#grumpy icons only

He doesn’t say “I love you.” He says:

🩸 “You should be more careful walking alone in the corridors. Not everyone would… overlook you.” → (Translation: I memorised your route. I hexed the boys who stared too long.)

💀 “I warned you.” → (Translation: I begged the universe not to hurt you. It didn’t listen. And now I have to pretend I’m fine.)

🔥 “I don’t care what they say.” → (Translation: I care. About you. Too much. More than I’m allowed to.)

🧪 “I didn’t ask for your help.” → (Translation: Please don’t leave just yet. Stay until I don’t feel like falling apart.)

🪦 “It doesn’t matter.” → (Translation: It matters. But if I speak now, I’ll never stop bleeding.)

💬 Severus Snape never says “I love you.” But gods help you—he’ll act like it’s carved into the bones of every choice he makes.

Takes notes.

Writes nothing.

Judges everyone.

Leaves early.

(A very personal patrol schedule)

🕘 9:30 PM – Begins patrolling the corridors. “Let’s see… will the little menace sneak out again tonight?”

🕙 10:05 PM – Checks the Astronomy Tower out of habit. “No one here. Just owls. One of them might be watching me, though.”

🕚 10:47 PM – Passes the Library. Empty. “If only Potter could read, he might actually be here.”

🕛 11:13 PM – Hears something on the third floor. False alarm. “A breeze. Or Peeves. Or my imagination punishing me again.”

🕚 11:47 PM – Already agitated. “Why does that boy irritate me even when he’s not here?” Steps are sharper. Cloak billows with extra vengeance.

🕐 12:32 AM – Quick stop in the staff room for lukewarm tea. “Who left sugar cubes? I'm surrounded by incompetence.”

🕐 1:12 AM – Nears the Great Hall. “If I hear a single footstep… let it be him. I will deduct points until he owes me oxygen.”

🕑 2:08 AM – Sits briefly on a windowsill near the dungeons. “Just five minutes. Not because I’m tired. Just observing...”

🕒 3:00 AM – Returns to his chambers in absolute silence. “Didn’t catch him. Still hate him.” Stops by the fireplace. Sits. Stares into the void with the look of a man who hasn’t slept since 1978.

—

🕰️ There will be another patrol. But let’s be honest—he’s already mad about it. He calls it patrolling. We all know it’s emotional cardio.

interface: unfriendly by design

default mode: unimpressed

responds to nonsense with silent crash

updates? unnecessary. it was perfect from v1.0

Filed under: Grievances & Glowering

Gratitude: Froze in transit. Expected arrival: Never.

Regret: Compound interest. Payments made nightly, between 2 and 3 AM.

Softness: Temporarily misplaced. Possibly buried under sarcasm.

Forgiveness:​ Loan application rejected. Repeatedly.

Solitude:​ Overstocked. Now available wholesale.

Trust Fund: Emptied. Hexed to self-destruct upon inquiry.

Coping Mechanisms: Requisitioned in Potion Form. Side effects include brooding and sharp commentary.

Future Investments: Unadvised. Market is unstable. So is he.

Receipts kept. Refunds denied.

⸻

1. Double cleanse?

→ Washes his face with diluted Essence of Dittany.

→ “I’m not here to glow. I’m here to survive.”

2. Toner?

→ Wolfsbane mist. Because paranoia is the best astringent.

3. Serum?

→ One drop of Veritaserum, not for truth, but for clarity.

→ “I face the truth every morning. My mirror makes sure of it.”

4. Eye cream?

→ Mandrake root-infused balm, because no one cries pretty in the dungeons.

5. Moisturiser?

→ “Moisturising is for Gryffindors. I coat my soul in regret instead.”

6. SPF?

→ Wears it only in the presence of Dumbledore’s optimism.

launch time: immediate if insulted error handling: brutal honesty user manual: none. figure it out. patch notes: never public. always watching. crashes: others, not him.

⸻