#writing study

I hate my Kyo fic the most. The scenario is shallow and only made room for one aspect of his character. I hinted at how I interpret his hidden depths and his inability to be vulnerable, but it can be easily disregarded as bookends (which is true). Outside of that, the dynamic I chose for him to have with the Reader is not a dynamic that's typically depicted in Kyo fics. It's my only fic where I legitimately fear that I've misinterpreted the character.

It's my only fic where I know that I've failed to attain my goal.

In my defense, starting that fic was an uphill battle. It was a straightforward idea that focused on an even more straightforward character, yet I feared that I wouldn't have been able to finish what I wanted to start badly. With fifteen mainline games, TWO otome games, and a fully voiced visual novel, I was confident in my understanding of Kyo's character: unserious. He's mean, of course, but it's usually provoked. When he provokes others, mainly Iori, he's silly. His tone of being cocksure and confident always carries, even when he's struggling to be open, even when he hasn't been the protagonist since '98, yet he has been filling in the shoes of saving the world since '94. KOF 13 dialogue alone indicates all three of these aspects to Kyo's character. Again, very straightforward, but I wanted to be sure, validated, and to expand my mind on my perspective; I wanted insights from discussions. Discussion that... generally aren't had with Kyo because most of his open fans enjoy him for his kit and aesthetic. So I had to go to fanfiction.

From the batch I read, needless to say... I didn't have a fun time.

I read four types of fics: a general one, Kyo/Shingo, Kyo/Iori, and ... Kyo/Mai? The Kyo/Shingo one was the most interesting, as it took upon an interpretation of Shingo being his morality chain after the events of NESTS Saga. Unfortunately, I didn't agree with the way his vulnerability was expressed, as it was raw, explicit, direct and digestible. It didn't carry Kyo's voice. I backed out of the fic. The Kyo/Iori one was the most disappointing, as Iori is one of the few characters that can provoke all shades of Kyo at once, yet none were present in the fic. One again, I backed out. It was the same with the general fic I read too, as the only thing I noticed was his silliness, but that's all he was. Silly. And to no one's surprise, the Kyo/Mai fic was simply not targeted to me, to say the least. Kyo was essentially a self-insert for the author.

There was nothing I came across that reassured me of my interpretation of Kyo, and it made me question if I was creating aspects of his character that simply didn't exist. I was stuck in this limbo until I told myself: "Fuck it we ball."

That tone carried throughout all 2,675 words, and I hate it. It was the only fic where I gave up from the start, and it showed.

This was my creative drought.

Dissonance from Creative and Critical Thinking

Gone are the days of people uploading fics at funerals, in the hospital bed, fresh out of a breakup. The world is so shitty that satisfaction from completing creative projects doesn't exist anymore. Depression is intense and runs laps around our creative minds; it is fogged. We don't have the time or energy or want or desire to have drafts, to proofread, to write with intent and have goals with our works. Rgrks, "No Beta" uploads, c.ai and chatbot fics flood the feed, yet amateur authors still seek validation for their attempt at creativity.

Yet the tone will show all. I cannot enjoy your work more than you do.

Unless recommended to me, I don't read fanfiction anymore. With my fixation drifting away from anime and towards fighting games, I'm already at a grave disadvantage. As in, I can look for SNK x Reader right now, and I'll see my fic in the first five results kind of disadvantage. And I've learned my lesson from looking for JJK fics.

"Everyone calls it peak because they read fanfiction kaisen" was a statement I wish I didn't agree with because it came from an anti-yaoi account, but they're right. Not in the context of denying Gojo/Geto, but they're right. Gojo is the most detailed character in the series, so much so that I have an easier time talking about his personality than the damn protagonist, but his fics don't reflect Gege Akutami's intent with his character. Nanami, Toji: two of the few fully completed characters within the series, yet everyone writes them the same.

Let's take this scene from a fic as evidence.

