TW: body image, comparison
Even as a young kid of around six I struggled with my self-worth. Every inch of me was foreign, my entire body a phantom limb begging to belong somewhere, to be seen. I remember comparing myself to my cousins in every way I could. Intellectually, mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. Feet too large. Got a B on a test where they received an A. The curvature of my hips wider than theirs. My entire being just an echo in the background when I shared a room with them.
Of course, this was not the case in anyone’s eyes but my own. The belittlement of my self was no one’s doing but mine.
I was surrounded by love and still, I was cold in a body I felt unknown, unfit, unable.
Today, that little girl still sits inside of me crying but I try my best to console her. “There is beauty in every part of you,” I tell her. “I know it’s hard to see it, but it does burn, right there in your chest. You are worth feeling comfortable.”
Collage from my poetry collection "Winterbrook", out 11/11.