#wonts

          Buck found himself lying comfortably on a lounge chair, his ankles crossed, one hand resting under his head, the other dangling freely off the side.  He was a little too comfortable, really - he was having difficulty keeping his eyes open after the physical exertions of the day, but it was a pleasant kind of sleepiness.  He was only wearing his swimming trunks but the air was so warm he was completely content.  He heard a shriek of laughter and his eyes flickered back towards the pool where Christopher had just disappeared beneath the surface of the water, his water wings bobbing, presumably having been tossed a short ways by Eddie who was standing a couple of feet away and also laughing.  

          Smiling fondly, Buck leaned his head back against his hand and watched them, watched as Eddie scooped Christopher out of the water and spun him around, droplets flying as Chris giggled with glee, his arms raised up as if he was the king of the world.  

          The three of them had taken off for the weekend for a mini vacation up at Ventura beach, only an hour or so out of the city, seeking some relaxation and rest after everything that had happened.  And man, Buck reflected, a lot had happened in the last five months.  His thoughts drifted as he watched Eddie and Christopher playing in the pool, tossing around a beach ball.  They’d been in the ocean most of the day, but Chris had wanted one last swim before bed, so into the pool they’d gone.  Buck wasn’t in the mood for swimming again but he didn’t mind whatsoever; lying there gave him a few moments alone to think and reflect, feeling comfortable and sleepy in the late evening sun.  He thought back to what had brought them there, seeking such an escape, and his vision became unfocused as he lost himself in his thoughts.

          Nearly five months before, right after the kidnapping and once Buck and Eddie had gotten through all their misunderstandings and finally saw each other clearly, Buck had never expected to be where he was today.  Back then he was taking things day by day.  After all of his brushes with death over the years, he was learning never to take anything for granted, and so he hadn’t thought too much about the future then, happy to take each moment as it came.

          A few days after he’d arrived at Eddie’s, he’d been napping on Eddie’s bed while Eddie and Chris ran out to get a few things.   He didn’t hear them come home, only aware that they were back when Eddie came into the room and sat down beside him on the bed, stroking his arm and giving him a little shake when he didn’t wake up right away.

          He’d been groggy, a bit bleary-eyed when Eddie told him to get dressed because he wanted to take Buck out for a bit, and Buck obeyed without thinking too much about it, his stomach growling in hunger at the prospect of lunch.  He got dressed in some dark green pants and a white button up shirt, and was in the midst of rolling up the sleeves as he walked out the door.  As he was not facing forwards when he walked into the kitchen, he did not have the split-second warning his eyes would have given and he nearly jumped out of his skin at the cacophony of noise that hit him a second later.

          “SURPRISE!”

          Buck nearly fell over, grabbing onto the counter as he physically stumbled back, his heart slamming against his ribcage as his head whipped around and he took in the sight of Eddie, Christopher, the rest of the 118 crew and most of their immediate families spread through the kitchen and into the living room.  His slightly terrified shock had turned into genuine surprise and he’d felt himself grinning as multiple people rushed forward to hug him or touch him comfortingly, everyone telling him how happy they were that he was okay and that they’d been worried about him.  He tried to keep his winces to a minimum, more excited about seeing everyone than stopping them from touching his ribs.

          He had thanked everyone, giving and receiving a ton of hugs and handshakes, exchanging happy sentiments and words with everyone.  Hen hugged him and told him how much they missed him at the station, while Chim clapped him on the shoulder and said the same thing, but in his own, lightly mocking fashion.   Denny and Harry wanted to hear gruesome details about the kidnapping and Buck was torn between amusement and hesitation to talk about it at all until their mothers came and dragged them away, apologizing for their brazenness, which Buck shrugged and laughed off.  

          Josh and May hugged him at the same time from either side, and then Maddie was there, wrapping her arms around his middle and clutching him as tightly as she dared, looking near tears.

          “I’m okay,” he mumbled into her hair as he bent to hold her close.  “I promise.”

          “You better be,” she sniffed into his chest, pulling away far enough to look up at him.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

          Buck, tempted to tease her but refraining for the time being, hugged her again and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  

          “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, don’t worry.  I’ll be here to bug you forever.”

          Maddie looked relatively comforted by this and shifted beside him, putting an arm around his back and leading him over to the kitchen counter, where it and the kitchen table were both laden with dishes of food that looked absolutely amazing and had his stomach snarling.

          “You guys are too good to me,” Buck said happily to the room at large as he grabbed a plate and began loading it up with his favourite things.  Everyone near him laughed in an affectionate way and Buck felt like he was floating again as he sat down and joined in different conversations, thrilled to be surrounded by all his favourite people.

          “Thank you for doing this,” Buck had said quietly to Eddie later in the day, as the milling groups changed up again and Buck found himself standing beside Eddie, leaning on him.  

          “It was actually Chris’s idea,” Eddie said with a smile, nodding at Chris, who was talking animatedly to the other kids, just out of their earshot.  “He wanted you to have a good time.”

          “I can’t believe how thoughtful that kid is,” Buck shook his head, briefly putting his head on Eddie’s shoulder, then popping it back off as he remembered that no one knew they were together yet.  

          “Yeah, he’s pretty amazing,” Eddie agreed, looking over at him fondly.  “We can tell everyone we’re together, if you don’t want them to find out accidentally,” Eddie added, apparently reading Buck’s mind.

          “Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe me recovering from being kidnapped is a big enough thing for one day,” Buck said, bumping Eddie’s shoulder teasingly.  “It’s not like any of them suspect, anyway.”

          Buck gestured to Christopher and they moved closer as Eddie glanced around, catching both Hen and Bobby watching them from different parts of the yard, feeling sweat bead on his forehead as he remembered kissing Buck in front of all of them the moment they’d rescued him.  He still hadn’t told Buck about that, or how he’d burst out his confession to Bobby loud enough that everyone had heard.  He was sure that they all assumed they were dating now, but poor Buck was still in the dark.

          “... so now, I can ask Buck for things too, it’s great.” Christopher was saying, and Denny grinned at him.

          “It’s like you have two dads!  That’s like the opposite of me, I have two moms!” Denny told him, and Chris nodded enthusiastically.  

          Buck felt his cheeks flushing as Eddie looked over at him, smiling at the look on his face.  Christopher seemed so excited about the prospect of having two dads that Buck couldn’t help but feel flattered, though it also made him feel insecure in the moment; he was not fatherly material as far as he was concerned, but the look in Eddie’s eyes told him otherwise.

          Eddie took his hand and squeezed it as though sensing his emotions, and Buck appreciated the gesture, though his heart started racing a moment later as Hen, Chim, Bobby, and Athena approached, all looking different levels of amused.  Buck quickly let go of Eddie’s hand, as though they hadn’t already been watching the two of them, his cheeks flushing further.

          “Oh, hi everyone,” Buck said, a little awkwardly.  “Thank you again for coming, this was so sweet of all of you.”

          “It’s no trouble, Buckaroo,” Athena said, and Buck could hear the fondness in her voice.  They’d come so far from their first meeting, Buck distinctly remembering her completely reasonable impatience with him, but now he viewed her as family and knew the feeling was mutual.  “We’re just so glad you’re okay.”

          “So, the two of you have anything to tell us?” Chim asked, putting his arm around Maddie as she joined them, looking on curiously.

          Buck glanced at Eddie, whose expression had gone rather blank, then glanced around at the rest of them, feeling distinctly put on the spot.

          “Uh, no...?” Buck said with an upward inflection, trying and failing to sound like he had no idea what was happening.

          “Oh come on,” Hen said in a clearly joking but exasperated tone.  “Are you really going to try to hide it?”

          Buck glanced back at Eddie, whose expression had changed only slightly, and Buck widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows at him, moving his head in a small but significant way, a universal gesture for ‘say something!’

          “Oh, uh… hide what?” Eddie asked, spurred into action by Buck’s expression, torn between laughing and wanting to hide his face.  It was his fault they already knew about this, of course, but Buck didn’t know that.  

         The rest of them all laughed a little, glancing at each other, fond looks on their faces that were driving Buck insane.  It was clear that they knew, but Buck didn’t understand how they knew, or why they seemed so certain.

         “Out with it,” Hen said with a grin, and there was a general chorus of agreement.

         “I, uh…” Buck felt awkward but also amused, and he definitely wanted to say it, but he wasn’t sure exactly what to say.  Neither was Eddie, apparently, who had just run his hand over his face and looked torn between amusement and horror.

         “Guys, you’re making him squirm,” Maddie observed as Buck fidgeted nervously with his hands, laughing as Buck shot her a look and shoved his hand into his pocket to still the motion.  Fidgeting when he was nervous or feeling awkward was something he’d done his whole life and she’d always teased him about it.

         “Okay let’s make this easier.  He given you a second kiss yet?” Chim asked Buck with a grin, and Buck’s bemused expression turned to one of confusion.  Hen smacked Chim lightly on the chest, shooting him a disapproving look, and Chim raised a hand in confusion.  “What?”

         “Second kiss?” Buck asked, thrown.  There had been plenty of second kisses, of course, and third ones, fourth ones and more.  But they had never kissed anywhere besides the privacy of Eddie’s home, and even Chris had not yet seen them.

         Eddie now seemed very sheepish, and as one, Buck and everyone else turned to look at him.  Eddie’s discomfort was palpable and he blushed, looking away from the others, locking gazes with Buck instead.

         “I, um… may have kissed you when we first got you back,” Eddie admitted.  “In front of everyone.”

          “Oh,” Buck said faintly, trying to absorb this new information, admittedly very surprised.  “But I-I don’t… you did?!”

          “I was just so relieved, and I was worked up… It just kind of happened,” Eddie explained, and Buck could hear the unspoken apology, the begging for forgiveness of kissing him without permission in his tone.  “You were pretty out of it, it doesn’t surprise me that you don’t remember.”

          Buck thought back to the day he’d been rescued and he was barely able to recall any of it.  Very brief flashes of recollection but nothing more; the sound of a siren, the feeling of being lifted onto a stretcher, briefly noticing the bumps in the road while in the back of the ambulance. Beyond that, he didn’t really remember anything until he woke up in the hospital.

          “I’m sorry,” Eddie said softly, apparently misreading Buck’s confused attempt at recalling the memory for displeasure at the news.  “I shouldn’t have done it when you were unconscious like that, it was wrong of me.”

          Though Buck could feel all eyes on him, he only had eyes for Eddie.  The fact that Eddie was apologizing and clearly felt bad and like he’d taken advantage of Buck was not something that Buck wanted to let him feel for even a millisecond longer.  So, in front of everyone, Buck pulled Eddie closer by the hips, leaned in, and kissed him.

          Predictably, cheers and catcalls rose up around them, whistles and shouts growing louder as the noise turned every head, as everyone realized what was happening and joined in.  Buck distinctly heard at least two people say “finally!” and let out a breath of laughter against Eddie’s lips. Buck felt Eddie hesitate for a moment and then kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Buck and holding him close.  The whooping and whistling continued even as they broke the kiss, briefly allowing their foreheads and noses to touch as they took a few shaky breaths, then pulled away with an arm still around each other’s waists, turning back to the group.

          Both were grinning a little awkwardly, their cheeks pink, but it was very clear everyone was happy for them and Buck felt warm and loved as everyone congratulated them.  Eddie seemed very embarrassed; Buck noticed that even the tips of his ears were a bit red, and thought it was incredibly endearing.  

          “I guess you actually have two dads now!” Denny said gleefully to Chris behind them.  Buck and Eddie spun around to see Chris staring at them, his mouth open in surprise, and Buck realized belatedly that he shouldn’t have kissed Eddie in front of Chris before they’d told him about their relationship.  In his defense, he’d forgotten Chris was right there when he’d leaned in to kiss Eddie, too focused on making sure Eddie didn’t feel bad about what happened at the rescue.

          “Um, Chris,” Eddie began, taking a step nearer and hesitating, clearly unsure of what to say, how to explain.  

          “Are you and Buck dating?” Christopher asked, clearly oblivious to everyone watching raptly around them, staring up at his dad.  Buck, on the other hand, was squirming again, worried he’d ruined this whole thing practically before it had started (and in front of everyone they knew and loved, to boot).  Christopher was the most important factor in this, of course… if he didn’t approve of Buck as his dad’s partner, Buck wouldn’t want to force himself into the family.

          “Y-yeah,” Buck supplied, when Eddie seemed to still be searching for words.  “Yeah we are, buddy.”   Buck moved closer and dropped to one knee in front of where Christopher was sitting on the grass.  “Is that okay with you?”

          Christopher regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, his head tilted to the side, eyes travelling over Buck’s mostly healed face.  Buck knew a moment of sudden panic, thinking he wouldn’t approve, but then Chris’s face broke into a brilliant grin and he heaved himself up, throwing his arms around Buck’s neck and hugging him tight.  Buck had let out a breath of relief and laughed, scooping Chris up and spinning him around, holding him close.  This kid already meant so much more to him than he could ever put into words, and Buck was so happy that Chris seemed to love him too.

          As soon as Buck stopped spinning, Eddie joined them and they gently squished Christopher in a threeway hug, Chris throwing an arm around either of their necks and laughing happily.  Buck had been able to hear many of the others laughing and cheering them on, but the sounds faded into the background and all he knew was the feeling of Chris and Eddie in his arms, once again feeling like he’d finally found his own family.

         “I have something for you.  Wait here,” Eddie said after Christopher had tired of the attention and squirmed free to play with Denny and Harry again.  Buck smiled at him and tilted his head slightly to the side, watching as Eddie hurried off into the house, returning almost at once, holding a small box.

         Buck felt himself blush a little as he took the box from Eddie, wondering what he could have bought him.  On Eddie’s encouragement, Buck cracked open the lid and gasped as his gaze landed upon something Buck had thought was lost forever; the watch Maddie had given him.

         “Eddie! You found it!” Buck exclaimed, pulling it out and turning it over in his hand, beaming.  “It’s in great condition.”

         “That’s because I had it sent away to be fixed.  That’s a new strap and a new crystal face, it was all broken before.  I… I found it where they took you.”  Eddie’s cheerful tone was darkening and Buck reached out to take his hand, trying to pull him away from the memories.  He watched as Buck’s other hand traced the scratches on the back of the watch that partially obscured his engraved name, the only real damage that remained.

         “Anyway, I had it restored.  I just got it back yesterday,” Eddie continued, shaking off the thoughts as best as he could.  Eddie reminded himself that Buck was here, right now, and that was all that mattered.

         “Thank you, Eds,” Buck said softly, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Eddie. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

         Eddie smiled, thrilled that Buck was clearly happy to have his watch back, embracing Buck as the other man leaned into him.  After a quick glance around them to make sure people weren’t staring, Buck leaned closer and gave Eddie a brief but meaningful kiss, the way in which he clutched him tight telling Eddie all he needed to know about how Buck felt.

                                                           * * * *

          Buck yelped as he was suddenly dragged out of that pleasant memory by a very wet beach ball landing directly on his sun-warm chest and stomach, scaring the hell out of him.

          “Sorry Buck!” yelled Christopher, grinning, as Eddie threw his head back with a shout of laughter at the startled look on Buck’s face.  Rolling his eyes indulgently as Eddie snickered at him, Buck climbed off the lounger and chased after the ball as it rolled away.  He managed to capture it and tossed it back to Christopher, shaking his head at Eddie, who grinned back.

