I figured out a lot about myself this weekend and it was kinda crazy. On the way to Spartanburg my car decided to take a shit and prevented me from making it. Which really upset me. I mean this thing is only 15 years old. Ha. So I pretty much had a nervous break down and locked myself in my room for a couple hours and talked to my mother through the door about life and how being an adult was shitty and that I missed my dad. And how all my friends are happy and moving forward in their lives and I am litterally going no where. I have no idea what I want to do, or what I want to be. All I know is I want to marry Claire and just run away. But I guess I have to fill the time in between with something. I really wish I could go after one of my passions and I explained this to my mom and how I felt like school wasn't for me, and she well, agreed with me. She told me that I was going to school to make her and my dad happy and I'm not doing anything for my own happiness. And it's funny how I lay here sometimes and think about quiting and just finding something to do that I actually like and think, "no, I can't do this I promised dad I wouldn't quit.". I guess I'm not as over this whole him being gone thing as I thought I was. So my plan, save up go after my passions. Try gaming, and acting and music and stay in school, sadly. And I'm going to figure myself out. I swear.