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Here it is! The last of the three promised gift fics. This one is for @notesoflore, who asked for some badass Johnlockary. Ask and ye shall receive! Itâs a little longer than anticipated but, hopefully, it does it for you guys. You can also read it here on AO3. Enjoy!Â
John really should have been used to being abducted. To waking up missing small chunks of time, feeling nauseous, cold and hungry and angry and sore. He had been friends with Sherlock long enough, and married to an ex-assassin, and had been abducted several times before. If you count anytime he had been shanghaied by Mycroft. Which he did. He really should have been more prepared.
 But he wasnât.
 Though his eyes were closed, he winced hard as he slowly came to consciousness.
 First things, first. Take stock, he thought to himself. He knew he was lying facedown on damp, cool concrete that smelled vaguely of mildew. Basement or a warehouse. He dragged his leaden arms up so he could push himself up and at least roll over onto his back. With a bitten-off groan, he succeeded and opened his eyes cautiously. It was dim, he blinked to clear his watery vision a little. Turning his head, he saw a single ceiling lamp, switched on, and nothing else. No furniture, no windows, not even piping. At least that meant they couldnât tie him down to anything.
 Next, he wiggled his fingers and toes and found them all in tact. His joints were sore but that probably had more to do with waking up on cement than anything else. His neck began to complain, throbbing at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. His hand came up to rub at it and he hissed in pain, the dull throb not unlike an amorous hickey.
 Injection site, more force than necessary.
 He wondered what theyâd actually drugged him with, if they planned on keeping him drugged up or if whoever kidnapped him wanted him awake to interrogate him. As to what they would interrogate him about, John had no idea. Either way, he made an effort to be silent as he dragged himself up off the ground to prop his back against the nearest wall.
 His mouth was dry, possibly a side effect of the drug and definitely a result of being dehydrated. He was unsure of how much time had passed but it was safe to say a couple hours at least. Squashing down his impending nausea and shoving aside his discomfort, he dug in his pockets to see what he still had on him. He had left the house this morning with his phone, keys, wallet, set of nail clippers, pocket flashlight, and handkerchief.
 He frowned to realize whoever had taken him had been very thorough. It was too much to hope that heâd have his phone still on him, but stranger things had happened. In any case, they had cleaned him out.
 Well, nothing for it now but to sit and wait. Just like in the army. Sit and wait.
 ///-\\\
 Maryâs blood ran cold when she walked up on their car with their daughter in her arms. The bags John had been holding were scattered on the ground, keys left near the passenger rear wheel, no sign of John. Kidnapping, heâs been kidnapped. Again.
 He had been out of her sight for no less than two minutes. While she got their daughter changed into a new nappy in the loo, John said heâd take the groceries out to the car. They were going to have a nice night in, movie and homemade pizza with the shit ÂŁ10 wine like the normal couple they had convinced themselves they were.
 Of course that was too much to ask for.
 Not allowing panic to take control, she shifted Rosie on her hip and dug into her purse to pull out her phone and hit speed dial two. âYou better pick up your goddamn phone, Sherlock Holmes,â Mary warned the empty air in front of her.
 He answered on the first ring.
 âMary, to what do I owe the pleasure?â
 âJohnâs gone,â she said, unable to keep the small tremor out of her voice. âSomeoneâs taken him.â
 The answer was immediate. âWhere are you?â
 She told him her location and Sherlock assured her heâd be right there.
 âDid you call the police?â
 âCourse not, theyâre morons,â Mary said, trying for levity. They shared a strained laugh before she continued. âBut they are the next call. Weâll need access to the lot feeds and theyâll be useful in that capacity.â
 âExcellent, Mary. Donât let them touch anything. Iâm already on my way.â
 âWeâll find him, wonât we? Just like before, right?â
 âOf course we will. Hopefully this time heâs not being used for kindling, though. I think itâs a little early for bonfires.â
 âQuite right,â she said, heart picking up speed. She rang off and stood there, leaning against the car as she dialed for Lestrade. If there was anyone who would be willing to let Sherlock get involved, it would be him.
 With the calls made, all she could do was sit and wait.
 ///-\\\
 It took fifteen minutes at the crime scene for Sherlock to determine who had taken John. By the time he got there, Mary had found someone to take Rosie off her hands for the time being and had set up her own perimeter around the car.
 John chose well, in her, he thought silently.
 He had taken a look at the spot and saw Johnâs keys lying on the ground and had to swallow back a lump of panic. Just like any other case, find and analyse the evidence. Solve the case, he told himself firmly.
