There are days you want to leave, days when you want to break free of all that ties you, run away and start over. But then you realise you don't have the courage or the confidence or even the mindset to leave things behind. You are too scared, too emotional, too attached even though you know it breaks you in ways you never thought it could. You try to reason, sympathize with people for the hurt they have accumulated over the years. We are all flawed people, you seem So you are afraid you would regret not seeing them again, not hugging them again, not giving them another chance. Healthy? No, not at all. You are basically cutting out a piece of you, placing it on a plate and passing it over so they can slice and dice your heart into zillion pieces. But knowing all, you still couldn't walk away, you are conditioned to stay, to stoop low until your dignity is torn and tattered, you learn the act of silence hoping it would string peace along. But you lose it at times. You lose control, tears start falling, you need help but you are too ashamed to show people what you are really made of. With some, you are sacred about that judgy tone they bring to the conversationg invalidating all that you feel and that is the last thing you need. Some call it drama, some ask you to leave from all this, but they don't have the faintest clue of all the turmoil that's going inside, they don't understand when you say, "it's not that simple", because some are blessed with the art of ignorance or sometimes privilege, but some like us certainly not. And then there is a few who would really get you, people who reads you even before the words come out, but they are too busy dealing with their own baggage, worries and sorting out their feelings, that you know you are driving them off the cliff trying to hold on, trying to live. So you give up, you realise there is nobody you could really call. You realise there are all just fucked up and lost too. #holiday #holidaythrowback #writingforrelief #writersofig#ireallycantwriteanymore #confusedthinker #noeul #writersblock #writingcommunityofinstagram #writingnetwork #writersofinstagram #block #mentalhealth #grief #nobodytounderstand #baddays (at Some Were Under the Sky) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZM5llohGUC/?utm_medium=tumblr
