May 19, 2020
Oh THANKS comic book. Now I have that god damned Smash Mouth song in my head. Some-BODY once told me, blah-blah-blah-blah-choad-toe … (X-Factor #42 – July 1989)
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Oh THANKS comic book. Now I have that god damned Smash Mouth song in my head. Some-BODY once told me, blah-blah-blah-blah-choad-toe … (X-Factor #42 – July 1989)
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Ok, so here is what this comic book is about. X-Factor fly to the UK to save a teenaged mutant named Alchemy (who has the power to alter the molecular structure of anything he touches) because a bunch of trolls who are famous throughout history such as the Yeti and the Abominable Snowman kidnapped him because get this they want to use his power to turn everything in London into gold thereby deflating the value of gold in the world economy which would send society into chaos and cause all the people to flee London so then the magical beings can rule it again like in the fairy tales and the really obnoxious thing about all this is these fucking GOOF NOBODIES are able to subdue all of the original X-Men after about 3 minutes of fighting. This is why Hulk Hogan wouldn’t let anyone beat him in professional wrestling. Because it devalues the brand. (X-Factor #42 – July 1989)
So by the end of this comic Alchemy grows a pair and just touches his captors and turns them to gold so he can get away. All of the characters in this comic placate themselves by saying that he didn’t actually murder the trolls, he just turned them to gold, and while no one knows how to turn them back, they decide to just leave them in the park as statues until Alchemy can go to college to learn about the elements so he can some day bring them back to life.
I… really hope that doesn’t mean we have to see this shitty kid ever again. (X-Factor #42 – July 1989)
Dog abuse. Hey you know what? It’s not with the typical giggles that I usually document these animal abuse panels with because, fuck you comic book, this poor little pooch gets the SHIT cut out of him by these TROLLS and the little guy lays SUFFERING with his TOUNGE OUT until Alchemy puts him out of his misery by TURNING HIM INTO MOTHERFUCKING GOLD.   Kill all these trolls. I don’t even care if they’ve been the victims of abuse themselves. They are the bad guys. (X-Factor #42 – July 1989)