#wizardinpyjamas

“I don’t think I will ever be ready for this day to end,” Dean says as he pulls away. He leans back against his husband’s chest, hooking his left hand around Cas’s thigh. The arm around his shoulders gives him a squeeze, tight and reassuring.

“I know,” Cas says simply. “Today was the best day of your life.” Dean shoves him teasingly. “You know it’s true. Everyone you have ever loved, all in one room. Everyone happy, no pain…” He pauses. “Except when Crowley decided it would be a good idea to try karaoke.”

“Heh,” Dean laughed. “Yeah, no one needed to experience that, no matter what they have done to deserve it.” They smiled at the memory of that evening, a drunken ex-King of Hell swaying on stage to a terrible rendition of Air Supply’s All Out of Love. 

After a few minutes Cas presses a soft kiss into Dean’s hair. “You will see them all again tomorrow, you know.” Dean nods. “And Jack has given them all the choice to stay.”

“Cosmic consequences be damned,” Dean quotes, “yeah, I remember.” He sighs. When they told their son that they would be getting married, Jack had told Cas and Dean that he wanted to do something for them, a gift, to make their wedding the best possible day in existence. He’d been away for a while, busy revamping Heaven. Changes were coming, they could all feel that. 

Dean first understood the shift in their reality when Jack told them that he had offered all monsters on Earth the option to be “cured”. He had said that he didn’t want to force a cure on them, that it wouldn’t be fair to those who lived a good life. “Like your friend Garth,” he had told Dean, his face so earnest and hopeful. 

Jack explained that Purgatory would cease to exist. The afterlife would not be the same. Any demons in Hell who wanted to start again as a human would be given the chance. Everyone else would simply exist no more.

And the same thing was going to happen to Heaven. Dean remembers the way it felt when Jack had told him that the souls in Heaven would simply drift away into nothing, the way his heart felt like someone had taken ahold of it and squeezed, never letting go. 

But of course, Jack, kind and good as he is, had one surprise up his sleeve.

Everyone that Sam and Dean and Cas had ever loved, had ever cared for, had been brought back. “Cosmic consequences be damned,” Jack had said with a bright smile. “This is how it is meant to be.” 

Dean had felt happier and lighter than he ever had before. Everyone. They were all coming back. Holding Charlie in his arms, sobbing into her hair as she stroked his back had been a weight lifted. 

There had been a very strange reunion between Sam and Jess, especially when he introduced Eileen into the mix. 

Even John Winchester had been brought back. Castiel punched him on the nose in principle, breaking one of his fingers. That had been a fun trip to the hospital. 

“You will never be ready to say goodbye to any of them,” Cas says. “I understand.” 

For the most part, everyone was excited to stay on Earth, give living another go. Not many people get a chance at a redo, and this would be the last time anyone would ever come back. But Jack didn’t want to force people to come back. He had explained it would be unfair, especially after he understood how painful and difficult it had been for Mary that first time.

Some people had decided not to stay. They would stay for the wedding, for one last hurrah, of course. But on February 15th they would be saying goodbye.

Forever. 

“Hey, Cas?” 

“Yes, Dean?”

“You know I love you, right?” He hates how insecure he sounds. Cas laughs, his voice low and quiet.

“I think the fact that we just got married in front of all of our loved ones, Dean, tells me how much you love me.”

“Okay,” he says. “Just checking.”

“I love you too,” Cas says, “more than anything.” 

And Dean leans in again, kisses his husband with all the love and passion his body can muster. He wants to show Castiel just how much he is loved, cherished, valued. He wants to make his husband feel good, and happy, and pure. 

Things quickly become heated between the two of them, and as Dean sinks into Cas, becoming enraptured and enveloped in their passion, he allows his mind to drift back to earlier that day, to the one moment he never wants to forget.

Dean stands in front of his husband to be, hands joined tight between them. The Roadhouse has somehow been rebuilt - Dean reminds himself to thank the kid for that later - everyone he has ever loved sat in one room. Dean never imagined that something like this would even be possible. But here he was, standing before the person he loved the most in the world, ready to tell the whole world. 

“Castiel,” Claire says, because for some reason she insisted on officiating, “I believe you have prepared your own vows.” Cas nods to her, his face stoic and serious. Dean watches as he takes in a deep breath, preparing for the speech he has prepared.

“Everything I have done since the day I pulled you out of Hell has been done for you,” Cas begins. “Because of you. The good, the bad…” He trails off, a small smile growing on his face. He looks down, away from Dean, and lets out a small huff of laughter. “Yes I may have been misguided at times, made some bad choices.” His eyes reach Dean’s again. “But I did everything for you. All I ever wanted was a better world for you, Dean Winchester. I wanted to create a world that you would be proud of.” Dean squeezes Cas’s hands even tighter. 

