tracked me down to within fifty feet.   I don't know how you kept picking up my trail, but I'm impressed."

"I knew I couldn't rely on smell or sound," Jikama said, "and your power lets you hide your ki, so I decided to try focusing on the ki of our surroundings instead."  He waved his thick arm at the jungle canopy over their heads.  "I figured your powers would slightly affect my perception of the life energy from the trees and grass as you came into contact with them, and it worked, but the difference was too slight to get a fix on your location."

"Nice," Zatte said.  "You'll have to hone your senses until you can get a fix.  And I'll have to work on covering my tracks a little better.   You're resourceful, Jikama.   That's the high praise where I come from, and if Luffa doesn't appreciate that, she'll get an earful from me."

"That's kind of you to say," Jikama said anxiously, "but I wouldn't want to cause any arguments between the two of you."

"Trust me, one more won't hurt," Zatte said.  "Maybe the other Saiyans won't respect you, but I expect better from Luffa."

"To be fair," Jikama said, "I will say that I find her a refreshing change from most Saiyans I've met."

"What do you mean?" Zatte asked.  

Jikama shrugged.  "She looks down on me, sure," he said, "but she seems almost more disappointed with the purebreds."

*******

[28 February 234 Before Age.  Bigreen.]

Chirad was a librarian and aspiring historian, but after he helped Luffa save Planet Bigreen from the evil Hamey, he had been hailed as a great hero.  He was only one-quarter Saiyan, and his power was only a meager fraction of Luffa’s might, but the Bigreenese still adored him as their local champion, and revered him as an expert on Saiyans.

While he appreciated their esteem, he knew he didn’t deserve it.  Luffa and her friends had done most of the work in liberating Bigreen, but they had gone and he had stayed, and so his role in the adventure had been amplified in the public opinion.  All that really mattered to him was that it got the girl from the Special Collections desk to finally notice him.

"Now just wait here, Emeral, I’ll speak with the Director and it should only take a minute and then when I get done heh-heh.  We’ll go see a movie!  How’s that?"

She lolled her head to one side and made a high-pitched giggle, which Chirad took as a sign of approval.  Just as he was about to enter the Security Director’s office, the door opened, and someone stepped out to greet him.

"Ah, you must be Chirad," he said cordially.  "Yes, of course you are I’d recognize that wild mane of black hair anywhere.  Very rugged, it suits a man like you, a descendant of the Space Warriors, mmm yes indeed won’t you come inside?"

Chirad was surprised.  "Uhhhhh... Director Pine I was just about to go into your office wow how about that, weird."

Pine led him inside and offered him a seat across from his desk.  "I’m afraid the situation is very serious, Chirad, though I wish it wasn’t ohhhhh, I certainly hope you can help us errr... please have a seat, oh, well you already have heh heh heh.  Very convenient.  I don't mind at all!"

Chirad only knew that a Saiyan had arrived on Bigreen recently.  This was not unusual in itself, as Bigreen was on very friendly terms with Saiyans from all walks of life.  But Chirad knew that something must have gone wrong, or they wouldn’t have asked for him to get involved.

"Director," he said, "if you need someone beaten up, well, I’ll help my planet any way that I can but I’m not that strong.  I mean I’m stronger than most people but when it comes to Space Warriors... uhhhh?"

"Ah, you’re too modest, Chirad," the Director said.  "But I only wish it were that simple.  Yes a powerful menace that even you couldn’t defeat what a treat that would be compared to this!  Even if you failed to save us we could always contact your friend Ruhffer to come and save us.   Yes, I doubt that any normal enemy could stand against a Space Super Warrior like her but our problem is very different look at this."

He tossed an envelope onto his desk and slid it over to where Chirad could reach it.  Chirad opened it to find several crime scene photographs of a dead woman clad in traditional Saiyan attire.  There was no sign of any wounds, except for the amputation of her tail.  There was also an autopsy report that concluded the Saiyan had been poisoned by an unidentified toxin.

"Now, Chirad, as you already know, we like to maintain good relations with the Space Warriors and their home planet of Saiya," Pine said.  "That’s why it’s especially bad that this woman isn’t just a murder victim oh no.  She was also a minister--that’s right-- in the court of King Rehval, yes the very King of the Space Warriors!"

"Then you mean the King of the Space Warriors sent his minister here?" Chirad asked.

"Hmm?  Not in an official capacity you see no she was here on personal business though I’m not privy to such matters, being personal as they so often are," Pine said.

Chirad understood.  Even if the minister hadn’t been attached to a diplomatic envoy, her murder would still be a strain on Bigreenese/Saiyan relations.  He still had more questions than answers, but at least now he understood why the highest law enforcement official on the planet was involved with the case.

What Chirad still didn’t know was how he was supposed to help with any of this, but somehow he doubted that he and Emeral were going to make it in time to see that movie he promised her.

[6 February 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

“There, you see, it was written right here in the book.”

Zaperc held the dog-eared paperback open with one hand and jabbed his leathery finger onto a particular page he had highlighted.  Despite being completely outmatched, he seemed to be utterly assured that the book would somehow vindicate him.

Luffa snatched it away from him and glanced at the cover.  She was about to ask if Zaperc had lost his mind, until she saw her own name.

The book was entitled: The Luffa Way: The Path to Unlocking the Success Secrets and Awakening Your Inner Legend.    There was a picture of a glowing golden figure, which Luffa supposed was meant to be her, but it looked more like a Saiyan man.  On the back cover was a small photograph of the author, an unctuous-looking man with a toothy, insincere grin and a pretentious gleam in his eyes.

“Who the hell is this guy?” Luffa demanded.   “I had nothing to do with this!”

“But... but how did you manage to unlock your inner legend without Luffa’s book?”  Zaperc asked.

“I am Luffa, you dimwit!” she shouted.  She pointed at the short, thick hair that now glowed yellow on her scalp.  “And I didn’t get this way by reading any book.”

At her feet, Zaperc’s son, Brockle, rolled away from her and sat upright.  “Don’t be... don’t be ridiculous!” he said as he struggled to catch his breath.  “You can’t be Luffa!  According to the book—“

“The book!” Luffa growled.  “The book!  Is that why you weaklings took over this planet?  So you could sit around and read all day?!”

