#yans writes

Formative Relationships:

Lilanwe: his twin sister. Growing up, Lily - who lived as a boy until after their parents died - was always the ambitious one who had big dreams, but above all she always had her brother's back. Frequently seen throwing at rocks at other kids who were mean to Auredil. Similarly, Auredil always looked out for her, though he was a more soft-spoken and gentle (if a bit neurotic) kid. The two of them became extremely tight-knit after losing their parents. Auredil enlisted in the King's navy to support them, affording Lily the ability to pursue her love of magic at the Sapiarch's College.

The two were comfortable for several decades, until the start of the war, where Auredil, recently promoted to a Captain among the First Auridon Marines, became more and more entwined in the conflict. It was around this time that Lily fell in with the Worm Cult, and after Auredil was killed by Mannimarco (though all she knew was he was MIA), she became a very different person, basically shutting down and leaning into the more fucked up workings of the Cult.

The two of them met again when Lily was sent to assassinate a "warrior of Meridia" only to discover that's her fucking brother. So Auredil convinced her to leave the Cult and help him set things right. After defeating Molag Bal, he disappeared a second time, leaving most everyone to believe he was dead. But she was having none of that, oh no, she won't let him go so easily again. She went on a decade-long crusade against the Cult, killing any remnants she could track down and searching for any hint as to his whereabouts, knowing he was still out there somewhere.

The two eventually find each other again on Solstice, and though it will take a while to repair their relationship, one day they will be able to reconcile. Though she does give him a black eye for letting her think he was dead, again.

Prince Naemon: Auredil was brought in to mentor Naemon, then about 17, in swordplay. He had exhausted their usual teachers and demanded to learn from someone who had seen more live combat, and Captain Auredil happened to be in port. At first, Auredil found him tiresome but promising, and Naemon seemed to love nothing more than to test his patience. Over the next couple years, they became friends, along with Estre, who Naemon had just married. At some point during this time Auredil realised that Naemon's feelings for him were romantic. It was only when Ayrenn returned to take the crown that either of them acted on it.

Coralantar: Auredil met Coralantar during a Maormer incursion on Mistral, where Coralantar saved his life while fighting off pirates. Coralantar themself is Maormer, who was then grappling with the realisation that the crew they had joined were committing atrocities on the island and that they needed to defect. Coralantar was mysterious and intriguing to Auredil, and the two of them formed a mutual respect and admiration for each other. They met by chance many more times over the course of their respective journeys. On Auredil's recommendation, Coralantar eventually became an Eye of the Queen, and later joined him in the fight in Coldharbour. The two of them challenge each other, coming from very different cultures, and find common ground in unlearning their respective biases.

King Laloriaran Dynar: During the events of Coldharbour, he quickly became close with Laloriaran. He saw him as a worthy leader, someone dashing and charismatic and Auredil truly admired him. Their time together was brief, and Laloriaran saw a carefully-constructed version of Auredil with all of his ghosts and sharp edges out of sight. He quickly fell in love with that version of Auredil; he knew there was more beneath the surface, but the two of them unfortunately never got the chance to truly know each other. Laloriaran's death was perhaps the final straw for Auredil.

Meridia: His relationship with Meridia is a complicated one. She manipulated him into her service, and he knows this, but even still he feels some obligation to her after all these years. When she revoked his power and he was killed as a result, he believed it to be his punishment for scorning her. He pleaded with her to come back to him, and of course she came back, now that he had seen that he needed her. After the events of Coldharbour, she withdraws from speaking to him, but allows him to keep her light - and he knows this to mean that his service is not yet done, and so he waits.

Sharp-as-Night: His best friend and adventuring partner, and someone he trusts with his life. Sharp meets Auredil at his worst - sleep-deprived, drunk, dirty, and stumbling into an outlaw's refuge to buy moonsugar. But Auredil helps him when he needs it, and Sharp sticks around. They find common ground in their past trauma and the abuses they've endured and it doesn't take long for them to become ride or die for each other during their adventures. They care deeply for each other, but their relationship is not romantic in any way. If anything, it's closer to friends-with-benefits, but maybe like 30% weirder about each other.

Other Relationships:

Razum-dar: worked alongside for a time.

Lyris Titanborn & Sai Sahan: has a deep respect and appreciation for.

Galen Marcus: a close friend and someone he trusts wholeheartedly.

Strengths:

Tactically-minded, functions well under pressure

Some read his readiness to throw himself into danger as heroism

A good leader, even though he doesn't want to be

Weaknesses:

Gets frustrated with puzzles and the like fairly quickly

Poor emotional regulation, can be a little off-putting

Low opinion of himself, assumes people won't stick around

No Interest In: Commitment - whether it's staying in one place, or being in a romantic relationship.