          Amused, Buck flopped himself back down on the lounger and watched them playing for a while before his thoughts drifted off again.  Buck thought about all the firsts that had happened in the last few months.  There had been so many, both in his and Eddie’s relationship and their growing relationship with Christopher as a family.

          Buck thought back to the first time he and Eddie had made love.  Neither of them had been with another man before so it had been slow and new and a bit strange, but still wonderful.  They’d been together other times since then, and every time it felt more familiar, more intimate.  

          Buck remembered the first time they’d gone on a proper date, to the movies and then out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, where Eddie treated him to an outrageously expensive steak dinner with delicious dessert and a bottle of aged wine, telling him he deserved to be pampered.  Buck hadn’t necessarily believed that was true, but he had very much enjoyed the treats and attention.

          A soft, distant smile curled Buck’s lips as he thought about the first time Eddie had been able to tell Buck he loved him.  It really hadn’t taken long; only a couple of weeks after Buck’s rescue, they had been lying in bed, just cuddling before they fell asleep, and Buck had said something that made Eddie laugh.  Buck had smiled, loving that he was able to make Eddie laugh so easily, and Eddie had looked at him like he was a priceless treasure, gently raising Buck’s chin with a curled finger beneath it.  Eddie had leaned in, pressing his lips to Buck’s in a very soft, meaningful way that had Buck’s heart skipping a beat.  Eddie’s thumb gently traced the outline of Buck’s cheekbone, following it down his jaw to his chin and up to his lips; Buck pressed a little kiss to the thumb, and Eddie smiled, his expression full of warmth, of trust.

          “I love you,” Eddie had murmured, leaning in to kiss him again.  “I love you more than I can even understand, which doesn’t make any sense.”

          Eddie had laughed in a slightly embarrassed way, but Buckknew what he’d meant.  Because he had felt the same way, and still did.  His love for Eddie was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, and his feelings only got stronger with each day that passed.

          Buck’s thoughts drifted to his firsts with Eddie and Christopher as a family.  The first time Buck had taken Chris to a doctor’s appointment on his own, without Eddie there; the amazement that Buck had felt, knowing Eddie trusted him with such a task, had been monumental to him.  The first time that Christopher had come to him and not Eddie with a problem he was having at school, and the incredible satisfaction Buck had felt when he’d been able to help.

          Buck laughed softly at himself as he remembered the first time he’d heard Chris refer to himself as his dad.  Buck had taken him to the nearby playground to work off some energy while Eddie made supper, and Buck had been sitting on a bench nearby, answering an email on his phone that he’d forgotten about earlier in the day.  It only took him a couple of moments, and when he was done, he looked up to see Chris and one of the other neighbourhood kids building sandcastles and deep in conversation.   He was just at the edge of earshot range, but as the breeze shifted, some of their words floated over to him.

          “Who’s that guy that keeps watching you?” Chris’s friend had asked him.

          “Oh, that’s my dad,” Christopher had said, barely glancing in his direction, more focused on the tower he was building.  

          “Nuh uh, your dad doesn’t look like that,” the other boy replied, squinting at Buck.  “Doesn’t your dad have dark hair?”

          “No, my other dad,” Christopher said, and even from the distance that Buck was at, he heard the duh in Chris’s tone.  “I have two dads.  His name is Buck!”

          Buck would have laughed at the way Chris answered his friend, who had shrugged as he accepted the information Chris had given him, but he was suddenly so full of emotions that his eyes had filled with tears.  Buck fumbled his phone as the boys turned their attention back to their sandpiles, and Buck hit the button for Eddie’s number as he watched them.

          “Buck?  What’s wrong?”  Eddie answered the phone sounding alarmed, and Buck belatedly realized that getting a call from him from the park a block away did seem a little worrisome.

          “Sorry, nothing’s wrong, I promise,” Buck said quickly, and he could practically hear Eddie’s gears turning as Buck’s voice unintentionally hitched.

          “Are you crying?” Eddie asked, his tone concerned.  “What’s going on?”

          “Eddie… Chris just called me his dad.  Like to one of his friends.”

          There was a long pause, and then Eddie let out a soft exhale that sounded like a combination of laughter and confusion.

          “And?”

          “And?! That’s… that’s--” Buck struggled with words, resisting gesturing since Eddie couldn’t see him and the kids might think he was weird if he did.  “That’s amazing.  He said I was his dad, Eds.  His dad.”

          Eddie laughed, but Buck wasn’t offended.  He could hear the warmth in Eddie’s voice, and knew Eddie was just happy for him.

          “I told you, Buck, he loves you.  I’ve heard him call you ‘his other dad’ a few times now.”

          “I know, but…” Buck trailed off, unable to explain why this was so important.  “It’s the first time I heard him say it.”  Buck’s voice cracked and he sniffed.  He heard Eddie make a noise somewhere between sympathy and amusement and Buck let out a slightly watery laugh.

          “Shut up, I’m emotional about it, okay?”

          “You’re adorable,” Eddie said fondly.  “Come home in a few, okay?  Supper will be ready in fifteen.”

          “Okay,” Buck said with a sniff, pulling himself together.  “Love you.”

          “Love you too.”

                                                           * * * *

          Of course not all of the memories of the last few months had been pleasant - not all of the firsts, either.  The first time Buck had had to discipline Christopher had been very difficult for him, even though it had been a simple case of telling him to go to his room without dessert as he’d gotten a little mouthy at the table, trying out some very rude slang he’d learned at school.  Buck would have been happy to let it slide, but Eddie had given him a very pointed look, and Buck knew it meant it was his turn laying down the law.  Eddie had comforted him after, understanding how much it sucked to have Chris mad at him, but assured him that he’d be over it in no time.  He’d been right, but Buck had been unhappy about the whole thing for a while, realizing that parenting was definitely not always going to be a good time.

          The first time he and Eddie had argued had been awful, too.  It hadn’t been about anything particularly important;  they’d just both been on a very long, very grueling shift and had been absolutely exhausted when they got back to Eddie’s place.  Buck had left a mess in the kitchen the previous morning before they’d left for work and they’d both forgotten about it until they came back.  Eddie had been irritated; he liked a very clean, tidy kitchen and Buck was something of a disaster when it came to messes while cooking.  So they’d argued about it a bit, and Eddie, more prone to anger when exhausted, had stormed off to go to bed after a while, leaving Buck to clean up his mess, feeling like he’d screwed up.

          Buck had hunkered down on the folding couch-bed afterwards and had considered just going home to sleep instead, sure that Eddie didn’t want him around anymore, but a couple of hours later after he’d cooled off, Eddie had come into the living room and convinced him to come to bed.  They’d both apologized and ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms, so it had worked out, but it had been very unpleasant.

          And then there were the nightmares.  The first one had hit so suddenly that Buck had not been expecting it.  For the first couple of weeks after the kidnapping Buck had slept just fine, which had somewhat surprised him because after the tsunami, he’d been plagued with horrible dreams for months.   However, one night, and of course it had been a night he’d chosen to spend in his own apartment, so he’d been alone, he’d had an absolutely terrifying nightmare about being dragged and beaten and drugged, tied up and tortured, only this time, no one was coming to save him.  Buck woke in a cold sweat, shooting up from the bed with a horrified gasp, his chest heaving as he breathed hard, frantic.  It had taken him at least two hours to calm down enough to fall asleep again, and it seemed that dream had been a trigger.  Every single night after that for weeks Buck had nightmares, sometimes only one, sometimes all night long.  

         It hadn’t taken long for Eddie to notice something was wrong;  after only a few nights of the nightmares Buck was getting less than a few hours of sleep between the dreams and trying to calm himself down between them, and Eddie kept asking him what was wrong.  For over a week Buck had declined staying over at Eddie’s, not wanting to disrupt his sleep nor make him worry, but of course all his evasiveness did was worry Eddie more.

         Buck denied that anything was wrong, but Eddie was insistent and Buck eventually wore down, at least agreeing to stay over at Eddie’s that night after nearly two weeks apart.  He had hoped that maybe he would have some stroke of luck and not have a dream, but of course, he was never that lucky.  According to Eddie, he’d begun mumbling in agitation in his sleep but wouldn't wake when Eddie called to him.  He’d started twitching and writhing, making whimpering, frightened noises, and it wasn’t until Eddie shook him hard that he woke with a start, once again covered in sweat and panting like he’d just run a marathon.  Eddie had asked him about the nightmares, how long he’d been having them, but Buck couldn’t answer.  He had tried; but when he opened his mouth to speak, only a sob came out.  Eddie had held him close as he cried, soaking the front of Eddie’s t-shirt, exhausted after losing so much sleep and re-experiencing his trauma, sometimes grossly amplified, every single night.  

                    Eventually, with Eddie’s support and comfort and a few therapy sessions, he began to sleep better, though the nightmares still came for him when he least expected it.   They got worse again when, several months after everything had happened, it came time to testify in court against Shawn and his accomplice - a man named Joe, they learned during the process.   Eddie and Christopher had to testify too, but Christopher in particular took it like a champ, especially when they brought in one of the courthouse dogs to keep him company on the stand.  Eddie and Buck had sat in the audience, tense and worried, but Christopher had done amazingly well, even with Joe sitting at a table not far away from him.

          Eddie had gotten through it relatively well, though it clearly had been difficult for him emotionally to share some things.  Buck, however, had done far worse.  It had been extremely hard for him to look at Shawn after all the nightmares he’d had, especially as Shawn seemed amused whenever Buck got emotional.  Eddie had been there the whole time, trying to support him from the audience, but it had still been incredibly difficult to talk about what had happened.  The lawyers had insisted he describe everything in as much detail as he could possibly remember, and by the time the trial was done, Buck felt vulnerable, raw, and strangely empty, like a fruit peel that had been scraped clean of its contents.  Eddie had been incredibly gentle with him that night, making him supper and tucking him into bed, lying with him for hours until he finally stopped crying off and on and fell into a deep sleep.  

          He’d felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for weeks after, though he felt marginally better when they heard that Shawn had been sentenced to many years in prison for a multitude of charges including kidnapping, attempted kidnapping of a minor, multiple counts of assault, and many others.  It had been a pretty cut and dry case considering Shawn had taped and distributed most of what he’d done, and Buck was glad that they were behind bars.  But he knew the implications of everything that had happened would still keep both himself and Eddie up at night sometimes, the occasional wave of fear plaguing Buck and the guilt eating at Eddie.

          The case had only wrapped up just over a week prior, and after all the stress and difficult emotions for all three of them, Buck and Eddie had decided it was the perfect time for a little getaway.  They’d pulled Chris out of school early on Friday and drove up the coast, settled into their hotel room for a couple of nights.   The thought of this brought Buck back to the present, and his eyes refocused, finding Eddie and Chris’s forms in the pool once more.  Chris was cheering Eddie on as he dove under the water; a moment later his legs popping upwards in a very lopsided handstand.  Buck laughed as Eddie’s legs scissored after a moment and he fell over, coming up for air and spluttering a moment later.

          “Nice handstand,” Buck commented with an obvious sarcastic tone.  Chris giggled as Eddie ran a hand through his wet hair and shot Buck a bemused look and then smirked at him.

          “What, you think you can do better?” Eddie asked, raising his eyebrows. “Come on then, show us what you got,” Eddie challenged, and Buck rolled his eyes, grinning indulgently.  

          “Fine, I will,” Buck shot back, taking a running start and leaping into the pool, doing a large cannonball.  Buck could hear their yells of protest as they were swept by waves even under the water and he grinned as he surfaced, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

          “Chew on this,” Buck taunted, diving under the water and pushing himself up into a perfect handstand, feeling the breeze tickling his exposed legs.  He could hear Eddie making some sort of protest, and Buck laughed underwater as he felt Eddie’s hand on his leg, pushing him over a moment later.   Buck fell back into the water and emerged, grinning.  

          “You’re such a show off,” Eddie teased.  “Come here!”

          Buck laughed and swam off as Eddie tried to grab him.  He was a slightly stronger swimmer than Eddie but they were pretty closely matched, so Buck had to really try as Eddie chased him around the pool.  Finally giving up, Buck slowed near Christopher and Eddie jumped on him, dunking him under the water.  Buck popped back up and did the same to Eddie as Christopher cheered him on, and Buck and Eddie half-floated, half-stood in each other’s arms after Eddie resurfaced, laughing and panting.

          An hour or so later, Christopher was soundly asleep in his bed and Buck and Eddie fell into theirs, exhausted but happy.  With the kid in the room, they weren’t exactly about to fool around, so Eddie opened his arms and Buck snuggled up close to him, wrapping their arms around each other and shifting until they were comfortable.

          “This was such a good idea,” Buck murmured into Eddie’s chest as they lay there together.  “I think we really needed it.”

          “Yeah we did,” Eddie agreed, pulling Buck closer and resting his cheek on the top of Buck’s head, inhaling the scent of his damp hair, which still smelled vaguely like chlorine and seawater, even after a shower.

          “Hey Buck?” Eddie said into the relative silence a few moments later, only Christopher’s small snores punctuating the quiet.

          “Yeah?” Buck’s voice was heavy with sleep, and he blinked rapidly to wake himself up, tilting his head to look up at Eddie.

          “I wanted to ask you something, but not in front of Christopher, just in case you say no.”

          “Oh?” Buck was curious now, and pulled away just enough to be able to see Eddie clearly in the dim light, propping himself up on an elbow.  “What is it?”

          “Move in with us,” Eddie said, smiling. Buck’s lips parted in surprise, then slowly turned into a smile as he thought about it.

          “You’re over like ninety-five percent of the time, anyway.  There’s no point in you paying rent for your loft if you’re never there.”

          “That’s fair,” Buck replied, tilting his head to look at Eddie, his tone teasing.  “Is that the only reason?  Financial?”

          “No, you idiot,” Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled, shaking his head.  “It’s because I want to be with you all the time.  And Christopher misses you every time you go back.  You’re part of our family, you belong with us.”

          Buck couldn’t stop smiling as he looked into Eddie’s eyes, saw the genuine love for him shining there, saw the hope on his face.  The thought of living with the Diazes permanently had crossed his mind many times but he had never suggested it, not wanting to impose himself.  But now Eddie was asking him, and Buck knew it was what he wanted, more than anything else in the world.

          “Of course I’ll move in with you,” Buck said after a moment, leaning in and resting his forehead against Eddie’s.  Eddie tilted his head up and caught Buck’s lips in a brief but intimate kiss, stroking Buck’s cheek with his free hand.  Buck returned the kiss, reaching out and settling his hand on Eddie’s side.

          “Good,” Eddie breathed after they slowly broke the kiss, and Buck couldn’t help but tease him one more time.

          “I have one condition though,” Buck said as he lay back down beside Eddie, looking over at him.  Eddie raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue.  “I want to get a Hildy.”

          Buck had to clamp his hand over his mouth to stop the shout of laughter at the expression on Eddie’s face, trying not to wake Christopher up.  Eddie shoved him playfully, rolling his eyes dramatically, and Buck grinned impishly at him, desperately trying to hold in his laughs.  Eddie grabbed him and roughly rubbed his fingers through Buck’s hair, messing it up as Buck protested as quietly as he could, batting at Eddie’s hands.  The two of them came together, tickling and gently shoving each other until they fell into each other’s arms, silently laughing into the other’s shoulders.  

          Eventually they calmed down and Buck sighed happily, snuggling up against Eddie’s chest once more.  The idea of moving in with Eddie dancing around in his head, Buck was almost asleep within a minute or two, exhausted but completely content.  Just before he drifted off, he managed to murmur to Eddie.

