"do your parents know you're drinking monster?" - My math teacher
Yeah Mrs. They actually buy it for me so uh... Also this ridiculously big thing of candy
All bc my mom is guilty she fucked me over and I'm taking advantage of it!! If I can't get rid of the trauma I might aswell embrace the perks, amirite?
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Synopsis: The Doctor's morals slip further. It's become obvious to him that he needs to develop some actual strategy.
A/n: I'm so sorry it's been another gap in writing...if any of yall are still vibin with it, sound off!! Thanksss (I'm going to try to push more out quicker soon. Again!)
In the car ride home, he calculated. This situation almost was a faltering car crash in itself!
He nearly lost her, and to his own stupid pride!
He spent the entire car ride juggling with his morality. Taking curious little half-peeks into her brain. It seemed a bit past due, this. He finally gave in no small wayâŠ
At one end, they were chattering on. Her mind was racing around in many convergent pathways on the topics brought up. Anything from her probing about various curiosities. And the deep philosophical ranges he would invoke, just to keep her brain in a frenzy. It would be easier to parse down through and pierce. Missy, the Rani and he got top marks at the Academy on a project involving chaos and order in the arts of mind reading. He was stunned by the sheer amount of seemingly superfluous knowledge that she had crammed in there. Even though he knew she was smart, clever and balanced differently than your average human.
At the other, he was searching. Seeing what (y/n) was up to, planning out. Past what she said, what she thought and thought she said and thought. She was still a bit angry and was trying her hardest to let go, and not be jealous. She was fighting naming what she felt for him as love. There was quite the struggle with inner hypocrisy.
One small part of her genuinely was enamored with the thoughts that he chose her. That he seemed truthful that he wanted her to grow old alongside him in his retirement. Whatever that looked like. She was still reeling about the (as stated frequently in her brainâŠ) âFucking ageless alien bitâ.
She had some caveats that she was going to bring up, later, of course. She didnât want to spoil the weekends happy afterglow.
He could feel the choking nature of her holding her tongue in his brain as he went in deeper.
It felt so illicit! He wasnât one to be like this, heâd have to go scream at Missy for this later, but it was freeing. He finally understood the humans and their gossip rags.
âI donât endorse that behavior, but I agree with some of their points.â She admitted, in the real-life conversation. He snapped himself out of her mind.
She never stopped surprising him. Even now, as he held the inter-workings of her brain in his hand. It seemed that sheâd always thwart him and his understandings.
Although, she was very distracted by his physicality, and that would be an advantage to him. She was very docile in that regards. Different from what he could tell went on in her work.
He would have to go down new avenuesâŠ
Or would he? Sheâd already so surrendered herself to the ideas of them.
Heâd have to dwell in that later, maybe after his yelling session at Missy.
A perfect pet to keep on Earth, in her own time and place. Where nothing would ever rip her away from himâŠ
The idea made him giddy.
Utterly addicted to it. Utterly ashamed of it.
Finally back to Bristol, she left and said she had to attend to her studies. Which was fine by him.
He descended into the Vault.
âYour parents were wrong! Iâm not the bad influence, you are!â He entered pointer finger out, jacket fluttering behind him.
âIâd love to know what that high praise is for!â Missy jumped, almost shocked at this outburst.
âIâm out here invading peopleâs minds and rummaging around like itâs a toy chest!â He accused.
âWhatever happened to âHello!â or âHow are you, havenât seen you in months, Missy! Howâs life?â or even âHey, Missy, hereâs a tuba, I know you love âem!â?â
âThat human girlâŠâ He seethed, feeling remorse bubble up.
âAnother ickle girlie dead?â Missy smiled, teeth showing, glinting with a venomous shineâŠ
He felt her start to enter his mind and he let her in. Doors opened and she started sifting through the past months.
âOh! This is too good!â She giggled, her hips swishing in her skirt.
âNaughty boy, Doctor! Youâre tramping up with this girl.â
âWeâre not that different after all! You with yourâŠwhore. Sorry, little Fawn. And me with my twenty-seven nuclear missiles!â
âWhat?â
âOh, back when I was Prime Minister! I bought some missiles from some Russian man and I have them in a garden shed somewhere in Scotland. I forget where.â
Heâd deal with that even later.
His head was physically painful as she didnât take care and do an ounce of discretion as he did to (y/n)âs brain earlier.
âI want to meet her! Please!â She drew out the âpleaseâ and clasped her hands together. âI promise to act cool.â
âOne day, if youâre very good.â
âThe best.â She bowed deeply.
âI always knew youâd loop around to do something like this. Ever since you started palling about with that Jo Grant. Lovely woman. But I knew youâd give in. You always have to have the prettiest companions on your arms. Vain and dirty old man.â
âI was pining for you.â The Doctor confessed.
âAnd I was pining for you, and Jo. Do you have a point?â She confessed back.
âCome on, you were always this close to ascending to god-like levels of delusion. I was the one to hold you back. And I was always going to become what I am. I may be many, many, many levels of crazy. But Iâm honest about itâŠâ .
The Doctor wiped his face.
âYeah, Iâll leave you to this. I need to clear my head. I have work tomorrow. And to meet her.â
Missy just started making kissing noises and wrapping her arms around her body as if she were deep in a loverâs embrace.
