#youngjiminez

Going Crazy - Natalie ( THROWBACK ) 

Months, Adrian... Months is too long for you to be gone. I never knew the outcome of me getting over it and moving on would be so hard yet, now I thought about it, it felt so easy. But, whenever I think back on everything we talked about and everything that we would be all hyper about seems to still be there as if it just happened a couple of hours ago, or if it was just yesterday you told me goodnight... Cause, goodnight was the last thing you told me... I remember when you would talk shit about the people who annoy the hell out of you or when guys try to get at you and you don't even know them, and you would tell me what you guys were talking about... *sighh.. I tried to come to see you that day, when Tim blogged about you dying.. I really didn't wanna believe what was happening. And I'm sorry I wasn't strong for you, I was so weak I couldn't help but cry that day... I miss you, big booty bitch.. <3 You know that right.. ? I miss you so much, that I just wanna beg god to let you down for a couple of hours, and tell you so many things. But, Highly doubt that'll happen. I just wanna say thank you so much for watching me from up there. Thank you for guiding me for something that made me stronger, Jess and Jake. Thank you for guiding me to both of them all at the same time... You're one of a kind, BestF... You always will. I love you bestfriend, I forever will. I'll see you in my after life, I'll see you when I get up there.. *MUAH. 

Today's just a good day. A really good day, & i'm happy he got in at the right time. Right when I needed him, he came through. <3 *Sigh. Yet, he has to leave again. But, I know I ain't forgotten. Neither am I left, 'cause he's right around somewhere. So, as long as I know he's okay. I'll be okay. <3 Alright, I'm out. Goodnight. Sweetdreams, everyone. 

I wish that everything would go back to normal. Those days where I would fight sleep, and just talk to you til 7 in the morning. Sing to each other, and just laugh all night til the sun comes up. I wish that the things that we used to do, can happen again. Like, how we would always keep in touch, and when I get home, you'd be there waiting for me. Waiting til I say, " BAAAABBBE!! " Or " Hi, BHEBHE KO. <3 " Those days where I would give you kisses, and everything would be okay... I wish that everything would be as simple as a kiss. 

I’m sorry that I’m never around, I know that you feel worried, isolated, scared and you’re missing me etc, but, I tell you this I feel it all too, and everyday that goes by, and i don’t get to talk to you, it makes me hurt because my day is just not complete without a simple “hey babe” from you, all the money in the world, don’t mean shit without you, and I know that what I’m doing is wrong, ad truth is, being here is numbing me more, I lost all passion and love for everything… everything besides you. I’m not asking you to wait for me, I promised you happiness and I just can’t keep you happy, I mean, when i’m around then sure you’re happy but every moment we don’t talk I’m always wondering if you’re okay, what you’re thinking, if you’re smiling or laughing or being a depressed pussy, but just know that all the stupid shit I do that’s only because it’s what i’ve grown up as, and it’s all I know, it distracts me from the pain that i gotta deal with when I do lay my head to sleep, that’s why I tell you I don’t sleep. And what i do with my cash is not what you think, I’m supporting a child and a young mother also, I’m paying off some debt that I owe and I’m looking out for everyone else. Don’t get it twisted, but I love you, I just want you happy and if i can’t give it to you right now… I understand but my love will only grow and you know what, it won’t hurt me if you decide to end it i mean, it’s my fault, and remember what I told you? “You’re my now and later” therefore, if i can’t make you happy now, it’s okay because as time progresses it will get to the right time. I just want what’s best for you, it kills me to know that I’m out on the street while you at home waiting on me, missing me and shit, *sigh. You’re the realest thing I’ve ever felt. You’re like, the song that plays in my heart, yeah cheesy i know but that’s how i feel, and right now we’re experiencing pain and I’m doin everything I can, I really am, everday I’m strugglin and I gotta do what I gotta do and I’m sorry for everything , I’m so stupid because I know the cause of the problem but I just ca’t fix it *sigh I miss you like crazy, makes me upset. I love you, never forget that.

It's true... When you love someone so much it's gonna start hurting later on when bad things come in between love. It hurts when you know the person you love is leaving for awhile. The communication is broken, we don't see each other, we're fading away very slowly. This isn't a relationship anymore. It's a relationshit. And I can't take it anymore. I ask myself if I'm happy, and I said I am happy. But, happy when you're around. What happens when you aren't? I'M LONELY. I'm scared, I have no confidence, I feel isolated. And I don't wanna feel like that, neither do you want me feeling like that. I just wish you knew that you are my happiness. I cried to people, I cried to god, And I cried in front of Adrian. I begged for him and god to bring you home. I guess you weren't listening... Now everything is just complicated. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO LEAVE, you can't ask your " homies " if they can give you more time to talk to me about what might happen in a couple months, if you're gonna be high everyday, get in fights everyday, don't eat everyday, get money and waste it on drugs, etc,. You can't tell me you love me, & leave. It's not right anymore... EVERYTHING IS ALL BAD AND WRONG. & I don't think you see that. YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE. I don't even think you realize that this relationship is almost close to being done. Yet, you know what I'm still doing? I'M TRYING TO FIX THIS SHIT. AND YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME CAUSE, YOU KEEP LEAVING! & It's hard cause you're in New York now. If you were still in the bay, I WOULDA BEEN THERE TO GET YOU. But, NO. I CAN'T!!!! I can't do ANYTHINGGGG!!!! & It's making me frustrated and mad at the world. I'm taking my anger out on my family, because I can't take it out on you. WHY?! Because, I have no way of talking to you. I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING SEE YOU. NOT EVEN FOR A FUCKING SECOND. A FUCKING SECOND. And I'm trying... I really am...