for as long as there's light (for as long as there's you)
hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)
summary: a hockey gossip account is looking to stir drama before the game about things that aren't there. will and ryan go head to head until it all comes spilling out and will learns that samy's still struggling harder than before.
words: 4.1k
warnings: talk of mental health struggles, mentions of ED and feelings surrounding it. please read with caution if this triggers you!
semi present-time will and samy fic! after my crazy long hiatus, i kind of didn't talk further about samy's ed and how she's been doing with that. this takes place like last fall after the summer she admits to it but i wanted to touch on it again. obvi this all fiction and please read w caution if this stuff triggers you! i know i've been writing kind of sad fics as of late but i like to keep things real in my stories (not trying to glamorize) and make things more normal to talk about in fics like these. people relate to and enjoy characters they see themselves in which means talking about the harder stuff matters!
au masterlist
the picture started circulating twitter an hour before puck drop. some hockey gossip account posted it and it was already up to 1,000 retweets and 500 comments. will had a thing about not looking at his phone before gamesâsomething about it being bad luckâso he hadn't seen it. he was busy taping his stick up and thinking about the game ahead. the sharks were going against the washington capitals, the first game of the season against ryan's team and really, the first game he was playing against ryan since the brunette joined his professional team.
it was supposed to be a good night for hockey. some of their old boston teammates even flew into san jose for the weekend to see them play. the hockey gossip account was looking to spread drama though. whoever ran it was looking to get under some skin.
mack saw the tweet the more it kept getting reposted and talked about. his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, not fully believing what was being said in the tweet because he knew ryan and he knew samy well enough that neither of them were like that. at least he didn't think so.
people in the comments were talking though. a lot.
the younger boy found will in the training room.
"dude, have you looked at your phone recently?" mack walked up to him. the blonde raised his eyebrow, "uh, no. i don't look at my phone before the game."
most times mack wouldn't care about stupid tweets saying stuff about them, but this one seemed like whoever posted it was trying to spin things that weren't before the game. he didn't want will to find out about it on the ice or something. "you need to look at this."Â
will took his friend's phone. he scanned over the screen, briefly reading the caption before jumping down to the photo attached.Â
WASHINGTON CAPITALS ROOKIE RYAN LEONARD AND UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN WOMEN'S SOCCER CAPTAIN SAMY HUGHES SEEN SHARING A QUITE INTIMATE MOMENT TOGETHER!!
fans are speculating whether or not hughes broke up with her longtime boyfriend will smith, san jose sharks forward. are they done for real??? what does this mean for the game tonight against the washington capitals and san jose sharks? always thought ryan was the better choice anyway.Â
the photo attached was some sneaky photo of the two in a restaurant together. ryan was sitting on samy's side and he had an arm wrapped around her while her head was tucked into his shoulder.Â
will stared at the tweet for a long time. he scrolled into the comments that continued increasing by the second.Â
omg?!! this is insaneeeee
woah insane work posting this when there's a game tn
ok this is totally from a few months ago..why is this just being posted now..Â
about time she finally got rid of him and moved onto the better optionÂ
samy hughes cheating?? not on my bingo cardÂ
"what the fuck is this?" will finally spoke. he looked back up at his friend who looked as clueless as he felt. "i don't know. i just kept seeing it. it's spreading like crazy."Â
the blonde tried to be rational about this. he knew samy went to new york city almost two months ago now to visit gabe who invited the three of them out. only samy and ryan went though because will was too caught up with practice. so he definitely knew this photo was semi-old. he also trusted samy and he trusted gabe and ryan. they weren't the kind of people to just..do something like that to him and neither was samy.Â
the comments kept coming in though and the hockey player kept reading them.Â
let's not jump to conclusions it lowk looks like she's crying or was upset about something
this looks more like ryan's consoling her..not some romantic getaway
real ones know samy has been best friends w ryan and gabe for like ever so i def do not think this is like..some weird cheating scandal.. i do think she is upset about something thoughÂ
isn't she struggling with an ED? maybe it's about that
ok but why would she go to ryan and not will??Â
"maybe you should just go talk to him? it's obviously just someone try to spread shit," mack said after a moment of silence.Â
the last comment got stuck in will's mind. why would she go to ryan and not will? if samy was upset about something that night, this was the first he was ever hearing or seeing anything of it.