“Weaklings?” Brockle sputtered.  “How dare—?”

With a contemptuous snort, Luffa tapped him on the shoulder and he collapsed to the floor.  Ignoring his groaning, she sat on his back and started flipping through the pages.

“I’ve been photographed at least a hundred thousand times,” she grumbled.  “Can’t even wear that sundress I bought without some creep waiting for me to fly away.”

“Brockle!” cried Zaperc.

“Get... off.... me!” Brockle grunted.

“Oh, it was always satisfying to kill them,” Luffa muttered to herself.  “That look in their eyes when they realized they just laid down their lives for a picture of somebody’s butt.  But there was no challenge to it, and I can’t just waste my life picking off photographers.”

“Believe in your inner legend, son!” Zaperc said.  “You can do it!”

But Brockle could not do it.  Though he flailed his arms and legs mightily, Luffa had him pinned firmly to the ground.  She crossed her knees and licked her finger as she continued to page through the book.

“All they’ve got in here are 'artists’ conceptions',” Luffa said.  “And every 'eyewitness account' I see in here is from some planet I’ve never been to!  Wait a minute.  Planet Krouton?  That’s not even a real planet!”

“You can do it, son!” Zaperc cheered.  “Unless... she really is Luffa...”

“I went to Krouton in some made-up story a fan wrote about me!” Luffa seethed. She looked up at Zaperc with disbelief.  “Whoever wrote this thing must have seen the same thing and thought it was a true story!   You mean you twits were taking advice from this?  No wonder you’re all so weak!”

“But there has to be some truth to it,” Zaperc said.  “Your transformed state.  Your role in creating the Federation... and you defeated thirty Saiyans on Vedev III—“

“Fifty Saiyans,” Luffa said sharply.  “And most of that bunch were a lot stronger than your little band of raiders.”

“Raiders!” Zaperc exclaimed.  “No, you don’t understand!    We didn’t come here to loot this world.  We came here to be its champions!”

Luffa closed the book and glared at him suspiciously.

*******

In the galley of the Emerald Eye, Luffa chopped vegetables while Zatte leaned against the opposite counter.

“Let me get this straight,” Zatte said between bites of a taproot.  “Some guy you’ve never heard of wrote a self-help book, and made it all about you.  Even though he’s never met you, and he never got permission from you.”

“Right,” Luffa said without looking up from her work.  “You want some blue-cress in this?  I’m in the mood for blue-cress.”

“Go for it,” Zatte said.  “But this guy writes a book and puts your name on it to help it sell. Then this Zaperc guy buys a copy, and he thinks it’s some kind of Saiyan Holybook.”

Luffa tensed up at the sound of that, and the rhythm of her knife on the cutting board was disrupted.  “I mean, yeah,” Luffa said, “but when you put it that way...”

“But I thought the other Saiyans all believed you were a phony,” Zatte said.  “They don’t believe Saiyans can transform the way you do, so they think you’re not a real Saiyan.”

“Apparently the guy who wrote that book did a better job convincing Zaperc than I ever could,” Luffa said.  “Not that I ever tried to convince anyone.  If my people want to pretend I’m an alien imposter to soothe their egos, that’s their problem.  But Zaperc’s gang is buying into a whole other set of lies.   He thinks I’m a man who awakened his 'inner legend’ through the power of positive thinking or some other malarkey.”

“Don’t be too hard on them,” Zatte said.  “Positivity got them this far, didn’t it?  They got your attention, after all.”

“But they didn’t come to this planet to get my attention,” Luffa said.  “They came here to make some half-assed imitation of what I did with the Federation.    They want to defend Nat-Chezz from anyone who tries to invade it.  Sort of what I’ve been doing, but on a smaller scale.”

“And it worked,” Zatte said.  “You showed up and gave them a bigger challenge than they ever would have found roaming around space, picking fights they knew they could win.”

“Challenge,” Luffa scoffed.  “Against me, they’re like a bunch of ants trying to bring down a dinosaur.”

“What about the Chezzi?” Zatte asked.  “Are they okay with their new ’champions’?”

“I talked to their king,” Luffa said.  “He’s totally on board with this idea, but I think it’s just because he likes having a bunch of Saiyans working for him.  A lot of big shots are like that.  They see a Saiyan bodyguard as a status symbol.  ‘Look at me, this guy can fight a whole army and he does whatever I tell him.’  That kind of thing.”

“Like when Wildthyme was controlling us,” Zatte said.

“Exactly,” Luffa said, pausing to point her knife at the ceiling.  “That little bastard could have made me do all sorts of things for him, but all he really wanted was for me to stand around and make him feel important.  Same thing here, only I don’t think the Chezzi king knows what he’s gotten himself into.”

“Do they even need protection?” Zatte asked.

Luffa nodded while she scraped diced peppers into a bowl.  “They’ve got a lot of scandium resources, whatever that is.  They’ve been conquered a few times before, which is probably why those villagers I talked to were so confused.  They probably just thought I was kicking Zaperc out to seize the planet for myself.”

“This sounds kind of complicated,” Zatte said.

“I know.  That’s why I’m gonna uncomplicate it.  If these fourth-rate Saiyans are going to go around interfering in people’s business, that’s one thing.  But they’re doing it in my name, and that really ticks me off.”

“Where do we start?” Zatte asked.

“We?” Luffa asked.  “These are Saiyans, Zattie.  They may be weaklings, but they’re still dangerous.”

“I’ve lived with one for a while,” Zatte said.  “She’s moody, but I eventually showed her who’s boss.”

“Yeah, well this is serious, boss,” Luffa said.

“So am I,” Zatte said.  “Like it or not, you’re an inspiration to these people, just like you’re an inspiration to me.  It’s going to be weird for them to see their golden hero as a real person.  I still have trouble with it sometimes, and I’ve known you for years.  I might be able to connect with them better than you can.”

Luffa continued chopping silently for a while, then at last said: “Okay, maybe you’ve got a point.  I’ll bring you along.”

Zatte began to make an excited noise, until Luffa cut her off by adding: “On one condition.  Don’t embarrass me in front of them.  Most of them still don’t know what to make of me.   The last thing I need is an oversexed Dorlun confusing them even more.”

