General tarot reading disclaimer: Readings are for self-care & entertainment purposes ✨ This is a general tarot reading so only take what resonates and leave the rest of the messages for others! 🧡 Nothing is set in stone, you create your own future!

If you pick…

Pink Frog 💓

just reflected on my year and here is a very brief run through

Content consumption: I wanted to read/watch 12 things one a month and I got 15/12 books and 10(.5) shows/movies in which, though most of the books were actually short Lovecraft stories I think they count regardless and I had a good time finding new content. Also listened to new music and that is 27 new playlists this year because it is my coping mechanism

Writing: very proud that I managed to write about 15k+ words this year as I wrote a lot more spontaneously and used it as an outlet for my emotions which is a winwin. Glad that I removed the mindset of having to write some big project for it to be writing and instead now have just a bunch of short pieces here and there which I am rather proud of

Fitness/health: Better this year, I ran 169km and kind of consistently worked out, went to the gym when I still had access to it. Kind of slacking off since As but I will get back.

In terms of less tangible things like social i think i did a lot better this year, I opened up more to others and stopped sacrificing social life, and that has brought me a lot of joy and meaning. I got close to my soccer team during competition season during the first half of the year, and then making new friends in class, people who last year I would not have thought would be some of my closest friends and most important people in my life today. Perhaps as a whole having a better senseo fmyself from last year also let me be a better friend and better person and go into my social life with greater openness.

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

When 2017 came around, I expected it to be hard. Even then, I felt like I wasn’t all that prepared for just how rotten the trash in Washington was going to weigh on me. 

TL:DR - I’m sorry to everyone that I fell off the face of the earth in a lot of ways. Or if you reached out and I was half hearted in responses. I’ve really been wrapped up in my own stuff. 

2016 had a lot of ups and downs for me but i’d like to think i’m stronger and wiser because of it, so bring it 2017!!!

Feeling dissatisfied, sad, low and other negative emotions is very normal. Most times you won’t even know why you’re suddenly feeling this way when just a while ago you were having pretty much a good day. It’s okay to feel such feelings and it’s okay to not know why. The important thing to remember is to not have feelings about your feelings. Why am I feeling sad! I’m such a loser! NO. Feel what you want. But please, don’t have feelings about your feelings. 

It’s good to stop and reflect on your life, on what you’re doing and is it what you want going ahead. I think that’s important. But being introspective about every action and thought, of every day and of every interaction with a person is the way to make yourself a. Go crazy and b. Lead a life of inaction. So don’t. Don’t take everything so seriously. Don’t take yourself seriously. I don’t mean this in a ‘do whatever. fuck life. YOLO. let’s be a narcissistic asshole’ sort of a way. But in a let’s be more in the moment, let a little loose and let things happen. And don’t put emotions into every tiny thing.

When shitty people behave shitty, mean people pass mean comments, friends who are always late are late...why do you get so worked up and frustrated? They are just being consistent with their personality.

You’re young so stop feeling burdened and like you have to settle. Whether it comes to people, work or who you are. Sure, maybe you will only live another 30 years. But even that’s really long to live a life that doesn’t satisfy you, right? I know sometimes quitting a job that sucks the life out of you is not a practical choice, but what if it is? Right now your expenses are not even 10% of what they will be when you’re 25 and out of your parents’ home. So walk out now so that you don’t later find yourself in a place you don’t like but still have to continue staying there because #responsibilities.

If the guy you’re on a date with says stupid things, you don’t have to throw water on his face and walk out but you sure as hell don’t have to go back and reply to his texts. She may be your only friend but if you don’t have fun with her then stop making plans with her. It’s only when you say no to things and people that don’t make you feel like ‘yes, I can be myself’ and ‘yes, this is exactly what I want, I feel so grateful’, that you will have the time, energy or perspective to find the things and people that actually make you feel that way.

The sky. Oh my god, the sky. It's the most brilliant thing that we mortals are blessed with. It's constant in its presence but never consistent in its form. It's art and it never once seeks our validation. It's beyond our reach but above us in a guiding sort of a way. And I don't say this to mean the north star or whatever. I mean, every time you felt dissatisfied with life - others and yourself - you looked up, no matter the time, and you felt a sense of calm and wonder.

