#x0llaz

YN had dreamt up an idea of how to start the conversation with Eunseok. Maybe they’d have breakfast and coffee, relax a little, then talk. She had it worked out in her mind, she wouldn’t be combative, or angry, she’d keep herself calm. Regardless of the outcome, they could both walk away with more understanding of each other.

She felt hopeful- like maybe they could reach something that could help them both. Maybe, they could start again, and their relationship could thrive more than it had before. Maybe it was a good thing he came to her apartment. Maybe Eunseok would be back in her life again, and he wouldn’t just leave out of nowhere.

To her surprise, she woke up alone. Eunseok’s arm wasn’t around her, his breath didn’t fan over her ears. He was just gone. She got up and looked around her apartment, not wanting to believe he’d just leave without saying anything. But after a moment, she realized that he did.

YN sat down on her couch in disbelief. Though she knew Eunseok, she didn’t expect him to stoop that low, to leave before she could say anything to him. She thought back to his drunken babbles, about how much he missed her, about wanting her back. Was it all just the alcohol? And then she thought of the kiss. The sweet, tender kiss they shared, that made her heart beat out of her chest.

Was she stupid to think it meant anything?

She thought about Eunseok, their relationship before, and the day they broke up. She thought about him knocking at her door, drunk from his parties, and practically never letting go of her. She thought about the parties they attended together, how he never got drunk then so he could spend more time with her. Her heart ached at the thought.

And then she realized that yes.

She was stupid.

Eunseok decided to confide in his friend about the situation. He and Wonbin went out to get lunch the day after, and Eunseok dropped the bomb.

“I think I might’ve hooked up with my ex,” He sighed.

Wonbin dropped his fork, choking on his food. “You what?” He asked, patting his chest aggressively. “Like, YN?”

Eunseok nodded. “But I’m not sure,” he sighed. “I got drunk as fuck, and the next morning I was laying in bed next to her.”

“Were your clothes on?” Wonbin asked.

“Yeah?” Eunseok nodded hesitantly.

“Even the jeans?” Wonbin asked, and Eunseok nodded. “Then you probably didn’t,” Eunseok let out a sigh in relief. “But you still went to see your ex,”

“I know, I know,” Eunseok groaned.

“Did you say anything after?” Wonbin leaned forward.

“No,”

“Have you guys talked about it at all?” Eunseok shook his head. “Not even a text?”

“Nope,” Eunseok shoved a bite of food into his mouth.

“Nothing????” Wonbin asked in disbelief. “So what, you just did the walk of shame and neither of you said anything?”

Eunseok cleared his throat. “I kinda…. Skipped the walk of shame,” he muttered.

Wonbin deadpanned. “Eunseok.”

“Wonbin,” Eunseok sighed, knowing what was about to say next.

“What did you do?”

“I just left,”

“When did you leave?”

“It doesn’t matter,”

“Yes it does, because I can tell you’re still thinking about it. So it matters. Tell me.” Wonbin demanded. “Eunseok,” he said sternly.

“I left before she woke up,” He mumbled into his hand.

“What?” Wonbin leaned forward. “I can’t here y-”

“I left before she woke up!” Eunseok said, a little louder than he intended. Now people were staring. “Happy now?”

“No, i’m extremely unhappy,” Wonbin deadpanned. “What the hell is your problem? Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be supporting me as my friend?” Eunseok asked desperately.

“No, as your best friend, it would be wrong for me to lie and say that what you did was okay,” Wonbin sighed.

“She’s my ex! What did you expect me to do?”

“Have a respectful conversation and go your separate ways?” Wonbin suggested, giving Eunseok an annoyed smile.

He just sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” He said. “We aren’t together, and I have no intention of talking to her again,”

“I mean, given how much you bring her up, I highly doubt that,” Wonbin pointed out.

“Whatever man,” Eunseok stood up. “See you around,” he walked out of the building, hearing Wonbin yelling behind him.

“Talk to her!”

When Eunseok got outside, he pulled out his phone. YN hadn’t texted him, so why should he text her? He shoved his hands in his pockets, mumbling to himself about the whole situation being stupid. He walked down the sidewalk, listening to the road next to him, and the small talk of people around him. The sky was a gloomy gray, and the wind blew against his skin uncomfortably.

He crossed the street and gazed up at a familiar building. YN’s apartment building. He looked up to the homely looking building, reminiscing about the first time YN brought him to her place. She made him ramen and they played video games on her couch. Those were the moments he missed. The sweet, domestic moments with the girl he cared for. The street felt brighter on this side, more lively, more whole. Maybe because of the building, or maybe, because Eunseok liked that side of the street for his own reason.

