Starting a sentence like this, I sound awkward. Starting every sentence like this, I sound even worse. Continuing to do this, especially for every sentence, I become annoying and hard to read.
In my ideal world, pineapple on pizza would be outlawed, styrofoam wouldn't be so squeaky, and nobody would ever use -ing verbs in a sentence unless they were properly coupled with a more conventional verb tense.
For example;
Lunging at me, he carried a dead mouse in his mouth.
That doesn't seem so bad.
Really? Try reading it out loud. And also, notice how I never actually described who's acting, beyond "he".
"He" is a cat.
Wasn't it clear from the previous part?
You'd think so. But I've also seen things like;
Smacking his head, Jane smiled.
Wait, is this a boy named Jane?
Nope.
Is Jane smacking his head?
Nope.
So the man doing the -ing thing is sharing a sentence with Jane?
Yep.
That seems confusing.
It is. Should be more like;
John smacked his forehead, and Jane smiled.
Seems like writing confusing sentences could mess with the story's pacing, because the reader has to keep stopping to figure out what's going on. Especially if it's a scene with more than two characters acting.
I agree. But I've seen someone who explicitly said it was a good idea to tell your story in a confusing way, to stay "interesting".
This was specifically about an action scene, where it's really important to know who's doing something at any given time, and most non-dialogue sentences should be starting with a clear identifier.
Sounds like they don't have any confidence in the actual story, and want to rely on a cheap gimmick. Or being fancy when they don't need to.
Sounds like.
One random deviantart story described a woman walking around as, "striding up the street in those lunges of sensuality she'd traded for steps".
Frankly, I still think it might've been an elaborate troll.
But back to the original topic. As far as I'm concerned, there's basically just two ways to use "-ing" verbs right.
1. Noun go-round
Blindfolded wingsuiting can be slightly dangerous. Especially when drunk.
One way is "nounifying" the verb.
You use -ing verb as nouns. Well, often it's -ing verb phrases as nouns.
Gramatically, these are called "gerunds". The -ing verb (and the rest of the phrase attached to it) is treated like a noun. In this case, it's "Blindfolded wingsuiting", but it could be "Blindfolded wingsuiting while drunk", or "Wingsuiting" or;
Blindfolded wingsuiting while you're painted chartreuse can be slightly dangerous.
FYI: don't try blindfolded wingsuiting at home.
Or anywhere else.
No matter what color you're painted.
2. Synchonized Speech
The second "correct" method is when you're making the -ing word or phrase a "sub-action" to the main attraction.
Panting, she reached into her bag and pulled out the kumquat.
Notice how the "panting" is something minor (and simultaneous), compared to the main action of reaching into the bag. It's not two different actions. And definitely not something like;
Responding with a shrug, I fixed my eyes on his face, watching him turn away, and scratching my butt when I'm sure he's not looking.
Or, in the kumquat kontext;
Panting, she reached into her bag and pulled out the kumquat, her hand closing around the citrus flesh and raising it to throw.
That's a long and complicated sentence. And I think its got tense mixups. It says she pulled it out, then describes her grabbing and pulling it out.
Happens a lot, in my experience.
(The mixed tenses, not the kumquat throwing.)
Lotta people just keep tacking on more and more parts to the sentence, using -ing phrases. Instead of just using shorter, clearer sentences.
I don't know why.
In my mind, -ing is usually for ongoing actions.
Not things that should be described in the standard tense of the story. Maybe even in entirely new sentences.
Panting, she reached into her bag. Her hand closed around the citrus flesh of the kumquat, and she raised it to throw.
(Side note; Normally I wouldn't put the "to throw" part on the end. I'd just say she raised it, then threw it (or tried to). But I included it in the example, just so you don't go, "Wait, what's she doing with this kumquat?")
If you had asked me a few years ago - when I first tried to write this column - I would've said that the -ing word should go after the comma, and you should start the sentence with the main action, like;
She reached into her bag and pulled out the kumquat, panting.
Buuut I was wrong.
"Panting", in this case, sets the tone for the rest of the sentence, because it's happening at the same time. In a movie or TV show or video, we'd have a shot of the woman panting, then a shot of her reaching into her bag for the kumquat. Putting the panting shot after the reaching-into-the-bag shot wouldn't work as well.
Wait, did you just use -ing verb phrases as nouns?
