#youareweak

It’s so easy to rely on someone else for your happiness when you have been sad for so long. You meet someone and make yourself believe that he is good enough, that he cares, that you matter. And see that’s the problem. You make yourself believe all these lies that deep down you know aren’t true. You know he won’t stick around and you know it isn’t real. Yet the smallest possibility of you being wrong, of him actually being able to replace the sadness unfolding from deep within is worth the risk. So you go along with it. You blush when he tells you you’re beautiful and you kiss him when he leans in. You even let his hands wander through your body because well, he’s telling you everything you don’t tell yourself and you’re foolishly buying it. He kisses you. You kiss him back. Your lips are present but your mind is not. There’s a feeling of nervousness, insecurity, doubt. It takes time for you to realize it is fear. You pull away. You don’t know him. You feel out of control. He doesn’t know you. He has no idea how delicate you are. How with just one blow all your mended pieces could scatter in a thousand different directions and once that happens, he doesn’t know the fear you have of not being able to find them all, of not being able to put yourself back together. And so you stop. You panic. You ask him if he’s a good person. It sounds childish and stupid as soon as it comes out of your mouth. But you ask him again and again. He laughs and then swears he is, he brags about his good grades and modest language and somehow he manages to convince you that he will do you no harm and bring you no pain, that he cares. You are stupid. You are being played and you are incapable of noticing. He’s ripping you apart shred by shred, and you are busy trying to please him. Open your fucking eyes. You could walk away right now. You could choose to leave before he leaves you. But you don’t because you need him. You need his affection, you need his warmth, you need to hear his lies even if you don’t believe them, you need to feel wanted, you want to feel wanted. 

So you stay. You stay because you are weak.

             DEVILS? 

I feel like all the gay people I follow, follow each other, cause you keep reblogging each other all the time

Yeah thats pretty gay