He heard the sound of heels stepping down the stairs, and turned his gaze. He felt like an idiot when he saw YN, carrying her bag, looking so put together, likely on her way to class. They were both frozen, staring at each other. Eunseok thought about making a joke, or saying hi. But he realized how weird he must seem to her. Disappearing only to reappear outside her home.

But Eunseok didn’t do anything. Instead, YN just walked past him with a look of indifference.

And they were right back at square one.

It had been two weeks since the two ex lovers had met. In those two weeks, Eunseok struggled to remember what happened between them, and found himself not wanting to avoid YN anymore. YN on the other hand, had seemed set on tuning out his existence. Eunseok often tried making eye contact with her, tried to get any kind of reaction from her, but she never budged, looking past him.

YN convinced her friend Chaewon to go to a party with her. It had been too long since she’d shown up to a party, and she knew some of her friends had been missing her. She spent a while getting ready, wanting to look good, feel good, dance, and drink until she stopped wanting to cry about what happened with Eunseok.

She had a feeling Eunseok would be there. He was known to get around parties a lot, so it wouldn’t surprise her. If anything, the petty part of her wanted him to know that she was just fine without him.

Eunseok was already there with his friends when she walked through the door. She wore a black minidress that showed enough skin to get him hot and bothered, hair down, her pretty smile emanating through the room as she greeted her friends. He didn’t try to hide his own stares, watching as she crossed across the house, he wondered if she could feel his gaze against her skin.

He wondered why she was there. She hadn’t shown up to any parties recently, and now appeared out of nowhere. While YN was doing fine on her own, Eunseok felt himself lose his cool minute by minute. When she crossed the room again, she made eye contact, as she headed in his direction. He felt himself stand up straighter next to Wonbin, as if trying to size her up as she approached. When they were almost face to face, YN rolled her eyes to the other direction with a lazy smirk, swerving around him to walk to the kitchen.

Eunseok blinked in confusion. What just happened???

As he questioned his life choices, wondered why he found that moment oddly attractive, he heard Wonbin let out a laugh beside him.

“What’s so funny?” Eunseok scoffed.

“You,” He sighed. “And her.” the younger one smirked. “I saw the way you stopped slouching when you thought she was leavinggggg,”

“You’re just seeing things,” Eunseok sighed, walking into the kitchen, part of him hoping YN would still be in there. Maybe he could get a word in while they were both still sober.

He saw her leaning against the counter, playing with her hair as she poured a drink, and talked to two guys. He watched as she giggled while they talked, how she batted her eyelashes up at them. He felt unjustifiably jealous. He cleared his throat and the two guys turned to face him, backing out of the way so he could grab a drink. While his back was turned, he didn’t notice when YN slipped away, joining her friends, putting distance between the two of them.

Eunseok Joined his friends, glancing across the room, watching as YN would sip on her drinks. He knew she couldn’t hold her drinks, and something told him to not drink anymore. He was chatting across the room with his friends, when she saw him get close with another guy, a guy in their grade, Jisung. He felt his jaw clench as the two of them danced, while his friends tried to pull his attention away from the scene. Eunseok tried to not pay attention when she’d dance with Jisung, but found himself glancing over time and time again.

Hours had passed, Eunseok sat on the couch while YN, clearly drunk, was chatting with her friends. She was giggly, her speech sloppy and cheeks pink, it would’ve been a cute sight to see if Eunseok hadn’t been filled with worry once he realized she had been getting tipsy. What if she didn’t have a ride home? All her other friends were drinking, she didn’t really know anyone else, and he didn’t trust anyone else to take her home. Why was that his business?

It was when she got lost from her group of friends that Eunseok got worried. He had seen in passing, the group slowly leaving with dates or random guys, leaving YN alone in a house party she didn’t know many other people at. Some friends.

While she walked around, wobbling due to her drunkenness, and the heels she stupidly wore, Eunseok caught her shoulder, pressing her to stop. He moved in front of her, looking down at her and sighing. YN just frowned, swatting his hand off her.

“Move,” She mumbled, trying to shove past him, but once again, his hands caught her shoulders, steadying her in front of him. “I said move!” she said a little louder.

“You should get home,” Eunseok managed to keep his voice calm, with sympathy in his eyes as he looked at her.

“Mmmmm…. Don’t wanna,” YN grinned, trying to leave, but Eunseok’s gentle but firm grip on her shoulders kept her in place.

“You’re drunk, and you need to get home safe,” He sighed, pushing his hair back with one hand, before returning it to rest on her shoulder.

“What are you, my boyfriend?” she laughed to herself at the joke, and Eunseok felt something pang inside of him.