No Concept of: Moderation. He goes from 0 to 100 very quickly, whether it's drinking or relationships.

Character/Personality: On the surface, Auredil can seem a little absent and melancholic, and to some extent that's true. He doesn't like to talk about himself and often dodges questions or lies when asked. His morality has become a little warped over the years; he has a strong sense of justice and doing the right thing, however he sees himself as being exempt from that and deserving of whatever bad things have happened to him, and has no problem being a little dishonest to survive.

He does open up a bit once he gets to know someone. He's kind and empathetic at heart, and cares deeply about those around him. However, he's prone to emotional extremes, feeling very strongly one way or the other about people, and can sometimes oscillate wildly between depression and mania.

His depression and addiction are an important part of his character. He experiences withdrawal symptoms, including shaking and irritability, and can lash out at people and say cruel things if it goes on too long. He has a tendency to self-sabotage, act on impulse, and put himself in unnecessary danger.

In Battle: He's always been very self-sacrificing and quick to leap into danger. He was trained to use a wide variety of weapons and is pretty versatile, but does favour polearms. Though he was never really one for magic, he's become used to wielding the power of Meridia's light, which he's integrated into his usual melee fighting style. He keeps himself lightly armoured - after all, he can't be killed in a way that matters.

Distinguishing Marks/Traits: He's very tall (6'8") and built like a baby deer. His right leg was amputated at the knee during the Planemeld, and he's gone through many different prosthetics over the years. Currently, he has a skeletal prosthetic enchanted with necromancy. He also carries a quarterstaff that he often uses as a walking staff.

Trivia:

He always knew that he and Lilanwe were a little queer, and figured out he was gay pretty young. Lilanwe coming out as trans didn't surprise him, and he was very supportive of her.

The loss of his leg has altered the way he carries himself, even with the magical prosthetic. He deals with phantom pains, and soreness/stiffness in that leg.

He's always had a bit of a drinking habit, but it wasn't until Naemon died that his alcoholism really began to take hold. It started as a way to cope with PTSD and night terrors, but after losing his leg it got worse and he got into drugs like moonsugar as a way to deal with constant pain and stress.

He mostly drinks hard liquor out of convenience, but has a fondness for sweeter things like wines and ciders.

The amulet he wears is Meridia's symbol.

Though he wouldn't want to be in the position of Captain again, he did love to sail. Many of the places he finds himself wandering to are port towns.

Auredil stopped in his tracks when they began to approach The Outside Inn. Whatever anxiety that had been slowly simmering under his skin burned hot, threatening to bubble over.

"Auredil?" Sharp stopped a few paces ahead of him when he realised Auredil was no longer with him.

"I'm fine," Auredil quickly said, forcing his body to move. He tried to ignore how his hands shook.

Sharp's hand caught his elbow as he moved past him, and he spun around, attempting to pull his arm from his grasp. "I said I'm fine!" he snapped, perhaps more harshly than he ought to.

Sharp eyed him for a moment before he let go of his arm.

"Alright," he said, gritting this teeth, and Auredil's stomach turned with guilt. "I won't push it."

Auredil felt like a ghost as he followed Sharp into the inn.

He had been a decade younger, the last time he'd been here. There was a table in the back corner he'd spent days at, drinking to numb the pain. An image of fire and claws and gnashing teeth replaying in his mind over, and over, and over, persisting in his mind no matter how much he drank.

A hooded figure with dark eyes. A tempting offer of something stronger to dull the pain.

Sharp's voice faded away as he approached the empty table. He couldn't remember what that version of him looked like anymore. He could see the ghost of a captain, standing tall and regal in his uniform, long orange hair neatly tied back. The man at the table next to him was not that, his uniform in disarray and his hair loose and messy, slouched over a partially-empty bottle of whiskey. There was a quill in his hand he could barely hold, a half-written letter he'd never had the guts to finish. Any day now, he prayed. Any day now.

A few drops on his tongue. A comfortable warmth spreading through his body. For a moment, the world around him seemed just a little brighter.

The phantom of his lieutenant stormed through the room. Auredil had deserved the piece of her mind she'd given him. She looked up to him, trusted him, and in return he let her down. Even after all these years, he could still see the look of dawning disappointment on her face as she realised how far gone he was. How she pitied him. That's all he'd ever done, wasn't it? If nothing else, he was excellent at disappointing people. It was only a matter of time before Sharp was just another name on that list.

It was sort of nice, to give in to the numbness. To just stop fighting.

After that, she left him to his cups. He drank himself sick. He woke up face-down in the stables nextdoor, picking hay out of his uniform. He laid there for a good long while, wishing he could just cease to exist. It would be so much easier on everyone else if he could just cease to exist.

Darkness. Chains dragging on cold, hard stone.