This isn't the same character. Gojo, Nanami and Toji are all present in the scene. Are you able to tell who is who? Envision them saying the line? Attribute it to their character? When do they ever curse? Be so familiar with vulgarity? Why is it assumed that they would immediately act like this, instead of it being shown to us that sex with their partner would make them become this?

What happened to creative and critical thinking?

With the desperate search for immediate gratification and validation, conservatism has risen at an alarming rate within millennials and gen z. The world has gone to shit, so it validates one's need to splurge $500 on SHEIN, to promote a 20 step skincare routine that would damage their skin if they actually did it everyday, to overshare their depression, to judge and criticize someone for being able to do what they imagined themselves doing ten years ago. People have given up on wanting more for themselves.

My Connection with Writing

Winter 2021. All of my friends have graduated, and the one that didn't had to go back home to get proper treatment after getting stabbed. My ex of two years was still gaslighting me into believing that he - the person who has done me the dirtiest - still had my best interests, my parents are eight hours away, and I didn't know what to do.

So I wrote for myself, for the very first time since high school.

It's also my very first AO3 post.

I actually finished drafting the second chapter during the summer months, but I abandoned it in editing limbo. It bothered me for years, as I wanted nothing more than to follow through on the very thing that got me back into writing.

Until I read it a month ago.

It was bad. The dialogue was uninteresting, it broke the biggest rule in writing, I didn't give myself the room to show everything I wanted to show - it sucked. But it was clear that it was a fic from someone that was just happy to be writing again. I finally laid that fic to rest.

It's still accessible, if you want to read it. Same with the Kyo fic that I hate. Same with the Terry fic that I adore because I wrote it right after I finished reading Sula (insane followup, I know). Same with the Haruaki fic that took me a month to write. Same with the Yoshitora fic that nearly took a year for me to write. It's in the site name; my AO3 account is my archive, my journey in attaining my goals in writing. You are simply there as evidence that I achieved my goal.

A little background, Shoji here literally has no character, it's so bad to the point Hori didn't know how to design his room with the excuse of "Oh I don't have many worldy desires."

what kid talks like this? He doesn't even have training gear or extra mask, or any hero posers- pretty easy to say that hori just didn't have anything planned for a while. Which fair, he had a whole cast of students from two classes, and pro and teachers so...fine right? What was weird is the lack of characterization for several seasons with this character.

So it turns out he wears the mask cause he was heavily scarred and attacked by a mod of adult prejudices as his backstory, didn't want to talk about it nor mention it till it was relevant for him to fight for the side of injustice! He mentions kids being murdered for having mutant DNA! And at first Hori is making a good point here that prejudice is real, there are people who murder, belittle, and treat very real people horribly for the ways they look.

(They also apparently talk about this once and...that's it? as a POC person it's never just ONCE, X-men brings it up very well that fence sitting is not acceptable if you care about the lives of mutants, you can't be passive on injustice!)

This is a very sympathetic and relatable bit of characterization- so its embarrassing that Horikoshi uses it to justify said prejudices...Oho I can't wait to explain this one!

Setting writing back 30 years.

At some point in the future Shoji, again the character who barely gets to express himself as a character? Fights spinner, a character similar to him as that he's a mutant and gets very little screentime and engagement in the show/manga. Spinner is told multiple times he's useless and stupid and even one of his allies in Dabi calls him what the MHA mutant KKK call him. A lizard.

"But Dabi's a villain." I'd probably hear people say- Yeah...so were the KKK, doesn't mean you can't be prejudice, and Dabi here shares said prejudice attitude towards mutants that many of our heroes do.

His brother calls the chief of police a mutt after they break some major laws that could of gotten them killed, and later he even sees that this officer (even tho we don't stan pigs here!) was helping them and he even states he thinks he should apologize...guess the did that offscreen, like they do everything.

Shinso calls Ojiro a monkey and yet people ship them, idk how much they look cute together I wouldn't ship anyone with a person calling me outside my name. Now do I think they're full on prejudice? No but they shouldn't also get to let this slide because people like them. (Would of been nice to let Ojiro beat Shinso in a spar as recompense.) but Hori loves letting most of it slide, no one calls out Shinso, Dabi or his brother and tells them to chill. Even Deku gets in on some fence sitting.

