Back at things again y’all.Â
I’m gonna be blunt. I had to re-live some old trauma recently, and it had me down. I literally had a week where I could barely feel emotion, my memories felt like they weren’t mine, or that they were far away, it was bad. To make matters worse, I had to keep it to myself, because I live in a situation where mentioning episodes of dissociation/derealization just causes more issues.Â
And what has come from all this? Over that time, I barely had any bouts of depression, although one of the few things I could feel was anxiety. And now my depression is hitting again, full-force. I wish I could say that I’m getting better, but I’m not. As much as I try to inspire y’all, I’m really not good at taking my own advice.Â
That being said, today is a really important day to me. I don’t know how many of y’all know, but it’s national suicide awareness day. I’ve had several friends in my life who are suicidal. And I’ll admit, as hard as it is to say, that I am too. I’m doing OK for right now, and I’m honestly ecstatic that I’ve made it this far, farther than I ever could have dreamed. And I’m here partially in thanks to the several amazing friends I’ve made online.Â
My one point is, IRL I don’t have many people who know exactly how I feel. And it’s scary. And I don’t want anyone to have to go through that. So please, if you are one of those people like me, I’m begging you to seek help. Take that step, I know it seems scary now, but in the long run it will be worth it, and you deserve to feel like you’re worth it.Â
And if you’re not suicidal, but you know people who are? Or people that are depressed and at risk? Please, keep in touch with them. Don’t ignore the signs. Too often, people wish they could have seen it coming, even though the signs were right there. Too often, people don’t seem to care. Please, don’t let us become just another casualty in this wave of suicide. Listen to our voices, or reach out to us first, because we really, truly need it.Â
So hun? please, be strong. I know things might be looking down, but just keep your head up and keep going. You’ll find a good place someday, I promise.