It's hard to explain the urge to just run into the woods and never turn back. I wish it was this easy. I wish it would be easier to be closer to feeling like I belong. I don't think I'll ever fit in with the world around me if I don't escape modern life. Living somewhere alone or maybe even together with someone, some day in a cab or just in general a rural area, with little population and close nature, will be my forever dream. Moving somewhere north, leaving family behind- even if it's van life- sounds not like a idea but a need to me.
I'm doing bad with mental stuff at the moment because I am constantly in my head, longing for something i can never get a crasp on or live out in my current situation.
I know that my current life is just wrong. Its not who i am. Its never going to make me happy. Its not my place to be in or to be around. The people even sometimes can be worse. I don't know anyone that I feel right with. No one that alarms my urges to stay, that makes me long for staying in touch with life.
Maybe it's because of that loneliness, that makes it harder to move on in life, since I am still a social creature that is simply just not meeting the right surroundings. I'm really hating the society I live in, it's scratching and loud, telling me to resist my nature.
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