#yourch1ld

You had terrible relationships with everyone: parents, other students because of your lack of social adaptation, so that also played a role in accepting the offer.

One day the group was again bullying some guy, you think his name is Eric, a nerd who doesn't resist and is an easy target. When they put him on his knees and started calling him names, he often looked at you, the way you just stood there, like you didn’t belong here.

That’s right. You’re not like them.

Eric kept imagining weird and disgusting scenarios with you, but he couldn’t help it, you were special in his eyes, the one who looked at him and didn’t hurt.

So today, when you were the last one left with him again, when everyone else had left, he plucked up the courage and said what he wanted.

“Hey…um…wanna come with me..? Right now, to my place, you know…I…or rather we can do something interesting..play g-games..”

To Eric’s surprise, you agreed. It was Friday, so it didn’t really matter. It was the happiest moment of his life, when he walked next to you, and then you were in his room. Especially when you sat down on his couch and relaxed a bit, Eric became clingy. Really. He gave you one of the soda cans and took the other one for himself as you both sat down to play some game that he had so sweetly explained to you a few minutes later.

"You don't mind if I touch you, do you?"

"I don't, so okay.."

...

"You know, you're really pretty..did you ever have a boyfriend..? You know, everyone keeps talking about it...so I just asked—"

"No, I didn't and don't have a boyfriend."

You replied, interrupting his sentence, not intentionally, just to save time, but after a moment, a few words escaped your mouth.

"What? Do you want to apply for this role? You can be first in line."

It was more than a little rude, especially when you looked away, but Eric just nodded, and then a very strange smile crept onto his face and you realized that your mind was starting to fog up. You fell asleep, or rather, you switched off because of the medicine in the soda that Eric had substituted.

When you woke up, you were already in his bed, still dressed, but chained(?) to one of the pillars.

As strange as it all seemed, you weren’t as nervous as you might think..the thought that Eric had been able to carry you, was very pleasant in your head and was like a devil on your shoulder.

“I didn’t touch you in a wrong way...don’t think, I’m not like that..”

“I don’t know if I trust you anymore..after drugs or whatever you pun in my soda...that wasn't really nice..”

"Okay, I wanted to..but I couldn't...you need a boyfriend like that, right? I can be.."

Eric couldn't help but sit on the bed, leaning against you, or rather his pelvis against yours, as his chubby but strong hands roamed your forearms and elbows.

"Look at me.."

You looked into his eyes and all you saw there was adoration, which made your stomach twist. It was like you were looking at a dog sitting in the rain, waiting for someone to take him somewhere warm.

"You're so beautiful and interesting..I'll be better for you...you'll never need anyone else's approval or.."

Again silence from you, which added to Eric from the inside.

"Give me a chance..just one.."

"Okay..i mean...I'll give you one, good?"

That was all you could manage as the smile on Eric's face reappeared and his hands touched you even harder to make you very aroused and nervous. He knows what buttons to push.

He looked at you again, as if begging for permission, which you gave him with a nod. You decided to simply obey, just this once, to allow yourself to relax and be someone for someone.

Sure, Eric was a little impatient, but when he undressed you, you couldn't take your eyes off him, his hands gliding ever so gently, touching every curve or bone he could see and feel.

Unfortunately, Eric didn't take his clothes off completely, as if afraid of your reaction, but you didn't say anything. Only when he had you ready and entered you, he let out a moan and cover you with his body, as if it was the most divine thing that could happen to him. His movements were the best, his hands roaming your hips and back.

"You're so perfect..thank you..thank you for letting me.."

Eric started crying into your neck, also showering it and your jaw with kisses, as if you were his muse for life.

Towards the end he went faster, like a needy animal and he finally took off his t-shirt, which showed his slightly plump body. He pressed against you and fucked you as if his existence depended on it, although in part it did.

When his substance filled the entire condom, he couldn't bring himself to come out, he just gently caressed your skin, looking into your eyes.

"Did I make it feel good..? From now I'm your boyfriend right..?"

"Yeah..that was perfect..I...I mean, yes, you're my boyfriend.."

It was the last year of school. Most of his classmates were already adults and Simon could see drugs and small bottles of alcohol hidden under something that looked like perfume in the lockers of his rich classmates.

