Content Warning: Some heartbreak...
Tags: @phantom-nights and @it-ar3-l3a
Author Note: Hi everyone! This is my second work to be officially published here. I randomly got inspiration for this story after listening to Wonderless by Pierce the Veil. I apologize if there are any errors; I tried my best to fix all of them before posting. Please don't forget to like, reblog, and comment! I hope you all enjoy this because I had so much fun making this one :)
We always wonder what if when looking back on our lives. We sit around thinking about what could have been if we did something slightly differently. Would it make us happier if we did? Would everything be completely different? Or would it be exactly the same? Hongjoong thought about this often. The more recognition Ateez received over the years, the more he wondered about her. Where was she? If she heard a song, did she turn it off automatically? How deep was the wound? For him, the wound ran deep and never healed. No matter how hard he tried to forget her, she refused to leave, forever haunting him. He knew his biggest mistake was leaving her. He was wonderless.
Hongjoong and Seika met years and years ago; it feels more like a distant memory now. Their friendship blossomed during childhood. When they both had zero worries about life and could play for hours on end. Eventually, those same hours would shift into exploring music as they entered their teen years. Music brought them together in a way that was different. Each day, they spent hours experimenting, seeing what each genre of music had to offer. A type of unspoken understanding would surround them as the beats flowed out of the speakers. The connection they had was undeniable even during their awkward middle school phases. They always saw each other, never judging. When words were too difficult, they would turn to music to communicate. Eventually, Hongjoong made the first move. A small, desperate kiss that said everything he never had the courage to say, everything that music could never communicate properly. That same night, he made Seika his girlfriend, too afraid to lose her.
In the years to follow, they built something that felt unbreakable. Talks of what their future could be after high school began. They both envisioned being together, supporting each other as they chased after their dreams. After school, Hongjoong would lie in bed beside Seika, learning how to create beats as she scribbled down random lyrics in her notebook. Both hoping to one day make it in the industry to create something that would make people feel seen, that would stick around for many generations. So when Hongjoong got the offer to be a trainee, she encouraged him to take the risk. Seika never doubted for a second that Hongjoong could make it big. She worried, but she knew this was important. Hongjoong took the offer without hesitation and trained endlessly. The long hours would slowly chip away at their relationship. Seika tried her best to be there for Hongjoong at all hours. Hongjoong, on the other hand, was struggling to find the balance. The pressure tortured him on the inside. In the back of his mind, a seed had been planted.
What he once envisioned for the future was slowly shifting to one where Seika wasn't by his side. One where she was safe from the potential hate that fans would send her way. One where she would be able to be loved properly by someone else. This seed would keep growing until he broke her heart. He told himself that breaking her heart now was the best for both of them. The heartbreak would be worth it in the end, he would tell himself. Honestly, he wasn't sure if that was even true. Leaving Seika behind meant a number of things. The most important thing was that it was safe for his career. It limited the possibilities of scandals and harassment. It would take away some of the constant worrying and fear, weakening the growing pressure that was building within Hongjoong. For Seika, it felt as if Hongjoong just ripped out her heart and tore it into pieces. She didn't scream nor did she cry. Seika wasn't going to beg him to stay because no matter what her reaction was, she knew Hongjoong was too far gone. He left her wondering where she went wrong. Music was supposed to bring them together, but it was the exact thing that broke them.
They say that with time things heal, and you can accept what happened. The truth is that it's been a few years now, and the wound never healed. Regret haunted Hongjoong at night even after all these years. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was what they could have been and how much better things could have been if Seika was here by his side. It pained him more than he ever imagined. He wanted to forget to make it easier. So he would go on countless dates with all different types of girls. All with different backgrounds and passions. Nothing ever felt real when he tried. Things always felt too complicated with each girl he dated; the relationships were never able to find a rhythm that flowed. The more successful he became, the clearer it became that they were there for his fame and money. He hated it so much. At night, he wondered a lot about Seika. It made him restless at times, all the thoughts that would go through his head. Since their breakup, she became a ghost. There were no traces of her anywhere. That killed him.
Becoming a ghost wasn't what Seika wanted, but it was the life she had to live. Vanishing to her wasn't about letting Hongjoong win. It was about allowing herself to mourn what could have been. In the beginning, she felt so trapped inside her mind. Lost in countless memories the two of them shared over the years. The one person she truly believed she could trust broke her heart into a million pieces. Creating a wound so deep that the scar it would leave behind would never vanish completely. Even though they were young, she believed that she could never love someone in the way she loved Hongjoong. That thought alone haunted her every night in bed when the city went to sleep. If one thing was for certain, she wasn't going to let Hongjoong take music away from her. Seika knew she wasn't going to be some idol or some famous producer. That wasn't the life she wanted to live anymore. Music always helped her in her lowest and allowed her to express herself in ways that felt completely authentic to her. She wanted to help others discover that same passion for music, give them the starting tools, and provide a safe space. That was her dream now.