This phase after graduation is so liberating and confusing. It’s like you spend so much of your life with everyone telling you what to do and then you forget that beyond an age and after a point those are only suggestions, even if aggressive, and that it’s you. It’s you who makes the call. Because it’s you who has to bear the consequences. And that everyone is living their own life. And no, you don’t know how to do this. I’ll tell you a secret…they don’t either. And you know why that’s okay? Because this is only your first life. How are you expected to know everything? But at least you know this – it’s your life.

1. Surround yourself with quality people. People who introduce you to things and enrich your life and perspectives and show you different paths and things. Because you do that for most people in your life and they don’t. With them, it just feels like you’re breathing the same stale air over and over and over again. And you deserve a breath of fresh air. Damn. You deserve a whole universe full of fresh air. Seek it out. That also means baby steps out of your comfort zone.

2. Use excel sheets because they are a god-sent organisation tool. They are also way more accessible and unlike your million journals, they stay in one place.

3. “When you set boundaries, people are going to push them. If you let them, then those aren’t boundaries. They are mere suggestions.” A quote you came across on Tumblr and it’s true. People will always test your boundaries and you have to stand your ground and be assertive. Because people will always push and push and push – more often than not your interests are opposite and people don’t give a fuck about being fair, kind or considerate. Remember that in job/salary negotiations, especially.

4. Keep those you’ve asked to leave out. They will never come back with good intentions or a whole heart. Because there was a reason you decided to shut the door on them. Seasons may change, years may pass, people may die – but there’s no reason to let bitches back into your life. Not even for a random conversation or a birthday text or a curiosity meet up. Nope. No can dosville babydoll. No can do.

5. Reach out. When you’re feeling low or sad and you don’t even know why just reach out. It doesn’t have to be to your friends or loved ones. Because they get worried too easily and ask too many questions and you can’t even articulate it for yourself and perhaps it’s just a passing thing. So reach out to your community. Not to talk about how you feel but to spend time and indulge. Talk to the old woman in your neighbourhood who always smiles at you. Speak to those sweet people on tumblr who always support your work. Meet that friend from school who always wants to catch up. See, you don’t have to pour out your heart to them. You just have to get out of your rabbit hole and let the sun shine on you.

6. As your friend said, don’t be satisfied with the fact that you have a goal. No, be dissatisfied that you haven’t achieved it yet. That’s what’s going to get you to work towards it. And he didn’t mean it in a “kill yourself by overworking to achieve it” sort of a way. But a “at least take one step towards it daily” sort of way. So do it. Take one step a day towards your goal.

7. There are a lot of things you need to do and want to do. And you’ll do them. All in good time. Right now, however, your body is screaming out to you. You’ve, out of no malicious intentions, fucked it up. Not beyond repair. You can definitely fix it, help it. But it’s going to take some time and a lot more dedicated energy and focus. Other things like your post-grad and your career and your writing…it’s all-important. But without this – your body, your health – all of that is useless. You can’t take off until you have built the runway. And yes, at some point you had your runway built. And then like some giant monster out of a Powerpuff Girls episode you stomped all over it and cracked it in a minute. Now, you have calmed down. So now you must fix it. You must fix your runway. That’s your first and foremost goal. Just remember that.

8. I know for a very long time you thought you don’t care about people and society. But fuck. My love, you do. You really, really, really thought that you didn’t but you do. Every time you try to defend what you believe in. Every time you use disclaimers when you’re speaking. Every time you’re horrified at the kind of things other people say. Every time you do or don’t do something like over-explain yourself about the tiniest of things…you just prove that you care. Too deeply. No, don’t be cross with yourself. It’s okay. But what I want you to remember is less explaining to and talking to people who don’t matter about things that matter. Please, okay?

9. When you want to adopt a new habit or try something out, don’t say you’ll do it every day. Please don’t. You know you won’t. Why put that kind of unnecessary and unrealistic pressure on yourself? Want to write in a gratitude journal? Do it weekly or monthly. Maybe it’s a phase where you realize you need to be more grateful than before so maybe for those three weeks, write in it twice per week. Because when you’re setting such goals, you’re thinking of it in isolation and now in the context of the ten thousand other such goals and habits you’ve already burdened yourself with.

10. Let yourself let him go. Not because what he did can be forgiven or justified. Not because other people ask you to stop feeling like the victim. Because you were. And that impacted you way too strongly to consider the stupid things stupid people say. But because you were the victim, you aren’t right now and you don’t have to continue feeling like it. Because that just means letting him have that power over you even now. And that’s the last thing you want, right? So let yourself let him go. It will be okay. A promise I am making because I know I will keep it.