#yououui

Fai turns to run and Kurogane reaches out to stop him. Fai’s confession is still sinking in, but there’s an ache in Kurogane’s heart because he knows what he heard and he knows what Fai meant by it. Fai does not plan on surviving this journey and Kurogane has to make it clear he will not let that happen, he can’t let that happen.

He doesn’t let go when Fai tries to jerk his arm away. He’s got a firm hold, but he’s careful not to hurt Fai with his grip. He doesn’t want to make this worse, but he cannot just leave that truth unaddressed between them.

“Kuro-sama, let me go,” Fai says. His face is turned away and his hair is blocking his eyes, making it difficult to read his expression. He sounds desperate. 

“No, I’m not going to let you just run away from this,” Kurogane says. Too much was said, he can’t ignore it.

“Why? Fai asks, turning to face Kurogane. His voice is annoyed but his face is still filled with fear. “What does it matter to you?”

Kurogane is speaking before he can even try to stop himself, words falling from his lips as if they were things he said every day and not something he’d kept to himself.

“Because I’m distressingly in love with you. I want you to be safe and happy, and I’d do anything to make that happen,” Kurogane says. Every single word is true. He’s known this for a while, has promised himself he would protect Fai. Gods help he loves this man and Kurogane is at such a loss of what to do about that. “I’d do anything for you.”

There’s a pregnant pause between them once Kurogane stops speaking. He knows he looks shocked, and in a way he is. Kurogane never meant to say any of those things until he thought Fai wanted to hear them. Now is not when he should have confessed himself to Fai, but it’s out now, and Kurogane will just have to work with that.

Fai is pale and his eyes are impossibly wide. He’s looking at Kurogane with a mix of terror and awe that has Kurogane’s heart racing in his chest. Neither of them have moved when Fai finally speaks. “Then let me go.”

As Kurogane’s fingers loosen on Fai’s arm the door to their little hotel room opens and the kids come in from their hunt for the feather, banking on the honesty of this world to help ease their way. Fai retreats to the bathroom, the only sectioned off area and closes the door behind him with a shattering kind of finality. This world has frayed something between them and Kurogane bites back a curse as he turns his attention to his children.

Kurogane was thinking of it more and more as time went on. Tomoyo was the only one alive who knew his true name, and it was because he had vowed his body to her, to be her servant and her protector. He felt like he would betray the vow he made to her if he told another his real name.

But to Fai, he had promised so much more. He had promised all of himself, his body, soul, and mind and anything else he could possibly offer. Kurogane felt like he betrayed Fai by not telling his name just as much as he would betray Tomoyo by telling him.

He wished that Tomoyo could contact him through a dream, that she could recognize his distress and he could ask for her permission. But choosing to tell Fai his real name seemed unfair to Fai. Kurogane was sure that if they had not seen Fai’s past, Fai would never have willingly given up his true name to them. So why did Kurogane get that luxury?

Kurogane decided that he would tell Fai in the next world that had snow. They had landed in warm worlds again and again, and Fai didn’t like the sticky heat. When they were in a cold world, one where Fai felt comfortable, then he would tell him.

It took a couple of worlds, but they eventually landed in a world just like that. It wasn’t as harsh as Celes, but snow stuck to the ground and ice hung from roofs. Fai and Mokona threw snowballs at each other (and at Kurogane) while Syaoran studied, and Fai made them all coffee and tea and hot chocolate to warm their hands and he was an expert at lighting a fire.

He seemed happy. Kurogane thought that this would be the perfect time to tell him.

Kurogane woke up during their second night there to half an empty bed, and so he got up and went searching for the elusive blond. He found him standing outside, staring up at the sky as the snow fell slowly. He was bundled up in his blue undercoat from Celes and a scarf that Sakura had given him the last time they visited Clow. 

“Kuro-sama, come join me,” Fai said without turning to look at Kurogane. “The moon is so bright, it makes the snow beautiful.”

Kurogane walked closer to Fai and stood next to him, looking up at the sky. This world didn’t have many lights, so the stars that were able to peek through the clouds were especially bright.

“I have something to tell you,” Kurogane said.

“Go ahead,” Fai said after a moment of hesitation.

Kurogane looked at Fai, and saw that the blond was not looking back, and he was frowning and his eyes held worry. “Relax,” Kurogane said, making Fai look at him. “It’s nothing bad.”

Kurogane could see Fai relax and he smiled a bit. “What, then? You seem awfully serious, Kuro-sama.”

“That name,” Kurogane said. “All those nicknames. Anytime I told you to call you by my real name... well...”

“I know, I know, you were lying to keep your reputation,” Fai said with a grin. “I know you really love my many names for you.”

Kurogane shook his head, and Fai frowned when Kurogane didn’t smile at his teasing. “No, it’s not that. It’s that... Kurogane isn’t my real name, either.”

Fai’s eyes widened, and it took him a moment to speak. “What do you mean...?”

“Kurogane is the name of my grandfather,” Kurogane explained. “My father told stories about him to me, since he died before I was born. When my parents died, I wanted to leave behind the painful memories my name brought, since only my parents called me by that name. So I began going by Kurogane.”

“So then... Are you going to tell me your real name?” Fai asked very quietly.

“Only Tomoyo knows my true name,” Kurogane said. “When I became a ninja, I took a vow. I vowed my body and strength to her, I promised it with my true name.”

“I see...” Fai said, looking down. Kurogane reached out and placed his finger under Fai’s chin, tipping his head back up. 

“But to you, I promise my everything,” Kurogane said, and Fai’s eyes went wide and sparkled with unshed tears. “I vow to you, and only you, my mind and my soul. I vow it under my true name... Youou.”

“Youou...” Fai whispered, testing the name on his lips.

Kurogane pulled Fai closer and smiled. “Yuui.”

Fai smiled and leaned up to press a kiss to Kurogane’s expecting lips. “You know,” Fai said as he pulled away. “Youou is very hard to make a nickname out of.”

Kurogane scoffed and shook his head, but still smiled. “Idiot. It’s a good thing that maybe now you know a name that you can’t butcher.”

“Oh You-kun, that’s not nice,” Fai said teasingly.

Fai kissed Kurogane before the taller man could retort, and then wrapped his arms around him and pressed their bodies together, resting his head against Kurogane’s chest.