 He examined the area, scanned their receipt to see if they had taken anything from their grocery bags, searched the area around the car. Nothing else had been taken, nothing other than Johnâs keys left behind. A quick look at the lot surveillance yielded a lucky shot of John walking out into the car lot and being tailed by a black van. The footage showed a man opening the side door, hitting John in the neck with something and dragging him into the van before it sped into motion and leaving for parts unknown.
 The van had been partially blocked on the bottom of the frame so it was impossible to read the plate but what they did find made Sherlockâs heart soar with hope. The hand that had delivered the blow to the neck had a tattoo on the back of his hand.
 âI know who took him,â Sherlock declared with delight. Without another thought, he was running out the door and all set to retrieve John himself.
 A grip to the back of his coat stopped him short.
 âSherlock Fucking Holmes, if you think youâre rescuing my husband without me then you are sorely mistaken.â
 A turn of his head brought an angry, determined Mary Watson into view. Instantly chastised Sherlock stilled. He cleared his throat, âof course. Apologies.â
 Lestrade spoke up and said, âwho took him, Sherlock? Tell us and we can all go and get him back safely.â
 Sherlock straightened his coat like a disgruntled bird would smooth its feathers. âA man named Panczenko. Rather, an associate of Panczenko, I recognize the tattoo. I ran into them during my time away. Heâs an arms dealer, dabbles in the drug trade and was looking into expanding his enterprise in Russia. I discovered him when I was dismantling Moriartyâs network. I might have caused,â he hesitated, trying to phrase his words correctly, âa slight upset in his supply line.â
 âHow,â Mary asked.
 âHe had a shipment of guns in a warehouse that I accidentally liquidated.â
 âIs that a fancy way of saying you destroyed the warehouse,â Lestrade asked.
 Sherlock nodded. âMore accurately, I had to blow it up. The warehouse they were using was partly owned by a member of the network I had been hunting. I couldnât get close to him, not without some measure of personal risk. So, I had to go with a more...covert approach.â
 âA bomb is covert,â Lestrade asked incredulously.
 Sherlock shrugged. âSeemed like a good idea at the time. Could detonate from afar, ensure maximum likelihood of death, cathartic in a sense.â
 âHang on, how did they find out about you, though,â Mary asked.
 âCriminals talk. I was taking out people left and right, in those days. I didnât think I was coming home. I wasnât exactly careful, after a certain point. Itâs how I eventually got caught.â
 âAnd now they want revenge,â Mary said plainly. âExactly how much did you blow up?â
 âSeveral hundred thousand pounds worth of merchandise. Some members of their organization, too. Not exactly a write off.â
 Mary, in a second, had turned from âscared wife and motherâ to âready for battle assassinâ. For not the first time in his life, and certainly not the last, Sherlock was impressed by Maryâs ability to prioritize and seamlessly blend into any situation she found herself in. Staring up at him she said, âwell, what are we waiting for? Letâs go get our John back.â
 Sherlock nodded and said, âyes. Letâs go get our John back.â
 ///-\\\
 When Sherlock and Mary burst into his cell, both brandishing guns and murderous scowls, John had to fight the urge to laugh and kiss them both. They were both stunning, sweeping into the room, almost in slow motion to Johnâs tired brain, looking like some kind of old school spy movie.
 I watch too much fucking James Bond, he thought distantly.
 Not long after, a policeman came barreling in, guarding the door. Commotion rang outside but John couldnât bring himself to care. Not when the two loves of his life were crouched in front of him, touching his face with concern.
 Mary swept his sweaty fringe back to inspect a cut on his forehead while Sherlock cupped and held his cheeks up to the light to examine his black eye.
 âWhat have they done to you, John,â Mary asked, barely containing her anger.
 âJust roughed me up a bit,â John answered, wincing at their prodding.
 âBlack eye, split lip, two superficial cuts to the forehead,â Sherlock rattled off automatically. He pushed Johnâs head to the side to look at his neck and he surprised all present by literally growling at what he found. âWhoever kidnapped you was a bloody butcher. Iâve seen better injection sites from first year med students and shaky junkies.â
 John smiled fondly and shoved them both off. âIf you two are quite done.â He held out his hands for them to help him rise, which they did, and he staggered a little on his feet. Immediately two arms came around his waist to support him. Between the aftereffects of the drugs, having no food or water in the twelve hours heâd been captive, and the knocking around heâd been given, he was not at his best. âTake me home, if you would be so kind.â
 âYes, John,â his wife and best friend answered in tandem.