“Of course not,” Zatte said.  “I know how you feel about public displays of affection.”

“I’m not saying you need to pretend like you don’t know me,” Luffa said.  “Handholding is fine.  No kissing, though.”

“I know the drill.”

“I mean it, Zattie.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

*******

[7 February 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

The Saiyans were gathered together just outside “Fort Luffa”, which was a mansion that had been donated by a wealthy Chezzi, albeit begrudgingly.  Some of them were sitting on the ground or large stones, while others had taken furniture from the mansion.    Luffa’s star-yacht was parked a hundred yards away.

There were seven in all.  Zaperc was about sixty, but Saiyans aged very little through most of their life span, and so he looked very much like his young son, Brockle.  Both were pale skinned, but Brockle was a head taller than his father, while Zaperc had a long ghoatee at the end of his chin.

Lounging on a couch was Bodi, the first Saiyan Luffa had encountered on this planet.   He kept leering at her over a pair of cheap sunglasses, and raising one of his thick eyebrows as if to convey his interest.  The last time he had tried to flirt with Luffa, she knocked the wind out of him.  Apparently that punch hadn’t gotten the message across, or he just looked like that all the time.  Luffa planned to hit him again either way.

Vigurd had a very stocky body, the sort that would strike terror into the hearts of her enemies, except that her ruddy, cherubic face had a sickly sweet innocence to it that completely undermined her attitude.  She was scowling at Luffa for giving her a bloody nose in their last encounter, but her angry expression only made her look even cuter.  It was a sad lot in life to be so adorable, but Luffa respected Vigurd’s determination to overcome her deformity.

Lesseri, on the other hand, was at least 70 inches tall, with an extremely muscular build and long shaggy hair that went down to her hips.  Her complexion was somewhat darker than Luffa’s which seemed to compliment the countours of her mesomorphic body.  Luffa was a married woman, of course, but a Saiyan with Lesseri’s physique made her consider what might have been.

Hijik was a thin, bitter-looking man with only a tuft of black hair at the center of his otherwise bare scalp.  He beady eyes regarded Luff with complete contempt.  It was obvious to her that his disdain for her ran deeper than her quick victory over their group yesterday.

Finally, there was Jikama, who barely warranted Luffa’s attention.  He had red hair and eyes, and his build was chunky, but not to the same extend at Vigurd.  Like the others he viewed Luffa with distrust, but she cared very little what any of them thought of her.  All she wanted from them now was her attention.

“You claim to be defending this planet, but none of you even sensed me coming until I was already in your lair,” Luffa said.  “I wasn’t using my full power, but I still should have been hard to miss, so I’m guessing that means none of you were paying attention.”

Zaperc was the first to speak up for the group.  “We were, uh, resting after a long patrol—“

“All seven of you?” Luffa asked.  “At the same time?  If I had been a real enemy I could have destroyed you all from orbit.”

“Where do you get off telling us how to handle ourselves?” Hijik demanded.  “I only joined this group because Zaperc said it would help me get stronger.”  He glanced at Vigurd and Lesseri before turning back to Luffa.  “But so far all I’ve gotten is an earful from a bunch of women.”

Luffa smiled.    “I thought you might have a beef with me, Hijik,” she said.  “So let’s get it out into the open.”

“You’re no Super Saiyan,” Hijik said.  “I don’t know what that transformation is, but you can’t be as strong as Chanisp was.”

“And why not?” Luffa asked.

“Because...!  Because look at you!  Everyone knows Saiyan women lack the fighting skills of men.  You can’t get angry enough to tap into your full power.    It’s simple biology!”

“Come and show me then,” Luffa said.  She held out her arm and curled in her fingers to invite him to attack.  “Unless you’re afraid.”

Vigurd and Lesseri chuckled at this.  Zaperc looked at him expectantly, but Hijik didn’t move.

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he scoffed.  “You’ll just thrash me like you did yesterday, and pretend you’ve proven me wrong.  Well let me tell you something: You women have been pushing us around long enough, and if you’re not careful—“

“Let me tell you something, Hijak,” Luffa broke in.  “You’re all talk.  I’m guessing you only threw in with Zaperc because you wanted to find some shortcut, some way to prove you’re genetically superior to half of our race.  If I were a man, you’d take that as proof that you’re further ahead than any Saiyan woman, even if they happen to be stronger than you.  But I’m not a man, am I?  So where does that leave you?  Let’s find out.”

Luffa snapped her fingers and suddenly Zatte appeared beside her, as though materializing out of thin air.  She dropped a supply bag at her feet and  waved cordially to the group.

“Who’s she?” Brockle asked.

“She’s my wife,” Luffa said.

“Oh, wonderful,” Hijik grumbled.

“Zatte isn’t very strong,” Luffa said, but she’s got some interesting abilities.  You’ve already seen how she can camouflage herself.  Even I couldn’t sense her until she revealed hersel—“

Luffa happened to glance at Zatte while she spoke, and this completely derailed her train of thought.  The Dorlun woman was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, with the words “Super Saiyan Club President” printed on the front. The rest of her outfit consisted of combat boots, a cropped leather jacket, gun holsters strapped to her bare legs, and her usual eyepatch.  She was eating a small lollipop, and occasionally adjusted the stick with her hand.

“There’s a club?” asked Vigurd.

Luffa stared at Zatte, who grinned back at her.  “We talked about this,” Luffa whispered.

“It’s hot out here,” Zatte said.  “And this is my favorite swimsuit.  Unless you wanted me to go back to the ship and get the one you seem to like so much.”  She reached out and tapped Luffa on the tip of her nose when she said "you".

“No!” Luffa said quickly, her face turning red.  “No, this is fine.”

“I knew you’d see things my way, dear,” Zatte said as she kissed Luffa on the cheek.

“Hey!” Luffa yelped.

“Enough of this!” Hijik whined.  “I didn’t come here to watch you show off your alien consort!”

"I *brought* her here as a challenge," Luffa said, suddenly regaining her focus.  "You don’t seem to eager to fight me Hijik, so why don’t you take on her?"

"That’s absurd!" Brockle objected.

"Is it?!" Luffa shouted.  "Your father was willing to do whatever I said when he thought it was in that stupid book!  Well, I flipped through it last night, and I did find a couple of things I liked.  "That line about 'Never backing down from a challenge’?"