“No, but i’m someone who doesn’t want you getting hurt by yourself,” His voice sounded colder than he intended, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t hide how much one true comment ruffled his feathers.

YN just laughed, rolling her eyes and looking up at him like he was stupid. “Yeah?” she tilted her head. “So was I,” she whispered, too dramatic for sobriety.

“If you’re still upset about-”

“You know I am still upset about that,” YN interrupted him, folding her arms across her chest. “Like I knew you were kinda pathetic, but I didn’t know you would stoop that low.”

“Excuse me?” Eunseok looked at her, his jaw slightly slacked as he stood up a little straighter.

“You almost made me feel bad for you. ‘I miss you’, ‘I want you back, I'll do anything!’, blah blah blah!” YN rambled off the things she remembered he said to her, the words that gave her the stupid false hope that maybe they could fix what happened between them.

“What the fuck are you on about? How drunk are you?” Eunseok lost his patience at her words, not believing he could’ve said any of that. Not wanting to believe he could have ruined his last chance with the girl he loved.

Eunseok didn’t notice how her lip trembled in the silence that followed his words. He didn’t notice tears welling in her eyes, but he heard the shake in her voice. “You’re the one who left in the morning,” her voice was quiet, shaky, and told Eunseok that something actually happened that night.

He didn’t have time to process it before YN slipped away, weaving through the crowds and before Eunseok knew it, she was out the door. He was quick to follow, pushing past people until he got out the house, his eyes landing on YN’s wobbly figure as she walked down the driveway and to the sidewalk.

“YN!” He called out.

“Fuck off!” she yelled back, and he could hear a sob in her voice.

“What are you doing? Where are you-”

“I’m going home. Isn’t that what you wanted!” She yelled, not looking back, her arms wrapping around her frame to warm herself up.

Eunseok quickly caught up, calling her name again. This time she turned to face him, but misstepped on her heel, falling to the pavement with a hiss. Eunseok quickly kneeled in front of her, seeing the blood on her knee, and brushing any dirt away.

YN looked down on him, felt his fingers graze her skin. It hit something in her, something she felt when he came to her apartment that night. And this time, it just made her cry more.

Eunseok looked up when he heard a small sob escape her lips, seeing her looking down at her legs, tears dropping onto her skin as she sniffled. “Hey…” he sighed, sitting up a little straighter. He reached for her hand, a small sign of affection they had for one another, but she pulled away, covering her face. After a moment, He brought his hands to her wrists and gently pulled them down. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Go away,” She mumbled.

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m not leaving you,” She looked at up hearing those words, eyes wide, filled with fresh tears.

There was silence, interrupted by small hiccups and sobs. Eunseok just held her hands in his.

“What happened that night?” He asked gently. “I can’t remember anything other than showing up…”

YN blinked at him, eyes bleary, cheeks stained from runny makeup and tear stains. “You said you missed me,” She looked down. “You were apologizing for the breakup. You said you really really missed me. You wanted me to stay with you that night…” She trailed into a sigh. “You said you wanted me back,” she sniffled, dropping her head to her hands. “Was I so stupid to believe that!?”

Eunseok didn’t know how to respond. Her words made his heart hurt as he struggled to come to reality with all he had done wrong while knowing her.

He watched as YN dried her tears with the back of her hand. He got up after a moment, and shrugged his hoodie off his shoulders, wrapping it around her shoulders before pulling her off the ground. He kept her hand clutched in his, not wanting her to stumble, or try and go off on her own.

“What are you doing?” YN slurred a bit as they approached his car.

“I’m taking you home,”

“Why?”

“You’re too drunk to drive,” He told her as he opened the door for her.

YN hopped in the passenger seat without another complaint. Moments later, Eunseok got in, and they were on the road. It was silent between them, a sobering silence for YN, that made her own shame grow and grow.

Eunseok walked YN up to her apartment door, ready to part ways and let her forget about their encounter just like he had. But YN waited in her doorway, staring at him a little longer than either of them anticipated.

“Should I come in?” he asked quietly, to which YN nodded. He stepped through the door, and watched as YN walked to her kitchen, filling a tall glass with water. She chugged it down, sobering herself, as she felt tears prick at her eyes.

“About what you said earlier…” Eunseok sighed. “I’m really sorry about what happened that night, i didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine,” he heard her voice break as she spoke. “I didn’t really expect you to mean anything you said,”

Eunseok was stung by the words, only realizing that in their entire relationship before, and their dynamic now, he had never given her any reason to believe he would mean something like that. “YN…”

“It’s fine, Eunseok,” She said again, wiping her eyes with the sleeve to his hoodie. “Can you like… wait in here for a little bit? I want to shower before we talk,” She asked, sniffling before finishing her sentence.