Yes! Glad you noticed.
Of course, It could also be phrased;
She panted as she reached into her bag. Her hand closed around the citrus flesh of the kumquat, and she raised it to throw.
Then we're staying in the same tense, the whole way. If you're using a long, complicated sentence, it's usually best to make it as easy to understand as possible.
But what if I also want to describe it more dramatically?
That's pretty easy, actually.
Panting, she shoved her hand into her bag, grabbed the kumquat, and yanked it out, ready to throw.
It's amazing what you can do just by rephrasing slightly, ain't it?
(
PS: word of advice: use this one very sparingly, especially if you're using the version with the -ing word in front.
And only use it if the subject of the previous sentence is the same person (or thing) acting in this one.
I also do not recommend the "with" cheat;
She panted as she reached into the bag, with her wrapping her hands around the fruit, taking it out, and raising it to throw.
Sure, you're technically using the "nounified" (gerund) version, but you're still changing verb tenses and using "with" to hide it. As opposed to;
She panted as she reached into the bag, with the clown's footsteps coming closer and closer.
Or
With the clown's footsteps coming closer and closer, she reached into the bag, panting.
Both of those are better than the original use of the "with" cheat, and I've moved the "panting" action to the back of the line for better flow, but I still personally wouldn't write them. I'd go;
As the clown's footsteps came closer and closer, she reached into the bag, panting.
)
How to do it wrong
So, we've established that I don't like sentences that start with -ing verbs, with two types of exceptions. But you may be thinking, "Hey, I disagree with you, and I still want to use them!"
Okay!
But what if I want to start a sentence with an -ing word in some other way? Like in an action scene? Or some confusing scene?
Don't.
But if you do, only start the -ing sentence if the last person acting was the same person acting in the new sentence.
Huh?
Let me just show you. The following is altered to protect the guilty.
When Carl was sure Fred had indeed given up, he motioned to his followers to come with him. "Come on. Let’s go find an arcade or something. Might as well make the most of the last day of summer."
Still laughing amongst themselves, Fred stayed lying on the ground. Waiting as their laughter faded into the distance before he dared to try and sit up.
Notice what happened?
...Kinda?
The first sentence of the second paragraph starts on Carl and his followers, and switches to Fred. This is a bad idea.
If you're going to use "Verbing, Name otherverbed." in the usual way, please, please, please don't use it to change the subject of the sentence in midsentence.
As Carl and his friends left, laughing, Fred stayed on the ground. Waiting as their laughter faded into the distance, before he dared to try and sit up.
Wait, why didn't you fix the second sentence?
Because it's fine.
But it starts with an -ing word?
Yes, it does. But it's not in the usual way. The "waiting" part is simultaneous with - and modifies - the "stayed on the ground" part from the previous sentence, kind of like we mentioned earlier. Here, let me just-
As Carl and his friends left, laughing, Fred stayed on the ground, waiting as their laughter faded into the distance, before he dared to try and sit up.
Oh, that makes sense. But it's kind of a long, complicated sentence now.
Exactly. Sometimes it pays to keep things in shorter sentences, so they're easier to read.
Good Hunting,
JW
PS: I had a little...spirited chat with someone who said using -ing words "gives [the story] a sense of action and immediacy." and "flows better".
Except it doesn't.
If you go "Verbing, Person verbed." all the time, your audience doesn't know who's acting until you say so. They may even think the wrong party is acting. You can use standard sentences at the start of a sequence to identify the subject, but you're still being needlessly unclear.
And like I implied earlier, it's even more confusing if two or more people interact.
Sadler took the punch on his raised arm, and knew he had to act fast. Grunting, he punched toward the stranger's gut.
If you want to flow, just start with pronouns. He, she, it, they. And use more impactful words for emphasis. In this case, literally impactful.
Sadler raised his left arm, which took the punch. Gotta act fast! He drove his right fist toward the stranger's gut, with a grunt.
Changing verb tenses randomly is bad for a story's flow, impact, and clarity in the first place.
Did I mention that we were discussing a Youtube short?
Vocal narration doesn't have paragraph breaks for a subject change. When you have three minutes, tops, and you're using a medium targeted at people with short attention spans, why waste that attention?
------
Would you believe I've been working on this for literally years? I even tried to make an animated storytime version for Youtube.
Which failed.
This is (at least) actually my fourth shot at the title.