Brockle looked to Zaperc, who nodded in agreement.

"You shouldn’t need me or anyone else to tell you that.  Least of all some alien hack who’s never set foot on a battlefield," Luffa went on.  "It should be burning in your blood.   You should be excited to fight me, Hijik, or Zatte, or anyone else who comes along.  But you’re too afraid of losing, of having to rethink your opinions."

"What species is she?" Hijik asked carefully.

"What difference does it make?" Luffa demanded.  "You’re strong enough to defeat her.    You have the advantage, which was why I planned to drop you two off in a jungle a couple thousand miles from here.    Nice game of hide and seek."

Zatte took a pistol from one of her holsters and checked the settings.  "You did say you wanted heavy stun, right?" she asked.

"Definitely," Luffa said.  "You might have to hit some of these guys twice to bring them down though."

"Whatever you say, sweetie," Zatte said.

Luffa blushed again, and a few of the other Saiyans did as well.

"Will you cut that out?" Luffa hissed.

Zatte simply grinned and checked her other weapons.

"But... I can’t sense her ki," Hijik blubbered.  "And if she can become invisible..."

Bodi suddenly stood up and removed his glasses.  "So it’s a snipe hunt?  Very well!  I accept.  Tracking pretty girls is my specialty.  Take heart, Hijik!  If this alien smells as lovely in the jungle as she does here, then the day is already won."  He struck a pose and added:  "Game Over!"

Luffa took one of Zatte’s guns and shot him Bodi in the chest.  He curled up into a ball and began groaning from the pain.

"He’s right," Luffa said.  "You can sniff her out, but don’t think that she’ll just stand still and leave an easy trail to follow.  Not to mention that she’ll be hunting you while you hunt for her.  One time she...  what is that?"

They all began curiously sniffing at the air, except for Zatte, who was spraying something onto her body.

"Camphor," Zatte said.  "It’s good insect repellent, and the smell’s kind of nice.  I always bring along way more than I need, though."

She looked at the bottle and stroked her chin.  "Well, whatever I don’t use, I can always dump onto a tree or something."

Luffa was genuinely surprised by this.  "Well," she said.   “So much for trackin her scene.   I guess you could still hear her if you pay close attention."

"None of you heard me when I put all those stinkbombs a few minutes ago," Zatte said.

Vigurd blinked twice and asked "What stinkbo-- AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!"

Suddenly they were all holding their noses and groaning as a putrid, sulfurous odor permeated the entire site.  Luffa took a step back, but she was too amazed by Zatte’s tactics to properly defend herself against them.

"I know my weaknesses," Zatte explained.  "And I take steps to compensate for them.  More importantly, I make it my business to know my enemy’s weaknesses.  You Saiyans are used to getting by with brute force solutions, but small fry like me don’t always have that luxury."

She approached Luffa and wrapped her arms around her.  Luffa was perturbed, but didn’t try to stop her.  "I’ve watched this lady do some incredible thing,” Zatte said.  “But I’ve also had to wash skunk spray off her because she didn’t think ahead.  She could blow up this whole planet, but she gets uptight if I get too affectionate around other people."

She pointed at Hijik.  "And you," she said.  "You’re more easily flustered than Luffa is, but nowhere near as strong.  The sad thing is that you’ve got a good chance of catching me in that jungle, but you’re so afraid of getting shown up by an alien woman that you’ve already mentally given up."

"This is stupid," Hijik whined.  "You two are just setting me up to fail!  Why should I play your sick game if I can’t win?"

"Because failure is the best teacher," Luffa said.  "I didn’t get this strong by being undefeated.  Neither did Chanisp or Old Darbock, or the other old heroes.  We Saiyans grow stronger when we’re pushed to our limits.  Or did you forget that because it wasn’t written in that book of yours?"

Zaperc shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You should be fortifying the planet," Luffa said.  "Drilling with each other and planning defense strategies with the local military.  I didn’t start the Federation so I could lounge around in someone else’s house all day while I waited for an easy opponent to show up at my door," Luffa said.  "I was looking for a challenge.  Something to work on.

"The Chezzi king authorized our use of the mansion," Brockle said as he pointed towards it.

"Fine, but he’s not forcing you to stay inside it all day!" Luffa replied.  "None of you were remotely prepared for a fight."

"So what?" Lesseri asked.  "You would have beaten us either way.  I told you it was stupid to stay in one place, Zaperc.  It takes away our option to retreat."

"Retreat?!" Luffa shouted.  "Is that all you think of when a strong opponent shows up?  Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

"What good is pride if I’m dead?" Lesseri said with a shrug.

"My people say the same thing," Zatte said with an understanding smile. 

Luffa shot her a dirty look and Zatte quickly added: "Sorry."

"I’l let you all in on a little secret,” Luffa said with an evil grin.  “We’re all going to die.  How and when is up to us.  Or did your mother tell you differently, Lesseri?  When she taught you to fight, did she tell you not to bother, since you’d just outlive all your enemies anyway?"

"My mother?" Lesseri scoffed.  "She abandoned me to a gestation facility as soon as she found out she was pregnant."  She raised her arm and flexed it, showing off her sizeable bicep.  "I got this far on my own."

Luffa was shocked by her words.  "Gestation facility!?" she exclaimed.

"The one on Wexloi Sigma?" Vigurd asked.

"Matter of fact, yeah," Lesseri said.

"They’ve got a good outfit there," Vigurd said.  "I had my twins gestated there."

"How could you let them do that to your own children?!" Luffa gasped.

"Let them?"  Vigurd said with a laugh.  "It was my idea, ’sweetie’.  They certainly charged me enough for it.  6500 credits just for the prenatal extraction."

"Ouch," Lesseri said.

"That’s per embryo, by the way," Vigurd added.  "Which is stupid.  It’s not like they had to do two surgeries.  And don’t get me started on the nutrient bath fees."

"That’s monstrous!" Luffa said.  "Why would you--?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Vigurd shot back.  "Lounge around the house until I gave birth to them?  Skip perfectly good battles just to nurse a pair of ungrateful brats?  Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

Luffa clenched her fists and began grinding her teeth.