Eunseok nodded, and YN handed him back his hoodie. He was reluctant to take it.

YN quickly got in the shower, switching between freezing cold and scalding hot to try and bring herself back to reality. She rinsed herself off and changed into some pajamas that in all other circumstances, she would be embarrassed for Eunseok to see her in. She took a deep breath before opening the door to her room, clad in a matching set of Hello Kitty pajamas, that made Eunseok smile before coming back to the situation.

YN walked over and sat next to him. “I’m sorry I got drunk,”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Eunseok told her gently. “We can call it even now,”

YN gave him a look that told him she wasn’t in the mood.

“I didn’t realize you had forgotten what happened,” She said, letting out a small sigh.

“I didn’t know leaving would hurt you that much,” Eunseok looked at her, and YN looked down. “It seems like you have it all together, why would this make you start to crumble?”

YN picked at the fuzz on her pajama pants. “Because It made me think there was a chance for us,”

Eunseok’s eyes widened.

“And Now I feel stupid,” She sighed.

“Why?” Eunseok asked, scooting closer.

“Because I missed you,” She looked up at him, lip quivering as she struggled to hold back tears. “And because I thought you missed me too,”

Eunseok’s heart began to ache, the constant panging from the night had caught up to him in those twelve words. He was at a loss for words, YN could tell he didn’t know what to say to her. Eunseok felt useless. He couldn’t even find the words to say she was wrong, too scared to say he missed her too.

The silence just caused YN to cry more, slumping forward, head in her palms as she cried. After a moment, Eunseok helped her up and walked her to her bedroom, knowing she needed sleep. YN laid down, and Eunseok brought her another glass of water. She was almost sober, exhausted, and now distraught. Eunseok saw YN curled up on her bed, facing away from the door, closed off to him once again. He walked towards the door, not knowing how to continue. Ready to chicken out when things got difficult, just like last time.

“Don’t go,” He heard her quiet voice as he reached for her doorknob. He looked back to see her peeking out of her blankets. As they made eye contact, he stepped away from the doorknob, and she sat up more.

Eunseok hoped he wasn’t dreaming, hoped that she wouldn’t regret that one question that had his heart leaping from his chest. They just stared at each other, Eunseok’s eyes wide, looking almost pained, YN’s teary, feeling hopeless.

“Please don’t leave me again,” She said through a small sob. That was all it took for Eunseok to make up his mind, almost immediately walking over to her, and wrapping his arms around her, holding her close, as if she would slip through his fingers if he didn’t hold her tight enough.

There weren’t many words spoken between them, just small sobs from both of them, whispered apologies, and silence they spent in each other’s arms.

After a moment, YN got up and brought Eunseok a pair of pajama pants that were a size too big for her and one of her t-shirts. She turned around while he changed, and when he said he was ready, saw him sitting on her bed, staring up at her, eyes a bit puffy from his own tears. YN laid down and they wrapped their arms around each other once again.

“Do you promise not to leave in the morning?” YN asked into Eunseok’s chest.

“As long as you don’t kick me out,” Eunseok kissed the top of her head. “I meant what I said that night,”

YN looked up at him.

“I missed you,” he told her. “I regretted ending things, and I missed you the moment I realized you were gone,”

“You could’ve told me,” YN whispered.

“I know,” he sighed into her hair. “I just thought you’d be better without me, after what I said to you,”

“I cried that whole week,” YN pinched his arm. “Why did you leave that morning?”

“I thought we hooked up or something,” Eunseok shrugged, loosening his grip around her to see her furrowed eyebrows. “Not that it would be bad! Just like- like…”

“Did you consider that your jeans were still on in the morning?” YN asked.

“I was in a rush, okay?” He sighed, and heard YN giggle.

There was a comfortable silence, Eunseok realized how whole he felt at that moment, holding his girl close.

“What now?” YN asked, leaning back and looking up at him. “What are we now?” she motioned between them with one hand.

Eunseok gently grabbed the hand, and pressed it against his lips. “I want to try again,” he stayed holding onto her hand. “I want to give us another shot,”

YN smiled as he said that, intertwining her fingers with his as she nodded. “Let’s try again,” She whispered with a smile that Eunseok mirrored.

As they looked into each other’s eyes, Eunseok leaned towards her, his nose brushing hers as he kissed her. He was gentle with his kiss, not wanting to push too far, just wanting her to know he cared. His hand held her cheek, thumb gently stroking her skin as he sweetly kissed her. They broke the kiss with a smile to each other.

They were both able to fall asleep, knowing that they would be okay. Neither of them would leave before the other woke up.

And they would try again in the morning.

The long awaited part 2 😝 thank you to everyone who was patient!!!