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my first proper post here about my writing process.
do you have a character or story idea but have no idea actually what to do with it? well, let's use cliches!
your writing teacher or any writing aid has probably told you: avoid cliches wherever you can. and it makes sense, cliches are cliches for a reason, they're overdone, they're annoying, they add nothing to the writing space. if you're trying to get published, it will do nothing to help your story standout amongst the millions of others trying to do the same thing.
but here's the thing— cliches exist for a reason! sometimes, they just happen as natural progressions of things, spring as a metaphor for rebirth, the rain creating a gloomy vibe. or they are extremely common in real life, rich families not being very close, a book reader wanting to become a book writer, and the like.
so how can you take the advice given to you by writing aids but also understanding that cliches just make sense?
identify what you want to expand. for this example i am going to use a character i had in mind, she has no plot line laid out for her, she was created as an OC for RP for different perspective practice but i never made her into anything bigger than that.
she is a typical hallmark protagonist, girl who is too focused on her job, has to move back to her small town when her father gets sick and has to take over her family's ancestral horse ranch. she is an accountant, so she's more than qualified for the job of managing the business' expenses, but she has no idea what to do with anything else. she's never had a close relationship with her father, and he never did with his family. we will call her violet.
identify the most cliche outcome. already this story is quite cliche, and there is nothing wrong with that! this can be a fun exercise, you can take from media you love and just plot out the first cliches that come to mind, and they can be as broad or as specific as you want.
violet and her father develop a closer and more understanding relationship as they learn from their other family members about the ways of ranch life.
a childhood friend of violet's works on the ranch, and they are very knowledgeable around horses (think hannah montana: the movie). they develop a romance together as he teaches her the life of the ranch.
or we take from book lovers by emily henry, violet meets someone in the small town who equally hates the small town life. but they make it work somehow (be careful w something like this, since it can seem like a pretty obvious take from a piece of media, nothing wrong w that imo but some people might take issue w it, but if its a fic you're writing then it's not really an issue).
violet learns her family's horse ranch actually houses a big secret within it. whether it be something horror/thriller-esque or something along the ends of fantasy, that depends on what you're more into/comfortable writing.
so here we have some ideas. they're either specific or broad, and you can choose one that you would want to read the most.
i am going to choose probably the most cliche idea here: the childhood best friend, just to get my point across.
expand on the cliche. now you can either keep going with the cliches:
the childhood friend had a crush on violet when they were young but never said anything about it. or the reverse.
the childhood best friend is thinking about leaving the small town, or wanting to leave the country, but stays because of violet.
a tragic event happens (like violet's dad passing) and violet pulls away from her best friend, unable to handle the grief.
an ex of violet's comes back into her life with the intention of taking her back to the city, and violet has to juggle her double life.
the childhood best friend is actually a girl, and one of them pushed the other away due to internalized homophobia.
the childhood best friend became a delinquent so now they're kind of the "bad influence" to violet, but one violet wants to fix (kinda like heartland, if any of y'all have seen that lol).
or, we can start the subversion of tropes. now subversion can be as out of pocket or as deep as you'd want to go, either small or big.
the childhood best friend is a girl, but they never had any feelings for each other, rather, the two did come out to each other but nothing came of it. it's only now that they are seeing this new side to each other as adults.
the relationship between the best friend and violet never develops into anything romantic, but there are hints to the reader that it happens, and maybe they try, but they both realize they don't actually feel it (either an incompatibility of sexuality like violet is a lesbian and bsf is a man, or something like that). the story is still very focused on their friendship, though.
violet is the one who actually knows how to ride horses while bsf doesn't, rather, they just know care. so violet is the one who teaches bsf how to ride or how to be a better rider, instead of the bsf teaching violet everything.
the bsf is actually a supernatural of sorts, and nobody knows except violet's family.
the bsf and violet are actually related (though this can be cliche), but they never realized it or knew. doesn't have to be a romantic story in this case but can... if thats what you want ig lol ?
the bsf is actually not a bsf, or maybe they were in elementary school, but the two had a falling out (maybe similar to regina and janis from mean girls?) in high school and became rivals or one of them bullied the other.