his chest pinched.Â
"i'll be back," will mumbled and gave mack's phone back.Â
on his way back through the locker room, he grabbed his own phone and it didn't take long to find the tweet people were talking about. some people were even tagging him in it asking him to explain.Â
will was a fairly secure guy in his relationship, especially with samy, but he did know she went to gabe and ryan a bit more than she leaned on him for support through things. sometimes that did hurt a little more than he wanted to admit because he was her boyfriend after all and one of her best friends and to think she couldn't go to him about stuff but turned to his old teammates instead..Â
maybe it was a little bit of jealousy too.Â
he made his way to the capitals locker room. he didn't care about sticking his head in, he just did it. the other players glanced curiously in his direction. "is ryan around?" he asked.Â
the older guys exchanged a glance before nodding. "yo, leno! you got someone here wanting to talk," they called further into the locker room.Â
ryan stuck his head out from around the corner. he met will's gaze and raised his eyebrow. "i need to talk to you. in private."Â
some of ryan's teammates chirped, but the brunette ignored them as he walked out of the locker room and followed will down the hallway to a bit more secluded area. "what's wrong?" the boy wondered.Â
will held his phone up with the tweet. "what is this?"Â
ryan's eyebrows drew together in confusion. he glanced at the phone and skimmed the text and then the photo below. "what the hell is this?"Â
"i don't know. you tell me. i just saw it and it's blowing up."Â
"okay well first, we were not sharing an intimate moment. gross. that's totally wrong. second of all, this is from like two months ago when we were in new york visiting gabe. this is not from today," ryan clarified what will already knew and figured.Â
"then what is it? what is going on in this photo? why are people saying she looks upset?"Â
when ryan briefly hesitated, the blonde drew back. "we were just talking. we got dinner together because gabe had something with his teammates. it's wasn't really anything."Â
"why did you hesitate?" will narrowed his eyes.Â
"what? what, you want me to tell you what we were talking about?" ryan raised his eyebrow.Â
"like..yeah. was she upset?"Â
"dude, come on. it's not..that's not my business to be telling. whoever took this photo was being a creep and not minding their own business. also, why is this just being spread around now when this was took two months ago?"Â
"well, it's my first time hearing anything about this and i actually never heard anything about this from the trip," will wasn't trying to sound mad, but it was coming off that way anyway. also, the jealousy he felt was slowly rising that samy opened up so easily to ryan and gabe but still had trouble with him.Â
"will, i don't know what you want me to say. nothing happened in that photo besides us talking. it's not my business to tell her business," ryan shrugged, trying to ease any tension away.Â
"you're not telling me so maybe i do have a reason to believe something actually happened." that was a low blow and they both knew it.Â
"oh, come on. i'm not like that man and neither is samy. don't say shit like that," now the capitals rookie was getting mad his friend would even think that about him. "i've been your friend since we were kids, lived with you for two years, went to college with you and you really think i'd make a pass on your own girlfriend? that's so fucking low."Â
"what else do you want me to think? this photo is trending and people are thinking i got cheated on by my two best friends. why does she go to ryan and not will? hell if i know!"Â
"bro, you're being so fucking insane right now. we were talking and she just started opening up about stuff and obviously i was gonna be there for her because i'm a good friend!" now they were yelling at each other and probably attracting the attention of the other people in the hallway.Â
"so she can open up to you but not me? it's always been the two of you knowing stuff about her before me and i'm her fucking boyfriend!"Â
"well maybe if you didn't go and break her heart with some bullshit excuses last summer then maybe she'd feel more comfortable telling you stuff! incase you forgot, you told her she wasn't worth it to do long distance and proceeded to break up with her because it'd be too much work to keep up a long distance relationship across the country. i'd have trust issues too if someone told me that!"
that was an even lower blow. without thinking, will threw a nasty punch in ryan's direction. the brunette stumbled back, doubling over. he recovered quick though and lunged right back at the blonde.Â
"who was there for her when she drove an hour and a half to my house when you broke up with her? me. who was there for her when all she did was cry her eyes out all night? me. who was there for her all of the other times she doubted herself and battled about what to do? me. gabe. aram. drew. vote. fowler. who was there for her when she hurt her shoulder and was scared to tell you because she feared she'd put too much on you and you'd run away again? take a fucking guess." ryan was riling will up and they were quite literally fist fighting each other.
