#yike!

maaan i gotta process some Feelings.

i feel????? embarrassed/uneasy/pathetic about the fact that i want my hypothetical/eventual life partner to be someone who's happy to ~take care~ of their spouse who works mostly within the home.

but the reason i feel shitty about it isn't because i think there's anything bad about being a stay-at-home spouse.

it's because i cant shake the idea that the only kind of man who'd want to take care of a stay-at-home spouse is one who's misogynistic under the guise of ~old fashioned values.~

bc like, in terms of what i want my partners values to be, i obviously want someone who's firmly in favor of basic feminist ideologies. i want someone who doesn't feel threatened by intelligent women. i want someone who doesn't expect to be obeyed just because he's a man. i want someone who wouldn't be bothered if their wife/girlfriend earned more money than him, or went to a better college, or got a more advanced degree. i want someone who knows that there is no single "place" where women "belong," and that there is no such thing as "women's work." i want someone who wouldn't feel any strong feelings whatsoever about his wife dressing ~sexy~ in public where Other Men might see her.

and i ALSO want this hypothetical husband to be not just willing, but eager to provide for a wife who mostly stays home to maintain the household, and only occasionally works outside the home on a part-time or freelance basis.

i want somebody that would feel proud of being able to support his wife in a way that gives her an enjoyable quality of life. i don't want him to just ~be okay~ with it. i want somebody who WANTS a wife who wants to stay home.

but i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like most men who aren't misogynistic assholes in that way, are also men who specifically prefer women who are independent and career-minded.

and idk man i just??? feel so pathetic at the thought that men who support feminist values might look down on me and/or disqualify me as a potential partner because they think i'm too weak and too needy.

:( i mean i haven't actually experienced anything that would justify my fear lmao so im working myself into a tizzy for no good reason.

there’s someone in my film program who talked to me AT LENGTH about how much she liked s4 and i just had to stand there and not. make faces. it was. the most difficult trial of my life