#yeah. so.

— FRACTURED GLASS

no amount of orchestrated class is ever going to hide the fact that you’re doomed to be alone. you’re a puppet, you’re a weapon, but most importantly? you’re a fraud. your facade isn’t malicious, but that doesn’t change a thing. everything in your life is in your control now, and you chose to let yourself become stiff and distant. you’re guilty of everything you blame yourself for, and your misfortune is the fault of nobody but yourself. your selfish nature forges you into a man-made monster, so quick to blame and so desperate to escape consequence. i hope that you can become someone you’re proud of soon.

— SPUN GOSSAMER

the easiest thing to do is stay quiet when something’s up. you’re not bothered, and you know what? you shouldn’t be! it’s none of your business, even when it’s entirely your business. it’s difficult (read: impossible) to tell if your cheery demeanor is a cover-up for something sadder, or if it’s simply your natural state of mind. you see a lot of things: people coming through town, people leaving the house and never coming back, lies and deceit of the highest degree. what happened to you? will you ever be that kid again? your presence smells like cotton candy, and your fingertips sparkle like stars. whatever white rabbit you’re chasing isn’t going to lead you to wonderland if you don’t start reaching out when you’re not feeling okay.

— ANIMAL INTUITION

loyalty is the saint you pray to. if you ever were stabbed in the back by your beloved, you'd probably apologize. to your enemies, you're fierce. to your allies, even fiercer. you cultivate a thick inner circle built on promises and devotion, fit only for the best of the best. it's impossible for most to even begin to dissect the type of person you are, owing to your unbreakable emotional walls and confusing philosophies. dream careers? body guard, movie star, unwitting pawn. don't let people get the best of that loyalty.

— FLIMSY CONVICTION

your confidence in yourself seems fairly weak. it's easy enough for your friends and peers to ask if you're okay, but what's the point? you're just going to say you're doing fine, you're doing alright, you don't need anything at all. your selfless pursuit of what's important to you has stripped you dry, rinsed you clean like pork bones for soup. there's only so much to keep running from and only so much to hold back until you explode. it's okay to not be okay!

— SILENT ADMISSION

And so it’s under here. Shhh, it’s hiding.

Sometimes when I’m writing, especially when it’s a fandom I am somewhat new to, I like to fall asleep listening to the media associated with it. Which is to say: when I first started writing Do Not Remove Cover, I watched the first Iron Man every night for about two weeks. IM2 less so. (By that point I’d already played all of Pitch Perfect well over twenty times, and watched select Aubrey heavy scenes far more than that.) 

First it’s just a means of finding the character’s voices. It’s like I think if it’s always on, somewhere in the background, their sounds and patterns will penetrate at an almost unconscious level. I will memorize the sounds of their speaking so thoroughly that I will know right away if a sentence sounds wrong in their voice.

Sometimes this works better than others. 

I tend to fall asleep watching something anyway. It’s an old habit. I can go without if I need to, but I’m just happier this way and I fall asleep a lot faster. It makes me extra content. 

But so why Iron Man? Obviously that wasn’t primarily about voices; Tony doesn’t feature that heavily in Some Assembly Required. 

In many ways, I just found it helpful to find the tone. Watch that world enough times and it feels a bit like it’s seeped into your pores (really under the skin). Or at least the unconscious. (I guess that’s more appealing anyway.) 

I just started writing this because there is another movie I saw when I worked on a fic that had a pretty big influence and impact. The fates sort of perfectly aligned and, midway through writing DNRC, at the very beginning of starting on Unreal, I went to see a movie that I realized right away was the perfect fit for that moment. 

I haven’t seen it in a while, but since I am off from work tomorrow I’m laying down to fall asleep watching it.

It gave me a lot of Chloe Barton connected feelings at the time, for reasons much more to do with tone and intent than anything to literal. I’m not sure if it will have the same feeling now, but since Chapter 8 of Unreal is (in theory) more Chloe focused than any that came before, it feels appropriate.