Takes notes.

Writes nothing.

Judges everyone.

Leaves early.

(A very personal patrol schedule)

🕘 9:30 PM – Begins patrolling the corridors. “Let’s see… will the little menace sneak out again tonight?”

🕙 10:05 PM – Checks the Astronomy Tower out of habit. “No one here. Just owls. One of them might be watching me, though.”

🕚 10:47 PM – Passes the Library. Empty. “If only Potter could read, he might actually be here.”

🕛 11:13 PM – Hears something on the third floor. False alarm. “A breeze. Or Peeves. Or my imagination punishing me again.”

🕚 11:47 PM – Already agitated. “Why does that boy irritate me even when he’s not here?” Steps are sharper. Cloak billows with extra vengeance.

🕐 12:32 AM – Quick stop in the staff room for lukewarm tea. “Who left sugar cubes? I'm surrounded by incompetence.”

🕐 1:12 AM – Nears the Great Hall. “If I hear a single footstep… let it be him. I will deduct points until he owes me oxygen.”

🕑 2:08 AM – Sits briefly on a windowsill near the dungeons. “Just five minutes. Not because I’m tired. Just observing...”

🕒 3:00 AM – Returns to his chambers in absolute silence. “Didn’t catch him. Still hate him.” Stops by the fireplace. Sits. Stares into the void with the look of a man who hasn’t slept since 1978.

—

🕰️ There will be another patrol. But let’s be honest—he’s already mad about it. He calls it patrolling. We all know it’s emotional cardio.

Filed under: Grievances & Glowering

Gratitude: Froze in transit. Expected arrival: Never.

Regret: Compound interest. Payments made nightly, between 2 and 3 AM.

Softness: Temporarily misplaced. Possibly buried under sarcasm.

Forgiveness:​ Loan application rejected. Repeatedly.

Solitude:​ Overstocked. Now available wholesale.

Trust Fund: Emptied. Hexed to self-destruct upon inquiry.

Coping Mechanisms: Requisitioned in Potion Form. Side effects include brooding and sharp commentary.

Future Investments: Unadvised. Market is unstable. So is he.

Receipts kept. Refunds denied.

⸻

Professor Snape is currently:

⬜ In a helpful mood

⬜ Open to discussion

☑️ Practising Controlled Breathing to Avoid Azkaban

You think he made it through two wars, a double life, and teaching Neville Longbottom without a bit of oil shielding his scalp?

Babe. That’s not lack of hygiene. That’s magic-proofing.

☁️ 7-Day Forecast: Professor S. Snape, Dungeon Sector

Monday: Bitter with a chance of contempt

Tuesday: Sleet made of past regrets

Wednesday: Magical pressure dropping fast

Thursday: Dry wit warning in effect

Friday: Sudden rage squalls. Avoid eye contact.

Saturday: Isolated silence, brooding winds

He’s brewing but also coping. 🧪 Current Shelf Inventory:

Draught of Peace (for everyone else)

Calming Draught (expired, like my optimism)

Liquid Luck (ha. that’s cute.)

Essence of Regret (bottled daily. Vintage.)

Wolfsbane (still doing Lupin’s job and mine)