          “Love you, Eds.”

          “Love you too, Buck.”

                                                      * * * * *

          “Alright, I think that’s the last of it,” Buck said, dropping a reusable cloth bag full of odds and ends from his kitchen drawers into the back of Eddie’s truck.

          “Are you sure that’s actually all this time?” Eddie asked, his voice gently exasperated.  This was the third time Buck had thought he’d gotten everything, so Eddie was starting to doubt his judgement.

          “I swear,” Buck laughed.  “Come in and check with me.”

          Eddie followed Buck inside and together they scoured the empty apartment, checking every single cupboard and drawer, looking under the fridge and stove, checking the bathrooms and the nooks and crannies of the loft.  

          “I think you might be right this time,” Eddie said, brushing his hands off on his jeans as he picked himself up from the floor.

          “It’s so weird seeing it empty,” Buck said, turning around and taking in how big it seemed without any furniture in it, how empty.  The last time it had been empty, he’d been here with Ali when she’d encouraged him to rent it.  He’d come so incredibly far since then, and the thought of everything that had happened in the years since suddenly made him feel emotional.

          Eddie seemed to understand and came to stand beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist.  Buck leaned on him, lost in memories as he looked up at the loft where his bed used to be, smiling as he remembered the day Eddie had come in, unannounced, and forced him to get out of bed to stop moping and watch Christopher.  Of course, that had been the day of the tsunami, but the morning at least had been good.

          “Do you want me to leave you alone for a minute?” Eddie asked him, sensing how lost in thought he was.  Buck shook himself slightly, glancing down at Eddie and smiling.

          “No,” Buck said, giving the apartment a quick glance.  “I’m done with living in the past.  My future is out there, with you.”  Buck nodded to the doorway, then glanced down to see Eddie grinning at him.   “What?”

          “That was a little cheesy,” Eddie teased him, bumping his hip with his own.

          “Oh stop,” Buck rolled his eyes and laughed, leaning down and taking Eddie’s face in his hands, pressing his lips to Eddie’s, shushing him.  It was very effective;  Eddie’s teasing ceased immediately as he got caught up in the kiss, and they stood together, wrapped up in each other’s arms for many long moments.

          Eventually, Eddie broke the embrace and slowly stood back, slipping his hand down Buck’s arm and threading their fingers together as Buck took one last look around them.  He would miss the aesthetic of the loft, but he knew he would never long for it.  With Eddie and Christopher, he knew he would never wish for anything in his past.  

          Eddie tugged on his hand, smiling as Buck turned to face him, and began to lead him towards the door.  

          “Come on, Buck.  Let’s go home.”

And that’s a wrap!  Thank you so much to everyone who supported me throughout this fic... it is officially the longest thing I’ve ever written and while it did not do nearly as well as I’d hoped, I know there are a few of you who really loved it and that makes me so happy.   Thank you so much for reading.  <3 <3

             “How are you doing?” Eddie asked at once, shoving his hands into his pockets so he couldn’t worry his fingers or clench them into fists.  Buck’s split lips pursed together, and he peered tiredly at Eddie.

             “I’m okay,” Buck responded, though the words were undercut by a hitch in his hoarse voice as he tried to shift his position and his chest flared with pain, prompting a gasp from him.

             Immediately, Eddie’s worries no longer mattered;  the shock of pain in Buck’s voice was enough for him to shove all of his feelings away for the time being.  Eddie stepped up to his bedside, looking down at him, ready to help if he could.

             “You’re not okay,” Eddie said, his voice gentle.  Buck attempted to shrug, immediately wincing as he learned that shrugging was also extremely painful.

             “I’ll be okay,” Buck amended breathlessly, his face scrunched up as he attempted to relax so the pain would subside. Eddie sank down into the chair at Buck’s side and watched him, watched his face, the way the cuts and bruises seemed animated now that he was moving and speaking, the agony in his unswollen eye when it met his gaze once more.

             “I’m so sorry, Buck,” Eddie said, his voice low, regretful.  “I am so goddamn sorry that you got dragged into this.  You could have been killed and it’s all my fault.”

             Buck’s eyebrows knit together as he regarded Eddie, and Eddie was surprised to see concern and sympathy there rather than anger or fear.  

             “Eddie… it’s not your fault,” Buck told him, still a little breathless as he shook his head, though he stopped quickly as it made him dizzy.  “That guy was crazy.  You couldn’t have known.”

             “It doesn’t matter,” Eddie said stubbornly, offering Buck the water on his bedside table, handing over the cup when he gave a small nod.  “I’m the one who fought him, I’m the one who…” Eddie’s voice shook, “who nearly killed him and put him in the mess he was in.  It should’ve been me he beat up, not you.”

             Eddie looked away, unable to stand the worry in Buck’s eyes.  Buck should be pissed at him, should even hate him for what he’d done.  While he hadn’t anticipated Buck being scared of him, Eddie had definitely assumed he’d feel less than warm towards him once he was awake.  Buck’s hand was suddenly right beside his own and Eddie pulled his away, rising from his chair and pacing a bit to hide his feelings and to spare Buck’s.  He ran a hand through his hair, unable to decipher his complicated rush of emotions, avoiding Buck’s gaze.  He didn’t know whether to beg Buck for the forgiveness he didn’t think he deserved, play it off like nothing was wrong, or act in some entirely different way.

             Buck had just started to speak when the door to the room opened and Dr. Medina came in again, her face lighting up when she spotted Eddie standing at Buck’s bedside.

             “Ah!  You’re back,” she said warmly, smiling at them both.  Buck glanced up at Eddie, watching how stiffly Eddie was holding himself, wondering if he wanted to run away again.  Was it guilt that made him leave that morning?  Or was it something Buck had done?

             “Yes,” Eddie agreed somewhat awkwardly, not sure what else to say.  He felt foolish for bolting as he had a few hours ago, but he hadn’t known what to do.  In all honesty, he still didn’t know what he would do if Buck flinched away from him again;  he just had to hope that Maddie was right and it wasn’t actually Eddie that Buck was afraid of.  And if it did turn out that Buck was afraid of him, well… Eddie would remove himself immediately, because more fear was not what Buck needed.

             “How are you feeling?” She asked Buck, whose eye flicked back to her from staring up at Eddie.

             “Okay, I guess,” Buck answered, his voice still hoarse. He sat obediently as the doctor strapped a blood pressure cuff to his arm, wincing as it compressed some bruises and added to his million other aches.

             “Have you reconsidered the morphine yet?” she asked him quietly.  He’d just sucked in a sharp breath when the blood pressure cuff gently brushed against his side,  even that small contact made his ribs burn.

             “I’m fine,” Buck said through gritted teeth, trying to breathe.  “It’s m-manageable.”

             “Why are you refusing painkillers?” Eddie asked, frowning.  “It’s obvious you’re in a lot of pain, don’t you want that to go away?”  

             Buck looked upset as he searched for words, and Eddie was confused.  Buck had had no problems taking painkillers when it had come to his crushed leg; why the sudden hesitancy?  Eddie knew there must be more to it and he searched Buck’s anxious face, his eyes flickering from Buck’s expression over to Dr. Medina.  Eddie noticed a syringe lying on a tray beside her, and the way Buck’s eye moved towards it, then the doctor, and then back to him, his expression fearful and pleading.  

             “I, um, I just d-don’t want any p--” Buck had to stop speaking to breathe through another spike of pain, completely contradicting his words as he managed to stammer the rest of his sentence: “a-any painkillers.  I’m f-fine.”

             Eddie’s brows contracted as he wondered what was happening, watching Buck try to form a sentence.  Buck looked extremely anxious but was clearly not feeling comfortable divulging what was bothering him, and Eddie was not sure if it was because he was there or because of the doctor.  As Buck looked from him back to the syringe again with a fearful expression, Eddie suddenly understood.  Buck had been forcibly injected with drugs against his will at least twice in the last few days; no wonder he was scared now.  

             “Can’t that go into his IV drip?”  Eddie asked, and Buck’s expression turned to one of relief, clearly glad that Eddie had understood without him explaining.

             “I would put it there if I could,” the doctor said softly, and Eddie could tell she understood Buck’s anxiety as well.  “Unfortunately, for people who do not need constant pain management, the risks outweigh the benefits in having a direct drip and it is safer to do an intramuscular injection as needed instead.”

             Buck looked understandably upset at these words, and Eddie could just see the war going on in his thoughts.  On the one hand, it was obvious how much pain he was in and Eddie was sure he longed for the sweet release of the morphine, but then on the other hand, the trauma of being forcibly injected by a stranger in a violent situation was real and palpable and Eddie could feel Buck’s anxiety rising.

             “What do you want to do?” Eddie gently asked Buck, who looked like he wanted to cry.  Eddie knew Buck well enough to know that he would want the pain meds, that he just needed some help getting through it, but that he would rather deny himself the relief than just ask for help.  

             “I don’t know,” Buck mumbled.  “My chest hurts so m-much.”  Another hitch in his voice, another whimper he tried and failed to suppress.

             “Perhaps if you held his hand and distracted him, it would help?  The worst part of this anxiety is the anticipation,” Dr. Medina explained, and Eddie nodded, glancing at Buck.  

 Buck seemed to be considering this, and after a few moments, gave the smallest of nods and lifted a shaking hand towards Eddie.   Eddie automatically reached out and gripped Buck’s hand, wondering if Maddie had been correct and Buck wasn’t afraid of Eddie afterall;  or was it just that in the moment, Buck was more scared of the needle than him?   Either way, it didn’t matter - he would do what it took to get Buck through this.  Eddie leaned against the bed and smiled down at Buck, trying to think of something to say to distract him.

             “Oh hey, I called Christopher earlier, and guess what he was hard at work doing?”

             “W-what?” Buck asked, doing his best not to look towards the doctor, jumping slightly as she wiped his arm with an alcohol swab and letting out a soft gasp of pain at the jolt to his chest.

             “He said he was drawing you the best picture ever, something about you and me and him, and a bunch of dogs going surfing, or something,” Eddie told him.  It was true; when he had called Christopher earlier to tell him that Buck was safe, Christopher had immediately gotten to work making pictures and cards to cheer Buck up.

             “That’s adorable,” Buck said in a strained voice, swallowing a little hard as he waited tensely for the poke he knew was coming.   His eye started to migrate towards the doctor just as Eddie saw her pick up the syringe and he hastened to get Buck’s attention again.

             “Buck, look at me,” Eddie said in a firm voice, and thankfully Buck automatically obeyed him, his eyes flickering between each of  Eddie’s.  “Take a deep breath,” Eddie told him, demonstrating.  Buck tried to follow his example, a choked noise escaping him as he expanded his chest too far and pain shot through him once more.

             “Not too deep, sorry-” Eddie amended immediately, squeezing Buck’s hand as Buck clutched his desperately.  Buck gulped and took a few shaky breaths, staring determinedly at Eddie’s face, and Eddie forced his expression back into a reassuring smile.  

             “Good job, just like that.   So, yeah, Christopher is going to be so happy to see you again, he’s already asking when he gets to visit, and if he can bring you some stuff to cheer you up--”

             Buck had been hanging on Eddie’s every word, partially because he really loved hearing about Christopher and couldn’t wait to see him again as well, and partly because he knew the poke was coming any moment and he was terrified, desperately trying to let Eddie’s words distract him. As Eddie spoke, Buck felt the doctor gently set her hand on his shoulder and he knew it was coming a split second before it did.  He gasped unwillingly at the small, sharp sting of the needle entering his skin, nearly crushing Eddie’s hand.  It didn’t hurt, really, but his anxiety was still so amped up that he was forgetting to breathe, his chest aching as it stopped expanding.

             “Breathe,” Eddie reminded him, giving his hand a few quick squeezes to get his attention.  “You gotta breathe, Buck, you can do it.”

             Buck closed his eyes but did as Eddie instructed, letting out the breath he was holding and shakily inhaling, then exhaling, then inhaling again.  He could feel the medicine being injected, a slight burning sensation in his muscle, but it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as he’d anticipated.  Still, he was trembling as Eddie continued to gently coach him to breathe, and by the time he had settled into a regular rhythm, it was all over.

             “All done,” Dr. Medina said, applying an adhesive bandage to the injection site.  “You did very well, Evan.”

             “Buck,” Eddie and Buck said together automatically, and Dr. Medina smiled as the two men glanced at each other.  

             “My apologies.  You did very well, Buck,” she amended.  She reached up and gently rubbed the place she’d injected the meds on his arm, massaging it into the muscle to distribute it more evenly.  “You should start feeling some pain relief very soon.  Call the nurse if you need anything, okay dear?”

             “Okay,” Buck agreed, his voice still shaking.  “Th-thank you, doctor.”

             She smiled at him as she gathered her files and tossed the syringe into the sharps bin nearby, nodded at Eddie and bustled out of the room, closing the door behind her.  

             The silence felt somehow heavy as the echoing of her footsteps faded away and Buck looked over at Eddie, his heart still racing, his breathing still shaky.  He felt embarrassed that he’d been so scared to take a simple shot that had been over in seconds and had barely hurt, but he was also grateful that Eddie had seemed to understand and had been all for helping him through it.  Plus, they were still holding hands, and Buck really liked that.  He tried not to move his fingers, trying not to remind Eddie that their hands were joined, not wanting the moment to end.

             Eddie smiled at Buck, proud of him for going through with it even though he’d been scared.  He could see just from his expression that Buck was a bit embarrassed, but Eddie wished he wasn’t;  it was nothing to be ashamed of.  He’d literally just been kidnapped, assaulted and drugged against his will for two days, he was allowed to be traumatized.

             Eddie suddenly realized they were still holding hands and automatically spread his fingers to let go.  Buck was slower but once he uncurled his hand, Eddie removed his, putting his hands back in his lap, not looking at Buck, and so missing the expression on his face.  He didn’t want to expose Buck to more touch than he was ready for, didn’t want to give him another opportunity to feel scared or like Eddie was crowding him.  There was a long silence between them and when Eddie eventually met Buck’s gaze again, he saw that Buck looked troubled.

             “What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, rising to his feet immediately.  “Do you want more water? I can refill this.”   Eddie grabbed the mostly empty cup on Buck’s table and hurried to the sink in the corner of the room, filling it with cold water and returning.  

             “Thanks,” Buck mumbled, acknowledging the cup as Eddie set it down but not reaching for it.  It wasn’t what he’d wanted.  He’d wanted to keep holding Eddie’s hand;  it had been a comfort, a soothing gesture, and Buck had found it really helped ease his anxiety.  But Eddie had seemed eager to let go, and coupled with how quickly he’d withdrawn his hand more than once earlier, Buck wondered if something was off.  Everything felt wrong, but Buck genuinely didn’t know if it was because things really were wrong, or if he was imagining it through his exhaustion and trauma.  He didn’t know how to voice his concerns and so, as Eddie waited for him to speak, Buck changed the subject entirely.

             “How is Christopher?” Buck asked, his hoarse voice cracking with emotion as he thought of how scared Chris had been.  “I’ve been worried about him.”

             “He’s fine.  Still a little shaken up but mostly he’s just worried about you,” Eddie told him honestly, sitting back down in the chair at Buck’s bedside and putting a little distance between them again.  Eddie paused, then met Buck’s gaze and held it.  

             “Thank you for saving him.  You risked your life to protect him and paid for it.  I… I can’t begin to pretend that words are enough but thank you. You are literally his hero, and more than once now.”