mack had a bad feeling about the conversation, so he went to find gabe, aram, and drew who showed up for the game. he explained to them what was happening and the four of them made it into the back hallway in time to see will throwing another punch in ryan's direction. all of their eyes widened. gabe quickly went to pull will back while aram and drew held ryan back.Â
"hey! what the fuck is going on?" gabe got between them.Â
"go ahead, will. tell them how you're being insanely jealous thinking samy cheated on you with me and then proceeded to be confused about why she can never tell you stuff! tell them how we were the ones there for her through it all," ryan spat angrily.Â
"oh fuck off, leno. you probably like that she goes to you more."Â
"fine. you wanna so badly what we were talking about? fine. she thinks she's broken because of her eating disorder. she still can't eat and she spirals everyday about it. she fake eats her food. she's scared of telling you because she doesn't wanna ruin your reputation and make herself seem like she's not the perfect girlfriend everyone thinks she is. so yeah, while you're here accusing me of cheating and making passes on her, you might wanna make sure your girlfriend is doing okay."Â
everyone stilled hearing that. will's eyes flicked to gabe who slowly nodded in confirmation while adverting his gaze. when he looked at drew and aram they didn't meet his gaze either.Â
"you're serious?"Â
"why the fuck would i lie about that? that's what that photo is about. she completely broke down in front of me," ryan said sadly.Â
TWO MONTHS AGO
when ryan and samy couldn't decide what to make for dinner while gabe was out, they decided to just eat out too. they were in new york and that felt like enough of an excuse to buy dinner. after some brief research, they decided on a small restaurant only a few blocks from gabe's apartment.Â
samy carefully stirred her straw around her cup. her gaze was on the table, kind of like her mind was somewhere else. ryan watched her carefully, wondering if he should pry or not. he wasn't one to really pick into people's lives, that was more gabe's thing, but samy had been looking spaced out ever since yesterday when she got in.Â
"hey, you okay?" ryan gently nudged her foot under the tale. the brunette glanced up at him, flushing. "yeah, sorry. i'm good."Â
she managed a smile, but the boy knew her better than that. he may not be will, but he had been samy's friend long enough to know when she was lying. he could tell there was more on her mind she wasn't saying.Â
"all cards on the table?" he asked and samy knew what that meant. her, ryan, and gabe had this saying with each other that they used when one could tell there was more the other wanted to say but wasn't and the other two wanted them to know they were there to talk or listen.Â
the soccer player grimaced. her skin felt hot like she was being caught in a lie. she struggled to meet ryan's glance, especially when the tears welled in her eyes faster than she wanted. being this vulnerable in front of people was something she hated. the hockey player heard her sniffle though and he immediately knew something was wrong.Â
"hey, i'm right here. it's okay. you can talk to me. judgement free zone. whatever is said here doesn't leave this table."Â
samy's head fell into her hands as she started crying harder. ryan's eyes flicked around the restaurant to make sure no nosy ears or eyes were trying to catch wind of what was going on. he carefully got up and scooted himself into samy's side of the booth.Â
"oh, samy.." he tugged his arm around her and let her fall into his shoulder.Â
"am i broken?" she finally asked through her cries.Â
the boy raised his eyebrow, "broken? no. you're not broken, sam."Â
"i feel so broken, ry. so broken. like i don't know why i feel this way or how to even feel better. it's like a cycle i can't break out of," she vented and the boy's heart broke hearing and seeing her like this.Â
he's always known samy to have a hard outer shell. she knew what she wanted and didn't put up with people who talked down on her. hate comments rolled off of her back. seeing her so unsure of herself hurt.Â
"you're so not broken, samy. you've been through some hard stuff, yeah, but that doesn't make you broken. you're still seeing your therapist and taking meds?"Â
"it's not working. i still can't eat. the voices consume me and work harder than the meds do. i feel..stuck. i let it slip to my therapist and she put it in her notes. my psychiatrist thinks we should up my dosage and that fucking terrifies me because then that means i can't ever be normal again without them. i don't wanna have to rely on medication to make me feel an ounce of normalcy."Â
ryan squeezed her shoulder, "it can be scary to have to rely on something like that, but taking meds to make you feel better doesn't make you any less normal. it definitely doesn't mean you're broken."Â
"then why aren't they helping me?"Â
"sometimes you have to take a little more of something to be able to feel its full effect."Â
"my brothers are three perfect people. they don't struggle. they work hard and achieve these crazy things. i can't even eat a full meal without internally freaking out and having to throw it up or picking apart what's in it. i'm not supposed to be this way." ryan knew people online compared samy to her brothers a lot. most of it was stupid, but someone always had something to say. he couldn't imagine having to see that constantly.Â
"just because you're struggling with this doesn't make you any less of a person or weaker than them. you're still strong, at least i think so. these feelings won't last forever." the capitals rookie tried reassuring.Â
"and what happens when they do?"Â
"a lot of people who struggle can't even admit they are or need help. it's a big step already that you're admitting to the help and letting people help you. have you told anyone that you still feel this way other than your therapist? your brothers? will?"Â
samy shook her head. "god, quinn would be so disappointed if he knew i wasn't getting better. if he knows, he'll tell my parents because they still don't know. that was our deal. he moves things around and puts me on his insurance to help me and i get better, then we don't have to involve my parents. i don't, and he tells them because then it's a bigger problem that they need to know about."Â
"he wouldn't be disappointed in you. he loves you and just wants to make sure you're gonna get better. the same goes for will," the boy said gently. she grimaced at the mention of her boyfriend who also didn't know about any of this.Â
"i can't put something like this on will. he's got so many other things to worry about with his career hitting a high. i can't...i can't be the one to ruin that or fuck up his reputation because he has a mentally ill girlfriend who can't pull her shit together. everyone thinks i'm some perfect girlfriend..and i can't fuck up any of that for him."