 On the way home, sandwiched between Mary and Sherlock while Lestrade drove, the two grilled him about his time as a captive. On autopilot, he told them that he was asked details about Sherlockâs life. People he loved were threatened if he didnât answer and he was beaten repeatedly when he didnât comply.
 When Lestrade pulled up in front of Mary and Johnâs flat, he offered Sherlock a ride but the detective waived it off. âJohn needs looking after.â
 John anticipated Mary telling him that she was capable of taking care of him herself but, to his surprise, she seconded Sherlockâs statement. His heart felt full. Normally, he found himself tugged in two directions: the family he had always wanted with Mary and Rosie on one side, Sherlock and the adventure he had always needed on the other. He loved them both tremendously and felt guilt gnaw at him whenever he was with one without the other. He was better, happier, when he could have them both in the same room.
 He had stopped hiding his feelings after Sherlock came back. At least from himself he did. It was Mary who ended up saying the words out loud first. Long after the bullet wound had healed, not long after they brought Rosie home. He had spent so much time away from Sherlock that it made him ache. But parting from his wife, his new child, the thought made him feel like scum.
 He couldnât decide which was worse.
 She cornered him after putting their daughter to bed. âYou love him. He loves you.â
 âI do. I think he does.â
 âItâs obvious.â
 John had laughed humorlessly. âYou two sound so alike. Whatâs that say about me, then? Hmm?â
 âThat youâre in love. And youâre feeling guilty as shit, not wanting to choose.â She had stared him down, not pulling away from him or their situation. âIâll not lose you, John,â she had told him plainly. âBut I do think there could be...accommodations made.â
 John shook his head. âI would never risk us.â It was unclear if he was talking about his friendship with Sherlock or his marriage with Mary. It didnât really matter. There was too much at stake.
 Mary had kissed him then and told him, âyou might be surprised. My offer stands. If you ever gather the courage to ask him.â
 That conversation haunted him for months. The offer sat on the tip of his tongue for weeks and each day he grew closer to saying it. But in the end, he always chickened out.
 Dragging his thoughts to the present, John walked into his house with Mary in front of him and Sherlock behind. He wash ushered into the shower by Mary and Sherlock announced he would make John dinner.
 He cleaned himself thoroughly, sighing at the warm water working magic on his stiff, sore limbs. When he emerged, it was to the smell of a proper fry up and fresh pajamas. On the nightstand was two paracetamol tablets and a glass of water, which he downed greedily. Empty glass in hand, he went in search of his rescuers.
 In the kitchen he was handed another glass of water and then a cup of tea. Both went down easily and soon a plate of food was put in front of him. After his plate was clean, he looked at both Sherlock and Mary and asked, âwhat now?â
 His wife and friend looked at each other then back to John. Sherlock remained silent and Mary sighed, exhausted. âThis ends right now.â
 Johnâs heart lurched in his chest. âWhat are you talking about?â
 âIâm tired of pretending like you two arenât completely gone over each other.â
 âMary,â John started, not wanting to get into it just yet but Mary was having none of it.
 âNeither of us can live without you, John.â She let the statement fall. Silence followed it, heavy and thick. Her eyes watered and she averted her gaze to try and hide it. âWhile you were gone, while we were looking for you, we talked.â
 John licked his lips nervously. âGo on.â
 Mary, landed her gaze on Sherlock and it seemed to him that she was begging Sherlock to say something. He cleared his throat and toyed with his own hot mug of tea.
 âIt was mutually agreed that neither of us can let you go. Nor are we willing to let you continue feeling guilty for having to choose between us.â
 Johnâs palms began to sweat and his eyes darted between the two people who he loved most in the world. âSo...what does that mean?â A million thoughts zipped through his mind.
 Is one of them leaving? I think, I know I canât handle that. Losing Sherlock almost killed me, Maryâs the mother of my child, how do I keep them, I canât-
 âStop thinking, John,â Sherlock told him firmly.
 John swallowed thickly. âI...I canât.â
 âYou donât have to. Weâre not going anywhere,â Mary promised.
 âWhat does that mean,â John asked, tired and growing increasingly unsure.
 âIt means,â Sherlock said, turning to look at Mary.
 âThat weâre making room,â she concluded for him.
 John sat, brain unwilling to process the information he had received. Without a word, Sherlock and Mary rose and helped him stand and lead him to the bedroom. Mary left the two men alone while she checked on their daughter and John finally seemed to find his words without so many people in the room.
 âSo you just decided all this without me, then?â
 âAre you saying you donât want this?â
 âThatâs not what Iâm saying,â John replied instantly.