             Buck squinted slightly at him, not missing the emotion in his voice, not missing how he sounded near tears, not missing how he’d physically distanced himself from Buck.  Buck could tell something big was happening in Eddie’s mind, but he was just too exhausted to figure it out.  Instead, he gave Eddie a slight smile and raised a hand palm-upwards, meant to be a substitution for a shrug.

             “I’d do anything for that kid,” Buck said simply.  “I’m just glad I got there in time.  I-I don’t know if he told you, but I was running late picking him up… if I hadn’t gotten there at that moment…”

             Buck trailed off as the realization of what would have happened hit him with full force.  Christopher in the hands of those maniacs?!  Buck’s blood ran cold at the very thought, and his face reflected his distress.  

             “Hey, it’s okay.  It’s not your fault.  And you did save him,” Eddie reminded him, “he’s safe and drawing you a picture right now because you saved him.”

             Buck gave a slow nod, trying to accept Eddie’s words, but he still felt guilt licking at his insides.  If he’d been there on time instead of twenty minutes late, he might have prevented anything from happening at all.  Chris would not have had to go through the terror of being forcibly escorted away from his school by a stranger, and Buck would not be sitting in this hospital bed.  Buck knew Eddie blamed himself for everything that happened, but as far as Buck was concerned, it was just as much his fault for failing to be there when Chris needed him.  Tears welled in his eyes and he tried to blink them away, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

             “Hey, it’s okay,” Eddie repeated, and by his soothing tone, Buck could tell he’d noticed the tears.  Buck glanced at him in time to see Eddie start to reach for his hand and then change his mind and withdraw, and Buck immediately felt worse, wondering why, yearning for Eddie’s comforting touch but not strong enough emotionally to ask for it in the moment.  Buck turned his head away, momentarily distracted from his distress as a shock of pain went through him from his ribs once more and he let out a gasp involuntarily, eyes clenched tightly closed, his face contorting from the agony.

             “Breathe,” he heard Eddie remind him and Buck shakily tried to obey, his hands trembling as he gripped the handrail on the bed.  “Try to breathe through it.”

             Buck let out a small whimper without meaning to as he did his best to breathe evenly.  There was a very fine line between being able to take in enough oxygen to calm himself and taking too deep a breath that would just cause his ribs more pain, and Buck was still learning where that line was.  He breathed in and out shallowly, his heart racing, and eventually the pain subsided, leaving him feeling even more exhausted than before. 

             “Better?” Eddie asked, and Buck opened his eyes again to see Eddie hovering, clearly wanting to help but not knowing what to do.  Buck gave the slightest nod, still attempting to regulate his breathing, feeling sluggish and slow in addition to everything else.

             “I feel funny,” Buck murmured a few moments later, his body suddenly feeling heavy, his mind fogging. Panic flickered through him as he remembered feeling like this before, when he’d been drugged.  He tried to resist the feeling, but it was overwhelming him quickly.

             “That’s probably the morphine kicking in,” Eddie said, and Buck noted that his voice seemed far away, even though he hadn’t moved from the side of the bed. 

             Buck shook his head slightly, trying to clear it, but it didn’t help.  After a moment he rested his head back on the pillow, unable to hold it up any longer, letting out a shaky breath.  His hands were trembling as he fought the anxiety coursing through him, gripping the blanket as he tried to breathe.  

             “You need to rest now, okay?” Eddie said quietly, as he watched Buck try to fight sleep, forcing his eyes open, his head repeatedly starting to drift to the side as he dozed only to shake himself awake again.

             “Okay,” Buck sighed as his body began to relax, and Eddie could tell he was already halfway gone, his hands now resting limply, one by his side, one over his lap.  “You staying here?”

             “If you want me to, I will,” Eddie replied, and Buck gave the smallest of nods before his head lolled and he slipped into sleep.  Eddie let out a long breath as he watched Buck’s body relax, his bruised and swollen features going slack once more.  Eddie put his head in hands, rubbing them over his face as weariness overtook him.  

             Eddie was still plagued with guilt, self-doubt, and self-hatred, but the idea that Buck wasn’t totally opposed to him being there gave him the tiniest flicker of hope.  He decided that he would give Buck space - not touching him as much as possible for a while, until he was used to Eddie again - but that he would stand by him no matter what.

             In the moment, though, Eddie found he couldn’t stop himself reaching out to touch Buck, partially just to remind himself that he wasn’t dreaming and that Buck really was safe.  His fingers brushed the back of Buck’s hand, featherlight at first.  Once Eddie was sure that Buck was sound asleep, he threaded his fingers through Buck’s and held on tight, closing his eyes and pressing Buck’s hand to his forehead, then pressing a kiss to the back of it before gently lowering it back down to the bed.  Eddie held Buck’s hand for a long time as he watched him sleep, and he knew that whatever happened between the two of them, Eddie was just eternally grateful that they’d gotten Buck back and that he was safe once more.

            Eddie climbed up into the truck and sat in Buck’s usual spot, which was actually Eddie’s favourite but he only took it when Buck wasn’t around.   He was only half-listening to the call as he strapped himself in, still chewing, until the location caught his attention.   Swallowing his mouthful of burger, he looked over at Chim, whose eyebrows had knit.

             “What was the location?” Eddie asked as Chim looked over at him.  “Was it—”

             “Christopher’s school, yeah,” Chim confirmed, and Eddie felt his heart skip a beat, instant anxiety hitting the pit of his stomach.  Eddie checked his watch and let out a breath; it was a good half hour after Buck would have picked Christopher up, so Eddie felt better, assuming everything was fine.  He made a mental note to text Buck as soon as they were done at the scene, just to reassure himself that everything was okay.

             “118 please be advised; LAPD requests you stage in front of the school until the all clear is given; call indicates an attempted kidnapping of a student and physical assault of his father when he tried to step in.  Caller is not on scene and is not aware of the current situation.”

             Eddie felt anger stirring inside him at the mere thought of someone trying to kidnap a kid.  And at his son’s school?!  Eddie’s frown deepened as he and Chim both shook their heads at the same time, clearly sharing the sentiment.  They barrelled down the road as Eddie stared out at the passing trees and houses, wondering what Christopher and Buck were doing after school.  Buck hadn’t specified, but Eddie knew he usually caved and let Christopher play games or went out somewhere with him instead of making him do his homework.  Eddie smiled slightly to himself as they bounced along, thinking of his son’s smiling face that morning over breakfast.  He couldn’t wait to hug him again.

             They were about halfway to the school when dispatch came on again with a correction that the man that had stepped in was not the child’s father, but his caregiver. 

             “The boy is very distraught and the principal, who is on the line, says she is having a hard time understanding him.  The boy got back to the school as fast as he could but he seems to think the man is in a lot of danger.  He said as he was trying to run away, he saw the man take a punch to the face and heard more after he turned his back.”

             Eddie looked uneasily over at Chim and Hen, who both looked back at him.  Usually, Buck would text Eddie as soon as he picked Christopher up, so just to comfort himself, Eddie slid his phone out of his pocket and looked down at the screen.  He felt his heart clench with sudden fear as he saw that he had no messages from Buck since much earlier in the day, even though he knew there could be a million reasons why Buck hadn’t texted yet.  Hen seemed to sense his fear and put a hand on his arm.

             “There’s no reason to think it’s Christopher,” Hen called to him over the noise of the truck, trying to reassure him. 

              “I’m sure it’s fine,” Chim piped up, smiling at him.  “Besides, they said a man was helping him, and Carla picks Christopher up from school.”

              Eddie felt his anxiety increasing, barely hearing Chim and not bothering to correct him as he thought back to the encounter he’d had with Shawn the other day, wondering with mounting dread if he could possibly have decided to take out his frustrations by trying to kidnap his son.  Eddie quickly navigated to the contacts menu on his phone and hit Buck’s number, putting the phone up to his ear and listening to it ring.  And ring.  And ring.  Buck’s voicemail kicked in after another ring and Eddie hung up, chewing his lip.   It could just be that Buck was driving – he vehemently refused to answer his phone while he was driving – but Eddie couldn’t be sure, and sometimes if they were in the car, Buck would let Christopher answer instead.  He waited a few moments, still chewing on his lip, but couldn’t resist trying again, hitting Buck’s name with his thumb and waiting.  It rang endlessly, and Eddie let out a noise of frustration as Buck’s cheerful voicemail message kicked in again.

              Unable to handle all of the ‘what ifs’ that suddenly sprang into his brain, Eddie knew there was a quick way to find out.  Before Chim or Hen could say anything, aware that their eyes were on him, Eddie grabbed his radio.

              “Dispatch, what is the boy’s name?”  Eddie asked, and the three of them waited in pensive silence, ears turned towards their radios.  Eddie could feel the tension in the air and felt like his heart was beating extremely hard in his chest.  He tried to reassure himself that it was probably nothing, just a coincidence that something would happen at that particular school, but he had to be sure.  His radio crackled and he held his breath as dispatch reconnected:

              “His name is Christopher Diaz.”

              Eddie’s heart nearly stopped as he felt like someone had just slammed a car into his chest.  He felt his heart begin to race and his breathing grew heavier as fear set into his heart, imagining his poor kid battered and bruised. 

              “Is – is he hurt?” Eddie managed to ask, his voice much smaller than before. Dispatch asked him to repeat the question and when Eddie hesitated, clearing his throat, Chim asked again for him.  Eddie glanced over at him gratefully and Chim gave him a grim smile and nod.  The thirty seconds or so that it took dispatch to reply felt like they lasted hours and Eddie clenched his hands into fists, his eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing.

              “No, he is uninjured.  The call is for his caregiver.”

              The relief at dispatch’s first sentence spread through Eddie like wildfire, only for the flames to be doused a moment later.  He had almost forgotten the report included a man who had stepped in to help Christopher, who Christopher had seen and heard being physically assaulted.  The child’s caregiver.

              Buck.

              When Eddie’s fear did not appear to lessen, Hen and Chim, who had been smiling and relaxing in relief at the news that Christopher was safe, seemed to realize the same thing Eddie had.  Chim was frowning, as though trying to figure out who had stepped in, while the sudden expression on Hen’s face told Eddie she’d figured it out as she turned to him.

              “Buck was picking Christopher up today, wasn’t he.” 

              It wasn’t a question.  Eddie swallowed hard, feeling his hands shake as he attempted to keep them clenched into fists.   He nodded mutely, still too shocked to speak, as Chim’s face fell and Hen got on the radio immediately, informing the others of the new information.   Eddie felt the truck speed up and knew Bobby was just as worried as they all were.

             “He’ll be okay, Eddie,” Hen said, reaching out and squeezing Eddie’s knee.  “Buck’s strong, he can hold his own in a fight.”

                         But Hen didn’t know that the likely kidnapper was a fighter good enough to be in the ring with Eddie that night.  Eddie didn’t know a lot about him, but he knew he’d won quite a few matches before Eddie had nearly killed him.  Buck was strong and scrappy and resilient, but he wasn’t a trained fighter.  Buck was a few inches taller than Shawn and a little more muscled, but Eddie knew that Shawn could outmaneuver him if Buck couldn’t overpower him.  Eddie’s racing thoughts suddenly showed him an image of Buck lying bleeding on the street and he felt sick to his stomach.

             Even if Buck was somehow okay, Eddie was incredibly worried for Christopher.  He had been so upset the principal couldn’t understand him, and his son’s tearful face swam in his mind.  Eddie knew how much Chris loved Buck and the sight of Buck getting beaten up, especially in his defense, would be deeply upsetting to him.  Not to mention being the target of kidnapping himself;  Eddie’s heart squeezed with both terror and fury as he pictured Shawn trying to coerce or even force Christopher to come with him.

             Eddie’s leg bounced violently in his anxiety as he waited, barely able to handle his thoughts, his fists clenched around the straps of his harness just to give him something to hold onto.  He knew Chim and Hen were trying to get his attention, but their words fell on deaf ears as he stared out the side of the truck, actively talking himself out of simply leaping off the moving vehicle in his desperation to get there.

             Minutes ticked by agonizingly slowly, and finally they were pulling up in front of the school.   Eddie was unbuckling himself and climbing out before they had even fully stopped, leaping from the truck the second he got to the ledge.   Not far away, right by the door of the school stood the principal, who was on her phone and likely still talking to dispatch, and…

             “Christopher!”  Eddie called, his voice breaking as he spotted his son and began to run towards him.

             “Daddy!” Christopher cried, turning towards the sound of his voice and immediately moving towards him.  Eddie sprinted the short distance between them and scooped Christopher into his arms, lifting him from the ground and hugging him so tightly he made a noise of discomfort through his tears.   Immediately loosening his grip just enough for Christopher’s comfort, Eddie continued to hold him close as Chris sobbed into his shoulder.

             “Daddy, he hurt Buck!” he cried into Eddie’s ear, and Eddie felt his stomach lurch again.  He was shaking with the relief of holding his son in his arms, but he needed to find out what had happened to Buck, too.  After hugging Christopher for several more moments, planting kisses on his cheeks and the top of his head, Eddie reluctantly set him down, steadying him.

             “I know Buck is okay, mijo,” Eddie said, trying to sound convincing and consoling, even as his heart slammed against his ribs like a caged animal against the bars of its prison.  “But I’m going to go with my team and make sure, okay?”

             Christopher nodded tearfully, squeezing his hand before letting go, sinking down onto a bench beside the steps of the school.  Eddie noticed one of Christopher’s teachers was nearby, watching, and he waved her over, asking her to watch Christopher.   She agreed and he hurried back to the rest of the team, who were waiting with med packs on the edge of the treeline.  Eddie could see the flashing lights of a couple of police cruisers around the corner, and he had just appeared at Hen’s shoulder when the radios crackled into life.

             “All clear,” Eddie heard Athena’s voice say, and they all stepped around the corner as a unit.  Eddie hurried to the front of the group, running towards where a few cops, including Athena, were standing.  He steeled himself, ready to see Buck on the ground in bad shape, but when he got to them, he saw no one.  He could hear Athena giving orders behind him, but didn’t absorb her words as he stared ahead, confused.

             Eddie looked around wildly, fear and confusion swirling in his brain.  Buck was nowhere to be seen, and Eddie didn’t understand, at first.   Had they run right past him?  Eddie turned back and forth, scanning the line of police cruisers for Buck’s familiar profile, but his search came up empty.

             “Eddie,” Bobby’s voice suddenly broke through his thoughts and he jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder, getting his attention.  Eddie whirled around to look at them, the confusion and worry plain to see on his face as the rest of them joined him and Athena addressed them.

             “This is where Christopher says it happened, but by the time we arrived, there was no one here.  I’ve sent patrols in every direction.  If he’s near here, we’ll find him.” 

             Eddie stared at her face, her grim expression, and didn’t understand, his brain not processing her words fast enough.

             “If Buck was able to, he would’ve gone back to the school,” Eddie said, and he felt the others glance at him.  “He didn’t.  That means he’s either unconscious or incapacitated somewhere, or…”

             Eddie trailed off, and everyone exchanged looks, knowing what the alternatives were.  That they’d taken him somewhere else, or even worse; that they’d killed him.  The fear in the air was palpable and Eddie’s heart was racing so fast he was starting to feel a bit faint.

             “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Athena said quietly, after a long moment of silence.  “Could be that they roughed him up and he’s wandering somewhere nearby,  disoriented.”

