#xiel-posts

This crime happens to be @dragonfly-the-twink‘s fricken son, Dragonfly, being too cute that it almost killed me.

yes

dergs

-All of us got a discord. -Made a group chat named “The Disaster Gays” talked a whole bunch on there (12 AM - 3 AM EST) -Everyone started helping me make a TF OC -We spent a half hour trying to figure out how old bots were during G1-G2 -Spent another half hour figuring out heights -We managed to get me to figure everything out except the personality -People started to head off to bed -I sent Dragonfly pictures of Pharma and Tarma -Dragonfly and I shared personal shit until 4:20 AM (EST)

So last year I was going through a really tough time of gender dysphoria. If you don’t know what that is, it’s definition is: “the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex.” Well, I’m non-binary, ya’know, that gender that doesn’t exist. So most of the year, I was avoiding the LGBT+ club as it was really bad. Pretty much anyone who wasn’t trans or gay was bullied there despite it being ‘a safe place.’

So the entire year I was struggling mentally to figure out what the fuck was wrong. I though that maybe I was trans because someday’s I’d hate the fact that I have breasts, but then I didn’t think that was it because other days I was completely fine with my body. I hated it. I had already been struggling to figure this out for my entire Junior High experience (2 years). I didn’t want to go through another year, so I just put it at ‘demi-male.’ I didn’t know what else to call it and I had been told by the community that non-binary wasn’t possible because I had to either have qualities of male or female or both.

You have no idea how you impact someone who is truly non-binary if you tell them that their gender isn’t real. We experience gender dysphoria like most trans people and when we are told that, we feel invalid, like we’re not normal. It worsened my mental state and put me down in a gutter for months.

By the last quarter I just decided to go with trans because I really didn’t believe that I could be non-binary. I had been told by my friends who were LGBT+ that I had to choose one or the other or both. Even a friend who is genderfluid told me this. I just stuck to wearing male clothing even though I hated just male clothing and I hated just female clothing.

Last month of school came around and I finally decided ‘fuck it.’ What did I do? I came in one day wearing a boy’s long-sleeved polo shirt with leggings and shorts with rainbow suspenders and a bow-tie. The next day I wore a long sleeved green dress with a small opening in the back. Those were the last few days of school and I finally felt comfortable.

But people had to ruin it for me. “Why are you wearing a dress?” “I thought you were trans?” “Aren’t you a guy?” Things like that. It fucking ruined me.

Totally not because school starts on the 15th or anything... heh