#wonderwcmanwrites

[text] I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke. 

[text] Well, at least you’re a cheap date.[text] Has it seriously been that long since you’ve really gone out and had a good time, Potter? And here I thought I was the most pitiful one in Luce’s wedding party.[text] All right, before we embarrass ourselves at the bachelor and bachelorette parties, we need to start training. I’m dragging you out for nightly drinks the next two weeks after work. You’ll be at champion status in no time.

[text] I want a shirt that says, “I’m sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday” 

[text] Oh my God, Lucia, no! You can’t wear that, Alex says there are dirty connotations for the word taco. 

[text] I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude…never let me have fireball again. 

[text] I think there’s something about mermaid genetics that makes it harder for us to process alcohol? [text] I’m really glad you ended up in my kitchen instead of somewhere more dangerous, though! I guess Lydia and Malia must have remembered that my parents were out of town.[text] Next time can you guys maybe warn me that you’re coming? I kind of got out a sword and was about to come down the stairs slicing away until I heard Malia’s voice.

[text] By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up

[text] You just want to get kidnapped by a crazy girl on a broom, don’t you? [text] Always a flare for the dramatic, old man. Be prepared to be flown away :-p

[text] you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night. 

[text] I thought I was just being polite! He seemed really interested when I was telling him about their jobs, I thought maybe they could give them connections to help him get a better job or something.[text] Granted, I guess it wasn’t a very logistically sound plan since we’re a thousand miles away from home right now, but what else should I have said instead?[text] Oh my God, I’m never allowed to be the one in the front seat again. 

[text] HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!  

[text] The very fact that you need enablers to go out and have a good time is just a reminder of what a grandpa you are.[text] Don’t worry, Melin has answered your prayers. I was planning on hanging out with my parents tonight, but I guess I can let them have a date night if it means saving you from accelerated old-manness.

[text] Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn’t even know I was dating…

[text] Boys on land are so weird. I had a boy lend me his pencil last week and then asked me how I was going to repay him for the favor. They just... expect things. Not like people under the water at all.[text] Um, that boy wasn’t Scott, was it?

[text] I feel like I don’t show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time  

[text] James Sirius Potter, keep your shirt on. I do not need to see your man boobs, you old man.[text] Does this mean I need to whip you into shape this summer? Has being an Auror made you go soft? :-p

[text] Idk why you’re asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today. 

[text] Because Alex would set me up with someone who just cares about boobs! And who even knows what kind of person Sky would find for me.[text] You’re the one who’s most on my level, Luc. And I’m the only one who hasn’t had a boy interested in me all summer. I don’t want to go back home and be the loser who scared everyone away :([text] Please just help me? There was that cute boy at the art gallery earlier, I just want to get coffee or something. So I can go home and say that I did it, at least once.[text] Oh my God, not IT it, just... went out with someone, that’s all I meant.

[text] Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church? 

[text] Merlin, please stop! Did Jules put you up to this? Because it’s not very funny, James. [text] I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions that time I saw you leaving my sister’s flat, but I don’t want to get teased about it for the rest of eternity! :( :( :(

[text] We have a great relationship based on communication, sex and mutual loathing.

[text] Oh how the mighty have fallen. [text] Potter, snap out of it! That’s not a girlfriend, that’s a fuckbuddy.[text] You don’t even like her! I mean, how could you? She’s about the most loathsome of all the snakes you graduated with, I can’t believe you even answer the phone when she bootycalls.[text] I’m the queen of maladjustment now instead of Quidditch, which means I know a thing or two about the stupid decisions you’re making, and it’s time to get you out of this mess.[text] I’ll be there to rescue you in five minutes, so make sure you’re off your arse and dressed by the time I show up. 

[text] I am naked and annoyed. 

[text] I just don’t understand why someone would steal your clothes but not your cellphone :/ [text] I wish when we transformed we had more than just a stupid seashell bra on. Do you need me to bring you clothes, or is Lydia already on the way? Her style is probably a lot better than mine.

[text] Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don’t need that negativity in my life.

[text] Lucia, do you have to be so crude? [text] I know that we’re all a little concerned about Alex’s casual hookups during this roadtrip, but insulting her and cutting her out of your life isn’t the way to do it.[text] If nothing else, you have to share a car and a hotel room for the rest of the summer, so can you just... try to figure out why you’re so much madder at her than the rest of us are? 

[text] I just felt emotion and I’m not okay with it

[text] Aw, Gramps, you sound like me. I’m so proud.[text] Emotions are pretty terrible, but... It’s been years since Fran died, Jay. You’re allowed to start to have feelings for somebody else, it’s okay to like... move on with your lives.[text] Godric, I probably sound like such a hypocrite, since I’m still stuck since the war, but you’re not... I guess it’s normal, or something. Don’t let it freak you out too much, old man. 

[text] I’m the girl holding the bag of goldfish

[text] Oh my gosh, Allison, don’t you think that’s going to be a little bit suspicious? People can’t just catch goldfish like that, they might start to suspect we have unnatural skills with water creatures![text] OH! Oh, you meant the snack food.

[text] in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay

[text] Lucia, what a terrible thing to say! I’m sure none of our mothers were trying to force a sexuality upon us, even if their baby bonding activities were a little bit suspicious.[text] But what exactly happened last night after I went to sleep that has all of you saying things like this? O.o

[text] she’s a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.

[text] Well, I don’t want to change the independence part, Luc, because all this freedom this summer has been wonderful.[text] But I saw a shop on Main Street USA where we can fix the crown part ^_^ [text] We’re going to be the prettiest princesses Disney World has ever seen.

I really love it tbqh. I especially love the para sample, where you give an example of what we could write for you, because I personally have trouble with that part in apps, always. :P