             Eddie didn’t believe that for a second and he could tell that by her slightly pursed lips and raised eyebrow that Athena didn’t either.   Eddie looked back towards the open area of the sidewalk and watched the other officers examining the scene as Athena moved away to speak with someone.  Eddie walked slowly between the officers, his stomach in his throat as he saw a few dark spatters on the sidewalk.  Shawn’s blood?  Or Buck’s?    There were at a few small splatters on the sidewalk, and in the gravel between the pavement and the grass. 

             Eddie stared at the largest one for a long moment, his eyes tracing the shape of it, wondering what part of Buck it had spilled from.  On the one hand, seeing even one spatter of blood and knowing it could have come from Buck made Eddie’s stomach instantly roll with worry and fear.  But on the other, there wasn’t that much blood on the ground, in terms of volume, just a few drops, really; Eddie tried to take that as an optimistic sign as it at least indicated that he hadn’t been stabbed or shot.  At least, not here… The thought came, unbidden, to Eddie’s mind, and he chewed on his lip as he tore his eyes away from the blood, unable to look at it any longer. 

             A small flicker of light caught his eye and he turned his head, noticing something glimmering a few feet away, mostly hidden by a spray of gravel and the green of the grass.  Eddie moved over and bent down, brushing away the gravel, staring at the object with a sinking sensation in his chest.  Feeling a lump forming in his throat, Eddie curled his fingers around the broken band of Buck’s wristwatch and stood, a few stray pieces of gravel and blades of grass falling to the ground. 

              The face of the watch was badly scratched, as though it had been dragged across a rough surface, and the strap had broken, the clasp still firmly closed but no longer attached to the band at one end.  Eddie knew that this was Buck’s favourite watch, one he only wore on days off so that it wouldn’t get damaged.  Maddie had given it to him for his birthday the year before; turning it over, Eddie saw Buck’s full name engraved on the back.  The sight of the watch as banged up as it was and knowing that Buck would’ve been very sad to see it in such a state affected Eddie even more than the blood splatters had.  This was confirmation, proof that Buck had been in some kind of physical confrontation, that he had likely fallen or been thrown to the ground at some point if these scratches were any indication. 

             Eddie stared at it for many long moments, turning it over in his hands, forgetting that there were other people around as he tried to come to terms with his thoughts.  He’d been so worked up since he’d heard Christopher’s name come over the radio that he hadn’t even really thought about how this could have happened, beyond his initial worries that Buck had been beaten down.   Now, standing there, holding Buck’s scratched and blood-spotted watch, Eddie was forced to think about what had really happened.

             There was no doubt in his mind that this had been Shawn’s handiwork.  He could think of no one else that would have such a grudge against him that they would try to kidnap his child, and Christopher himself certainly wouldn’t have any enemies.  But why had he taken Buck?  Had it been purely an act of rage, so pissed off that Buck had stopped his plan that he’d taken him in revenge?  Or had he somehow figured out that he and Buck were close, and taken him as a replacement?  

             Neither option was a good one, and Eddie stared down at the watch, his thumb tracing the letters of Buck’s name engraved there, fighting the urge to scream.   His thoughts and fears were a whirlwind in his head as he stood there, oblivious to everyone else, even as he was approached by several people.

             “What’ve you got there, Eddie?” 

             Athena’s voice broke into his thoughts and Eddie looked up quickly, automatically slipping the watch into his pocket, his hand still clutching it.  Bobby and Hen were on either side of Athena, and all three of them were watching him closely, Athena’s eyes narrowing just slightly.

             “N-nothing,” Eddie said, knowing immediately it was wrong of him to hide the watch, but unable to bring himself to reveal it.  Somehow Eddie had already latched on to the idea of the watch being his connection to Buck through whatever this all was, and he didn’t want to let go of it.

             “Eddie, we need all the evidence we can get,” Athena told him.  “Right now, we have nothing besides Christopher’s word that Buck was even here, and—”

             “Are you calling my son a liar?” Eddie asked with an edge to his tone, anger immediately flaring inside him as he attempted to shove his emotions aside. 

             “Of course she’s not,” Hen interjected as Athena bristled, her frown deepening. 

            “We need proof to build a case here, you know that,” Athena said, her voice brisk and professional, and Eddie felt shame lick at him for snapping at her.  Still, he hesitated; he could feel the metal, warm from his touch, feel the markings of the engraving, the sharp edges of the scratched glass under his thumb.

             “Eddie, I know you’re upset,” Bobby said, stepping past Athena and reaching out, putting a steadying hand on Eddie’s shoulder.  “But anything we have that links Buck to the scene and potentially has the suspect’s prints on it needs to be taken as evidence.  I know you want the detectives to figure this out as soon as possible, right?”

             Eddie stared up at Bobby, swallowing hard, feeling himself give a small nod.  Bobby’s expression was full of concern and Eddie’s strong trust in the man was the only thing that brought his hand slowly out of his pocket, the broken strap of Buck’s watch dangling.  Unable to find the strength to hand it over to Athena himself, Eddie didn’t resist as Bobby gently pried the watch out of his grip and handed it over, Eddie’s heart squeezing painfully as the weight left his palm, leaving him feeling strangely empty.  Eddie’s head drooped as Athena bagged the watch and hurried off to turn it over.  Bobby squeezed his shoulder, obviously trying to reassure him.

             “I’m sorry, I know that was hard,” Bobby said, his tone bracing as he continued to hold onto Eddie’s shoulder, correctly suspecting that Eddie desperately needed some grounding at that moment.   “But I promise, it’ll help.”

             “Will he get it back?” Eddie asked after a moment, lifting his head but unable to banish the crack in his voice as he spoke.   “It’s his favourite.”

             “Yeah man,” said Chim, stepping forward and gripping Eddie’s opposite arm.  “Once he’s back and everything’s over you can give it back to him yourself.”

             Eddie knew this was supposed to have reassured him, but he couldn’t help feeling worse.  The longer he stood here, the stronger his feelings of dread, anger and fear became.  Guilt joined in moments later as he thought about how all this had been his fault.  His fault for getting Buck to pick Christopher up, his fault for not being there to put himself between his kid and the kidnapper, his fault for pissing Shawn off in the first place.  Eddie’s heart was racing and he didn’t know what to do;  his instincts told him to run and start searching for Buck everywhere he could, but his brain was rightfully telling him that if they had taken Buck, he likely would not be anywhere nearby. 

             Eddie snapped himself out of his thoughts a moment later as he heard an officer calling over to Athena, holding something up in his tweezers.  Eddie started moving so suddenly that Chim and Bobby, who were both still touching him, jumped in surprise.  Eddie strode over to the officer as Athena and one of the detectives arrived at the same time, and Eddie saw a used syringe being dropped into the bag the detective held out to the officer.

             “They drugged him?” Hen asked, her tone anxious, appearing beside Eddie as they all stared at the evidence.

             “We don’t know,” the detective said, sealing the bag and handing it over to someone else.  “That could’ve been there for a week for all we know, but we’ll get it tested just in case.”

             “Eddie,” Athena’s face came into his line of sight as Eddie tore his gaze from the bagged syringe, blinking several times as he attempted to focus.  “We’re going to need to question you and Christopher.”

             Eddie nodded numbly, feeling trepidation and shame creep through him as he realized he was going to have to confess everything about the fighting ring to her, and probably to the others too.   It had been bad enough hiding the secret from everyone, constantly feeling the guilt of nearly killing Shawn that night.  And now it was going to be all out in the open. 

             “Go get your boy,” Athena was saying, and Eddie heard her voice soften.  “Let’s head back to the 118, I think everyone would be more comfortable there, and that way we can talk to everyone.”

             Eddie nodded again, following her and the rest of his crew as they headed back towards the school.   Christopher was still sitting on the bench by his teacher, and Eddie hurried over to him, scooping him up and holding him close.

             “Where’s Buck?”  Christopher asked immediately, after looking over the group and clearly noting that Buck was not with them.  “Where is he?”

             Eddie didn’t know what to say;  his voice caught in his throat as he tried to find the words to sugarcoat that Buck had been taken, looking over at Bobby in a silent plea for help.

             “We’re not really sure, Christopher,” Bobby said gently, reaching out and patting Christopher on the back.  “We need to ask you about everything that happened, will you answer a few questions when we get back to the station?”

             Christopher immediately agreed and clung to Eddie in anxiety as Eddie walked back towards the truck.   Christopher had always loved riding in the rig so Eddie hoped it would distract him from his fear and worry about Buck as Eddie strapped him in and gave him noise-cancelling ear muffs.  Eddie hopped in beside him and did up his harness without really paying attention, his mind a million miles away as he put an arm around his son and they sped back towards the station.  Eddie had a feeling this was about to be one of the longest, most emotionally charged nights of their collective lives and he closed his eyes, praying that no matter what happened, Buck would be okay.

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            Buck drummed anxiously on the steering wheel with his thumbs as he hit his fourth red light in a row.  He’d booked the day off to go to a couple of appointments and do some important errands, but had cheerfully agreed when Eddie asked if he could watch Christopher after school, as he often did when Eddie was busy.  The city’s traffic seemed intent on punishing him today and he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he pondered how he could make it up to the kid.  Deciding that a trip to the nearby ice cream parlour would more than make up for having to wait a little while as that place was his favourite treat, Buck was marginally more cheerful as he finally pulled up in the parking lot at Chris’s school a few minutes later. 

             Buck hopped out of his jeep and headed towards where he usually met Christopher, a frown quickly forming on his face as he realized Chris wasn’t there.  Buck shielded his eyes from the sun and looked around, scanning the small groups of kids still scattered around the nearby playground.  There were far fewer kids than there usually were when Buck picked Chris up; considering it was a good twenty minutes later than usual, he wasn’t surprised by this.  However, even though there were fewer kids, he still couldn’t spot Christopher anywhere.

             Anxiety spiked in his chest and he moved closer to the playground, scanning the small crowd again, thinking maybe he’d just missed him.  But after looking very carefully several times, Buck had to acknowledge that Christopher was not there.  Fighting down a flashback of the tsunami when he’d searched for Christopher for hours, thinking he was dead, Buck hurried off in the other direction towards the front of the school, wondering if Christopher was waiting on the steps instead.  There were no teachers or attendants around anywhere to ask, and as Buck approached the front of the school, his stomach dropped when he saw that Christopher wasn’t there, either.

             Feeling extremely uneasy, Buck looked around again, starting to get more than a little frantic.  He was just about to enter the school itself to see if he could find Christopher’s teacher, when he heard the boy’s voice in the distance.   Relief punctuated his anxiety and Buck looked in the direction his voice had come from, thinking he’d see Christopher making his way towards him.

             Instead, Buck saw a split-second image of Christopher at the end of the block, being led away by a man that seemed to have him by the scruff of the neck, before they disappeared around the corner behind a large cluster of trees at the edge of the school lot.   Anger and fear instantly flooding through him, Buck immediately took off running in that direction.

             “HEY!” Buck yelled, his feet pounding the pavement as he sprinted as fast as he could towards them.  He skidded around the corner, nearly toppling over, and saw them less than a half a block away. 

             “Buck!”  Buck heard Christopher call his name and put on an extra burst of speed, determined to step in before anything bad happened.  

             “HEY!” Buck yelled again, furious, as he got closer and saw that the man had a handful of Christopher’s shirt in the back and was pushing him along, almost faster than he could move on his crutches.

             “Buck! Help me!” Christopher’s cry was fearful and Buck tore towards them, letting out a wordless yell of anger as the man leading Christopher away tried to make him move faster, but Christopher had planted his feet and was refusing to move, digging his crutches in so he wouldn’t go anywhere.   The man pulled hard on his shirt, dragging him, and Christopher cried out as he started to fall forwards, but Buck got there just in time.

             “I got you!” Buck called, diving forward and catching Christopher just as he was about to hit the ground.  Buck spun on the spot and wrenched the shirt out of the man’s hand, setting Christopher down behind him.  Buck turned his back to Christopher, arms out to protect him as he turned to face the man, who was looking angry at being caught.

             “Who are you and what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Buck spat, feeling his fury rising as Christopher whimpered behind him, clearly terrified.  Buck realized belatedly that he shouldn’t have sworn in front of the kid, but he was so furious he was shaking.  He had never felt so angry before - which was saying something - as the man glared at him.

             “None of your business, you ain’t his dad,” the man snarled, and Buck felt himself puff up, fists clenched.

             “No, but I’m close enough,” Buck growled, taking a step closer, keeping one arm behind him to shield Chris.  “You’re not laying another finger on him.”

             “The hell I’m not,” the man laughed, stepping closer as well and cracking his knuckles.  He was several inches taller than Buck, his shoulders and chest much wider, but Buck stood his ground, refusing to be intimidated. 

             “You gonna stop me?”

             The man’s words were permeated with a threatening and taunting tone, and before Buck could react, the guy had reached out a large, meaty hand and grabbed Buck around the throat, forcing a gasp of surprise from him as Christopher yelped in fear behind him.  The man’s hand squeezed Buck’s neck hard and he choked, feeling pain shoot through his throat, his airway cut off instantly.  Buck made a gagging noise as he tried to breathe, his hand coming up to pull away the man’s arm, but he wasn’t strong enough with one arm, the other still out to the side, trying to protect Christopher.

             “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” the man snickered as Buck’s face turned bright red and he choked again.  Panic spread through Buck like wildfire as he heard Christopher burst into tears.  Buck knew he couldn’t let this man overpower him or Chris would be in big trouble.  Shifting his weight to the side, lights popping in his eyes as he started feeling woozy from lack of oxygen, Buck lurched forward and lifted his leg as fast as he could, slamming his shin into the attacker’s groin.

             Thankfully, it worked; the man let out a shout of pain and instantly released Buck, doubling over with a hand to his junk, moaning.  Buck immediately gasped for breath, coughing harshly as his throat protested, nearly falling over as all the blood rushed to his head and made him dizzy.

             “Christopher!  Run into the trees, now!  Go back to the school and tell them to call for help!”  Buck gasped at Christopher, his voice hoarse. 

             “Buck, no!” Christopher cried, tears streaming down his face.  “He’s gonna hurt you!”

             “I’ll be fine, buddy, just go!” Buck told him urgently, gesturing towards the small patch of forest beside the school.  “Go as fast as you can!”

             Christopher swallowed a sob and nodded, doing as he was told.  He knew he had to get help for Buck; the man that had tried to take him was much bigger than Buck and Christopher was scared that Buck was going to get very hurt.  He began to make his way to the trees as fast as he could, using his crutches to put on as much speed as possible without tripping over the branches and roots at the edge of the forest.

             “Hey, asshole!” The man’s rough voice permeated Buck’s panic to get Christopher away; Buck turned around to face him and immediately took a hard punch to the cheek.  The force of it caused intense fire to explode through his face and he cried out in pain, stumbling hard to the side as he felt his lip split, felt the inside of his cheek cut on his teeth.

             “Buck!” Christopher screamed, and Buck knew the kid must have looked back when he’d cried out.

             “Just go, Christopher!” Buck yelled frantically, even as he stumbled, trying to right himself, feeling blood start to make its way down from his lip.  “Go!  As fast as you can!”

             Buck heard, rather than saw, Christopher obey him, heard his crutches hitting the ground and sticks snapping as the boy moved away as fast as he could.  Spinning back to the man, Buck swooped and punched the guy hard in the gut, shoving him back towards the road, away from the trees and Christopher’s retreating form.  His punch didn’t have as great of an effect as he’d hoped, but it helped; the man was thoroughly distracted now, and Buck was glad to take a pummelling if it meant that Christopher was safe.