Everyone was dating, had a wonderful life that everyone could only dream of, lived expensively and a lot... but here was Simon. That's why his "friends" were only with him out of fear. The fear that he would kill you in a dark alley. Everyone knew about his situation with his father and why he wore a medical mask... even the teachers didn't mind, as long as Simon answered loudly enough for them to hear.

And then there was you. Simon's favorite creation. You had only appeared this year, new to his senior year and Simon had done everything to keep you alone. He only let others talk to you if the school required it.

Riley sometimes touched you without permission, took your drawings and took them, once punched you in the stomach, and then watched for several minutes with lust in his eyes.

You didn’t understand what you were doing wrong, so one day when you were ignored again all day, you cried when you went home. For Simon, it was the ultimate reward, seeing you so weak. He followed you all the way to the house until he saw your conditions. The same as his.

Sometimes he deliberately came to listen to you argue, or how you do your business in the room. He became obsessed with the idea that you were his.

So once during a local match, he was in the school team playing, he noticed a guy sitting next to you. Simon got angry, he could barely contain himself, and after the match he quickly collected his things and found you.

–Who the hell was that?

–Nobody, just a guy wanted to sit next to me, he’s not from our school...

Simon didn’t care, he took a few deep breaths, and then took your hand and led you away.

–You don’t get enough attention from me, that you’re going to some strange men?

Simon continued to walk quietly until he brought you to his home and locked you both in a room. He dropped his equipment, and then, roughly grabbed you by the throat with one hand, and your head with the other.

–When will it get into your little stupid head that no one needs you but me? I’m your boyfriend, do you hear? All your attention belongs to me.

–Okay..

That word was all you could get out of your throat at that moment. Simon’s gaze moved to your eyes, and then to your chest. He let go, and then took off his T-shirt and threw it into your hands. Then he sat down on the bed opposite and held out the first aid kit. Silence reigned. A few minutes.

–Well...are you going to patch me up or are you going to keep looking at me?

–...

–Are you staring at my body, huh? Do you like it?

Simon tried to flirt, but it was obvious that his strong but slightly fat body had more scars than charm. So when you finally came closer to help, his brown eyes didn’t take their gaze off you. He was bored by the way he remembered hitting you. How he yelled at you.

–You’re my boyfriend now, right..? You’re not going to leave me..?

His voice was still cold, but the answer had to be now. He wouldn’t wait.

Four years. For four years, you were first a coworker, then a friend or companion. Any questions he had about a partner, you would brush them off or say it wasn’t time yet…but the real reason was Ethan himself. Despite everything, you couldn’t just get him out of your head because he was your first love, a crush that couldn’t be thrown away. You tried to reach out to someone, but they all resembled Ethan in some way, but weren’t him. Even when his wife left him and disappeared, he thought about her. You tried just to be there and still kept quiet because it was wrong of you.

When your cowardly year-old finally wanted to say the words, Ethan got a message and he jumped out of his seat and drove to get her. His wife. But when he returned a few days later, he was a different person.

You only saw him again when he was standing half drunk at your door in the middle of the night, and then like an abandoned dog he pounced on your hand and held on to you like a lifeline.

"Ethan..?"

But there was only silence and sobs in response, you closed the door behind him and snuggled as close as you could, and then sat down with him on the couch. Ethan had this behavior, but never with you.

"Ethan..talk to me, what happened?"

"She's alive...but we decided not to be together. It would be better for both of us."

That was all you could hear before he buried his face in your neck as if seeking comfort, which of course you provided for nothing.

"I had no one else to go to...she just lied to me, and then those people..I just want to rest after all this."

"You can always be with me, you know.."

You didn't have time to finish when his lips greedily slid from your neck to your lips. It was needy and pleasant at the same time. Ethan placed his hands on your hip and waist, and you on his shoulders, which seemed even more tired than these days.

"You're drunk, you really want to..?"

"Yes..."

One word was enough for you to simply surrender to his touch and embrace, as if it were something worth locking up and never letting go. Your years of love flashed by in your memory as your eyes and hands undressed him, just as he undressed you.

Early in the morning he would go to work and see you in your amazingly beautiful coat, which fit you so well in this weather that you could tear your eyes out. Or when he would come home and your face would be so tired, but it would be determined to hold a stone wall, as if afraid that someone would see your weakness.

---

Ethan saw you often. You couldn’t say you were an acquaintance or a friend, you were just someone he saw whenever he was outside his apartment.

