STORY TIME, GET YOUR STORY! GET YOUR LORE! @makaversecolon3 @whocaresifwearecrazy (feel free to tag other Jackbox fans, I’m posting this at lunch and don’t have a lotta time)
COTDP: "Tie It Up (VNMTRL Pt. 1)"
*We open on Jackbox, half-head, half-cardboard, all overpowered. He's floating by a gravestone labelled "Paul Reubens", which has a rainbow-dyed bouquet of lilies laid under it.*
Jackbox: Ah. Miss you, man. *pats the stone, hears another cosmic being popping in behind him* Jill or Cookie, Cookie or Jill...*scrunches his forehead, turns around* Cookie! *apparates two black, twig-like arms beside his box to lightly hug Cookie around the clock-head*
Cookie Masterson: *with his clock hands whirring a bit faster than usual and his fez slightly askew* Jack, we got a real pickle on our paws.
Jack: I like pickles. *sticks his tongue out over his box's rim* Got any? *very mumbled*
Cookie: *pushes the tongue back in with one gloved, floating hand* No. Guy's in trouble.
Jack: *pulls his arms to his sides again* Guy? Guy Towers, the You Don't Know Jack: Sports Guy? One of our closest friends in the past 30 years despite just being a regular human? Jock with a heart of gold? Stretchy powers you gave him for fun? That Guy?
Cookie: Thanks for the exposition. *crosses his arms* He went over to Patch 2 and came back poisoned or some shit.
Jack: No need to curse. Which game was he at?
Cookie: Bomb Corp. He still looked a little pixelated...I wish I got a picture of that.
Jack: Ok, well, did it seem like anything had blown up in his face? Literally?
Cookie: He said his ears were ringing, but that's about par when you're playing golf with package bombs.
Jack: Ringing ears...*shifts what can be seen of his own ears into little bells and rings them, producing a tinnitus-like sound, before returning them to normal* How is he "poisoned"?
Cookie: *snaps his fingers, summons an utterly empty cookie jar* Not. Even. A crumb.
Jack: *looks inside* Guy's not the type to take the last one...*squints in worry*
Cookie: It's not the only thing he's used his putty arms to grab. *flails his own arms around for emphasis* Sometimes he just reaches them out the window, and they come back with piles of cash...or a diamond...or some dinosaur bone...
Jack: Stealing? Alright, that's not him at all. *poofs off, shot cuts to the hangout where Cookie and Guy (along with Schmitty, Nate Shapiro and Buzz Lippman) spend a lot of their time* TOWERS!
Guy: *rolling a pair of large, cubic gems in his hands; he stretches his fingers into a cage over them when he sees Jack* Hey. What's up?
Jack: *peers over the lip of his box* Wherever you got those, put them back. Now.
Guy: Why should I?
Jack: Wh-why SHOULDN'T you?? What's gotten into you...Cookie told me something happened at Bomb Corp?
Guy: Ohh, the dreams started then, yeah. *says it so nonchalantly, you'd be forgiven for ignoring it...but Jack definitely doesn't*
Jack: Dreams of?
Guy: Green stuff. And long, flat sounds.
Jack: Anything else?
Guy: Ugh, get off my back.
Jack: *puts his little arms on the closest approximation of his hips* Ok. You're definitely, and pardon my language, sick in the head right now.
Guy: And if I am?
Jack: Then we'll have to make you better.
Guy: *stretches one leg out the window* Good luck with that. *turns to where Jack can now see his face*
Jack: *gasps* Your hair!
Guy: *twirls one of the green highlights around his fingers and chuckles* Pretty venomous, right? *vanishes out the window and bounces off with his legs like Elastigirl*
Jack: Ohhhh, no! Not getting away that easy! *conjures a hammer (Jack Attack reference) and flies on it like a broom using his little twiggy legs*
*cut back to Cookie, chilling in the cemetery and tracing circles in the grass*
Cookie: *rolls over onto his back* 10 bucks says Jack punches him.
*The grave, of course, does not respond.*
Cookie: Uh-huh, yeah, you know I'm right. *clock hands go to the neutral 3:45 position* Fuck, I'm bored...*clock hands drop to 5:30 in shock as he sees Guy's legs walk over the whole cemetery in one step* What the SHIT???
Jack: *still flying right behind, voice very faint to Cookie's ears* Nooooooooooo currrrrrrsiiiiiiiiing!
Cookie: *sits up with his hands folded in his laps, takes human form out of surprise* ...Man. I gotta see how this goes. *black-and-white eyes turn to clocks with rapidly spinning hands, throwing his vision into the future (the shot doesn't change, so we can't see what Cookie does)* Ahyeeeesh. Creeps.
*cut to Jack frantically searching for Guy, who has apparently switched to regular running*
Jack: How do you lose someone with stretching powers...*scans the streets for that mop of green-streaked purple hair and locates it in front of a very large, very eerie-seeming house* Uh-oh.
*Looking around the gates in front of the house, Guy finds a tray laid out with a single earbud on it. He puts the earbud in, and his eyes turn a solid green as a monotone, droning sound worms its way into his head. Words emanate from this recording as well, faintly telling Guy to stretch farther and taller and become more extreme in his actions.*
The voice in the earbud: *droning like the sound that goes with it* Do you know...what I want...?
Guy: For me to be better. For my arms to be long enough.
The voice in the earbud: So you need to...
Guy: Steal. Take. Push the limits.
The voice in the earbud: Because isn't that what a strong athlete does...?
Guy: *smiles* Yes. Strong athletes push the limits. And I am a strong athlete.
The voice in the earbud: Perfect. Now...*yawns* It's only 3 PM. Let me sleep a few hours longer...
Guy: Talk to you tonight. *in the deadest voice possible; removes the earbud and sets it down before continuing on back to the hangout like nothing happened (even the glimmers in his hair have vanished)*
Jack: *floats down to meet Guy face-to-face* ...Are you OK?
Guy: *smiles* Yeah. I'm gonna play some ball if you wanna join.
Jack: *blinks* O-ok...just a minute. *poofs back to the cemetery* Cookie, what in all manner of flapjacks is happening? He's NORMAL again!!
Cookie: *shrugs* I did take a pop to the future...some sort of cat-and-dog thing going on in that house over there.
Jack: The one that Guy was JUST AT?
Cookie: Oh. Oh, boy.
*cut to black, followed by two strings of text: One, a normal green, reading, "Why am I behind bones?" The other, far too bright a green, reading, "For me to gnaw on."*
*Another obscenely verdant line appears on its own, saying, "This is all the fun I get with you."*
*The end.*