“Dean.” Cas says his name so simply. It’s just one word, one small syllable. But the way he says those four letters speaks so much love and affection into the world that a part of Dean wants to run from it. It has taken him a long time to accept that he does deserve the kind of love that Castiel, ex-angel of the lord, and love of his life is offering, but sometimes Dean doesn’t know how to truly comprehend that he is allowed this kind of happiness. 

“I know for the longest time you have thought that I have only stayed by your side out of obligation,” Cas continues. “You feel, you worry, that I think I owe you something, and that is the reason why I stay. You taught me how to love. You taught me how to care, how to be human. 

“I know you still sometimes think that I stick around because it’s convenient. But every day, every moment of my life, it is an honour to be able to exist in your orbit. Knowing you has been the biggest pleasure of my life. Simply standing here, getting to exist next to you… It would be more than enough to make me happy until the end of time. But getting to be with you, to hold your hand, to look into your eyes, to exist with you, that is more than I could have ever dreamed.” 

Cas is well into his speech now, and Dean definitely does not feel his through tightening, a tear forming in his eye. Definitely not.

“I knew a long time ago that I intended to spend the rest of my life loving you. I have told you before that I learned to love everyone, the whole world, Sam, Jack, our family, because of you. But my love for you… That’s something I will never be able to quantify. It’s not only a part of me, but it has made me who I am. And I am so grateful that you have given that to me.”

Dean can feel his heart beating now, harder than it has ever beat before. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, Dean Winchester. If you’ll have me, I want to do it by your side, holding your hand as we walk Miracle, kissing you good morning despite your awful morning breath,” - that earns a chuckle from their audience- “pretending I like Led Zeppelin more than I actually do,” -and that earns a protested “Hey!” from Dean, a chuckle from Sam, and an understanding nod from Jack- “practicing my baking skills until I make the perfect pie… all of it. I want all of it with you.” 

“You are not only the love of my life, Dean. You are my life. My love, my joy, I would never have understood any of it if not for you. If you will have me, I will spend every day in the rest of my existence thanking you.”

And then Castiel turns back to Claire, giving her a small nod to indicate that he is finished. Everyone is quiet. Everything is still. No one moves.

Claire clears her throat and turns to Dean. 

“Well, shit Cas,” Dean says finally, a laugh escaping as a single tear manages to escape, “how the fuck am I supposed to follow that?”

Everyone laughs. And everything is perfect.

Read on AO3. Credit to @sunforgrace​ for the banner

When Sam and Eileen reunite, Dean and Miracle wait in the car. There’s a lot of crying as Sam scoops her into his arms, lifting her up and squeezing tight. He takes in her scent, never wanting to forget the way it feels when she is with him. There’s lots of kissing too, but mostly they’re just happy to hold each other.

The weight lifts a little more, every moment he’s with her he’s a little more free.

They arrive at Jody’s the next day. As the three of them, and Miracle, pull up to the house they are greeted with love and warmth. Sam’s heart swells seeing his family alive and well. Claire has her arm around Kaia’s shoulders, Kaia giving them a little wave as they get out of the car. Patience and Alex give them bright smiles and Jody runs up to hug the two of them. When she gets to Dean Sam sees not only that she squeezes extra tight, but Dean holds onto her for a little longer too, almost reluctant to leave the hug. Donna is there too and she’s the first one to hug Eileen. She speaks to her in the little sign language she knows and Sam notices Eileen light up, her whole body becoming a little less tense.

As they make their way inside, Dean lingers behind. Sam turns to call him in but notices the sadness in his smile. Sam tells Eileen and the rest of the girls to go on in without them. Eileen smiles, understanding.

Sam goes back to his brother at the curb, patting Dean’s shoulder.

“They should be here, man,” his brother tells him, his voice quiet and tight. Sam sighs. He still doesn’t know what happened when the Empty took Cas; Dean won’t talk about that day. As for Jack? Sam knows he’s okay, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less that he will never be able to hug the kid again, never again hear his laugh or see his face light up in a smile.

“I miss them.” And that’s all there is. There’s peace, and there’s pain, and there’s a part of Sam’s family that will always be gone, but he knows more than anyone that there’s always a way to move on and be content, knowing that the pain will always be there, but one day it won’t feel so big.

They stay like that for a few moments, thinking about the ones they lost, before Sam makes his way into the house, ready to exist in the joy and laughter these wonderful women have to offer.