"Hey, uh, maybe we need to get on with the training," Zatte said.  "I’ve got the jungle’s coordinates, so we can all just rendezvous there and get started--"

“Good point, Vigurd,” Lesseri said.   “Seize the day, I always say.   You can’t wait for your enemies to die of old age.   At least, that’s what that bitchy Super Saiyan told me.”

Luffa cut her off.  "Since you like options so much, Lesseri, I’ll give you all one.  You can either help Hijik chase Zatte in the jungle, or you can spar with me."

"Suits me fine," Lesseri said.  "I’d rather take a beating than listen to any more of your sermons."

"Fall.  Out."  Luffa said through gritted teeth.

*******

"Well, that could have gone better," Zatte said after they were gone.

Luffa didn’t answer, except to make a low growl.

"I’m, uh, sorry for how I acted," Zatte said.  "I was trying to get a psychological edge, and I figured if I could throw you off balance, then I could definitely rattle them."

"You were great, Zattie," she said.  "Took me a while to catch on, but you’re a genius.  You knew just what buttons to push."

"Oh, well... thanks.  Listen, we knew they’d be rough around the edges.  They’re angry and disillusioned, and we’re gonna have to break them down before we can build them back up.  So don’t let anything they say get to you--"

"That’s not it," Luffa muttered."

"Then what’s wrong?" Zatte said.

Luffa looked at her and sighed.  Her expression was as wild and resolute as ever, but Zatte couldn’t help but noticed a weariness in Luffa’s eyes.

"I’m not sure what’s wrong," Luffa said grimly.  "But I’m starting to think it might be me."

[4 February 234 Before Age.  Shafulb.]

Drang Dedruhn was the supreme authority on the planet Shafulb, but not really.

She was a plump humanoid, with lustrous skin that was black on her back and head, and white from her jaw down the front of her torso.  The Shafulb were a semi-aquatic species, each possessing a healthy layer of blubber, but she was a bit rounder and more voluptuous than most.  Her office afforded her what was known as a “pontifical apartment”, a very humble term for what was in reality a penthouse suite.    Here, she lounged on a divan on the balcony overlooking the seaside, and savored a midday snack of pickled fish.  Between bites, she would lick the brine from her thick, flipper-like fingers, and contemplate her place in galactic history.    Despite her lofty titles, she had to admit that her position was tentative at best.

In the strictest sense, she was merely the high priestess of the planet’s largest religion, no more than a humble spiritual leader.  In practice, her office had outlasted and overshadowed every secular administration and institution in Shafulb’s history.  Regimes rose and fell, but the church endured, and the people came to depend upon it more with each century.  Long before Drang’s ascension, the office of high priestess had become indistinguishable from that of a temporal head of state.  Her vows precluded her from violence, but she had waged countless wars against the other regional powers in Shafulb’s sector of the galaxy.  She had sworn an oath of poverty, but in practice this meant that she had to employ some creative bookkeeping rather than deny herself any worldly pleasures.  Her sole duty was supposed to be safeguarding the souls of her followers for their passage into the afterlife, but she spent most of her time consolidating her power and riding herd over various bureaucracies.  She was supposed to be the most fervent believer in the state religion, but a life in the political arena had made her cynical and pragmatic.

As for her supposed ’supremacy’, it was superseded by the compromises she had made with the rest of the universe.    She had been locked in rivalries with other planets for decades, making and breaking alliances, fighting wars to jockey for position, and negotiating treaties to hold whatever gains she could make.  And then Luffa changed everything.

Luffa was a Saiyan mercenary, but she was more powerful than any Drang had ever encountered.  No one was sure what had happened to her, but the rumors said that she fought some terrible battle in a remote part of the galaxy, and was transformed by the experience.  Saiyans were incredibly strong to begin with, but Luffa had the power to transform herself into an even stronger, more violent creature.  She called herself a “Super Saiyan”, and while Drang had once dismissed this as a marketing ploy, she soon learned that Luffa wasn’t like the others of her race.  Where other Saiyans saw mercenary work as an enjoyable way to make a living, Luffa grew bored with it.  The wars Drang waged for Shafulb were mere child’s play for Luffa, so one day she changed the game.  Luffa arranged a summit with Drang and the other regional leaders, and coerced them to form an alliance backed by Luffa’s immense power.

The Federation became a great success, as other worlds rushed to join eager to reap the benefits of a mutual defense pact underwritten by an invincible warrior.  Drang and the other leaders retained their authority over their own worlds, and they managed to cooperate well enough to run the Federation, but there was no mistaking who the real power was.

Luffa’s motives were as simple as they were baffling to Drang.    The Saiyan had no interest in ruling the Federation worlds.  She was content to act as an enforcer, protecting the alliance from outside threats, and stepping in to resolve internal disputes.  In short, Luffa had the power to bend multiple planets to her will, yet she continually declined to do so.

This irritated Drang greatly.  She rather liked Luffa personally, but the Saiyan’s lack of political aspirations was vexing.  To have so much power and so little use for it!  And this was what made Drang’s “supremacy” a joke.  Luffa could depose Drang in a day if she wished.  The Super Saiyan could conquer Shafulb, or simply destroy the entire planet if it displeased her.  Whatever power and autonomy Drang enjoyed was merely a dispensation granted to her by Luffa.

It wasn’t all bad, of course.  Drang wasn’t so arrogant to think she had ever been truly supreme in the universe.  There were always bound to be more powerful forces out there, and it was nice to have one of them supporting Drang’s rule.  Luffa’s sole motive for establishing the Federation was to dare stronger enemies to attack it.  She had gotten her wish when the Shockmaster invaded the sector, and the war was only won by Luffa’s intervention.  Shafulb might have survived the Shockmaster, but Drang doubted that his yoke would have been any lighter than Luffa’s.

Now, a year after the Shockmaster’s defeat, Drang wondered what her next move should be, and whether or not that move would be for or against Luffa.  The Federation was a profitable venture, certainly, but Drang was beginning to wonder if it had outgrown the need for a Super Saiyan to maintain it.  Since defeating the Shockmaster, Luffa hardly spent any time in Federation space.  Had she grown bored with the Federation, just as she had grown bored of mercenary work?    Would she abandon her role in the Federation government, leaving behind a power vacuum?