As the years went on, Seika discovered a quiet rhythm to life. She moved out of Anyang to Pocheon a couple of months after the breakup. It wasn't too far from home, just a little over an hour drive into the mountains. She found a small studio apartment that was just on the outskirts of Pocheon. The change felt necessary. This city was hers, not theirs. It allowed Seika to really breathe for the first time. There wasn't a constant reminder of him lurking. It was a new chapter. One he couldn't ruin. As she settled into her new life, she found a job in music, offering private lessons to those who wanted to learn an instrument. It wasn't anything crazy, but it was fulfilling. It gave her a sense of purpose and reason to stay. The thoughts about Hongjoong started to fade into the background. Her heart was slowly healing, but she wasn't concerned with romance, really. It wasn't something she really cared about anymore. She was okay being on her own.
Being back in Anyang felt different, almost foreign. Seika hadn't been there in ten years. In all honesty, she was avoiding it at all costs. For a while, it felt like if she came back, everything would fall apart. All the time she put into rebuilding herself would vanish into thin air, and she would become the lonely 18-year-old girl. Being here in Anyang reminded her of him. He's gone on to become such a beloved idol. Anyang was proud to show him off. No matter how hard Seika tried, she could never completely erase Hongjoong from her life. Having an ex who happened to be an idol meant that you were always going to hear about them somehow. Hongjoong looked happy to be there in the clips she saw randomly online. He was achieving his dream alongside people she knew he cared for deeply. As much as she wanted to hate, she couldn't find it within herself. Instead, in her own weird way, she was proud of him. Proud that he didn't give up and created something so unique. Seika knew that was something extremely difficult to do within the industry. Even though she was proud, for her own heart, she had to keep her distance. That meant she never tuned in for any comebacks, never heard more than five seconds of a song, and never mentioned she once knew the idol. It was safer that way.
There wasn't a real reason why Seika decided to come visit after all these years. There wasn't anything tying her down there and trying to pull her back in. Maybe it was because she just wanted to do it for herself. Prove to herself that she was okay, stronger even. The streets of Anyang once felt so loud and heavy with tension; now they were quiet, calm even. The places she loved during her youth weren't painful to visit anymore. Anyang was no longer evil to her. For Hongjoong, Anyang was always somewhere he could escape to throughout the years. He would come home to get away from all the noise and pressure. Though there were times when it stung, and the wound opened ever so slightly. Those were the nights when he wished to see her the most. He would do anything just to see her again. To tell the truth, that's why he still comes back so often. Hongjoong was secretly hoping she would just be there and everything would just feel right again.
The air that night shifted as the stars filled the dark sky. Seika just wanted to clear her head. The more time she spent here, the more she realized that she never stopped loving Hongjoong. That scared her more than she could ever admit because, in the end, would it even matter? After all the success, why would Hongjoong choose her? It wouldn't make any sense, but she hoped. As she walked the streets, she felt as if someone was watching her. For a second, Seika paused to scan the area. She didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Everyone around was in their own world except for one person. They locked eyes instantly as Seika realized who it was. Hongjoong was there. It wasn't her imagination; it was really him. Hongjoong had spotted Seika from a mile away. He couldn't get himself to look away from her, too afraid that she would vanish. She looked exactly how Hongjoong remembered. She had matured just like him, but she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Hongjoong called out carefully to Seika as he walked towards her. He could still feel the butterflies in his stomach, something he hadn't felt in ten years now. It was now or never.
"Please don't go, I can't lose you again. For ten years, I thought about you, and how I wish I never pushed you away. The only thing that has ever felt real was us. I'll do anything to feel that again."
Seika didn't know what to say. She never imagined Hongjoong would be here pleading for her to stay. Everything in her mind tells her that she shouldn't, after everything they've been through. The most logical thing to do would be to walk away and keep going on with her life. However, her heart tells a different story. One where Hongjoong is present. So Seika nodded her head as she reached out for Hongjoong's hand. She was never great with words, especially in moments like this. A small smile spread across Hongjoong's lips as they intertwined their hands. For once, everything felt okay. Even after ten years, the connection they had was still there. They didn't need words to understand each other. They both knew it still. Hongjoong was never letting her go again. Seika didn't want to leave either.