You were just another stranger in a bunch of others. Just another ant, minding your own business and living your own life.

Once you even got on the same bus with him and because it accidentally stopped, you gently fell into Ethan’s chest. "I'm so sorry" was all that came out of your mouth, without even looking up, before you walked to the other end of the train to drown out your obsessive thoughts after the incident.

---

Ethan had to admit that he didn't want to be the same internet stalker, not to mention that he didn't have any information about you other than your route and appearance. So for now, he decided to just follow you around when he had time, especially in the evenings. You know, anyone could attack you or hurt you, he wouldn't survive it. He's already lost one important person, you won't be the next.

One day, Ethan decided to be a man for himself and he approached you and asked for your number and immediately asked you out. Your expression immediately changed to a slight smile, as if he had brought you a social media account and you said yes.

The date was at a cafe, and then you went for a walk around the city and it was so great for him, but even better for you. You had never glowed like this, or at least around him, he had never seen you like this.

The evening turned into night and you just easily surrendered to his mercy, as if there was no instinct. It was good that it was him, but what if it was someone else? What if someone hurt you like this? Used you and threw you out on the street like a broken toy?

It was a very beautiful evening, the orange-pink sky quickly turned into a darker night sky, where you could see the stars and the moon, which replaced the sun for the time being.

Clint stood on the edge of the building, ironic, wasn't it. He really had nothing left but Kate and dog Lucky, but now he is with her, and of course, Kate had her own life too. And he himself..drinks beer, and in the morning coffee, so that..

Fuck. This is bullshit.

He fell. Yes, he was going to do it, but maybe he could still think, but his mind, drugged by alcohol, couldn't keep him on his feet. Poor Clint, someone might have thought, if anyone actually thought and knew.

Suddenly, a hard blow against something metal made Clint's headache even more agonizing. It was the balcony.

This is bullshit. Now that person would have problems, or rather one problem with the name Clint. The door was open to the room from which the young man immediately came out and examined him, he immediately noticed his good appearance in the moonlight, but his brain still could not think qualitatively.

"You...fell from the sky..?" That's all you could say, and then exhaled hard, covered your face with your hands, and then tried to lift Clint and carry him inside..well...the main thing is that you tried.

"I'm too heavy for you, it seems, ha..." a drunken smile appeared on Barton's face after that, which pissed you off, but at the same time gave a chance that this flying man from the sky would not die in your apartment.

Gathering all your strength, you were able to put Clint on the bed, which was softer than his sofa, which he usually slept on or the bent mattress on the floor. You turned on the desk lamp and went over to the man to inspect him and all you could see was a small wound on his forehead and a cut left arm. You didn’t want to touch him for now, so you didn’t want to get into even more trouble, so you went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit, hoping it was still there.

“What are you doing? Are you getting ready to finish me off or something..?”

“Oh, don’t expect it, I’m not going to kill a man, especially in my apartment, I’m not an idiot.”

“So that means you’re going to kill me somewhere else?”

“No! Please stop your thoughts and let me patch you up..”

Clint listened, his head was already like a balloon filled with carbon monoxide, and your hands..they were so gentle and warm, it’s been a long time since he’s been touched like that. Every touch of yours caused a cry in the middle of his lonely heart. But for him, the thought of it was so pitiful. He was just a lonely, uninteresting man who slept on your balcony, you wouldn’t even want to know him tomorrow and....

“Okay..I know it’s not much, but it’s all I can do…I can still give you pills if something else hurts.” Of course you interrupted his thoughts, today everything interrupts him, but now he doesn’t mind. Your touch pulled away just then he said.

“No, thank you..that’s very sweet of you..so what now?”

“Now you’re sleeping here until morning and I hope you don’t die..although you fell 1 floor down, so I don’t think there could be any more complicated injuries.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“No, but I know how and what can be done.”

“What’s the name of my savior?”

"Y/N, what's the name of the angel who fell from heaven?"

"Clint..I'll probably go now.."

"Don't even dare start this again, you almost died, and you already want to run away, are you kidding me!?—"

You continued talking, and Clint nodded, and then he fell asleep abruptly. The place was warm and safe, the voice of his saviour was soothing, what else was needed for this pitiful man.