During the war, Luffa had disappeared from the public in similar fashion, and one of her colleagues, Ryba Booth, had tried to take advantage of the situation.  His power play backfired, and he seemed to give up entirely once Luffa returned to win the war.  Most dismissed his scheme as folly, but Drang knew better.  Booth’s timing was bad, but his idea was sound.  Luffa couldn’t be driven out of the Federation, but if she could be convinced to leave and never return, it would be possible for one of them to seize power in her absence.    The key was to be the first to notice that Luffa wouldn’t be coming back.

Drang considered this dilemma as she scooped up a handful of morsels from a large bowl.  Was there a way to lure Luffa away from the Federation?  All she cared about was battle, and there seemed to be no opponent in the galaxy that could hold her attention for long.

The problem, Drang decided, was that no one really understood the woman.  Drang herself had a number of vices, for example.  She had a weakness for fine food.  She liked watching her enemies be publicly humiliated.   She enjoyed the way her people supplicated themselves to her.  These were hardly secrets, as Drang felt no particular shame about her less admirable traits.  She was petty and venal and she didn’t care who knew it.

By contrast, Luffa was an enigma.  She lived alone in a starship, possibly accompanied by a single aide.  There were rumors that she had a lover, perhaps an alien woman, but these were unsubstantiated.    If the lover did exist, then she was even more reclusive than Luffa.    All Drang really knew about Luffa’s personal habits was that she liked to cook.  It wasn’t enough to go on.

One question that stood out in Drang’s mind was: Why didn’t Luffa interact with her own people?  One would think that she would have invited Planet Saiya to joint the Federation.  Of, if Luffa despised her own people, she could have conquered then and ruled there instead of an alliance of alien worlds.

The more Drang thought about it, the more sure she became that her answers lay there, with Planet Saiya.  If Luffa wouldn’t reveal her own weaknesses to Drang, then perhaps she could find someone else who would...

*******

[4 February 234 Before Age.  Wrantool VI]

“Luffa, do you have anything you’d like to add?”

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, and looked down at her knees.  “No,” she mumbled.

The blue-skinned, red-haired women in the chair beside her was much more forthcoming.  “She was telling me just before we got here how much these sessions were helping.  Right, Luffa?”

Luffa crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling of the office.

“Zatte, we discussed this last time,” said the molluscoid behind the desk.  The nameplate on his office door read: “Dr. Shunga.”  “We agreed that Luffa can speak for herself.  She doesn’t have to share something if she doesn’t want to.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Zatte said.  “You know how she gets during these visits.”

Luffa shot Zatte a dirty look, then stood up and started pacing around the room.

“Oh here we go,” Zatte grumbled.  She opened her mouth to say more, but the man behind the desk raised one of his tentacled hands to signal for quiet.  Zatte sighed and slumped in her seat.

“Luffa, Zatte said you’ve been preparing more elaborate meals lately,” Dr. Shunga began.

“Nothing special,” she said.  “Just trying out some new things.  She likes Alteri cuisine, but we’re a long way from Alteri IV, so I thought I’d try a few recipes.  Made some for’cosh last night, nothing fancy.  Turned out pretty well.”

“It was great,” Zatte added.  “And so was the sadanash she made last week.  It’s like I’m living in a restaurant on Alteri IV, and I never have to wait in line.  I’m the only one who’s ever had her sadanash.  It’s an honor, really.”

Luffa shrugged.  “I’ve still got some kinks to iron out, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.   She thought it was too spicy, so I’m gonna tweak the recipe next time.”

“I never said it was too spicy,” Zatte said.  “I thought it was—“

The man raised his hand again before she could press the issue.  “Luffa, how did you know what Zatte thought about the meal?” he asked.

Luffa clenched her fists and turned away from him.  “I know, all right?”

“Is it because you used your telepathic powers to read her mind?” he asked evenly.

Luffa sighed.  “Yeah.”

Zatte was blushing now.  “It was my fault,” she said.  “We had a fight and I was upset and...”

“They’re my powers,” Luffa said.  “It’s my responsibility.  I should have said no.”

“Why didn’t you, Luffa?”  he asked.

Luffa stopped pacing and started rubbing her temples.  When she stopped she waved her hand at Zatte and said: “Look at her!  I couldn’t just refuse!  I’d do anything for her.  She... she needed to know that I still loved her.  I told her I did, but she needed to know.  And I guess... I needed to know she still loved me.”

She frowned at the man.  “Is that so bad?” she asked.

“In and of itself, not at all,” he said.  “But while you were linked,  reveling in your love for one another, you picked up stray thoughts you hadn’t bargained for.    Was the meal too spicy, Zatte?”

Zatte was suddenly tense.  “Well, yeah, a little.  But I didn’t hate it or anything.  I was just happy she made it for me.”

“But Luffa didn’t get that context when she probed your mind,” he explained.  “She only took your unspoken complaint, and let it build into resentment.”  He turned to Luffa, who had resumed pacing.  “Isn’t that right, Luffa?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Zatte said.

“It’s my own fault, Zattie,” Luffa said.

“Let’s not dwell on assigning blame,” he said.    “You’ve both been using telepathy this way for some time now.  It’s completely natural.  Many of the couples I counsel do the same, but they had to learn to separate and ignore intrusive thoughts.  Luffa’s abilities are too broad and imprecise for that.   With time and moderation, you may learn to adapt to this.”

“But we just dove right in,” Luffa said.  “And we enjoyed it so much that we never stopped to consider it might have drawbacks.  Then before we knew it, we were over-relying on it... and barely speaking to each other.”

“It created a vicious cycle,” he said patiently.   “And you’ve been working together to break it.  I know it hasn’t been easy for either of you.  You’re used to using the mental link, and now you’re trying to repair your marriage without it.    It’s not unexpected that you’d backslide now and then, but it’s important that you share those expediences with me, so we can talk them out, defuse them before they have a chance to fester into resentment.”

“You’re right,” Luffa said.  “I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but I guess I just didn’t want to admit it.”

He turned to Zatte.  “Zatte, did were there any stray thoughts you picked up from Luffa that have been troubling you?”

“No,” she said quickly.  “I mean, it’s not... Well, it’s bedroom stuff.  We don’t have to talk about it here.”

