#wonbin reddit

i was drunk. the lights were shining too bright and they were burning my eyes, much like the liquor was. i was drunk, i had way too many drinks than i intended to and it was tasting spicy at the back of my throat. i was drunk, but i wasn't wasted. i wasn't stumbling or stuttering—wasn't blacked out, wasn't far gone. i said yes when my friends asked if we wanted to go for a kbbq after this, i knew what i was doing, i knew what i was getting myself into.

...but she looked TOO much like you. she had that long hair you didn't want to cut because you kept it for so long, and i swore she wore the same shade of blush as you did. but i bet hers was the cheap one. her smile was like you too, her lips were full and her teeth was nice, and she was standing by our table and her height was like yours. i could tower over you easily, which means i could see the top of her head too. but you would never wear what she wore. it was fucking skimpy and slutty and ugly. you would never, i know you wouldn't. you're a fucking angel.

but it was dark and late and i was stupid. and my friends were stupid too because they didn't yell at me, or slap me that she wasn't you! they should've told me that her face was nothing like yours, that you're prettier. they didn't tell me that her eyes weren't the colour of yours. they just laughed when she sat on my lap and served me more drinks. they laughed when she said i was good looking and that she'd love to see what's underneath. they let me believe that it was okay. that it was you.

but it wasn't oh my god. it wasn't you because you wouldn't be in a place like that. i realised it wasn't you when she wrapped her legs around me and it didn't feel the same. it wasn't you because you wouldn't have let me kiss-- or make out with you like that, especially with tongue and spitting involved, and you wouldn't let me lay on a bed with outside clothes on. you're too lovely for me to hold you until your skin's bruised.

oh my fucking god it just hit me again.

why did i think it was you again?? what the fuck. my angel wouldn't let me rip off clothes like that and you didn't giggle that loud. yours is like a melody to my ears. baby i satisfy myself with the sound of your breathing. that whore's laughter was like the sound of a fork against a board. i let my hands and my lips and my tongue wandered places they should've never gone. i let her touch me and pull me onto some cheap rat smelling motel's bed. i would never let your pretty skin even touch an unworthy fabric.

your hands are softer, and your skin smells like baby's powder even after your little jogging session. she smelled rotten and cheap. you would sulk when i tease you, but she encouraged me to call her all sorts of names. i would never do you like that baby.

but she lets me... and you never. you've always been so firm about waiting.. that love to you, isn't lust and it's sacred. sex isn't just something given lightly and that we need to get married for me to indulge you whole. i can't wait that fucking long, pretty. are you just as selfish as i am..?

so it's your fault in a way.. it's your fault for riling me up and making me wait way too fucking long. your "someday" will never come, and the time will never be right with you... your unwavering and childish belief that love alone is enough. it's not angel. a man has his desire...

but for you i was willing to wait. i told myself that i'm okay with waiting, that i respected your values, and whatever it is that your parents taught you about love. but i want you so badly. i want you in ways that require me to take off the fabrics from your body. i want you to scream my name and tell me to slow down and take it easy. i want to feel every inch of you and be inside you. i want to imprint and mold your insides. i want you more than mere words and cuddle sessions.

so please don't blame me for being a little too drunk and lonely and missing you more than i could stand and letting that turn into something ugly.

i love you so much, i swear on that pretty. it's just one night, that's all. one night that happened beyond my senses. i didn't even remember it all. it was fun while it lasted, but i regretted it, and i swear i will never ever ever do it again. i won't tell you this—i'll bring this to my grave. i'll let it rot inside out, let it fester, let it eat me alive until there's nothing left of me.

you won't forgive me and i can't have that. i can't lose you so i'll pretend to hold you like these hands weren't gripping on some girl's waist. i'll kiss you on your cheek as if these lips haven't touched another's. i'll listen to everything you have to say as if these ears never heard the moans and screams of another woman. i'll hold you like i never lied and ruin everything. i'll continue to be the man you think i am.