Amelia and Dobbin
Years ago, I read William Makepeace Thackery’s “Vanity Fair” and Amelia and Dobbin became my OTP (one true pairing) for that book. Despite Thackery’s insistence that the book had no hero or heroine, I believed Amelia Sedley was the heroine and that William Dobbin was the hero. Their romance reminded me of Marianne Dashwood’s and Colonel Brandon’s romance in “Sense and Sensibility.” There was something romantic about a hero whose love was unrequited, and he pined for the heroine for years, moving heaven and earth to make the heroine happy. Even if he had to wound himself in the process. There’s no greater love than the sacrificial kind. Right?
I’m rereading “Vanity Fair” and I recently watched the 2018 adaptation and now that I’m older, I see that Amelia and Dobbin’s romance wasn’t as romantic as I originally remember. It was painful for both parties. Let’s take a look at their courtship with fresh eyes.
William Dobbin is described as awkward, plain, big, and all in all a good man. However, he falls in love at first sight with his friend George Osborne’s sweetheart Amelia Sedley. He has no intentions of vying for her affections, but he does admire her from afar. He even goes as far in private to give solid advice to George in regards to his relationship- to the effect that George should be more devoted to Amelia, think of her more, give her presents, write to her regularly. You know, show and prove that he loves her. He counsels George to give up sowing his wild oats since he and Amelia have an understanding. However, Amelia thinks of Dobbin as George’s awkward friend and…well that’s about it. He’s just *there*. There are times she’s not kind to Dobbin. She is completely and utterly devoted to George- George could do no wrong in her eyes, despite the fact it’s obvious that he does and his inattention to her is evident to everyone else. When her family falls on hard times, George is distant and when their families have a falling out, Amelia is forced to break things off with George.
Now, sweet, angelic, beautiful, perfect (all things Dobbin thinks of) Amelia Sedley can give Marianne Dashwood a run for her money when it comes to dramatics. She is soon dying (again Dobbin’s perception) of a broken heart, neglecting her family and the world around her. She spends most of her days in her room, pining for her lost love. Her old piano arrives at their new modest home, and she believes it is a token from George. Of course, it was from Dobbin. Dobbin can’t bare for her to suffer and after some machinations on his end, George proposes to Amelia and they marry despite family disapproval. Amelia follows George, Dobbin, and their regiment to Belgium when it is called up. Amelia soon learns that marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. George is inattentive, abandons her for long periods, and carries on a flirtation with her friend Becky Sharp. When George goes into battle and dies, Amelia is grief stricken. Only the birth of her son can keep her going forward.
But Dobbin, Dobbin is still there. With the help of the others in the regiment, he manages to provide Amelia and her son, Georgy something to live on when she returns to her parent’s house in England. Dobbin becomes her advocate, Georgy’s godfather, but above all he gives his help so freely that Amelia expects it without a second thought. In many ways she uses Dobbin, takes him for granted, and never wonders why he has taken such a dedicated interest in her. Other than maybe thinking he’s doing his duty to his best friend’s wife. There are moments when she is out and out rude to Dobbin. It’s painful to read. Dobbin doesn’t do himself any favors. He understands his love in unrequited, but never tries to tell Amelia what he feels and allows himself to be dragged along. He chooses to go to India, to put some distance between them, thinking it might be easier for them all.
Twelve years pass. In that time, Amelia choses to allow little Georgy to go live with his Grandfather Osborne. The Osborne family can do more for him; they can give him a proper upbringing, send him to university, and he will eventually be the heir to the family fortune. A small allowance is settled on Amelia in return, but she must stay at a distance. Word spreads to Dobbin that Amelia is considering remarriage and he comes back to voice his feelings, only to find the rumors were wrong. Amelia isn’t remarrying, she is as steadfast to her first love as ever. Perhaps more so, in a way that’s become unhealthy. For her it’s almost a sacred thing. When the secret comes out, that it was Dobbin who sent her old piano to her and that he loved her all this time, Amelia refuses to consider the possibility of loving Dobbin. No, it is George – only George. And to be clear – Amelia doesn’t owe Dobbin her love for all the kinds things he’s done. That’s not my argument, really. My argument is that Amelia makes an idol out of George and in a sense worships him and his memory. Meanwhile, Dobbin is doing the same when it comes to her.
More time passes and after the death of Grandfather Osborne, little Georgy is made heir, he and Amelia can be close once more. They, her brother Jos, and Dobbin choose to travel the continent. While in Germany they cross paths with Becky Sharp, Amelia’s former friend. Despite their previous differences, the ladies reconcile, much to Dobbin’s chagrin. He never liked Becky; he knows things about her, disapproves of her lifestyle, and wants Amelia to choose: she can have him as a friend or she can Becky. She can’t have both. Amelia choses Becky. Dobbin leaves for India once more, and for the first time in years, he is not at Amelia’s beck and call.
Becky, for some reason, lets Amelia in on a little secret: when they were in Belgium, George sent Becky a love note and wanted to have dalliance with her. She shows Amelia the letter, which she kept all of the years and at long last, Amelia can see that the man she adored wasn’t perfect. That though he was her first love, she had built George up in her mind as something he wasn’t. Perhaps after all of these years, she did love Dobbin, though had been in denial about it. They could have a love that would endure. It is now her turn to eat humble pie and write to him.
Dobbin returned, of course. They have a good marriage and they are devoted for one another. They have a daughter. However, from Amelia’s point of view the passion Dobbin once had for her is no longer there. The daughter is first in his heart. Did Dobbin fall out of love with Amelia? I don’t think so. I think he still deeply loved Amelia, however, he no longer put her on a pedestal as he had done in the past. He no longer viewed her as perfect, he can see her faults, and can love her better for them. Perhaps he even wonders if he was a consolation prize. Amelia kind of misses being put on a pedestal though, and wonders why it can’t be as it was before. That is one of the many things he and Amelia had in common – they put the ones they loved on a pedestal. But they are no longer young, their feelings now for each other are more realistic.
Amelia and Dobbin aren’t heroic; they are two imperfect people who fell in love and must adapt to that ever-changing love. And as a reader, I can better appreciate their imperfections.
