A Letter to My 2015 Self
Dear 2015 Me,
Over the last five years we have moved through life ages 19 to 24. At 19 years old we were still in love with a boy we thought we would love forever. We find out forever would only last a little past our 22nd birthday. Our heart was shattered by May, we questioned if it was love at all. We felt lost. Our heart suddenly turned to concrete and sunk to the depths of our stomach. It sat there for months. We walked around with a hollow chest, very unlike us. We grew from that, but it did break us for a while. In that time we got our masters degree, we lost some friends but the few left are precious gemstones. We were heartbroken about that too. But let them go. We learned how much we loved to sing karaoke in gay bars, and midnight walks and kissing boys named Will. Experiences are what we live for now. Not people. We also learned not to pour ourselves into hungry mouths anymore. That was most important. Here began our self love story.
We questioned  whether we would love again. We will.
We questioned if we should even try. We do.
You know our heart can’t help it. Â
Right after 23 we fell in love for the second time. Don’t get your hopes up this one didn’t last either. But we did love him. And we don’t wish harm on him. He taught us a few things… like mutual respect is supposed to be a part of a relationship. Not just a wish. Oh and  the word ‘no’ is not an incentive to manipulate actions out of us. Like a magic trick, we stared in awe the first night it escaped our lips, and he held us instead. We cried. He never knew why. We had accepted much less for years. You may be wondering what we must have done to see him go. Don’t worry. I can tell you there was nothing we could have said to keep him. Sometimes the ones who heal need the most healing.
I know you are likely reading this and thinking… in five years heartbreak and healing has become our brand. It may very well have. But with every heartbreak we bloom, with every hardship we learn, we carry ourself with grace now. And let me tell you… You. Are. Glowing. Â
-R.M.
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