I realised that I never said why I pursued a revision surgery and what happened with my gastric sleeve.
Well, my story starts like many others, overweight kid, hitting 200lbs in 8th grade. However, unlike many, I never tried to lose weight until I was nearly 20.
I used sibutramine, it nuked my appetite from orbit. I went from about 95kg to 72kg in several months, but I was told that I looked sickly. I maintained that weight for years, until my first pregnancy in 2006.
I became unwell with extreme morning sickness and pre eclampsia. Looking back, I was probably suffering from depression at that time because I became bed ridden and gained my way up to 114kg by the time I had my son. Within 8 months of having him I gained up to 145kg.
I tried losing again, but the original medication had been taken off the market. So I used phentermine, and I lost back into the 90s. I had two more gain and loss cycles with my next two children, cycling from 130-135kg to the upper 90’s.
Prior to the third baby I got into my dream medical school, which created a lot more stress. But I was happy.
After my third weight loss, my marriage fell apart (unrelated to weight) and I continued med school and co parenting.
After internship the stress levels skyrocketed and I regained into the 125-130 range.
I had two further cycles first after starting lifting in 2018, and then after Covid and my first fellowship exams.
It was at this point that I was terrified of what this weight cycling would do to me. I didn’t want to develop chronic diseases. So I decided to have a sleeve gastrectomy, as I knew I used food as a coping mechanism, and at times like an addiction, with frequent emotional binges.
I had the VSG in late 2021. By May 2022 I reached my nadir of about 97kg. I was happy.
Despite having a higher weight, the resistance training made my body feel more strong and look more structured.
However that low weight did not remain long. I lost a pregnancy in November 2022, which kicked off another dark period for me. My weight almost immediately ticked up from 100 to around 107. Then I stayed there.
I got pregnant again the following year and became so unwell from nausea that I had to stop working and completely pause my training. Again, I was bed ridden, unhappy and so limited in food choices that I was eating a very restricted and calorie dense diet (cheetos and pear juice 🤮). I was desperate for the baby to not suffer low birth weight.
I had the baby and weighed 116kg. Over the next year I tried to pull myself out of depression and prepare for my final fellowship exams, giving up anything that would get in the way of finishing my training.
I stopped going on walks, gym, events. Everything. I just studied until I returned to worked and then added work and publications to the mix.
By the end of the year, despite trying to lose multiple times (including GLP-1s which did not work for me), I was 130kg and suffering from severe depression. I had to pause my training again, which is what I had been trying to avoid.
That led me to try my last ditch effort, a revision. Knowing that this would be my final chance at surgical weight loss. I armed myself with my historical mistakes, my treating team and my supportive family.
That’s what brought me to document this process.
I hope this explains how hard-line I may seem.
My health is the most important thing to me, because without it I cannot be here for my partner, my children or my career.
My goal has never been to be thin. I have just wanted my health and to be honest, to feel more comfortable in my body. I never thought that this journey would help me rediscover a part of myself that I thought I lost long ago.