             Buck yelled in rage and swung again, but unfortunately the man was ready for him and dodged his fist.  Before Buck could even absorb what was happening, the man had swung in and punched him so hard in the solar plexus he felt every molecule of air in his lungs leave him.  He doubled over in agony, clutching his chest and gasping shallowly for breath as his muscles contracted painfully. Before he could recover, the man had punched him in the face again, right across the same cheek.  Buck stumbled and this time he fell, still unable to breathe properly and tripping over his own feet, hitting the ground hard on his side with a loud grunt.  Buck scrambled to stand, feeling dizzy and a little disoriented, but he recovered quickly, shaking off his pain as the adrenaline drove him and rushing forward again.   He had to distract the man long enough for Christopher to get back to the school; if he didn’t make it all the way back to the building where it was safe, there was a chance the man would still catch him.

             “Get out of here!” the man snapped in anger, swinging at Buck, who just barely managed to duck out of the way, the man’s fist sailing through thin air.  Faster than Buck could have imagined, though, the man recovered and swung again, catching Buck on the other side of his face before Buck could land a punch.  Buck’s head snapped to the other side this time, and he felt a ring on the man’s finger slice into his forehead as his knuckles simultaneously slammed into his upper face.  Buck let out a cry as he stumbled sideways again, a hand flying up to his face to clutch at his eye, his brow ridge feeling like it had just been walloped by a mallet.   He could feel blood trickling down his temple and cheek from where the ring had cut him and it took him a moment to recover, gasping and panting through the pain, temporarily dazed.

             “What the hell is taking so long?!”  A new voice broke through Buck’s senses and he looked up as another unfamiliar man approached.  “Where the hell is the kid?!  I thought you had him!”

             “I did, but this guy,” the man gestured to Buck, who was still breathing hard through the pain of the last punch, doubled over a few feet away, “grabbed him and told him to get back to the school.”

             “Through there?” the other man asked, as Buck took one last steadying breath and pulled himself upright, his face contorting in rage once more as the bigger man nodded and the new one immediately started running towards the trees.

             “NO!” Buck yelled and ran after the man, who glanced back to see Buck barrelling toward him.  Buck threw all caution to the wind and launched himself forwards, wrapping his arms around the man’s waist from behind and tackling him to the ground.  They hit the dirt at the edge of the sidewalk hard; Buck felt his forearms and elbows scrape painfully across the gravel, reminiscent of when he used to skin his knee as a kid when he fell off his bike. 

             The two of them scrapped furiously in a dizzying confusion of fists, elbows and knees flying.  Buck took several more hits to the chest and stomach as they wrestled, but finally the man managed to pin him down, straddling him. 

             “What are you staring at?!  Go look for him!” the man over Buck yelled to the bigger man, who hurried off into the trees at once.  Buck made a wordless noise of protest, thrashing under the man who pinned him down, desperate to stop them. The man over him grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the ground and Buck let out a snarl of anger, struggling against his hold.  He hoped beyond hope that Christopher would be close enough to the school by now and fought to free himself, terrified the larger man would catch up with Chris.

             “Trying to be the hero, huh?” the man’s voice was mocking as he watched Buck’s expression.  Buck was breathing fast and shallow as the anger and pain pulsed through him, a bit dazed from his brain bouncing around inside his skull.  

             “W-why do you want to take Christopher?”  Buck asked, his voice croaking slightly as he spoke. He stopped struggling for a moment to take a couple of deep breaths, trying to gather the strength to flip this guy.

             “Because his dad is a piece of shit who owes me a ton of money,” the man replied angrily, and Buck stared at him, shocked.  Of all the things he’d expected the man to say, it certainly hadn’t been that. 

 Buck had assumed these two thugs were simply kidnappers taking a child at random,  maybe targeting Christopher because he had seemed like an easy mark with his crutches.  He didn’t know what beef Eddie had with this guy, but Buck’s haze faded as he felt the anger welling up once more.  Eddie had gone through enough shit lately without having his son taken from him, and Buck’s chest heaved as he breathed heavily, pumping himself up. 

 One last rush of adrenaline shot through him as he thought of Eddie and Christopher, and Buck gave a yell of determination as he bucked under the man, throwing off his balance and managing to surprise him.  Through sheer force of will, Buck launched himself to the side and managed to roll out from under him, spun around and leapt back on top of him, furiously scrabbling with him, trying to get the upper hand.  He didn’t even notice that his watch was torn clean off his wrist as he furiously tried to grab the man and flip him over.  Buck finally managed to get the upper hand, slamming him onto his back and straddling the man.

             Buck had just managed to pin him down when the larger man re-emerged from the trees.  Buck felt a heady wave of relief wash over him when he saw the man was empty-handed;  Christopher had clearly gotten away.  Buck laughed, almost giddy with relief, as the man under him growled angrily.

             “He’s gone, Shawn,” the bigger man said as he returned, and the man under Buck - Shawn, apparently - let out a wordless shout of rage and frustration.

             “Dammit man!  You had one job!” 

             Buck leaned forward then and punched Shawn across the face.  The dull pain in Buck’s knuckles from the impact was very satisfying as he watched the man’s head snap to the side.  

             “Get him off me!” Shawn screamed, and before Buck could throw another punch, the other man was behind him.  The man wrapped an arm around Buck’s neck from behind and bodily dragged him off of Shawn, who was smaller than Buck, tightening his chokehold as Buck’s scrabbling feet found the ground.  The man held Buck’s back very close to his chest as he cut off his airway, so Buck had no choice but to stand there as Shawn picked himself up, looking irrationally angry at everything that had transpired.

             “What the hell are we going to do now?” he spat, throwing his hands up in exasperation, and Buck felt the larger man shrug.   “And what are we going to do with him?”

 Buck’s hands pulled at the large man’s arm but it was pointless; the man was simply too strong and Buck’s strength and energy had been mostly depleted from fighting tooth and nail by that point.  Buck let out a choked, gagging noise as the man tightened his grip and stars burst in Buck’s vision, his face quickly turning red again as he was deprived of oxygen.

             “Wait, wait…” Shawn stalked over to them and examined Buck’s slightly bloody face.  “I think I know this guy….”

             Buck’s eyebrows drew together at this; even as his vision rapidly blurred, Buck knew he had never seen this man before.  To Buck’s shock, Shawn took a photograph out of his pocket and unfolded it.  It was a picture that Eddie had taken of Buck and Christopher the year before, from when three of them had gone to the state fair.  Buck was holding Christopher in his arms, Chris holding a large cloud of blue cotton candy.  They were both half-soaked from a water ride they had just been on and both wore huge grins.  Buck remembered the day very well and the memory was a sweet one, but he didn’t understand how this man had the photo.  From what Buck remembered, he had last seen this photo hanging somewhere in Eddie’s kitchen.

             “This guy… that’s him in this photo with the kid, look,” Shawn said, showing it to the man holding Buck. 

             “Looks like him,” agreed the larger man, and the smaller man slowly smiled, staring at Buck.  With the larger man’s tight grip around his neck, though, Buck’s attention to the conversation all but disappeared at that moment.  His eyes started to roll up into his head as his vision greyed out, unconsciousness beckoning as his body screamed for air.

             “Wait, ease up on him,” the smaller man said impatiently, and Buck suddenly felt himself able to breathe again.  He coughed as the man gripped him around his shoulders instead of the throat, feeling dizzy and a little nauseated as he gasped for air, swaying on the spot.  He would have fallen over for sure if the man hadn’t been holding him upright and Buck clutched at his arms almost as much for stability as to try and pull him away.

             “Is this you?” Shawn asked him, holding the picture up in front of his face.  Buck stared at it, wondering if agreeing or disagreeing would fare better for him.  It was pretty hard to deny it was him though; even with his face a little banged up he looked exactly the same as he had that day.  His birthmark was also visible in the picture, and he could see Shawn staring at his forehead, his eyes on the mark.

             “Maybe,” Buck croaked defiantly, coughing again as his throat refused to cooperate.  “Who’s asking?”

             Ignoring this, Shawn flipped the picture over and Buck could see that it said his and Christopher’s names with the previous year’s date below it in Eddie’s handwriting.

             “You’re Buck?”  he asked, showing Buck the names and then flipping the photo back to the picture side.   Buck glared at him and refused to answer, pulling at the larger man’s grip on him, refusing to be complacent.  He was fighting the gnawing feeling that he was about to be in a lot of trouble and he was admittedly growing scared.   But Buck was glad, at least, that it was him and not Christopher who was in their clutches.  He could take care of himself.

             “Yeah, that’s what the kid called him,” the larger man answered instead, and Buck sighed inwardly, tugging harder at the man’s grip and earning himself a painful squeeze around the chest.

             “What, are you his other dad, or something?  Are you Eddie’s brother?  Boyfriend?”  The man got right into Buck’s face, and Buck stared back stonily, ever defiant.  He had a nasty feeling that confirming his closeness to Eddie would be a bad move so he said nothing, a growl of anger escaping him as Shawn smiled at him in a decidedly creepy way.

             “When I told him to buzz off because he ain’t the kid’s dad, he told me he was “close enough”,” the larger man chimed in unhelpfully, and Buck closed his eyes in defeat, swallowing hard as he realized his fate was sealed.   “I’m voting boyfriend.”

             “Buck.  It’s an usual name,” Shawn mused, squinting at Buck.  “I think I also saw his name on the top of the list of emergency numbers on the fridge.”

              Buck did his best not to give anything away by his expression, though his mind reeled; this guy had been in Eddie’s house?  When?  Had he been invited, or had he broken in?  The man, still staring at him, seemed to guess the truth about him despite his silence, and the smile on his face grew.

              “Then he should work almost as well as the kid,” Shawn grinned, still in a very unsettling way and Buck felt his heart clench as a wave of fear rolled through him.  Buck stared, his heart racing, as Shawn drew a syringe from his pocket.

              “What the hell is that?” Buck asked, unable to banish a definite note of panic in his voice.  Taking a few punches was one thing; being forcefully injected with some unknown substance against his will was entirely another, and Buck struggled hard against the arms holding him, desperate to get away.

              “Oh, nothing,” Shawn said with a devious smile.  “Hold him still.”

              The larger man’s arm quickly moved upwards and held him firmly around the shoulders, his free hand grabbing one of Buck’s arms and twisting it hard behind him.  Buck let out a gasp of pain as his arm pulled too tightly on his shoulder, feeling like it was about to pop .  Buck grunted as the man’s grip tightened on him and try as he might, he couldn’t pull free.  The larger man jerked hard on his arm and Buck made an involuntary noise of pain as it felt like his shoulder joint was being stretched beyond endurance.  Buck’s breathing became fast and shallow as Shawn approached, fear electrifying his blood as he stared at the syringe in the man’s hand.

              “Help!” Buck yelled suddenly, his panic overwhelming him at the thought of being injected with an unknown substance.  “Someone help me!” 

              Buck cried out in pain once more as the larger man wrenched his arm and simultaneously shifted his other hand to cover Buck’s mouth.  His grip was very strong and pulled Buck’s head to the side, completely muffling him and straining his neck as he continued to try and shout, struggling fruitlessly against the man’s hold.

              A second later, Buck felt his shirt being lifted, followed by a sharp stab near his belly and knew the needle had gone in.  Buck let out a muffled cry of protest but he knew it was too late.  He could feel something being injected, a slight burning sensation as the liquid entered his body.  He struggled, fear still coursing through him, but there was no point.  He was simply overpowered and nothing he could do would stop them.

               “Take him.”

             “No!” Buck’s protests were muffled as the man started to move him backwards towards the road, but with the grip the larger man had on him, it was all Buck could do to move his legs fast enough to stay upright as he was dragged away, still trying to peel the man’s arms from him.

             Buck’s panic increased as he saw Shawn move ahead and open the door to a small uHaul van, and Buck guessed they were about to throw him in there.  He tried to lurch himself out of the man’s grip, trying to ignore the pain of his twisted arm, but the man managed to hold on.  He had been dragged right to the back of the van, but Buck was not about to get into that vehicle if he had any say in it.  The man’s hand shifted slightly on Buck’s face and Buck let out a muffled yell, sinking his teeth into the man’s hand.  

             The man yelped in pain and tore his hand away from Buck’s face, as Buck shoved himself backwards as hard as he could, loosening the man’s grip on his other arm and throwing him off balance into the bed of the van.  Arms finally free, Buck swung hard and punched Shawn in the gut, shoving him away, nearly falling over himself but catching his balance on the door of the van. 

              As Buck righted himself in preparation to make a run for it, a powerful wave of dizziness washed over him and he blinked in confusion, swaying dangerously on the spot.  He was suddenly feeling extremely woozy, the world starting to spin before his eyes, and his desire to run faltered for a moment.  He tried to take a step forward and nearly fell, gripping the van door to keep himself upright, reeling from the intense dizziness, not noticing as the larger man recovered from the bite and towered over him once more. 

             Buck suddenly put up very little resistance as the larger man roughly grabbed hold of him, his senses very slow to react.  He’d been thrown down and hit the floor of the van with his upper body, a loud thud and a grunt from him echoing around them, before he’d even realized he’d moved. 

             “W-what did you give me?” Buck croaked, his face pressed into the cold metal bottom of the van’s back, held there by the larger man’s hand pressing down between his shoulder blades.  Buck’s speech was slurred, his vision was blurring, and it took an enormous amount of effort for him to concentrate on forming words.  Whatever drug they’d given him made him feel extremely confused, his mind fogging at such a rapid rate it would have alarmed him, had the ability to feel alarmed not just faded entirely from his brain.

             “Oh, just some ketamine,” Shawn replied airily, grabbing Buck’s arms and pulling them together behind his back, binding his wrists with rope.  Buck felt one of them pull his phone out of his jeans pocket and tried to protest, but he was held fast.   He heard a shattering noise and struggled to turn his head around, just catching a glimpse of Shawn grinding his heel into Buck’s now destroyed and useless phone.  

              Buck grunted as the larger man lifted him up and shoved his whole body into the back of the van, and after picking up the pieces of Buck’s phone and tossing them into the van, bound him around the ankles as well.   Buck was no longer struggling as the drug hit him like a freight train, and he lay still, his eyes heavy-lidded, as Shawn climbed into the back of the van and forced a cloth gag into his mouth, tying it behind his head.   

             “Enjoy the high, bud,” Shawn said, laughing and patting Buck roughly on the cheek before they slammed the doors of the van shut, leaving him alone in the dark.

             Buck let out a small noise of exhaustion and gave in to the effects of the drug, his body going completely limp as it took him over.  He felt like he was floating, slowly detaching from his body, and he felt like couldn’t – and didn’t want to – move at all.   The world seemed to be slowly rotating around him, any sounds that hit his ears muffled and nonsensical.  The sensation wasn’t actually unpleasant, but it left him in a near catatonic state as his brain completely fogged; he didn’t even notice when the vehicle was turned on, or when they started driving.  His body bounced around as they hit bumps in the road but he didn’t react, his eyes slowly closing as he mentally floated away, the drug taking away both his pain and his ability to perceive anything going on around him. 

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             Athena had wanted to question Christopher first; understandable, since he was the only witness.  Christopher had described how he’d waited for Buck in their usual spot, but Buck had been running late and hadn’t shown up yet.  How a very tall, very scary looking man had appeared and ushered Christopher away despite his protests.  Christopher’s voice shook with fear as he explained how he’d tried to resist, but the man had been too strong and pulled him along, no matter what he did.   Eddie held him close as he spoke, pressing kisses to his hair every so often, hoping to reassure him.

