Steam fills the bathroom, fogging up the mirror entirely by the time Chris gets back. He turns the cold water on just a tad, just enough that when he steps in it wonāt be damaging to his skin. The water is scalding, and itās probably not a good idea to get in with it hot like that, but Leon doesnāt care either. At least he has enough sense to ensure itās not scalding enough to do some serious damage to him.Ā
If Chris notices how hot the water is, he doesnāt say anything as he approaches the door carefully. Leon doesnāt flinch or react much by the time Chris half enters to put the clothes down, staring at the water as it beats down on the shower floor. Ā
Heās exhausted, emotionally and physically, and if he turns to look at Chris heās certain the man will be able to see it. Unwilling to let Chris fret any worse than he already is, he doesnāt turn to look at him. Though, heās well aware that might have the opposite effect, because the silence is sudden and harsh without Leon fully meaning for it to be.Ā
He makes sure to react, to turn his body slightly so that Chris knows that heās acknowledged him. That he hasnāt completely checked out just yet. The scalding water will help, he thinks, itāll give him something to focus on so that he doesnāt just check out completely.Ā
Would it be so bad if he did, though? Yes, Leon thinks. At least while heās showering. The last thing he wants is Chris to have to burst in here because heās taking far too long in the shower and Chris gets way too worried about him. Heās not that bad off yet. Almost, but not quite.Ā
āThanks.ā Leon mutters again but itās the only thing he says, heās not even sure if Chris hears him, nor does he seem to care much. He closes the door, locks it with a āclickā out of habit more than anything. Ā
He peels each piece of clothing off slowly, carefully, hissing as teeth grit together and fabric sticky with blood rubs against bruises against his ribs. Each piece of clothing is thrown onto a pile to the side until heās completely bare, and in the shower he goes.Ā
Leon lets out a shuddering gasp as the hot water hits his skin, instantly making him jump, his bodyās natural instinct trying to urge him out of the hot water but he forces himself still under such scalding heat. For a moment, he stands there, water cascading down his body and wetting his hair, dripping between his eyes until he canāt tell if itās shower water or tears wetting his eyes once more.Ā
Itās like the moment heās alone, another piece of the damn inside just breaks. He bites down on his cheek so hard to keep himself from audibly sobbing that he can taste metallic as his teeth accidently tears into the skin of his cheek. Ā
He doesnāt know how long heās in the shower. He doesnāt know at what point he goes from scrubbing angerly at blood off of his body to sinking down onto the shower floor with his arms wrapped around his legs, curled into a ball with his back against the shower wall. Has he been crying this whole time?Ā
Get up, Kennedy. Fucking get up. You donāt need Chris getting worried. Youāve had your moment to sob your eyes out, now get out of the fucking floor and get dressed.Ā
It takes a few more minutes of Leon urging himself to get up before he finally forces himself up to his feet on trembling legs. He reaches up, turns the water off, and steps out of the shower while grabbing a towel to dry himself off. He doesnāt have the energy to do a very good job of it, deciding to just ensure heās not dripping water all over the place before he pulls the clothes on.Ā
Each piece of clothing Chris brought him is pulled on, even the underwear. Once heās fully dressed, he pauses, blinking at the mirror heās now staring into. His wet bangs fall into his eyes, he looks like a fucking mess, and he swears he looks smaller than he did with Chrisā clothes being so big on him. At least the pants are able to be tied enough that theyāre not falling off his hips.Ā
The shirt he wears is warm, comfortable, and it smells like Chris. In some odd way, it feels like safety, and he wants nothing more than to curl up exactly like this and let himself be swallowed by the baggy clothing. He brings his hand up to brush wet bangs out of his face, only for them to fall back in his eyes and he decides fuck it.Ā
Then, finally, heās exiting the bathroom to find Chris waiting in the living room. With his arms wrapped around himself, Leonās red-rimmed eyes ā from how hard heād apparently been crying in the shower ā find Chrisā worried face. Not even his bangs can hide the evidence of his turmoil. He gives Chris a small, barely there smile, that is gone as soon as it appears.Ā
Itās hard to focus. Hard to want to be here. Maybe he can just drift away to that place where he feels nothing. He doesnāt want to scare the hell out of Chris but he doesnāt want to be here right now either, and it feels like a part of him is floating, like heās struggling to stay in his body and it shows in the way he keeps blinking like heās trying to force himself to stay grounded in reality instead of drift off.Ā
āI.....ā He doesnāt know what to say, or what to do. He feels entirely too vulnerable, too small, and so he doesnāt say anything to Chris. He just begins moving, like heās on autopilot and moving against his will, his movements are sluggish, slow, like heās having to physically and forcefully drag himself towards the direction of Chrisā room heād mentioned earlier so that he can crawl onto his bed.Ā