“Like hell,” Luffa said.  Despite her insistence, her cheeks and ears were beet red.  “We came here to talk, didn’t we?”

“Zatte, do you want to talk about it?” Dr. Shunga asked.

Zatte took a deep breath and nodded.

*******

[6 February 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

Luffa’s star-yacht, the Emerald Eye, had been operating outside of Federation space for some time now, though no one knew why.  The Federation itself had been quite secure since Luffa had defeated the Shockmaster, and so the popular assumption was that she was seeking action and adventure in a more dangerous part of the galaxy.  In principle, this was correct, although the whole truth was that Luffa was trying to stay within a week’s travel from the Wrantool system, in order to keep appointments with her marriage counselor.

In between sessions, she kept an eye on subspace communications in the region, hoping to find something interesting to occupy her time, but the pickings would have been slim, even for a normal Saiyan.  So when the Nat-Chez system ceased all contact with the outside universe, Luffa was cautiously optimistic.  As the ship approached the planet, she waited in the cargo bay.  The ship would then enter the upper atmosphere, and she would open the bay door and launch herself headlong into the situation.

“ETA is ten minutes,” Zatte’s voice said through the earpiece communicator Luffa wore.  “You sure this is a good idea?  You might be flying into a plague for all we know.”

“I can sense the planet’s ki from here,” Luffa said.  “They don’t seem sick or anything like that.  Anyway, I’ll steer clear of populated areas until I’ve had a chance to look around.”

“If it’s a hostile, you’ll be giving up the element of surprise,” Zatte said.  “Right now, they don’t know you’re coming, but that’ll change in a hurry once you fire up.”

Luffa adjusted her boots and began doing some last minute stretches.  “And that’ll flush them out, won’t it, Zattie?  They’ve got the stealth game covered.  Which suits me fine.  I’m more of a shock and awe kind of lady anyway.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“About what?”

“Our last session with Dr. Shunga.  When we he asked how long it had been since we...”

“I remember.  I was there.”

“I thought you were gonna kill him on the spot.”

“I thought about it, yeah.  I did a number on his chair, sure.  But he’s trying to help us out.  He’s a good guy.    I just have to keep telling myself that.”

“I know it’s tough for you.”

“What’s ’tough’ is how you keep treating me like I’m made of glass,” Luffa muttered.  “Like I’ll shatter if you aren’t there to protect me from a few personal questions about our sex life.”

“You there Luffa?    I didn’t copy that.”

This was because Luffa  had taken the earpiece out and muffled its receiver in her hand.  Now that she had popped it back in, she replied: “Sorry, I was checking something out.  Anything new on the ship’s sensors?”

“Nothing.  No transmissions from the planet, and all air and spacecraft are grounded.  Plenty of life signs, though.”

“It’s gotta be an alien takeover,” Luffa said.  “I’ll have this wrapped up by dinnertime.  You want rolls or biscuits tonight?”

Zatte didn’t reply.

“Zattie?  You there?”

“Sorry.  I thought I had a blip on the sensors, but it was nothing.”

“Yeah, right.  I’ll just fix salad then.”

“Fine,” Zatte said.

“Okay,” Luffa said.

“Make whatever you want,” Zatte said.

“I will,” Luffa said.

“Are we fighting right now?” Zatte asked.

“I don’t know,” Luffa said.  “Look, are we over the drop point yet?  I’d like to get on with this.”

“Um, we passed it,” Zatte said after an awkward pause.  “I’ll have to turn the ship around and make another flyby.”

With a groan, Luffa sat down on the deck and covered her face with her hands.

*******

Once Luffa finally arrived on the surface, she encountered a few of the locals on a dirt trail that wound along a forest.  The Chezzi were humanoid in appearance, with various shades of orange and red skin, and horns atop their heads instead of hair.  It didn’t take long for her to figure out who had taken control of their planet.

“Spare us, Madame Saiyan!” one of them pleaded.  He dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together in supplication.    “Your humble servants only broke curfew because we need medicine in the next town.”

“He speaks the truth!” said another.  She was a Chezzi female, not much older than Luffa.  “My son has contracted horn-rot, and our village doctor lacks the horn-root needed to prepare a cure!    These two only came along because it was dangerous to travel alone on foot!  If you must take one of us into bondage, then let it be me!”

“No way, take me!” said a small boy.  “Choco’s my best pal, and I won’t go back an’ tell him I stood by an’ let his mom get nabbed by the Saiyans!”

“All right, everybody shut up,” Luffa said.  “I’m not here to enforce some dumb curfew.   I came here to liberate your planet.”

The old man was relieved.  “Then... you aren’t working with the Saiyans who conquered us?”

Luffa turned and spat on the ground.  “That’s what I think of your conquerors.  Tell me how to find them, and I’ll be happy to... discuss it with them.”

She began cracking her knuckles while the three villagers exchanged confused looks.  The old man opened his mouth to speak, but the woman quickly shushed him.

“Don’t!” she warned him.  “What if they sent her to test our loyalty?”

Before Luffa could reassure her, the boy spoke up.  “Aw, you worry too much, Tocco.  Besides, everybody already knows the Saiyans all live in Fort Luffa.”

Luffa was dumbfounded.  “Fort... what?”

*******

“Fort Luffa” was a Chezzi mansion originally owned by one of the richest men on the planet.  It had been located in a picturesque valley, before the Saiyans uprooted the entire building and carried it to a wasteland thousands of miles away.  The remoteness and inhospitable climate provided a natural defense against most would-be intruders, but Luffa was just at home in such a place as the mansion’s occupants.  While she had the power to destroy the lot of them from the air, she decided to take a more personal approach.    Landing just outside the mansion’s walls, she kicked in the front door and walked inside.

The first person she saw was a Saiyan man, tall and lean, with styling gel in his hair and on the fur of his tail.

“Well hello,” he cooed, raising an eyebrow as he looked Luffa over from head to toe.  “Zaperc didn’t tell me about any new recruit.  Maybe he afraid I’d sweep you off your feet, and leave you too distracted to listen to his— OOF!”

Luffa drove her fist into his abdomen, and when she pulled back her hand he collapsed into a whimpering heap.  She considered questioning him, but decided he wasn’t worth the effort.