             Christopher’s voice grew tearful as he explained how Buck had appeared out of nowhere, running towards them and yelling.  How he’d pulled Christopher from the man’s grip and stood between them, protecting him.  How the man had grabbed Buck around the throat and hit him as Buck shouted at Christopher to run.  Eddie felt nauseated at Christopher’s descriptions, both from Chris’s perspective but also from Buck’s.  He could very well imagine Buck’s panic at seeing Christopher being led away by some stranger, the fierce protective instinct that had him leaping into danger to save Christopher from harm. 

             “Was he taller or shorter than me, Christopher?”  Eddie asked, desperately trying to figure out if it had been Shawn, already planning on throttling that asshole for laying a hand on his child, let alone hitting Buck. 

             “Taller,” Christopher sniffed.  “I think.”

             Eddie frowned as Athena asked Christopher a few more questions, thinking.  Shawn was an inch or two shorter than he was, and he’d expected Christopher to either say he’d been shorter or around the same height.   He was aware though, that of course Christopher might be totally wrong, his perception skewed by fear and the man’s unfamiliarity to him.

             “He was taller than Buck,” Christopher added, leaning his head against Eddie’s shoulder.  “And bigger.” 

 Eddie’s frown deepened.   Shawn was not taller than Buck, not by a long shot, so now Eddie was confused.  He had been so sure that the attacker had been Shawn that his brain had come to a screeching halt as he tried to figure out who else it could possibly have been.  Had Shawn actually hired someone to do his dirty work? 

             Athena finished up with Christopher’s questions and thanked him warmly, Eddie hugging him close as he whimpered.  

             “You next, Eddie,” Athena said as Eddie stood, lifting Christopher up, and he nodded. 

             “Just let me get him settled.”  Eddie started to move towards the door of Bobby’s office, not waiting to see if Athena was okay with him leaving or not.   She didn’t say anything, though, so he continued out into the hall and then into the kitchen area, where Bobby, Hen and a couple of others were milling about.  There was obvious tension in the air and Christopher whimpered again as Eddie set him down in a chair at the table.

             “Don’t go, daddy,” Christopher whined plaintively, reaching for him as Eddie kissed his forehead and stood up. 

             “I’m sorry, Chris,” Eddie said softly, crouching beside his son’s chair.  “I have to go answer some questions too.  But Uncle Bobby can make you those grilled cheese sticks you like so much, right?”  Eddie asked, glancing over at Bobby who smiled and nodded, immediately setting to work and collecting the ingredients he needed, seemingly glad he had something to do.   Eddie kissed Christopher’s forehead once more, gave him a quick hug and turned to head back to the office.

             “Please, distract him,” Eddie said in a low voice to Hen, who was watching them both with a worried expression.   “He loves Go Fish and Crazy Eights.”

             “On it,” Hen said, gently squeezing Eddie’s arm and heading over to the table, grabbing a deck of cards on the way by.  Eddie heard her talking to him and a small, grim smile tugged at the corner of his lips as Christopher responded to her.  Feeling a little better at the thought that his son would be fed and distracted, Eddie headed back towards Bobby’s office, feeling heavier with every step he took. 

             Athena watched Eddie closely as he returned to the office, closing the door behind him and sitting back down in the chair he’d only just vacated.  She could see that he was not doing well emotionally, but that his expression was very guarded, and she wondered if he was putting up walls to keep her out or to protect himself.

             “Eddie, just let me start by saying how sorry I am that this happened.  Your son is the sweetest boy in the world and he does not deserve this kind of trauma.”

             Eddie nodded in agreement, opting not to speak, not only because he knew his voice would crack but also because he genuinely didn’t know what to say.  Of course his son didn’t deserve this; he only deserved a world of sunshine and happiness.  Buck didn’t deserve any of this, either.  Eddie felt sick to his stomach once more as he imagined Buck throwing himself between the kidnapper and Eddie’s son, risking his own life to protect him.  Athena seemed to be thinking the same thing, and he looked over at her as she sighed.

             “Buck has had a hell of a lot of bad luck lately,” she commented sadly, shaking her head. 

             “Yeah, he has,” Eddie managed, glancing down at his own hands.  He wished he was still holding Buck’s watch; he knew being able to see it, to touch it, to trace the letters of Buck’s name would have made him feel slightly calmer as he fought to control his emotions. 

             “Do you know of anyone at all who would have wanted to hurt Buck?”  Athena asked a moment later, diving into her questions before she got distracted worrying about the younger man.   “Anyone who would have had a big enough grudge to kidnap him?”

             Eddie was admittedly surprised by this question, though he knew he shouldn’t have been.  He’d been so consumed with the assumption that Shawn had been the perpetrator in all of this that he had never considered it could be someone who was targeting Buck rather than Christopher and himself.

             “But the man tried to take my son,” Eddie pointed out, confusion knitting his brow as he spoke.  “Doesn’t that mean it was someone with a grudge against me?”

             “Not necessarily,” Athena replied, glancing down at the paperwork in front of her.  “They could have known that Buck was picking Christopher up and intentionally took him away, knowing Buck would come after him.”

             Eddie sat there, feeling slightly stunned at this line of thought that he’d never considered.  He supposed it was entirely possible; anyone who even kind of knew Buck knew that he would help literally anyone, especially someone he was close to like Christopher.   But as Eddie mulled it over, he shook his head, the idea becoming more ludicrous the longer he thought about it.

             “No.  I don’t think so.  Nobody hates Buck.”

             “What about the time his identity was stolen?” Athena asked, gesturing to her paperwork.  “I recall hearing that several women accosted him for ghosting them, but it had actually been someone else.  Did Buck ever mention anyone else confronting him?  Could the identity thief have pissed someone else off enough that they would come after him?”

             Eddie frowned, scrunching his face up slightly as he thought.

             “No, I really don’t think so,” he repeated after a moment.  “I mean, that was before I knew him, but it was a long time ago now and nothing has happened since then.  He’s never mentioned anything about it, anyway.” 

             “Well, we can’t discount it as a possibility,” Athena said, writing down some notes.  “But I tend to agree with you, it feels like it’s been too quiet for too long for this to be related.”

             Eddie felt Athena’s eyes on him as he sat there, staring down at his hands again, constantly fidgeting, actively stopping himself from letting his leg bounce in his anxiety.   He didn’t want to look up and meet her eyes and so he continued to avert his gaze until she spoke again.

             “If you can’t think of anyone who would target Buck, then we’ll move on.  What about you, and Christopher?   Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt him, or have a grudge against you that would lead to his attempted kidnapping?”

             Eddie swallowed hard.  This was it.  This was the moment he had been dreading.  Only Bobby and Lena knew how far his fighting phase had gone, and he had wished countless times that even they didn’t know.  Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to look up at her.

             “A few months ago I was having some… difficulty… controlling my emotions, so I turned to fighting to take out my anger.”

             Athena didn’t really look surprised by this and Eddie wondered if she’d seen his arrest record when he’d assaulted the guy who’d harassed him in the parking lot when he was dropping Christopher off that day, or perhaps Bobby had talked to her about him.  Steeling himself, he continued, telling her a very clipped version of what had happened, how he’d been too wrapped up in the adrenaline of the fighting and nearly killed Shawn that night.

             Eddie could tell he was going to have to elaborate as she silently stared at him, her eyes slightly narrowed, her lips pressed together.   So Eddie, feeling his shame and guilt filling him, started over and told her everything.   How, after Shannon died, with Buck nearly dying in the explosion, the tsunami, and all the stuff with the lawsuit, he’d been unable to handle his emotions and had been lashing out.  How Lena had introduced him to the first casual fighting group in the junkyard to help work off some of his pent up energy and aggression.  

 Eddie told Athena, because there was no point in hiding anything now, just how effective the fighting had been as an outlet for him.  How after only a few weeks, he’d been approached to step up his game and join an underground fight club.  How joining that fight ring had boosted his addiction to the adrenaline, how he’d almost become consumed by it.  The roar of the crowd, the shock of the pain as he took hits, the ache of his knuckles after he’d knocked his opponent out; they’d all combined into a powerful adrenaline high that had taken him far away from his troubles, at least for a little while.

             With a feeling like slowly sinking into quicksand, Eddie averted his gaze and stared at the nameplate on Bobby’s desk as he went on.  He told Athena about that night, the night he’d fought Shawn and kicked him in the face, instantly knocking him out and shattering his nose.  How Shawn had started to convulse, choking on blood and bits of his own cartilage that had been knocked into his throat by Eddie’s powerful blow.   How Eddie had saved his life and called 9-1-1, then hid like a coward when the unit had gotten there.   How he had briefly visited Shawn in the hospital while the man was still unconscious, his face unrecognizable from the swelling and broken nose.   How Eddie had carried the guilt for months and never told anyone, only admitting the truth to Bobby because he’d had to, and of course Lena had known because she had seen him there that night and figured it out.

             Eddie finally talked himself into silence, his mouth and throat dry, his head aching from the tension and probably dehydration.  He didn’t want to look up and see Athena’s expression, the frown of disappointment that was sure to be on her face.  Perhaps the disgust he felt with himself would be mirrored there, staring back at him.   The silence seemed to stretch endlessly between them and when he couldn’t handle it anymore he finally let his eyes flicker over to her.   She was watching him, as he’d expected, but she didn’t look angry or disgusted.  Eddie was unable to figure out how she felt at all, her expression unreadable.

             “What does this have to do with Buck’s kidnapping?” Athena asked eventually, and Eddie noted with dull surprise that while she was clearly trying to keep him on track and not spiral into his emotions, her tone was level and sympathetic, rather than disgusted or horrified as he’d expected.  Thrown by this, Eddie struggled to toss his mind back to the night last week, when Shawn had appeared unexpectedly on his doorstep.

             “Shawn, the guy I nearly killed… he showed up at my house last week,” Eddie said, dropping his eyes again. 

             “What did he want?” Athena asked, her tone mostly neutral but he could hear the coaxing note in it.

             “He needs money.  Because of me, he has hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical debt.  He… he didn’t have a job when I fought him, he has no insurance.”  Eddie stared at the desk again as he explained, his leg bouncing anxiously as he gave up trying to fight it. 

             “I’m assuming you told him ‘no’,” Athena said, and Eddie nodded.

             “I don’t have that kind of money,” Eddie said, shrugging helplessly.  “I couldn’t help him, even if I wanted to.  But he got angry when I turned him down.  Said I’d pay for what I’d done.  I threw him out of the house when he attacked me.”

             Eddie gestured to the mostly healed cut on his cheek bone from where Shawn had hit him hard with the edge of a wooden spoon.  It had been nearly a week so the cut was little more than a thin pink line by then, but it was still just visible.

             “Why didn’t you call the police?”  Athena asked, and Eddie squirmed in his seat.  He had asked himself the same question multiple times over the last week.   Partially, because he honestly hadn’t thought Shawn would go through with anything.  He had assumed that like himself, once the rage had subsided, Shawn would attempt to figure things out like a normal person.   But it was also because he hadn’t wanted to open up this whole can of beans, hadn’t wanted to do exactly what he’d just done: explain everything, voice his shame out loud.    

            Unable to sum up his feelings, Eddie told her everything he’d just thought, explaining his flawed reasoning as best as he could.  By the time he was done he could feel the shame and guilt so acutely that he could no longer speak and he fell silent, breathing shakily, looking down at the floor.

             There was another long silence.  Eddie could hear Athena’s pen scratching the paper as she wrote her notes, felt the gentle electrical hum of the lights above him fill his body like static as he thoughts reigned free in his head, giving him dizzying flashes of Christopher, Buck, and Shawn mixed with memories and ‘thoughts’ that were nothing but pure emotion.  He ran a hand shakily through his hair and flexed his fists, clenching them and relaxing them several times.

             “It’s my fault that Buck is gone,” Eddie burst out after he couldn’t take the silence anymore, finally looking up to see her shift her gaze to him.  “Shawn threatened me and I didn’t take it seriously.  I-I didn’t, I never thought…”

             “Never thought he’d target your son?”  Athena asked as he couldn’t finish the sentence, and her voice was soft, quiet.  Eddie regarded her, noting her concerned expression, and felt the lump grow in his throat once more as he furiously blinked back tears, refusing to let them fall. 

             “Yeah.”

             Athena sighed, shaking her head as she looked down at her notes, then back up at him again.  Eddie wasn’t sure how to interpret her expression, but he could at least tell that she was on his side.

             “Eddie, we can’t predict what people will do.  Sometimes angry people are just angry.  You barely know this man, you couldn’t have known he might do something like this.  You should have called us after he showed up on your doorstep, but I suppose I understand why you didn’t.”

             Eddie fidgeted with his hands, biting his lower lip, nodding at her words.  He was beyond thankful that she wasn’t scolding him or accusing him of being stupid – something he’d been doing to himself quite a lot anyway – but he found her support hard to bear as well.  Even if she didn’t think it was his fault for Shawn’s behaviour, he did.  And no one was going to be able to convince him otherwise.

             “You need to tell me everything you know about this Shawn, then,” Athena continued eventually, as it became clear that Eddie wasn’t going to say anything further without prompting.  Eddie let out a shaky sigh and relayed everything he knew about him, his physical description, everything he had said at Eddie’s that night. 

             It was another half hour before she finally let him go, grilling him about every detail he could possibly remember.  Eddie felt completely drained, both physically and (especially) emotionally, his breathing shaky as he left Bobby’s office.  He didn’t want to go back into the main area and feel everyone staring at him, didn’t want to field their concerned questions.  He was torn between going out into the world to look for Buck himself or hiding himself away from everyone forever, the guilt and shame making his knees weak.

             Eventually Eddie forced himself to return to the dining area, only because he knew that’s where Christopher would be.  Eddie looked around as he approached, assessing who was where so he could avoid as many people as possible.  Bobby was in the kitchen, cleaning up dishes from the meal.  Chim was nowhere to be seen;  Eddie assumed he was being questioned next.  A couple of the other firefighters were scattered around, mostly absorbed in books or their phones.  Finally he spotted Christopher on the farthest couch from the kitchen, nestled in beside Hen, who was holding a picture book in her hand and clearly reading to him.

             “Daddy!”  Christopher spotted him before he could think about making a quiet exit, knowing that he was being cared for, and Eddie sighed.  Forcing himself to smile, Eddie walked over to where they were sitting and sank down onto the couch on Christopher’s other side, avoiding Hen’s eyes.

             “Hey buddy,” Eddie said, reaching out and giving Christopher a one-armed hug, leaning over and kissing him on the top of the head.  “What are you reading?”

             “The Cat in the Hat!” Christopher said enthusiastically. 

             “It’s a little young for him, but we didn’t have much variety,” Hen explained, but Eddie shook his head, shooting a half smile in her direction while continuing to avoid her gaze.  

             “That’s okay, he loves that book.  It’s one of his all-time favourites, isn’t it?” Eddie asked, tickling Christopher’s side and making him shriek with laughter.

             “Yeah!”

             “I can keep reading, if you want?”

             Eddie knew Hen’s question was directed at him and not Christopher, and he appreciated her offer to continue to distract his kid more than he could put into words.  He nodded, leaning back on the couch and watching Christopher as Hen turned her attention back to the book and began to read.  Eddie smiled slightly as she continued; she was great at enunciating things in a way that had Christopher giggling and he could only imagine the practice she’d had with Denny.  

