Dearest Avedon,How I long to be near you once again! Our brief encounter last week in the herb cellar was not enough to sate my desire to be close to you. There is so much I feel that could be gained from time well spent with you, please say you will find yourself in need of more newt eyes soon.
With all my devotion,
Lenore of Loch Lochy
He was staring at the letter in his hand with disgust. “Can you believe this tripe?!”, he asked his apprentice. His mute apprentice took the letter from him and scanned it for a moment, and turned the letter over, scribbling quickly on the back. He handed it back to Avedon.
Maybe she’s into you?
Avedon scoffed. “Only you would think such a brazen attempt to use me would be a true flirtation! Thank the gods you don’t have a voice, Merlin, otherwise there would be no saving you from showing what a fool you are!” He sighed and plopped his last eye of a newt into the the bubbling cauldron over the fire. “This is clearly a ploy to learn my powers!”
Merlin rolled his eyes and took the paper back. You’re right. You’re not that charming anyway.
The wizard read the response and could only grunt sourly. He tossed the letter into the fire and settled back into his chair.
“Anyway, I don’t intend to go back to the cellar for my supplies anymore. You will go for me.” Merlin looked at him, all exasperation. “Don’t look at me like that, boy! You know that cellars are far too undignified for distinguished wizards like me to be going to regardless!” He grabbed another sheet of parchment. “And I need you to go right away”. With the penmanship of a chicken he scratched out his shopping list and pushed it towards his apprentice.
“Eye of newt. Filet of Fenny snake, Wool of bat, Witches mummy. Honeycomb. 2 kegs of wine.” Merlin’s eyes flickered over the list at raised an eyebrow at the last item. “What! It’s vital to my work!” Again with the eyeroll. “Just get the damn wine, and stop complaining!” Avedon fished around in his robes for a moment and found a jingling coinpurse to throw at his assistant.
Merlin let out a sigh and got up, starting for the door.
“Oh!” His master cut him off quickly. “And deliver this to that vixen!” Once again he was scratching onto a piece of parchment.
Lenore,
It is true that my skills and potions brings many far and wide to the courtyards of this great kingdom.
Indeed, inferior artisans declare to me, “Your potions are better than ours!”
Verily, I could teach one and all, but I would have to excise a steep reimbursement for that none can afford.
In Superiority,
Avedon of Great Glen.
Merlin snorted as he read over the wizard’s shoulder and Avedon sealed the letter with wax. “Deliver this to her if you see her. If you don’t see it, leave it with Barney at the cellar.” The mute nodded, still seeming to mock his mentor with his eyes, and tucked the letter into his smock.
___
Lenore of Loch Lochy was not a busy woman. In fact, Lenore of Loch Lochy spent most of her days at the cellar like it was tavern, drinking wine and schmoozing the patrons for whisperings of new potion recipes and transmutation spells. In exchange, she was sure to share her own three day old rumors and maybe a good eyeful of her best assets. It was not a bad trade, to be sure, for Lenore had some very enviable treasures aboard her person. The regular of the cellar was more of a socialite than a lush however, for many wizards had tried and failed to get past the smallclothes of the endowed lady, and many had decided that she wasn’t promiscuous, she was just… friendly.
The friendly lady of the loch was slouched in a great armchair in the cellar when Merlin ducked his head into the entrance. She was a sight for sore eyes, truly, and Merlin was happier to look upon such a lovely, friendly soul rather than his own sour master.
Lenore recognized Merlin immediately. “Merlin, what a surprise!” Her gaze darted behind him in hopes that perhaps Avedon accompanied him. “Running errands for the great wizard!” Her voice betrayed her disappointment when he was not shortly followed by the object of her affections. The assistant approached Lenore and slid the letter onto the table next to her. She grabbed it before his fingers had even left the parchment, and eagerly ripped off the seal to read it.
Merlin expected at any moment to hear the moanings of a scorned woman, but instead soon little giggles filled the cellar. “Oh, my dear Avedon!” She covered her mouth, bursting into hearty, heaving laughter. “What a treasure this man is!” Merlin ceased his appreciation of bosoms momentarily and raised his eyebrow at Lenore. “Truly a man of great mind and wit!” She exclaimed.
“Merlin, you brought me such great news today, do be a darling and deliver this back to the Wizard!” She winked at him and reached into a satchel to give him some silver pieces and a piece of parchment for herself. With a great flourish, a quill appeared and wrote in a delicate script.
