Dear you,
(This has not been proof-read)Ā
You treat me like trash. You treat me like I donāt matter, like Iām not special, like Iām not important. And it sucks. Youāre the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, and when I go to sleep at night. I think about you all day long actually. I wanted to marry you. I still do and I donāt know why. I wanted to have your child. Wanted to keep loving you. Maybe I just wasnāt loving you the way you needed to be loved. Maybe our love languages were just too different. And thatās OK. But you suck. You couldāve left me alone so many times. Weāve broken up so many times, and you always bother me. I could have been over you a long time ago. I wouldnāt even be going through this pain right now and I think thatās what fucks me up the most. Because I know better. You couldnāt stand the thought of me moving on and being happy with someone else. So you kept yourself in my life, regardless of how miserable I was, regardless of how much you really didnāt even want or care about me. Do you know how selfish and evil that is? You have no idea how much pain and suffering youāve put me through this year, simply by making me feel so small. Not even worth a phone call or text message. I canāt believe that I still love you. I donāt understand how I got here. I tried to be the best girlfriend and friend to you. I just donāt know what else to do at this point but move on. I donāt think itās supposed to hurt this much. Iāve never hurt this much over anyone. You hurt me, badly. For the last time though. You are my kryptonite. Iām staying away for good this time. My confidence is shattered every time weāreĀ ātogetherā or trying again. I feel ugly with you, on the outside and inside. Because what is it about me thatās so hard to want to love? I feel like I make it easy. Iām here, I donāt ask for anything, I listen to you, try to help whenever you need me, Iām attentive...I donāt know. Iāll never get it. Everyone isnāt for everybody though, so I have to stop beating myself up. Maybe itās you and not me. Iād hate to see you with someone else. I know Iād just die inside...but despite it all, I do want you to be happy. I wish it were me though. I really do. It breaks my heart. Iām heartbroken all the time. Iāve been heartbroken for a long time now. Itās time for me to stop allowing you to break my heart. Itās time for me to stop breaking my own heart. I guess Iām just so sad because Iām going to miss the good parts about you and having someone to love. Someone to think about when Iām listening to love songs. Someone to complain about to my friends. When you were good to me, I was very happy. Itās always so extreme with you. Iām either the happiest girl in the world, or a fucking Hannah Baker. Thereās something in me that still hopes itās you at the end of it all. I wish you peace and happiness and love. You still suck though.Ā
NelĀ