and you can take each idea and expand it further. just by doing this exercise not only do you have ONE idea that you like the most, but now you have like 30 ideas that you can go down the path of if you don't like your main one, or you can mix and match. this can get quite hectic so i'd recommend a better organizational source than just tumblr bulletpoints lol, but it can help you with just the brainstorming process. it's important to remember what cliches are problematic and which can easily be subverted with how much work you're willing to put into with research or your own life experiences if you wish to work with those problematic cliches, but keep in mind that people might call you out for it.
everything will be a cliche to someone, no matter how much you try, there will always be someone who sees it and think "i've read this probably 500 times before". thats not your fault, sometimes the most cliche can be fun! this is a starting off point to further complexity and depth, not necessarily the end all be all, so cliches can be present, but it's really when you look at them in context or the story as a whole is where your story can be unique.
anyway, idk how much i'll be posting writing tips but i hope this helped those who have ideas but have no idea where to even start with plotting. cliches can be a fun starting off point!
I can’t believe I’ve never made a writing tutorial video before! Welp, I hope you all enjoy this one, and that it gives you plenty of tips and inspiration for your own fictional adventures!
i was wondering if you could give us some insight on how you found your writing style? As a fellow writer I adore how metaphoric it is. Yet I can also feel myself right there with them whether its Jinx or Indigo.
You have a way to make it still feel complex and full of emotion but also like the reader is right there with all the senses being touched upon. I don't know how to write about it without gushing but my question is how did you learn to do this and what would you describe your writing style as? (as well as any hacks or tips)
Thanks BB <333333333333
Hey!! Thank you so so much for this question, I have thought A LOT about how to respond to this one!! Glad to hear you're enjoying Texas Red, and that you dig the writing style! Of course, I have my own gripes with my writing style, so to hear that you like how its written is a welcome relief 🥺❤️
As for your question, I guess...I don't have a particular answer! That totally sounds like a cop out alksdflkajf but I don't mean it in a negative way! In many ways, I like how I write, but I'm also dissatisfied with it. Not because I think I'm bad at it, but because I think that I can always improve upon it. Writing is a hobby I've been developing for years, and as a writer yourself, you probably understand how long it takes to develop an ear for the words 🥲
Here we go.....me gushing about writing in another guide that y'all didn't really ask for 💀 alsdkaksdjlkf I ended up writing wayyyyy too much in response to this, so I figured I'd make it into an impromptu guide!
Slater's Basic Writing Tips
Hope you're doing well out there hon!! thank you so much for stopping by! ❤️
Hello! I made a post asking about how to write military terminology in a Call of Duty fanfic! I wanted to follow up on how someone could go about writing scenes about detailed missions and how to get inspiration for those? I have a very specific type of scene that I want to write with an already established villain in the Ghost comics
Sorry if I’m not making sense, I can be bad at explaining myself 😭
Hey!! thank you so much for stopping by!!! Hopefully the guide was of some help 🙏❤️
(Without further ado)
Slater’s Impromptu List of Military Reference Material
This is definitely a great question. I wanna start this off by saying that I've been interested in the military and police my entire life, and that my dream career involves military contracting, so in my own writing, I oftentimes just "wing it" with the things I already know, so to speak aildlajdf But there are definitely some great places to draw inspiration for realistic military missions!!
Let's talk about the kind of training that soldiers do!! In order to understand the realistic capabilities of your characters, you should definitely think about their physical prowess and training. For Simon (a highly trained spec ops soldier), I would research the requirements to become a member of the SAS. Things like, what physical tests would he have to pass? What kind of specialized training did he go through? Most Spec ops soldiers will have to go through a training exercise that teaches them how to resist interrogation and torture techniques as well. This probably isn't super inspiring, but it's a great way to ground yourself in the reality of it. Get to know the mundanity of the work, as well as the darker realities of it.
2. Simon's an officer, and so are the others! Oftentimes in the game, we just see the four of them, but in reality, they would actually be in charge of large groups of people. Sergeants can be in charge of leading and training 10-15 soldiers. Simon, who oversees the sergeants, would be in charge of 20-30. Price, however, would be in charge of 40-50. If small group tactical operations seem challenging (which they can be), you can always write about a full out war with the 141 involved!