He recalled stumbling up the Elden Tree in the middle of the night. Staring down into the dark of the jungle below. He should have done it then. He had come so close to the edge. It would have saved himself a whole world of trouble. Now, he wished it would be so simple. Now, all that awaited him was a brief respite from the pain of being alive.

Voices. Cries. He wasn't alone.

No one would miss him when he was gone. He didn't have anyone left. He'd let them all think he was dead, anyway.

It was never about him. He was just unlucky.

Would Sharp miss him? No, surely he'd be relieved to no longer have to worry after him. Sharp would be so much better off without him.

Flashes of light from further ahead. Dark shadows cast on stone walls.

Everyone would've been better off without him. Naemon would've been better off without him.

This was what he wanted, wasn't it? A meaningless death. No one to worry after him.

Teeth gnashed and claws raked across his shield, fire spit from the maw of the beast, of his friend, the man he loved, the man he gave everything for. His spear plunged into his chest, tears clouding his vision as he stared into wide pale gold eyes, cold, cold, cold —

Cold, damp stone against his back. A dagger raised and plunged into his heart.

When Auredil came back to himself, he was laying on the mossy shore of the lake surrounding Elden Root. He sat up, dizzy and nauseous as he glanced around, his whole body feeling numb.

Sharp was pacing along the water's edge a ways away. He stopped when his eyes landed on Auredil, walking towards him. He visibly hesitated as he approached.

"You… good?" he asked softly, uncertain.

Auredil blinked, simply looking at him for a moment. He felt incredibly raw.

"No," he said finally, his voice hoarse. He owed Sharp that much.

His eyes moved to the lake, focusing on the gentle movement of water. It brought him some small amount of peace. He heard Sharp sigh, gingerly moving to sit next to him.

"Look, you know the last thing I want to do is pry, but…" Sharp trailed off, hesitating. "I've seen you get killed in front of me, and this was the first time I've actually been worried about you."

Guilt clawed at Auredil's throat. Sharp deserved better than someone like him.

Sharp was quiet for a moment when Auredil said nothing. "Is… is there anything I can do for you?" he asked softly. "'Cause otherwise, I think I'm just gonna hold you until you tell me to stop."

Auredil looked over at him with wide eyes. He couldn't bring himself to speak, no matter how much he wanted to tell Sharp to run far away from him, to get away while he still could. He was a mess, and Sharp deserved so much more. His eyes stung and his lips quivered, and his blood burned with how much he loathed himself for making Sharp put up with him.

He turned his eyes back to the lake. He thought about jumping into the water, letting himself sink to the bottom. Letting slaughterfish pick at his skin until there was nothing left.

"Alright," Sharp said, and then there were strong arms wrapping around him tightly.

And now here he was, sitting at the edge of where he came close to ending his life all those years ago. Back when such a thing was possible. He found an odd sort of comfort in looking down at the jungle far below. Part of him still wanted to let himself fall from the edge, just to feel the sensation of falling. It wouldn't kill him, at least not for very long, but the thought of a long walk back up was enough to give him pause.

"Look, if I was pissed off at you? I'd tell you, and you know it," Sharp said, his tone firm but not unkind. "So don't give me that. I wouldn't be here if I didn't like you."

Auredil leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, gazing down into the green. He knew Sharp was right, deep down. He just didn't know how to reconcile with the fact that someone might actually want to stick around after seeing this side of him. After seeing him break like that.

"I just… feel like I'm broken," Auredil said, his voice barely audible. "And I don't know how to be whole again. I can't even imagine what that looks like."

Sharp was quiet for a moment, leaving Auredil to his thoughts. Being whole again seemed like a frightening notion. He couldn't imagine going back to that life, pretending like nothing had happened.

This was far easier. Hiding behind the drinking, the drugs, the sex, just to feel alive for a moment. Knowing that if he slowed down, all he really had on the inside was that cold, gnawing emptiness.

"Just because you're different from how you were doesn't make you broken," Sharp said. He ran a hand through his feathers. "Besides, I mean… a captain? Wooing royalty on the regular? Really? I don't know if I would've liked that Auredil. But… this one's not so bad."

Auredil couldn't help the hint of a smile that crept onto his face as he looked at Sharp.

"Well, you've got me there," Auredil muttered. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss that life sometimes, but… I don't know. I'm starting to think this might suit me better."

He studied Sharp's features, green eyes meeting gold. "I think I like you better than royalty, anyway."

Sharp scoffed, looking away and idly rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Ugh, you— shut up," Sharp muttered.

Auredil smiled fondly as he watched the flustered look on his face. The smile faded quickly as his emotions overcame him.

"I mean it, Sharp," he whispered, and their eyes met. "Thank you for being here."

Sharp heaved a deep sigh.