              But as he sat there, he suddenly remembered the night a few months ago when Buck had been at his place, watching Christopher as Eddie had had to deal with some other family drama.  Christopher hadn’t been able to sleep, so Buck had read him multiple bedtime stories in an attempt to soothe him.  Eddie had gotten home halfway through The Cat in the Hat, and he remembered standing in the doorway to Chris’s room, watching Buck read the story to him.   Buck’s voice had been even more animated than Hen’s was now, and Eddie had seen how much Christopher enjoyed it.  Eddie vividly remembered thinking how Buck would be such an amazing dad, and tears welled in his eyes again and threatened to fall.  Eddie blinked them away, turning his head so that Christopher wouldn’t see them if he looked up.   He could feel Hen’s gaze on the back of his head even as she continued reading, and after a few minutes he couldn’t handle it anymore.

              Excusing himself to go to the washroom, Eddie slipped his arm out from behind Christopher and walked away, heading downstairs so he could be alone for a few minutes.  He found himself in the locker room without really paying attention to how he got there and sunk down onto a bench in the windowed side room.  Eddie couldn’t handle this waiting game they were all being forced to play.  Not even knowing exactly who had him, though Eddie was certain it was Shawn.  Not knowing how hurt Buck was, or if he was even alive.   Eddie made an involuntary noise of distress at the last thought and tried desperately to shove it out of his brain.  He couldn’t let himself think that Buck could be dead.  The mere thought had him shrinking in on himself, nausea rolling in his stomach, unable to handle it even in theory.  

              So he forced himself to take many deep breaths, forced his shaking hands in and out of fists, trying to relieve the tension.   Eddie couldn’t help but obsess over his last encounter with Shawn, though, and was going over the details in his mind for the fifteenth time when he heard someone approaching.  Eddie looked up as Athena and Bobby stepped into the room with him, looking grim.   Eddie shot to his feet, feeling panic grip his heart at their expressions.

              “What is it?  Did you find him?”  Eddie asked immediately, and Athena shook her head.

              “No, Eddie.  But an officer did find something at the scene that we missed the first time around.”

              “What?  What is it?”  Eddie asked, his eyes travelling down to Athena’s hands, noting she was holding something white folded up in an evidence bag.  Athena glanced up at Bobby, who nodded, and then she slowly drew the object from the bag.

              Eddie watched, not understanding, until she unfolded the paper and held it out to him.   Eddie’s heart skipped several beats and his lips parted in surprise as he saw that it was not a note, but a wrinkled photo of Christopher and Buck, one that had been hanging on his fridge for months.  Eddie reached out and took it with trembling hands, smoothing his thumb over the crease in the middle of the photo that distorted the side of Buck’s smiling face.  

              “You clearly recognize this photo,” Athena said gently, watching his stunned reaction.  Eddie looked up at her, expression unchanged, and he nodded, looking back down  at it.  “Did they find it online and print it, or-”

              “This was on my fridge,”  Eddie said, his voice weirdly calm considering the chaos going on in his mind.  “I- I noticed it was gone yesterday but I thought that Christopher had just taken it for show-and-tell, he does that sometimes.”

              Eddie flipped the photo over and saw his own handwriting on the back, clearly remembering the day he’d captioned it and then hung the picture on the fridge.  It was one of his favourites and he knew Christopher loved it too, which was why Eddie had assumed Christopher had taken it.

              “Do you remember if it was there immediately after Shawn made his unscheduled visit to your house?”  Athena asked, and Eddie tried to remember, but he came up blank.

              “No, I’m not sure, I--”  Eddie paused as he suddenly remembered something.  “I remember picking up a magnet from the floor after he left, though.  I thought it had just gotten knocked off the door when he attacked me but…”

              Eddie swore under his breath, running a hand over his face. He had just remembered leaving Shawn alone for a few minutes as he’d gone to see what Christopher needed.  He hadn’t thought anything of it… what could Shawn have done in his kitchen?  Now he was kicking himself.

              “I’m so stupid.  He must have taken it when I left the room for a minute.  When I came back out, after he hit me and I threw him out… I was so angry and distracted, I never noticed.”  Eddie’s voice had become quiet, defeated.

              “That’s completely understandable,” Bobby said, in a voice clearly meant to soothe, but Eddie shook his head.  How could he have not noticed his favourite picture of Buck and Christopher going missing for multiple days?  Even if he was distracted, it was no excuse.

              “Well, this certainly points the finger even more towards this Shawn,” Athena said grimly, holding her hand out for the picture.  Eddie reluctantly handed it back, feeling like she was tearing off part of him as she put it back into the evidence bag.  He tried to reassure himself that he had a copy of it saved on both his phone and computer, but it still hurt to watch it disappear into her jacket pocket.  They stood in silence for a long few moments before Eddie finally spoke again, feeling his gut crawl with anxiety, anger not far behind.

              “So what happens now? How do we find Buck?”

              “My officers are on it now,” Athena said.  “They’re pulling phone and credit card records, finding out where Shawn lives and worked-”

              “So basically what you’re saying is that no one is actually out there, physically looking for him?”  Eddie couldn’t slow the wave of temper that instantly rolled through him, snapping at her for the second time that day before he could stop himself.  

              “Where do you suggest we start?” Athena asked, eyes and nostrils flaring.  “We know nothing about this man besides what you’ve told us.”

              “I don’t know!” Eddie exclaimed, throwing a hand up in exasperation.  “I’m not a detective! You guys are - it’s been hours and hours, why aren’t you doing your jobs?!”

              Eddie knew immediately he’d gone too far as Bobby stepped forward, as though shielding Athena from him.

              “That’s enough,” Bobby said sharply, and Eddie took a step back, immediately deflating, his hands coming up in front of him as a gesture of surrender.

              “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  Eddie turned away for a moment, trying to take deep breaths, putting his hands up to his face.  What was wrong with him?! Athena was just trying to help.  She was doing her job, and Eddie knew she was amazing at it.   He was just so overwhelmed with guilt and anger it had burst out of him before he could control it.

              “This isn’t a movie, Eddie.”  Athena’s voice was relatively calm, but he could hear the tension in it.  “These things take time.  I know you’re scared for Buck - we all are.  But we’re not going to get answers immediately.”

              “I know,” Eddie acknowledged as he slowly turned around, his voice low, swallowing hard as he looked over at Athena.  She was watching him very closely, a mixture of annoyance and grudging understanding on her face.  Bobby was still standing between them, and while he was still frowning at Eddie for speaking to Athena so rudely, Eddie could tell he was mostly concerned.

              “I’m sorry,” Eddie repeated.  “I really am.  I know none of this is your fault.  It was shitty of me to take it out on you.”

              “I get it,” Athena said after a pause, her lips still pursed.  “I don’t take it personally.  But thank you for apologizing.”  

              Her voice was softer now and Eddie nodded, looking down at his feet, thinking he didn’t deserve her forgiveness so quickly.  He was being an asshole to the people trying to help him the most and he felt extremely ashamed.

              “If I could ask again… what happens now?” Eddie asked quietly after an uncomfortable moment of silence, not quite meeting Athena’s eyes as he looked up at her.

              “Well, even if we learn everything we can about him, there’s a chance it won’t mean much.  We’ll check his house, his old workplace, the place where you two fought,” Eddie felt his stomach clench at the thought, “but honestly, right now it’s mostly a waiting game.”

              “Waiting… for what?” Eddie asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.  His eyes flickered to Athena’s and she sighed, taking a step closer to him.

              “Waiting for demands.  He thinks you owe him money;  he’s not just going to take a hostage and then sit tight.  He’s going to try and contact you and demand ransom,  it’s just a matter of when.”  Athena’s voice grew quieter and she reached out a hand, touching Eddie gently on the arm.  “Sometimes these things get ugly. You need to be prepared.”

              Eddie felt sick to his stomach and sank back down onto the bench as his legs suddenly wobbled, staring at the floor, his eyes distant.  His fault, all his fault.  He was the one who had caused all this.  His thoughts reeled as Athena and Bobby both spoke to him, but he barely heard them.  He hardly noticed when they left him alone, staring blankly through the window in front of him, staring past the corner of the nearest truck.  

              The fire bell sounded a few minutes later, finally prompting Eddie to snap himself out of it and look up.  Bobby, Hen, Chim and a couple of the others suddenly appeared in the bay and Eddie automatically stood, starting to walk towards them.

              “Stay here, Eddie,” Bobby called as everyone piled into the truck.  Bobby put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, forcing him to focus on Bobby’s face.  “Stay here, go sit with Christopher. We’ll be back soon.”

              Eddie nodded numbly and Bobby clapped him firmly on the arm, hurrying off.  Eddie watched as Bobby climbed into the captain’s seat and then the rig pulled out of the house, not flinching as the sirens blared into life.

              “Wow!”

              Eddie heard Christopher’s voice and looked up to see him hanging onto the railing on the upper floor, watching the truck pulling out of the bay.  The sight of him standing there alone was the only thing that snapped Eddie out of his stupor, and he hurried up the stairs to join his son.

              Not wanting to talk as Christopher immediately started asking about Buck, Eddie got him settled on the sofa in front of the TV and put on a movie, sitting down beside him.  Eventually Christopher fell asleep, leaning on him, and Eddie sighed shakily, putting his face in his free hand.  His head was pounding and he was feeling dizzy even sitting down, but it was nothing compared to the anguish in his head.

              Eddie felt his phone buzz and pulled it out from under Christopher carefully, not wanting to wake him up.  Eddie saw that he had no new texts; the alert had simply been for an email.  Most of the time Eddie ignored these alerts, considering the vast majority of his email was just spam.  But, this time, something made him want to check so he hit the envelope icon with his thumb, waiting for it to load.

              Eddie nearly dropped the phone on Christopher’s head as the single new email loaded, the recipient marked “unknown”.  It wasn’t the recipient that had turned Eddie’s heart to ice, however; it was the subject line, which merely said “BUCK”.  He noticed there was a little symbol that indicated there was an attachment inside, and Eddie felt his veins run cold with dread.

              Suddenly terrified, Eddie’s hand shook uncontrollably as he stared at Buck’s name, unable to tap the email, scared to death of what he would see inside.  He barely noticed as the sounds of the truck returning echoed around him.  It wasn’t until he could hear the voices of his team downstairs that he finally raised a shaking thumb and hit the email preview, closing his eyes as it immediately started to load.

              After a few seconds, Eddie slowly opened his eyes and stared, feeling shock wash over him as he viewed the attached photo.   In the photo, which seemed like it had been taken looking directly downwards, a man was lying on his side on the ground, his arms and legs bound with rope, a black cloth bag obscuring his head.  Eddie knew immediately it was Buck despite being unable to see his face, the two lines of black ink that wrapped around his upper forearm just visible as his arm curved behind his back.  Eddie also just knew that form, could tell by the shape of his body that it was him, and his hands shook so badly he nearly dropped the phone again as he stared.

              Buck’s arm and clothes were dirty and his skin was scraped.  Eddie could just see a few spots of blood on his shirt from this angle and could only imagine how much was on the front, where Eddie couldn’t see.   Judging by his slumped posture in the photo, how his hooded head sagged and his bound limbs were relaxed, Eddie assumed he was unconscious.  He couldn’t tear his eyes away, even as he heard footsteps thumping up the stairs off to the side, even as he heard Hen’s voice, Chim’s answering snort.  

             It wasn’t until Bobby and Hen were standing right in front of him, looking down at him, that he even realized they were there.

             “Eddie?  What is it?”

             Hen was alarmed by Eddie’s expression;  he was staring at his phone with his mouth slightly open, all the colour drained from his face, his eyes full of fear.  

             “Eddie?”

             “Eddie!”

             Bobby’s sharp call, coupled with the hand Hen put on his shoulder a second later, finally snapped him out of his horrified trance.  His eyes flickered up to Bobby’s concerned face, only vaguely aware of all the eyes on him.

             “Athena was right,” Eddie said faintly, his phone still in the same position, glancing back down at the screen and feeling another punch to the gut as he absorbed the image once more.  Bobby reached for the phone, and when Eddie didn’t offer it, merely continued to stare, Bobby gently pried it out of his grip and turned it around.  

              Eddie heard murmurs of fear and worry, gasps and exclamations as Bobby passed the phone to Chim, who showed it to Hen.  Gripping the phone tightly, Hen hurried to the railing and called down to Athena, who had just arrived back at the station.  Eddie sat, staring numbly down at his hands, eyes unfocused, as Athena came up the stairs and took the phone from Hen, a grim look on her face as she peered at the photo.

              “You didn’t reply, did you?”

              Athena was suddenly in front of him and Eddie looked up at her, his face still a mask of shock.  It took him a moment to realize what she’d asked and he shook his head.  He hadn’t even been able to form a coherent thought once he’d seen the photo, let alone think clearly enough to form an actual response.

             “Good, do not reply to anything the kidnapper might send you.  There’s no note in this email… I think he’s just trying to upset you for now.”   

             “Well, it worked,” Hen said angrily.  Eddie looked around and saw that everyone looked angry, upset or some combination of both.  They all stood there, at a loss for what to do, at a loss for what to say.  Buck’s absence from the station had never felt so obvious as it did in that moment, and Eddie felt a hollow sensation in the pit of his stomach, like he was about to implode in on himself.

             “Daddy?”  Christopher’s voice broke the silence and Eddie looked down, blinking back the tears that threatened once again as Christopher stirred in his lap, looking around.  “Can we go home?”

             Eddie didn’t know what to say.  He wanted to go home, if only to be away from all the eyes he could still feel staring at him.  But he also didn’t want to leave.  Here, with the rest of his crew, with Athena nearby, he could be ready and waiting for news.  He couldn’t deny that his first responsibility was Christopher however, and he knew it was extremely late.  Eddie ran a hand over his face as Athena told him that he needed to give them access to his email so they could try to track the message.   Eddie gave her the info she needed, and she pressed on him again the importance of not responding to any message he might receive. He nodded numbly, stroking Christopher’s back as his son sat in his lap, half asleep.

             “Come on.  I’ll drive you home.”  

             Bobby reached out to help him up and Eddie held Christopher close, lifting him as he stood.  Bobby grabbed Christopher’s crutches and school bag and led Eddie down the stairs.  Eddie was following Bobby on autopilot, trying to think only of his son and what was best for him, his thoughts continually straying back to the photo of Buck.

              “It’s okay, I can drive.”

              Eddie could tell Bobby didn’t really approve of the idea, but the older man clearly didn’t want to upset him further, either.  Bobby nodded with a grim expression and helped Eddie get Christopher in the truck, watching them as Eddie pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared down the street.    

              The next hour passed in a blur.  They got home and Eddie got Chris ready for bed, dressed in his pyjamas, tucked in, and eventually asleep, all without really registering what was happening.

             A while later, Eddie lay on top of his bed still in his work clothes, staring up at the ceiling.  It was very late, something like 3am, but there was no way he was sleeping tonight.  He was lying there, on a fluffy duvet in his warm, dry house, while Buck was god-knew-where, lying on the cold, hard ground, his arms and legs bound.  Eddie was lying in the lap of luxury by comparison and it horrified him to know that he was safe and sound while Buck could be enduring all kinds of unknown traumas at that very moment.

              The night passed extremely slowly, and Eddie was still awake when the sun rose a few hours later, lying on his side and staring at the photo of Buck, wondering if anything would ever be alright ever again.

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