In the morning, Clint woke up and saw the man sleeping, sitting on the floor, but with his head on the bed..hair falling on his face, the spring sun crept in the window through the beautiful orange curtains..And now it was time to go. Yes, Clint, he was on the verge of death, but how could he stay any longer? So he carefully slipped back onto the balcony and went down the ladder next to him, although he almost lost his balance.

A party. Lights. Alcohol. And, surprisingly for you—a great man’s company. That was yesterday. Now you’re hungover, your head feels like a thousand bees are buzzing inside it. But suddenly, you feel a body next to yours—a very warm body. Your eyes first notice the interior of the apartment, then you turn a bit to see the man stretched out beside you, your head resting near his bicep.

It’s the guy—the only one who approached you yesterday after he noticed the queer pin on your backpack. You try hard to remember his name… Josh? Jace? Oh right! John! Or more precisely—Johnny. That’s how he introduced himself before you forgot all your anxiety and social awkwardness.

You weren’t supposed to see it, but you did: scars under his muscular chest, partly covered by a nice tattoo. Then your eyes move to his arm—it's healed, but the outline is still visible.

Even with your foggy head, you put two and two together and realized this was your first sexual experience not with a cisgender man.

But was it bad? Definitely not. Actually, the opposite—you remembered the euphoria of him dominating you.

Now? Now Johnny looks even cuter than he did last night. His hair is messy, mouth slightly open, and you can feel his warm breath against your skin.

You glance away again, looking at your things in the corner of the room. Scattered, but all still there. Strange to see them not packed...

“Oh, you're awake..? Hope you’re not planning to run away from me too fast... I mean, at least not this morning…”

Johnny’s slightly raspy voice breaks your thoughts. You turn your head slightly, but not fully—because he presses his firm, naked body against your back. His arms wrap around your waist, and his face nestles into your neck as warm kisses burn your skin.

“I don’t think I’m ready to get out of bed for at least ten more minutes…” — you mumble, placing your hand over his.

“Perfect then…” — his voice sounds deeper as his hand moves up to your chest — “Sorry if I was rough… I tried to follow your body language, but still…”

“No, it was great. Really!” — your voice sounds clearer.

“At least tell me you enjoyed it, cutie?”

“Would you believe me if I said it was the best I’ve ever had?”

“Really!?” — a soft laugh comes from his throat as he squeezes you—not too tight, but enough for you to feel his strength and grip.

After a few moments, you notice a pin with the trans flag on his jacket—the same one he wore last night. Apparently, you just didn’t notice it then. But Johnny sees your gaze now.

“Yeah, I’m transgender. And now you’re gonna say it was all bad and you’re leaving?”

“No. Of course not.”

“What do you mean ‘no’? You... you’re not walking out after that?”

“No, I don’t see a problem here, you know…”

“No...” — Johnny repeats after you, like he’s trying to memorize every word — “Didn’t think a cis guy could just… accept the fact a trans man fucked him…”

“Well… I don’t look only at the act itself…”

“Is that a hint I might get more than just one night with this pretty boy?”

“Of course, big boy…”

“Then come on, let’s have some tea or coffee. I wanna hear and see more of you…”

It was just your usual day until you came across an application form for some kind of YouTube video experiment. The idea was that 20 random gay guys would be in one dark room looking for a partner. Since you were a lonely houseplant of a person, you still decided to at least try and send in the application.

And like a miracle, that very evening they called and said the filming would take place in a few days.

Time passed fast enough to get straight to the beginning of the event. You were nervous... a little... okay, not a little. The organizers of the experiment asked everyone to be as much themselves as possible, so the participants could find a match.

When all of you were let into the room, it was dark, but you walked along the wall and somehow ended up near a group of men who were talking, and you just nodded along until a voice from the speakers said: “Raise your hand if you’ve already found someone attractive.” Most raised their hands, but not you.

The next words were: “In the next 5 minutes you can leave, if you realize there’s no one here you might match with.”

Your slightly hunched body pressed against the wall, you heard the others chatting, but not you, you were apart from everyone. You were already deciding to leave when some man came closer — or rather, you felt his breath and the smell of cigarettes.

“Oh, hey boy, I think I can feel your breath on my chest through my shirt... I’m John.” – said the man in his hoarse but somehow warm voice – “Can I touch you, yeah?” – John reached out and touched your shoulder, just to understand where you were.

