Alexei: Get in, loser, we're commuting vehicular manslaughter!

———

Alexei, looking at a map: It’s a barren, featureless wasteland out there, isn't it?

Yelena: Other side, Alexei...

———

Bucky: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.

Alexei: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

———

Yelena: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than John.

———

Alexei, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Yelena: A family.

John: A better love life.

Bob: Mental stability.

Ava: *clueless* Bagels?

———

Bob: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Yelena: No.

John: I did not.

Ava: I may have actually forgotten one.

Alexei: Also no.

Bob: Oh good, neither did I.

Bucky: *Exhausted sigh*

———

John: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Bob: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

John: I said within reason, Bob. How about I murder that guy?

Bob: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

John: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

———

Yelena: I haven’t slept in 72 hours…

Alexei: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia king!

Bob: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100.

Ava: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

———

Ava: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Bob. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Bob!

John: Nope.

Ava: In that case, as the archbishop of John's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Bob right on the lips!!!

———

John: Life could be worse, Bob.

Bob: Life could be a lot better too!

———

John: I asked Bob out.

Bucky: Oh, I’m sorry.

John: Why?

Bucky: Well, I assume they said no.

John: No, they said yes.

Bucky: Really? Then I’m sorry for them.

———

Ava: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Yelena: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Bob: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

John: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Alexei: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Bucky: I have emotional scars.

———

Bob: Stop saving the world and get a hobby.

———

Ava: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Yelena: You always act stupid.

Yelena:

Yelena: Wait...

———

Bucky: Hi, I'm Bucky, and only you can prevent forest fires... seriously, it has to be you. I'm sure as hell not gonna do it.

———

Alexei: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?