When family gets under your skin
These days are pretty rough on everyone. Energetically the people on earth are feeling on edge and with good reason. The events of the world have led up to a serious need for more love but also for more action. Amongst all the goings on of the world we will probably also feel it keenly at home, with family friends, coworkers and other people we interact with on social media platforms.
I want to talk today about the people who drive us up the wall .It could be that person on social media with an opinion on your lived experience or the person walking down the street spewing hateful phrases. These people we can walk away from or block, but what about the people in our lives? What about family? The ones you live with and share space. The ones you know you will be keeping in your life. What do you do when the people you love do not listen to or respect your needs and boundaries? What do you do when you know that in any other circumstance you would not keep them in your life? This is something I have been struggling with and thought I would share my thoughts feelings and action steps concerning this topic. Feel free to add your own tips to this!
So. You have a family member who isn’t listening to you. It is easy to point the finger, especially when you feel hurt and disrespected. Your feelings are valid and It is important to address them as such. This next part is very unpopular, yet a necessary step to feeling good, and having healthy, loving and compassionate relationships and conversations with family members /close friends.
First make sure that you are listening to them. Make sure that you are modeling the behavior you expect to receive. I Keep yourself good and check in with yourself about your own behavior surrounding them. This is a simple self-assessment practice that helps you feel less like a victim and more empowered. By understanding yourself, you have more tools in trying to understand others. That being said it is also important to not talk yourself out of your feelings. Looking at yourself and owning your own challenges to change, does not mean that the other person does not need to take personal responsibility for their words and actions. It is easy to blame a person, or we can simply state that something is situational. This helps us remember that both people have a part to play in healthy communication.
But let’s get really real: I don’t execute this every time. Sometimes I make a mistake, take things very personally and don’t always react the way I wish would have. This is also something that we need to forgive ourselves for. We don’t want to pile on guilt and shame about how we reacted to someone, especially if they did say something or do something that triggered a fight or flight response that we have communicated to them about. The only thing I can do In this situation is write about it ,vent it out there and then use self-talk and loving words to keep myself in a healthy frame of mind. Something you can try is writing ahead of time phrases that are neutral, simple ,firm but loving to say in the heat of the moment. I find the more prepared I am for something, the better I feel about it. Another thing I recommend that has helped me is reading books. I like Assertiveness for earth angels, By Doreen virtue, for when it comes to dealing with interactions with others. There are many authors who have put in a lot of work to find solutions and ways to grow and feel good. Some other authors that have helped me or that others have suggested to me are, Louise Hay, James Redfield (fiction and non-fiction wrapped into one), Brene Brown, Byron Katie and Gabby Bernstein. So for now read, write, communicate and follow through on your own self-care and self-analysis. Remember that everyone is dealing with their own troubles and challenges. We are all doing our best. in love and gratitude, sarah xoxo