Sweet Avedon,
Your special talents are worth all the gold in the kingdom and not a farthing less. Please accept this gift delivered to you by your faithful lackey. Though I would have preferred to see you today, I understand that a man’s time is not his own for a busy and learned man such as yourself.
Devotedly yours,
Lenore of Loch Lochy.
She fanned the letter to dry and once again reached into her satchel to produce a packet the size of her palm, tied with an ivy vine. She pressed it into Merlin’s hands with a coquettish grin. “I trust these will end up in the right hands,” her voice was a low murmur, leaned towards him.
Merlin took the package with a slight nod and backed away with a final stolen glance to Lenore’s barely contained bosoms. With a sigh, he retreated to the cellar counter to complete the business his master had sent him to do.
___
Avedon pursed his lips as he read over the last word of Lenore’s message. He toyed with the still wrapped package in his hand. It was soft, and didn’t seem to hold anything of great weight or shape. Maybe it was yet another sycophantic letter? An embroidered hankie? Not that he was interested at all. Clearly it wasn’t anything of value. The wizard tossed it to his assistant and turned away.
“More from the flatterer. Take this. I’m sure whatever it is, it’s of no use to me.” Merlin caught it midair and tugged at the vines. The packet opened almost of its own accord, probably enchanted anyways. What sat in the middle of the fawn skin bundle was a neatly folded corner of red silk. The assistant put the skin down and held up the silk to the light to inspect it further.
Merlin choked. His coughing and sputtering filled the chamber, and Avedon whirled to him to see the boy bright red, consumed in soundless laughter, still holding up the silk.
It was the wizard’s turn to sputter. “The gall of that woman!” He yanked the dangling panties out of the air.
His assistant took the letter from the table and wrote, Yes, these definitely won’t be of use to you. Avedon tried to snatch the letter from him, his face flushing scarlet, but Merlin was too quick and all too happy to tease him again. Such a learned man. So busy. Much too busy for these. I’ll just take them off your hands.
“You will do no such thing!”, the wizard roared. “In fact, I think you should leave. Such insolence will not be tolerated in my presence!” Merlin raised an eyebrow at him. “Immediately!” The boy narrowly missed being by projectile candlesticks and ducked out of the chamber quickly.
The wizard considered the silk panties alone in his chamber. It had been decades since he’d seen such an article, let alone be gifted any willingly. These were extraordinary. There were roses embroidered down the edges, and little petals forming a V down the front in an elaborate flourish. These had certainly taken some time to perfect. As suspicious as Avedon was to the comings-on of ambitious enchantresses and young warlocks alike, receiving the smallclothes of devoted would-be students was a new development. Bold, but he would rebuff her all the same. He didn’t become Avedon the Great by sharing his bed and greatness with others… far too easily to be duped into sharing his best secrets. He had to send a message back… But not the panties. He was keeping those. They smelled vaguely of pork and roses.
Crumpling the silk in his hands, he stuffed it into his robes and began his response.
Lenore of Loch Lochy,
Please do not bother my lackey with items of frivolity while he runs errands of utmost importance for me.
Avedon the Great
___
Determined women are resourceful women. That is why Lenore had piles of embroidered silk underthings, all awaiting a sprinkling of potion and bacon fat to be sent off in little fawnskin packets. That is why when she was interrupted at her chamber doors with loud knocking, she quickly threw a cloak over the pile on her bed before answering the door.
A servant she didn’t recognize stood in her doorway with a letter. It was Avedon’s pecked to death penmanship on the front. Her eyes lit up and she snatched it out of the messenger boy’s hand, tearing it open.
After a moment, she thanked the messenger and shut her door again with a heavy sigh. She just didn’t get it… she’d sent her favorite panties to him! Why were his letters always so curt? Never mind that, she thought, he just wants to keep my packages discreet and private. What a gentleman!
Perhaps a different approach. What do wizards love more than spells, potions, and ridiculous costumes? Dinner. And their mothers.
Lenore sat down to another piece of parchment and started an entirely different letter.
Dear Lady Moraine,
I am so pleased to invite you to The Singing Trout for a small dinner with myself and your wondrous son, the great Avedon. He has told me so much about you and I really must insist on having the pleasure of meeting you myself. After all, I hope to be much more acquainted with you in the near future.
Sincerely,
Lenore of Loch Lochy.
