notice how he doesn't make himself smaller when walking alone anymore
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notice how he doesn't make himself smaller when walking alone anymore

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its funny, robby thinks, how dennis has changed so fundamentally his view of his bed and his bedroom. he used to dread it, feel it sink like lead into his veins, holding him down.
now he lays in bed in the morning watching the sun catch dennis's hair and make it golden and glowing as he snuggles into the older man. dennis's presence in his life and in his bed gives robby the first urge he's had in years to ask for five more minutes before the alarm so he can stay in this shimmering, cozy moment.
he now stays in bed for hours on his days off- and for the first time it's not because he's too depressed to lift a finger, let alone sit up. he's not rotting away under his sheets because of a soul-crushing exhaustion and pain he can't beat anymore, he's cuddling closer to the younger man under the fresh covers next to him to give him a kiss, because there isn't anything he wants more than spend the day with their beating hearts pressed together.
robby's bed isn't a place of isolation and stagnation anymore, and the TV in the corner doesn't play all night. there are bright flowers and odd trinkets on the stand now, instead of weeks of unwashed dishes and rubbish. his bed doesn't feel like defeat and his room isn't a prison- now it's a place full of love and laughter and sex, a place where he's smiled more in the last six months than in the last six years.
he knows it's not possible, but he feels like the window lets more light in now, and the breeze is cleaner, soft on his skin where it used to bite. dennis has four freckles on his back. robby knows this because the bed he used to sob in now houses two laughing men who kiss each other all over and count these things for fun.
they paint the walls together that spring, and robby picks out a blue that matches dennis's eyes.
God the unbecoming, the unraveling of a lifetime of shit that’s not yours, the process of coming back to yourself is so fucking painful. Keep going. You’re doing great.
You are not trying to find yourself. You were never lost. It’s a slow rememberance, a coming home of who you really are before the world told you who you should be. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of you too. Yes this is a snz blog. Yes this isn’t sneeze. Just a place of thoughts. I love you. I want nothing more from me, from you, other than to be authentic.
I love William Solace so much.
That’s my boy.

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Do you prefer to take charge or let someone else take charge? What would each of those situations look like for you?
I generally prefer to take charge, but I’m not opposed to letting someone else handle the reigns if they want.
You meant sexually, right?
will being asked about how it been to get to watch and enjoy olympic hockey as a fan since he doesn’t get to watch hockey much during a regular season
“ …it’s been a super good event”
“i’ve been watching all of the events…”
“it’s cool to keep up and keep up with the usa.”
my eyes rolled back so far i almost saw my brain.