3. Video games!! The great thing about writing is that it doesn't need to be entirely realistic aldljkadflj Movies and TV, especially if you're not concerned about being completely historically accurate, are a great place to draw inspiration!! Arguably the best place for inspiration for COD fanfic itself, in my opinion, are the COD campaigns (particularly MW2019, MW2 (2022), and the *opening sequence* of MW3 2023). If you haven't already, I would recommend watching a gameplay walkthrough on YouTube and thinking about the choices the characters *physically* make. If you're going to enter a room, why should you first throw a flash bang? What kind of clothes are they wearing? If the enemy is facing towards them, how would they walk, and what would they avoid doing? How do they speak to each other on the radio and directly? What kind of weapons are they carrying and how is it relevant to their environment? If they're really far away, they might be using rifles, but if they're close, they might be using pistols. My all time favorite moment (which I've written about too) is the MW2019 opening with Gaz at Picadilly circus. You can reuse tropes from the campaigns just with different flares and changes!! Here are some examples: trying to locate a bomb and a group of civilians. Clearing and searching houses or buildings for a suspect (like Hasan). Assassinating certain targets in broad daylight. Securing and occupying a building against enemy targets (ie. secure the Burger Town).
4. TV AND MOVIES!!! This is a GREAT one!! Now, when I say this, this also comes with the obligatory "it doesn't have to be realistic" tag lol. However, this one is arguably what was most helpful to me. I am a *SERIAL* documentary enjoyer, and I oftentimes draw from real life crime events and other things when writing scenes! For example, my recent work Indigo: the main enemy was purely inspired by David Koresh and the shoot out between the American ATF and his followers in Waco, Texas. Crime documentaries are super helpful when considering the logistics of crime without making your search history look like the scene of a murder lol. My favorite documents and military movies?
Waco: American Apocalypse (On Netflix)
American Manhunt: The Boston Marathon Bombing (This one has a very thoughtful examination of Islamophobia in the post-9/11 era, On Netflix)
Night Stalker (on Netflix)
The Anthrax attacks: in the shadow of 9/11 (On Netflix)
Turning Point: 9/11 and the War on Terror (On Netflix)
Winter on Fire: Ukraine's fight for freedom (On Netflix)
Evil Genius: the True Story of America's Most Diabolical Bank Heist (this one is incredibly entertaining, on Netflix)
Terrorism Close Calls (this one can be super helpful, because it gives you an idea of things that people actually tried to do, how they did it, and how the police/military stopped them specifically, on Netflix)
Hostages (good at showing the planning of a military operation, on Max)
For fictional movies and TV shows, here are my favorites that can help show you some dramatized military, politics, and history!!
Zero Dark Thirty (arguably, I think this one is really good for showing you specifically the special forces, as well as the realities of CIA darkness)
Black Hawk Down
1917
Dunkirk
All Quiet on The Western Front (this is a hard watch, but it shows you the nature of war)
Inglorious Basterds (for a comedic spin on Battle Buddies and other military tropes)
Triple Frontier (for small group operations)
Narcos (all seasons)
As for books, I really only have a couple. Literally anything by Tom Clancy will give you some pretty realistic military facts. I also really enjoyed Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris because it shows how human the people investigating these crimes are.
As for academic writing, one of the best pieces I can recommend you is The Road to Abu Graib, which is about torture by the CIA. Here's the link to it. Another great book that talks about the logistics of counter terrorism and surveillance is "In the Camps: China's High-Tech Penal Colony" by Darren Byler. This one explores Islamophobia, the war on terror, surveillance logistics, as well as the use and development of technology.
asdfljiaf OKAY I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS MUCH ALKDFALJ you just so happened to ask me the question that I've been DYING to talk about. I have a degree in International Relations, so being able to give you some good recs of my favorite media is pretttyyyyy fun
.........though I am SO SO SORRY FOR OVERWHELMING YOU WITH INFORMATION 😭 hopefully there are at least some movies and documentaries that sound interesting to you!!
As for writing, one thing that I want you to think about is this:
MILITARY WORK IS OFTENTIMES JUST WORK. Like, it can be an office job a lot of the time, especially for high ranking officers and CIA officers. Military work is also inherently human. Many of the things that military operators do are a product of natural human instinct, honestly. I wholeheartedly believe that the world is less complicated than what people believe it is. Military operators are just regular people at the end of the day. They're no different from the rest of us.
Anyway!! Thank you Anon so much for stopping by!! I hope you succeed in writing your dream scene and I would LOVE to know more about it if you ever decide to drop back into my DMs or Ask Box!! Hope you’re doing well!! ❤️❤️
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