This tall woman's getting attacked by heavily armed citizens with support weapons in her introduction- Deku jumps in and tells them to calm down, with them walking away saying the below. Like she can change that.

Now this is a great way to show that prejudice is wrong and that Deku doesn't jive with that shit. I would of had Deku break their support gear, and tell them to find shelter instead of taking matters into their own hands and attacking indiscriminately.

But Deku lets them walk away with deadly weapons that can kill. And when the tall woman tells him that she was trying to find safety and that she was scared by these jackasses, Deku doesn't sympathize with her- he says this!

This poorly worded drivel reads exactly how it does on the page, it comes across as justification for the public attacking innocent mutants based on looks instead of telling them that they were in the wrong? She even gets turned away from many other shelters denying mutants!

I'm aware that many villains attacking heroes at this point ARE mutants but, she's unarmed, begging them to stop, and a guy lines up a killshot before blaming her for how she looks; then our hero goes "Well we're all scared!" Thanks!

That's like me telling X-men's nightcrawler who was about to be murdered by racist. "Well both sides were scared." This is the ultimate fence sitting! Not to mention it's established early on that mutants aren't allowed in certain shops and get slurs and rocks thrown at them; people assume the worst of them and there are even times where some are confused for villains and attacked like Gang orca.

But if you're an attractive enough mutant like Hawks and Miruko you can get away with being a mutant- it's the equivalent of Hollywood saying they'll hire more black people and only hiring the light skinned black individuals. Which could be an interesting discussion to have; The fertilization of mutant quirks, desirable ones vs ones that people show hate towards. Obviously people don't show the same type of prejudices towards Hawks and Miruko vs Shoji and Orca.

This all culminates into the MHA war arc in which many out of pocket things happen, like Hori uses the black lives matter movement and ROCK LOCK- THE ONLY BLACK HERO IN MHA (there's not even any black students and background heroes.) And the mutants turn to him and say things like "we aren't looters" WHAT!? And even worst

"You would never understand." A black person would never understand prejudice? Even if MHA was an idealize world, it's based off our own world and rock lock again is the only one, and them turning to him and saying this comes off as tone deaf. Like why rock lock? How many heroes have glue, tape and adhesive powers that could of had this scene? Not saying I don't want Rock lock, I'm saying having a black person be told they don't get prejudice based on how they look is....idiotic.

And it just gets worse! Shoji finally gets screentime to tell people to stop fighting against injustice.

He finally gets something and it's to tell spinner to stop fighting mutants getting slaughtered, to stop letting heroes and the police sit on their hands and do nothing- everyone knows that if you wanna be good second class citizens and get equality, you have to wait patiently and quietly till people deem you good enough to EARN it.

He does talk about the cycle of violence, but the problem is....hori never has a person like Todoroki or Deku turn towards regular people and tell them that THEY should be ashamed of how they treat mutants as well.

It's so easy to turn towards marginalized people radicalized into fighting against prejudice, but man is it on so hard to turn to the people being shitty and not saying a damn thing! My hero does this so poorly, the people who hurt mutants never have to address their prejudices and they never get called out, or are made to change out of kindness- they just get away with it.

And it ends again as we see at the beginning of this post- offscreen! Shoji brings peace to many mutant locations and we're just supposed to be fine with no one putting in effort but the mutants themselves.

It's the biggest fence sitting the series does, completely putting the onus of change on the mutants! It's a shame too, cause MHA had potential! But it'll end up as a series that just barely involves itself in the struggle and many mutant characters barely get to grow and prove anything.

So we start off with a proposal for an expedition into the Amazon to find a magical plant that can heal any ailment. They are citing the ongoing “Great War” as reason to find it and aid the troops getting sick in the trenches. Yes love this, well done you establish the legend, the timeline, the goal and set the plot up in under 5 minutes. 