At some point Claire disappears, and she shows up a few hours later with an exhausted looking Dean. Cas may have been Sam’s best friend, but Claire and Dean had a connection to Cas like no one else. It was good that they talked, Sam thought. Maybe it would help them both say goodbye, knowing that they’re not so alone in their grief.

They stay at Jody’s for two days before they decide to head home to the bunker. Of course, they take a couple of detours, visiting Charlie and Garth and a few other hunter connections on the way. It’s nice spending time with their friends without the constant threat of danger around every corner. Having fun should not be a novelty, but going to the park with Garth’s kids, playing arcade games with Charlie, these are the things Sam has been missing, the things he didn’t know that he needed.

When they get back to the bunker, things go back to normal. Well, as normal as can be. Eileen stays with them for a while, her and Sam spending lots of time in his room. Dean takes Miracle on lots of walks and one day even takes Sam to a nearby lake that he likes. It has become a new favourite spot for the two of them, Dean often spending hours near the water, Miracle by his side.

Two weeks in, Dean starts eating less. It takes Sam another week to notice. Eileen has moved home by this point, though they video chat every day. Sam plans on visiting her in a week or so, but one day he notices that Miracle is asking for his daily walk and Dean is nowhere to be seen. Sam finds him in the garage, passed out in the front of the Impala, an empty bottle of whisky at his side.

He carries Dean to his bed that night, his brother too drunk to wake up as Sam hastily pulls him out of the car and into his arms, bridal style. He knows Dean would knock him senseless if he knew, but Sam didn’t care. They never talk about it. Dean wakes up the next morning, chugs a bottle of aspirin thinking Sam wouldn’t notice and gets on with his day.

A slice of toast.

A walk around the lake with Miracle.

A beer before lunch.

Not actually eating lunch and heading straight into research looking for a case.

Not finding anything.

Another bottle of whisky.

Another night in the Impala.

Sam knows then that he can’t leave Dean. He starts cooking, like, really cooking. Dean has always been the one with the culinary skills, so it takes Sam a few attempts to actually make a half decent burger, but day by day he pushes a sandwich, a salad, a bowl of cereal towards Dean and doesn’t leave him alone until his plate is completely empty.

Six weeks after Chuck, Dean stops speaking. He stops walking Miracle, stops watching movies. He eats because Sam forces him, drinks because he wants to. He does research, for what Sam doesn’t know, and sits and stares as though waiting for something to appear. Sam realises now that he had been foolish to believe that everything would be okay. Life is never that simple for the Winchesters.

Eileen decides to visit one weekend after Sam explains that he’s worried about leaving Dean alone. They’re just coming in from a date, Sam heading to the kitchen to get them some drinks when he hears it. Crying. No, sobbing. Huge, gut-wrenching sobs that ricochet throughout the bunker. Sam freezes. He has never, never, heard Dean cry like this. This is something so raw that Sam feels like he’s intruding. This isn’t something anyone should ever have to endure.

He knew Dean was not okay, but this? Sam could never have imagined to hear something like this coming from his brother, broken or not.

He makes a decision on instinct, and rushes down the hallway towards Dean’s room. The door is open and he sees Dean rocking back and forth on his bed, a pillow held tight to his face. For a second Sam thinks the crying has stopped, but then Dean lets out an abominable scream, the hair on Sam’s arms standing alert.

Sam has experience Hell and then some, but this is the worst thing he has ever heard.

He rushes forwards and reaches towards Dean. Dean jumps at Sam’s touch and starts to pull away when he realises he has been caught, but Sam climbs onto the bed behind him and pulls him tight.

“Shh,” Sam says, arms around his brother, Dean burying his face into Sam’s chest. “Let it out, Dean. Let it out.” And he does. Sam doesn’t know how long they sit there but soon Dean’s sobbing settles into steady tears and Eileen appears at Dean’s doorway, not wanting to invade.

“Whatever it is Dean, we will fix it. We will find you some help.” He strokes Dean’s back to the rhythm of his breathing, keeping him calm.

“This is the one thing that can’t be fixed,” Dean mumbles into Sam so quietly Sam barely heard him.

“What is, Dean?” he asks softly. “What can’t be fixed?”

“He’s gone,” Dean says, his voice breaking. “Cas is gone and he’s never coming back.” Dean takes in a shaky breath and holds it. Sam is afraid of what might happen when he lets it out.

It’s there, in Dean’s room, his big brother helpless in arms, the love of his life at the door that he decides it: one way or another, he’s getting Castiel back.