“I... Y/N...” – you didn’t know what to say, because you were already nervous, and this man, John, had completely ruined your plan to leave the show.

“You’re trembling, are you alright? Or just nervous...? I’m not as rough as I sound, I promise...” – his voice made you feel like melting and somehow at ease in the moment, especially when he gave a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m a bit nervous... what do you do, or what do you like to do?” – you asked this more calmly, still feeling a surge of energy from the man next to you. You couldn’t see his face, but he already seemed kind and sweet just by his voice.

“I’m military, well, ex-military. I guess I’m just looking for someone to simply be close to.”

“Oh, I get what you mean. I’m looking for someone like that too.”

Suddenly a voice said: “If you’re already interested in someone, take their hand.” John hesitated for a second before gently taking your hands in his rough palms.

“Hope you don’t mind...” – said John a bit softer as he leaned just a little closer to your ear to say it.

The lights turned on. You both saw each other’s faces. Seeing yours, Price gave a soft smile — to him, you looked even more beautiful now. His blue eyes seemed to pierce right through you. Everyone stepped back to the wall, you and John did too. He gently held your hand and lightly stroked the back of it with his thumb.

You looked around and saw many other attractive men with other attractive men... but it felt more comfortable and somehow more interesting with John. A few pairs were asked to step into the center and say something to each other...

“So Y/N, I didn’t get to talk to you much, but would you want to continue...” – during all this time, you heard how John's voice was trembling just a little.

“I think you’re interesting too, John... would you like to go on a date?” – you said this more bravely than usual, surprising yourself with your words.

“Of course I would!” – John replied with a bear-like smile.

The man took your hand and led you to the exit of the studio, where they recorded a short interview with you, lasting about two minutes, and then you were free... John invited you to get in his car, and of course, you got in. Though it was strange to go somewhere with a man you’d only known for five minutes.

It looked like he was taking you on a date — which, of course, should’ve been the other way around since you were the one who asked him — but a few moments later you arrived at a quiet part of the waterfront, a bit away from the city, and it was beautiful. He leaned against the hood and took your hand to pull you gently toward him.

“Sorry, I’m just really excited, you’re just too cute to be real...” – his voice trembled again a bit as he rested his head on your shoulder and held you close.

It’s hard to say when exactly you and Kyle started a relationship. At first, it was just some casual chatting online, nothing serious, no obligations. But now it’s been 2… maybe 3 years together. You don’t exactly remember how long, because all your days have blended into a fog of obsessive thoughts. Your whole life has felt like that. Back then, you ran away from your family. your homophobic family. People who didn’t even try to accept you, and not just because of who you love. You had a long list of problems, especially in your head, but you tried to live… though it was more like mentally surviving.

Living with Gaz really was too spontaneous a decision. But he got attached to you because you were the only one who didn’t run off after finding out about his on-and-off home schedule. So he took you in—despite all your doubts about being a "bad partner" or "not deserving to accept this offer."

And now it’s night.

You’re in the bathroom shaving your face while obsessive thoughts chase you again. You accidentally nick your cheek and blood starts dripping. Kyle walks into the bathroom, sleepy at first, but the moment he sees blood on your face, his sleep disappears instantly. He grabs the nearest towel, quickly wets it, and reaches for you, but…

“Don’t touch me,” — your voice turns rough.

‘You don’t deserve him. Look how worried he is, and you still want to act independent even though you live in his home every day.’

“But you’re bleeding.”

“Just forget about it…”

But this time, you didn’t pull away. Kyle pressed the towel to your cheek—and then his warm body leaned against yours. His strong arms wrapped around your waist, and from his lips came slightly heavy, yet gentle words.

“Is something wrong again? I can see it... it’s kind of obvious…”

“It’s just been hard lately… I know it’s even harder for you. You’re in the military and you’re gone for weeks and…”

Kyle cut you off. He wiped the remaining blood and set the towel down.

“Look me in the eyes.”

You hesitated, but eventually looked at him. Your gaze didn’t hold long, quickly darting from one spot on his face to another.

“You’re doing it again. Putting yourself down. It’s not the first time. Maybe you should see a therapist or…”

“I have work. And right now, I want to spend time with you while you’re not working.” — you cut him off the moment he offered help.

“Alright. Maybe… when I leave again?”

“I’ll think about it.”