The second obstacle she encountered was a woman, easily a foot taller than Luffa and with very well-defined musculature.  Luffa couldn’t help but admire the woman’s appearance--her biceps were almost as big around as Luffa’s calves--but this attraction was overshadowed by how sloppy her technique was.  Luffa had seized her in a hammerlock before the woman realized she was an intruder.  With a small fraction of her full power, Luffa drove the larger woman down to the floor, released the hold, and then sent a small charge of ki energy through her hand into the base of the woman’s skull, knocking her unconscious.

Minutes later, someone finally sounded an alarm, but Luffa had already forced one of them to take her to their leader.  A couple of other Saiyans tried to stop her, but she swatted them aside like flies, even while she kept her escort trapped in a headlock.

“Z-zaperc’s right through that door!” the young man gasped as he struggled in vain against Luffa’s grip.

“Good,” she said.  “After you.”

Before he could ask what she meant, she shifted her grip and tossed him through the door like a heap of trash.  Inside, Zaperc was dictating notes to a young Chezzi woman with a pad and paper.

“Eh?  Brockle?  What’s gotten into you, boy?  And who is this?”

Brockle tried to get to his feet, but Luffa kicked him before he could make it to his knees.  “An intruder, father!” he cried.  “I tried to stop her, but—“

“You’re the one in charge?” Luffa asked.  “You run a sloppy outfit, Zaperc.  Took them too long to sound an alarm, and you can’t even hear it from this room.”  She pointed her thumb at the Chezzi woman.  “Or was this girl your secret weapon to stop intruders?”

Unlike the man she met at the door, Zaperc looked Luffa over for purely tactical reasons.   He quickly decided that he was outmatched, and held out his hands in a submissive gesture.  “Er, welcome, sister!” he said.  “I don’t know what business you have with us, but I can tell from your immense power that you must be a student of Luffa’s just as we are.”

“Student?” Luffa asked.  “What are you babbling about?”

“Why, the Legendary Super Saiyan, of course.  Everything we’ve done here is an effort to put his teachings into practice.”

“Is that so?” Luffa scoffed.  “His teachings?   He told you to take over this planet?  You don’t know a damn thing about the Super Saiyan, old man.”

“And what do you know?” Zaperc demanded.  “Have a care, young one.  You may be strong, but I’ve studied Luffa’s career very carefully and—“

She threw her head back and transformed.  Her short, black hair suddenly glowed bright yellow, and her eyes turned green.  Around her body, her aura flashed and churned the air around her, causing the loose fabric of her yellow pants to ripple and flap.

Zaperc took all of this in, and after he looked her over one more time, he presented his reaction with a single word.

“Oh.”

[6 February 234 Before Age.  Rumrumyunsun.]

Okartish was dead.  Yarrow examined the corpse of his comrade to find out what had killed him, but there seemed to be no immediate answer.  He reached out with his senses, seeking an enemy life force strong enough to slay a Saiyan warrior, but found none.  Rumrumyunsun was a planet of weaklings, with nothing to offer the two Saiyans but a place to refuel their starship on their way to the brothels of Planet Be’er.  A warrior strong enough to kill Okartish would have stuck out like a sore thumb.

Yarrow helped himself to the unfinished meal Okartish had ordered, and stroked his thick beard in contemplation.  Perhaps this was for the best.  Okartish had his uses, but apparently he was even weaker than Yarrow had suspected.  He had come to his hotel room to renegotiate their splitting of the profits for their next raid.  Okartish wanted to keep things fifty-fifty, but this implied that Okartish did at least fifty percent of the pillaging, which he did not.

“Real shame, buddy,” Yarrow said aloud as he bent over to pat Okartish on the cheek.  “I was gonna be generous, offer to split things sixty-seven/thirty-three.  But I guess one hundred/zero is a lot easier all around, hey?  I never was much good at math.”

It bothered him to leave loose ends, but he saw no point in sticking around to find the killer.  Okartish had died without a fight, suggesting some sort of trickery, and Yarrow had no interest in playing with tricksters.  There was that so-called “Super Saiyan”, and rumor had it that he could have killed someone like Okartish with a flick of the wrist, but Yarrow didn’t put much stock in rumors.  Besides, the Super Saiyan was supposed to be in a completely different sector these days.  And if someone that strong really existed, Yarrow wanted no part of him.

So Yarrow took one last piece of meat from the room service tray, and headed for the door, turning his back on the closest thing he had ever had to a friend.  He planned to check out of the hotel immediately, return to his ship, and leave Rumrumyunsun as soon as possible.

But then he saw a woman emerging from the lavatory.  Yarrow wondered how she got in without him noticing.  He had neglected to turn on the lights when he had entered the room, but only because the street lamps outside provided enough illumination through the window.

Then he realized that he couldn’t sense any ki from the woman.

“Who the hell are you?” he demanded.  “And what did you do to him?”

She giggled and lolled her head to one side.   “I killed him, silly,” she said in a mocking voice.

“Why?”  Yarrow wasn’t sure why he was asking.  His best guess was that Okartish had made a powerful enemy somewhere along the way, and this woman was here to take revenge.  He wanted to know if that vendetta included Yarrow by association.

But the woman simply raised her arm and pointed at Yarrow accusingly.  “He was a Saiyan,” she said.  “That’s reason enough to kill him, isn’t it?  And reason enough to kill you.”

As soon as she said it, Yarrow went on the offensive.  With a single swipe of his hand, he tossed a ki blast at her chest, then grabbed her by the throat.  As the destructive energy ripped through her vital organs, he crushed her windpipe, then snapped her cervical vertebrae.  As he released her, the energy blast exited through her back and scorched the door to the hotel room.

And just like that, Okartish’s killer was dead before she hit the floor.

“Idiot,” Yarrow muttered.  He waited a moment, concerned that she had somehow survived his assault, and this was all some elaborate ruse she used to kill her victims.  But after fifteen minutes he decided that he was merely being paranoid.  If this woman really had killed Okartish, then she had been incredibly lucky, or he had been an exceptional fool.  They deserved one another.

And so Yarrow stepped over her corpse and left the room, never giving either of them another thought.

It would be his last mistake.