We then move onto a classic “sneak around to steal what you need and then fight in close quarters using what's around you to get away” scene. While cliché, still a staple to any magical archeologist adventure movie, and it helps to establish Lily’s character here.

She's seen as impulsive, determined, brave but also graceless, cocky, untrained in anything to defend herself, but also intelligent and her quick thinking can be hit or miss. She’s not a female character thats great at everything she does, she doesn't fight these men hand to hand but rather tries to use her surroundings to slow them down so she can run. They keep with these qualities through out the movie as well. I really appreciate this direction here, because it makes her feel more real. Lily is set up as the adventurous female protagonist, and my only grip with her is she's the “powerful” female symbol. Trying to make her femininity closer to masculinity and therefore undermining what makes being female so great. Instead of focusing on the unique strengths women possess they try to make her “not like other girls”.

Yes, I love how imperfect her character is, and her spunk and grit. However it would have been refreshing to have her maybe display her “rebellious” nature through wearing modified dresses for easier mobility rather than pants. Because there are girls out there that want to do adventurous things but still wear dresses. I think the costume department could have come up with some really creative designs. 

Historically at the time, trousers had just started becoming common for women to wear, due to the war and increase in sports activities for women. (it wouldn't be until the second war that even more women worked in the factories and that after the war they didn't want to give up the mobility pants offered) The whole pants thing felt too forced with incessant dialog with the characters about it. They treat the audience like that cant pick up on small details like that, understand even a basic bit of the historical setting or I don't know, can research it themselves if they need to. Its too in your face.

Now Frank, a skipper on the Amazon River giving tours. His introduction scene was the perfect nod to the ride filled with puns, the hippo, waterfall, and tribal people (really enjoyed that part because it is such a fun ride). He comes off slightly aggressive, a conman, and all around just rude to anyone and everyone. A true loner, tired of life and taking his feelings of longing and irritation out on those around him. You can just feel the physical and emotional exhaustion on him in the beginning and a little through out, but I also feel like the writers had trouble keeping his character constant. 

Its a small thing, and it might be the Johnson just couldn't do it, but Frank really should have had a Spanish accent, not an American one. He is one, Spanish and two, everyone else in town has a Spanish accent. A town he built. Just something that would make more sense, but again a small detail. 

His first interaction with Lily is one of just complete disregard to her as a person, talking down to her, calling her pants/ lady (pants is an American term that is considered quite vulgar and insulting to Europeans), insulting her past memories driving her current motivations. He treats her as if she’s not capable, weak and simply a scared little girl. 

I’m all for characters with faults but this is a man who’s friends and partner is a woman leading her people. I feel like Franks character would give women unique respect at the time due to the people around him and that this man has never been to modern day Europe and has had 400 years to outgrow any societal norms in 1500 Spain. It doesn't make sense and simply feels like a stupid “sexist” jab thrown in there to make the movie look “progressive” and “empowering”. (plus that stupid bit with the whistling historically inaccurate and unnecessary) 

Now this movie truly made me hate the Enemies to Lovers trope. These characters did nothing but bicker and argue the whole time, and treat each other horribly. They never showed a inkling of liking each other as people just this weird sexual tension that didn't have anything to do with the story. I hate plots being built on adrenaline fueled “love” (insert sexual attraction) and nothing more. (Examples: Jurassic World, Sinbad, Prince of Persia, basically most action romance movies.)

If they really wanted a romantic agenda, they should have made it healthier, less toxic, or heck even have an established relationship at the beginning. These movies rely on cheap romantic subplots that are just poorly written and a weak writing tactic, they are too scared to write outside this formula thats been used for decades. 

Now this is where if they changed just this simple thing, the entire story would change and be that much better. They become best friends. Their matching strong willed personalities, shared goal, and drive to help each other would have been so much fun. Their banter would flow better, their team work could have been built stronger. But writers are too scared to make anything platonic or simply familial. 

