#worstweekend

I figured out a lot about myself this weekend and it was kinda crazy. On the way to Spartanburg my car decided to take a shit and prevented me from making it. Which really upset me. I mean this thing is only 15 years old. Ha. So I pretty much had a nervous break down and locked myself in my room for a couple hours and talked to my mother through the door about life and how being an adult was shitty and that I missed my dad. And how all my friends are happy and moving forward in their lives and I am litterally going no where. I have no idea what I want to do, or what I want to be. All I know is I want to marry Claire and just run away. But I guess I have to fill the time in between with something. I really wish I could go after one of my passions and I explained this to my mom and how I felt like school wasn't for me, and she well, agreed with me. She told me that I was going to school to make her and my dad happy and I'm not doing anything for my own happiness. And it's funny how I lay here sometimes and think about quiting and just finding something to do that I actually like and think, "no, I can't do this I promised dad I wouldn't quit.". I guess I'm not as over this whole him being gone thing as I thought I was. So my plan, save up go after my passions. Try gaming, and acting and music and stay in school, sadly. And I'm going to figure myself out. I swear.

You will never guess where I was all last weekend. I had to stay with Darcy and Bingley in their house with Jane. Jane had gotten pretty sick and my mom didn’t want to leave her alone while we went to my aunt and uncle house so I had to stay behind and take care of her; however my mother as paranoid as she is didn’t want to leave us by ourselves. Apparently ever since homecoming my parents and Bingley’s parents had gotten along very well and became the best of friends so my mom came up with the brilliant idea that Jane and I stay with them. It was the most awkward experience I have ever gone though. When we first got there Bingley was all over Jane making sure her bed was ready and if she needed anything and all that sickening stuff that couples do. Oh yeah, did I mention they’re a couple now. Right after homecoming they started to date so now I have to see Darcy all the time. Just my luck right.  For the whole weekend, I was stuck talking to absolutely no one.  Jane and Bingley were always together and Darcy would try to make conversation, but it would be like your basic, hi how are you? Sort of thing and then he would just walk away. During the whole three day’s I was with him we had one normal conversation. It was Saturday morning and I was sitting in their library reading Wuthering Heights when Darcy came up to me. He asked me if I wanted anything to eat and I politely declined, which trust me took every ounce I could not to make a sassy remark.  He then started to talk to me about the novel I was reading which was weird because my kids my age usually don’t like reading those types of novels. We were actually getting along quite nicely which was weird so I decided to ask him a more personal question because I was curious. I asked why he was living with Bingley and where his family was. He got all tense and abruptly said he had to go and left. Basically, I blew my chance at us being semi-friends. I mean he didn’t have to get all weird like that anyway. It was a valid question to ask. So for the rest of the weekend he avoided me like the plague. For the record it was probably the worst weekend I have ever had.