#writingxthexsilence

Still not opened bottle of whiskey was placed next to the sink of the bathroom, as another thing hit the bathroom floor with a silent ‘tump’. Shaky fingers unwrapped a new small box, number 13 in a row, as she tested herself again. Same disbelief, anxiety and dismay presented themselves on her face as she stared at the two thick lines appearing on the pregnancy test. 

“No..it can’t be..it can’t. “

Hand landed on the glass bottle filled with brown alcohol, as the other reached for the cork to open it. As the plastic broke when she twisted the cork, her pine-green eyes fell on the floor again. Fourteen positive tests staring back at her. The bottle was returned on the sink, as a tear fell from her eye and on her trembling hands that opened the phone for the god knows which time that morning. Scrolling down through the messages, the third name on the screen made her stomach turn. Literally. 

Clare managed to turn to the toilet in the last moment before she threw up for the fifth time that morning. Only when she was done, washing her face and hands, did she opened the messages again. 

O.L. : Mine

You: Ok.

O.L.: Yours

You: No, yours

O.L.- Fine

You: Car

O.L. : No

You: Leaving in 3 minutes

O.L. : Fine...

O.L. - Yours 

You: No. Yours

Text were not making sense to the easily deceived eye, but it was maybe the only sort of communication they had...mostly her fault. Simple initials of his name, to hide it from any preying eye, with even more simplistic code word to where they would meet. Mine or yours, describing  her or his place...but he never got to hers. Clare always dodged the man coming to her apartment, risking having him staying there longer than it was ‘needed’. After sleeping with him, she was able to just leave without even saying goodbye, no explanation, nothing. Just picked her clothes up, got dressed and disappeared from his sheets as if she was never there. 

It started with anger that turned into raw, untamable passion, having them overdosing on each other like heroin. It should have been just once. Then it happened again. They didn’t even discuss this little arrangement, she was just the first one to send a text :’Your place’, sentence that quickly became just ‘Yours’. 

Every time the man opened his mouth and something not resembling a growl of satisfaction or sex talk was threatening to leave it, she would either shush him up with a hungry kiss that instantly casted the raging flames of desire high, or if it was after, ‘ Bye’, was the only answer on whatever it was that he planned to say. Red headed woman was fighting the battle she could not win,  vigorously being against that the universe just dictated them to be made for each other. Another wave of nausea made her grab her mouth, waiting for it to pass away. 

You: I need to tal

You: Something hap

You: I am pregnant 

Tear fell on the screen as she wrote then deleted the last message. This could not be happening..it just can’t be. It took her an hour to finally get up and get dressed, shoving the only thing that seemed as it could help her in the trash can - the bottle of whiskey. Her subconscious prevented her to chug down the poison that would not effect only her...not any more. Grabbing the keys, Clare rushed out the door...heading to his office. 

***

The woman on the front desk sized her up with obvious disapproval and suspicion. 

“ Can I help you miss? “

Clare’s lips went in thin line when the woman’s eye again scanned her snake tattoo exposed under the torn parts of her jeans, then the left side of her ribs were under her tank top one tiny demon “exiting” her rib greeted her with a sinister grin. 

“ Is Osc...”

She stopped, swallowing his first name, and reminding herself that they were not that close for her to be asking for him like that in here. Specially when she could feel the curious and somewhat condemning gazes glued to her back. She lowered her head a bit, a reaction not even a bit resembling her usual self.

“ I need to speak with agent Lockmoore.” 

The woman lowered her eyebrows before casually flipping the page in front of her.

“ You have an appointment? “

Clare could feel her muscles tensing as she clenched her jaw. 

“ No. But I need to speak with him. “

Woman didn’t even look at her no more, grabbing the cup next to the pile of envelops, sipping the coffee for a whole minute before answering. 

“ I am afraid  that is not possible then. If it is an emergency, you can file a report here, and if needed, an agent will contact you depending on the nature of it. “

Clearly giving her the answer that it might not be Oscar, Clare already saw how she is bashing this bitch’s head on the table, shoving that cub of coffee right into that filthy mouth. However, her exhaustion and distress made her stay in place. Just before she wanted to speak again, with the corner of her eye...she saw him. Walking from the office towards the coffee machine. Clare uttered a “Thank you but its fine.” to wash the suspicion off of herself and started walking towards the exit, just to take a sharp turn to the left in the last moment, rushing quietly down the hallway. 

When she finally reached him, her heart dropped in her stomach. The content of it threatening it will go back up, no matter that it was nothing in there but water. She reached for his forearm from behind his back, pulling him to the side before finally stepping in front of him. The not so pleasant surprise rising in his eyes on the sight of her here made something inside of her break. Clare released the grip on his arm and hugged around herself,holding tight 

“ I need to...”

Her voice barely a whisper, before she cleared her throat and started again.

“ I need to speak to you about something...now..”

Her thumb grazed her stomach thoughtlessly, before she realized it was there, and pulled it back under on her arm. She was not sure can she even mouth those words, still being mortified with the situation. They hated each other...or so they pretended. What they had was nothing more than curing themselves of the unexplainable attraction that end up as wild sex, as a shot of a medicine for the pain in the chest that grew every time she had any thought of him, no matter what it was, was he there or not. A thing they refused to embrace- that being apart was destroying them from within. 

“ Something..something happened..and I..I need to talk to you about it. “