The Doctor left the Vault. His brain in a state of chaos that wasnât Missyâs making.
He wasnât above certain things, but he had to remain a hero. Honor Claraâs bit of âBe the Doctorâ. And to keep his reputation up. He felt positively furtive.
This wasnât going to be an easy option. Dealing with Daleks? A walk in the park compared to his morals disintegrating around him over his attraction to a human woman.
Could he still be the Doctor? And be Professor Smith to her and others?
Why had this foresight not come to him as he and Nardole started this little façadeâŠ
He never thought heâd fall for another human again.
Stupid him.
Idiot Doctor.
Humans were always worming their way into his hearts.
It was inevitableâŠ
He went to his office to prepare for the week.
He missed the smell of cigarette smoke and her sweat.
He hated the scent, but it reminded him of his fawn. He chose his pet name for her wellâŠ
The lone wolf that would pursue the separated fawn.
Very good metaphors.
He had his legitimate tutoring of her tomorrow, however. How could he leverage this? Make her further buckle into himâŠ
What a sweet sin.
Her desire for him.
He recognized his unhealthy veering into base, carnal feelings. Haunting him.
The images of Earthâs own myths of fallen angels danced in his mind.
Was he a fallen angel here? Or was she?
He certainly was falling as an hero. The ethical moor of the universe.
Retiring from interstellar heroics and focusing on his dearest best enemy. Now he was leading a young woman into his web of interest.
Selfish.
Infinitely soâŠ
Hadnât he deserved it? Deserved it all.
He was the universeâs slave for a truly insane amount of years.
He was (to borrow a phraseâŠ) the Master of His Own Fate. It was his birth right, not only as a Time Lord, but as the ultimate survivor of every wound the Time War had brought out. The savior and destroyer of all of creation.
He was owed this.
The Doctor was now demanding this.
Zero compromises. Even if that was bad opticsâŠ
His thoughts became a lust-filled power trip.
He taught his classes and set up his office for tutoring. He was unwilling to part with pretense. Of course, heâd educate her! It was her right! She paid for it!
But the trapâŠ
The glimmering trap of self.
The uneasy shift in morality turned over in his brain like a carâs engine on a frosty day.
How deep was he actually willing to go, to not only have his selfish needs taken care of? How much of a betrayal of self and his past would he commit to? Could he?
And herâŠprecious herâŠmostly unaware of how much fire she was playing with.
He got her a coffee just as she liked and set up the office, he let the bright light of the Spring day stream in through the windows.
After some deliberation, he took the huge tapestry off where he tucked his TARDIS.
âSorry, old girl. Maybe one day youâll get a chanceâŠâ He muttered, stroking the wood of the door, lightly brushing the lock.
He felt unworthy to stand in itâs unveiled presence, but it would help the game shiftâŠ
She came in, all plain clothes and awkward grace. Herself at her core.
Today, she was overzealous with her perfume and looked beyond tired.
He didnât probe her mind.
âIâm assuming thatâs your ship.â She stated, a look that could be easily misconceived flashed across her face.
âVintage.â She described it aptly.
âIn an effort of truthfulnessâŠIâm showing you it.â He explained, approaching her slowly, coffee in hand extended.
She took it and followed with a large sip.
âIâm assuming itâs got some cloaking thing, I donât knowâŠlike Star Trek or something?â She observed. âNot well, of course, but heyâŠwe canât really expect TV show-level perfection.â
He nodded.
He went for a half-truthful flattererâs route. âOn the ticket. So many are shocked and confused.â
She shrugged and sucked her teeth against her lips. âIâve got fuck-all to do sometimes soâŠâ
âTerms coming to an end soon, want to discuss the last of the notes and my lectures before exams? OrâŠâ He alluded.
âOh, yeah. No special treatment here, thanks. I need help.â She made a motion of a non-committal nature with her free hand as she placed the coffee down and unhindered herself from her hoodie and bagâŠ
And they were off, talking about it all and the lessons of the course. She was apparently very determined to get by on her skills. Not wanting any of the favoritism that shtupping the teacher could have brought her marksâŠ
Her sliding scale of morals amused him.
It was oddly complimentary.
It added layers to this little game she didnât know she was playing.
âSome weekend, huh?â She said as time was beginning to run out. The awkward, reassuring smile and slouched body language completely opposite to her showy presentation on Saturday night.
âNot at all my plans.â
âYeah, I could tell.â The shaky little half-chortle echoed across the room. She went to go chew on a hang nail. He gently removed her thumb from her mouth before she could bite the aggrieved area.
âI like Petronella. Sheâs a great person. Sheâs coming up to visit me over the summer holiday. And vice versa.â
âMeet me here tonight. More truthfulnessâŠâ He offered, a dangerous idea flickering into his brain and coming out of his mouth before he could control himself.
He have to project his messages to Missy at a mental scream all day. Give her guidelinesâŠpromising her the tuba she so desperately wanted. Itâd probably be just as hefty an annoyance as her piano.
âAt what time? And what?â She pushed.
âOh, youâll see⊠how about nine PM?â
She gave a little nod of her head.
They broke the meeting with a kiss.
He went off to teach, sending Missy the message and threats of many lifetimesâŠ
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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