 âThen donât overthink it.â
 John sat on the edge of the bed, covering his eyes with his hand. âThis is so complicated. So fucked, I donât know where to even begin.â He looked up at Sherlock and asked, âhow did we get here?â
 Sherlock stared right back and said, âWho cares, John?â
 âWho cares, indeed,â Mary said, walking back into the room. She began changing, readying herself for bed and John was about to protest, uncomfortable with the sudden ease of nudity in the room but she beat him to it. âWeâre going to be getting very familiar in short order, might as well get a jump on things.â
 She dug into Johnâs drawers and pulled out an oversized shirt and a pair of Johnâs pajama pants. âMight be a little short, but theyâll do.â She tossed them to Sherlock and said, âextra toothbrush on the sink.â
 âThank you,â he said softly, leaving to go ready himself for bed.
 John sighed. âBetter go make up the couch, then.â He tried to rise and Mary gently pushed him back down on the bed. âYouâll do nothing of the sort. He sleeps here. Thereâs room enough.â
 âBut-â
 âBut nothing, John.â She smiled at him and said, âI agree that this is...odd. But since when have we three been normal, eh?â
 Accepting defeat, John nodded once and slipped between the sheets. Soon Mary joined him and then, standing awkwardly in the doorway, Sherlock appeared. He fidgeted with his fingers and John took one look and, finally realizing all he could have if he just stopped thinking, took pity on him. He held up a corner of the duvet and said, âget over here, git.â
 Sherlock relaxed and did as told. John soon found himself in the middle of his bed with a head resting on each shoulder. For the first time since Sherlockâs return, he felt completely and totally whole. His arms squeezed the two of them close and he let out a breath he hadnât known he had been holding. He had never been so at peace.
 There was just one thing that would make the situation perfect.
Reading his thoughts, Mary tilted her head up and kissed him slowly, sweet, familiar lips welcoming him home. âWeâll figure it out in the morning. Good night, John.â She looked over at Sherlock with a look that said your turn, dummy.
 Sherlock moved slowly and said, âJohn, may I-â
 âYes,â John finished for him.
 Almost shyly, Sherlock cupped his chin with one hand and John angled his lips down to meet Sherlockâs. Soft as Maryâs but more timid. Over far too quick for a first kiss, but perfect nonetheless, Sherlock pulled back and said, âgood night, John.â
 He pressed one more quick kiss to Sherlockâs lips and then turned to kiss the top of Maryâs head. He said aloud, to them both, âgood night.â Then, softly, he added, âI love you.â
 âLove you, too,â the two voices against his chest answered.
 Their situation was bizarre. Complicated beyond belief. But they were right, it didnât matter how they got there. All that mattered is that they loved each other and they were moving forward together. Theyâd figure it all out in the morning. Without the weight of guilt on him for the first time in over three years, John Watson slept peacefully.
Johnlock: Mary, Mrs Hudson, Angelo, and a lot of guest stars. Also Mike Stamford (@elizacooper)
John/Mary: Sherlock
Adlock: John
Sherlolly: Anderson, Eurus. (depending on how you interpret the coffin scene in The Final Problem also John, Mycroft, and Sherlock @sarcastic-doodle)
Sheriarty: Moriarty, that girl in The Empty Hearse. (thanks @rottenbrainstuff)
Did I miss anyone? I just made this post based on observation on the show as I donât really ship anyone in Sherlock. I also add mentions for people who give suggestions. Please donât make it into ship wars.
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Prompted by Smosh's Game Bang when they played the WiiU game "Spin the Bottle".
  "Okay, the next game is Squeeze the Orange!"
  There was scattered applause and cheers as Sherlock and Molly knelt opposite one another.
  "Okay, I've to place the Wii Remote in between you two on the table, and together you have to lean forward and press the A and B buttons with your noses. I'll tell you when to stop," John read off the Gamepad screen.
  Sherlock winked, causing her to blush furiously. They leaned forward on their knees.
  "Okay, go!"
  They pressed their noses against the buttons on either side. She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing when she saw Sherlock's brow furrowed in concentration. Mary giggled and nudged Lestrade. A few seconds passed before John clapped his hands.
  "Stop! You both win a flower. Good teamwork!"
  Mrs. Hudson cheered as they kissed and hi-fived each other.
  "Right, spin the bottle, Molly!"
  She pushed the bottle on the screen with her finger and it landed on Lestrade. He grinned and pushed it as well. It spun lazily before landing in the yellow wedge of the circle.
  "Mycroft!" Sherlock smirked.
  "And the game is... Slow Dance!"
  John whooped and the whole room erupted into laughter.