#yolbabble

i wish i had all the time in the world. even though, in a way, i do. i have spent the last 8 (eight) hours behind my comptuter screen watching entertaining, yet meaningless videos on youtube. all the while i tell my friends i cant hang out because im working on my uni application.

university application... yeah im applying to uni already. i spent the last 3 (three) years of my life in college. and only by the end of it did i truly start to have fun. not that the firsts few college sessions werent pleasant. just that i found things that i love doing only now. and next year ill have moved on. like how you get a new cat after your old cat you had with you for 16 years passed away, leaving nothing but a framed photo and happy memories. and how you never toss out old artbooks keeping a fond memories of these ancient doodles. so what i just leave this new thing behind? yeah.

ill find other stuff someplace else. something similar, or something brand new. but the future isnt so sure. because i still havent finished my application. and the limit is march 10th. but im stuck on youtube. as always.

sometimes i tell myself that a permanent state of now is what i crave, as seen in 17776, but what if i really had all of eternity to do what i pleased? id just do it tommorow wouldnt i? then why dont i want to do it now either? the deadline is clear, and approaching rapidly. well if there is an end to what i do, if there is an end to everything, why do anything?

because what else is there to be done? you only live once, and you want to spend that time doing nothing? i wanna spend that time watching youtube videos? nah. hell naw even. i wanna live. i wanna do stuff, i wanna make animation, i wanna build a bench, heck i wanna build two benches. i wanna write a book, i wanna draw, paint, travel, taste, touch, explore... i wanna live.

but with everything there are steps to take to do things, you need to practice to make the drawings you want, you need nails to build the bench you drew, and i need to finish my portfolio to get into university. you need to live,,, to live.

i dont know where im going with this, im tired stressed and i watched 1 (one) philosophical video about the meaning of minecraft and how, like everything, life is meaningless and were all going to die.