On the familial note, I have to say the Houghton siblings are one of the best sibling relationships I have seen in a long time. Its a shame it was over shadowed by “Lets make out” Frank and Lily. We could have seen more of how they love each other in that sibling way, yes we got a little, but they are in a life and death situation and there isn't the right amount of worry over the others life. Especially when they have MacGregor clearly state the level of loyalty he has for Lily and how it’s them against the world. If it truly was, then I would have liked to see their bond actually portrayed that way (like they literally removed MacGregor from the story).

Now my personal beliefs aside, MacGregor is a character that was cheated. He wasn't given proper role in this story. He was thrown in for political agenda, and comedy relief. I appreciate his growth through the story, his finding confidence and joy in life. I would have loved to see His and Franks friendship more, because it was could have been really fun but they didn’t really do anything with it besides a talk and laughing at his jokes. (also on that whole Frank accepting him thing, if Frank could do that, then he could treat Lily Better) 

Now the villains of the story. Cursed Conquistadors and a German Prince. One completely useless and the other underutilized due to the others unnecessary presence. I understand what they were trying to go with here, the main villain meddling in magical affairs' thinking he can back stab the forces with no consequences.  

They didn’t balance them well at all. Remove the prince. I think simply mentioning the war to establish a timeline is enough, you don't have to drag a German Villain into it. They couldn't decide if they wanted him to be scary or comedic relief. I will admit the bee scene was funny, but made his character all the more confusing. (also a sub cant go in the amazon) And you can replace him setting the conquistadors free with erosion/weather/flooding, basically a force of nature. The prince is a noncharacter. 

I think putting full focus on the cursed conquistadors and Frank would have made for a more well balanced story and adding more emotion into it full of betrayal and grief. I would have liked more dialog between Frank and Aguirre, something to show how deep of a bond they had. I feel like movies love this whole “we were like brothers” line only to throw it away and have the characters act almost indifferent to each other. 

Perhaps a scene from Aguirre’s POV on how he perceived Franks “betrayal” and the grief of knowing that he failed his daughter (another thrown away plot point) and the growing bitterness and looking to blame anyone but himself. Perhaps showing pieces of the past from both his and Franks POV and how he starts to twist it to fit the narrative he wants to mask his guilt.

Lily now in the story as a found friend alongside MacGregor there to help Frank settle the ghosts of his past as well as get a cure all for their country and allies would have been fresh and given the audience an emotionally well rounded experience. (writing these days are lackluster and stick to the borders of what's been done before) 

Seriously this was a huge lost and wasted opportunity for some cheap jokes instead of deep character relationships and plot with depth. Characters are what make the story and when you start failing them the story follows. 

Now the ending....they are cowards. I get it they were doing the whole happy ending where the girl gets the guy, yada yada, but if they had not just properly built the conflict between Aguirre and Frank, making the final “battle” all the more heart wrenching and bitter sweet. It just felt...there. Like the audience doesn't feel this sense of them having known each other their whole lives.

Now imagine instead, Lily places the flower in Franks mouth and he breaths his final breath. She then does the same for the other conquistadors, her heart going out for their long painful lives and a feeling of peace settles over the Amazon. She returns home, medicine in hand, ready to live life to the fullest, holding her short time with Frank close to her heart. Knowing that his time had come, and while she grieves she doesn't feel bitter about it.  

Yes, it would have been a sad ending, but it would have been equal parts sweet and inspiring. A message of enjoying your life and not to be consumed with regrets, shame, anger, and resentment (others and self) but instead seek forgiveness and peace. 

It simply comes down to they just wrote a surface level character interaction forced romance action adventure with magic thrown in, and what I was expecting was a bestfriends action adventure. There's way more little nitpicks I didn't mention, but thats just one of my things. I like some realism to my stories, even the magical ones lol. 

Will I watch it again, probably if I’m already in a mind numbing state but I wont willingly seek it out on my own lol. 

Raz scale: 4/10 (because I will admit I am 100% way too pretentious when it comes to writing lol) 

General consumption scale: 7/10