ryan frowned hearing samy think will wouldn't carry this with her. if anything, he'd drop it all if he knew samy was still struggling this badly. "sam, you know he loves you and also cares a lot about you. you wouldn't be ruining anything. he'd drop everything for you if you asked or didn't ask."Â
"i know which is why i don't wanna tell him. this isn't his burden to carry. he can't be distracted thinking about me when he has his 2nd nhl season ahead of him. i can't be the distraction."Â
ryan wanted to beg otherwise, but he didn't. instead, he squeezed samy tighter into his side and hated how she didn't even think she couldn't go to her own boyfriend because she didn't wanna burden him. that was definitely small remnants still from their breakup last summer.Â
even though will was his childhood best friend, ryan would always hold that grudge against him for hurting samy like that and making her think she wasn't enough to stay for.Â
"well, i'm always here for you and so is gabe and everyone else. you don't have to carry all of this alone, sam. tell us what you need and we'll be there," ryan promised.Â
the girl managed a smile for the first time since she started crying.Â
"thank you. i appreciate you. sorry for just..dumping all of that on you," she wiped her eyes wiyh the back of her hands. ryan quickly shook his head. "don't apologize. this is what we're here for. you lean and we lean back."Â
NOW
later, after the game endedâthe capitals walked away with the win and ryan just told will to call samy before leavingâthe blonde sat in his bedroom hovering over the girl's contact. she had to have seen the tweet by now and all the people talking about it, so she was probably waiting for him to say something about it.Â
he pressed call and held the phone to his ear. it rang three times before it connected. for a moment, both of them were quiet like samy knew what he wanted to ask her about.Â
"hey," will breathed.Â
"hi," samy said.Â
"i'm assuming you've seen the tweet?"Â
"yeah..i have," she paused. will bit his lip, mulling over everything he wanted to say and also how much he wanted to apologize for making samy think she could still never lean on him for things like this because of a stupid mistake he made a year ago.Â
"will, i'm really sorry i didn't tell you..i didn't really thinkâ"
"you don't have anything to apologize for. ryan told me everything. i'm the one who should be apologizing to you. i never meant to..to make you think you could never come to me or think you'd ruin my reputation or some shit. that's the furthest thing from my mind. i could literally care less about what people thought of me," the boy quickly cut her off.Â
samy breathed out. she sat on her own bed in michigan mulling over her own words.Â
"i wanted to tell you. i promise. i just..i dunno. i haven't really felt like myself in so long. i feel like i don't even know who i am anymore. i guess i felt shitty for lying to you about eating what i needed to and i didn't want you to be disappointed in me."Â
"baby, i could never be disappointed in you no matter what. you're going through something really hard. i hate that you feel this way about yourself and i wish there was something more i could do to help you not feel this way."
"it's just like..these thoughts i always have. like a second voice talking to me. it psychs me out. it talks down on me. it yells at me. i'm battling my own brain to eat. i don't even know how to explain it. i was having a really hard weekend and..i guess it just all came out with ryan. whoever was watching us must've thought something else and wanted to make drama at the game tonight. i'm really sorry if it did.." samy frowned at the idea of will getting mad at ryan for something like the photo was trying to imply.
the blonde flushed. "if anything, i think it knocked some sense into me. i really wish i could be there for you more and not just through a phone."Â
"i really wish you were here, too. the summer was so easy because i had you always checking in on me and eating with me to make it feel a little easier. it just gets so hard when it's just me trying to do it," the girl bit her lip, the ache of missing her boyfriend growing stronger in her chest.Â
will's ache grew too. he missed her like crazy.Â
"tell me how i can make this easier for you. we can facetime every meal? i can send more texts about checking in? pictures? videos? anything, baby. i'm here for you," will promised.Â
"you wouldn't hate getting up early to eat breakfast with me or.."Â
"never. i'd wake up at any time to talk to you. i'll even make my own breakfast to eat later. i'll send videos, pictures, whatever."Â
a soft smile crept onto samy's lips. "i love you."Â
"i love you so much. i promise i'll make it work to see you soon. you come here or i go there. i wanna see you so bad."Â
"me too. it's so hard being so far," the brunette mumbled.Â
"i know, but we'll be in the same city again soon. i'm so excited for you to live in san jose with me," the blonde grinned.Â
a more comfortable silence fell between the couple as they just listened to each other breathe through the call. "can i ask if..if you ever did end up upping your dosage on your meds?" will wondered.Â
"yeah, i did. i did about a month ago. it's been helping more which is good, but i don't know. it's like an addiction. it's always gonna be there and i have to actively work to keep it away."
"you're doing the best that you can, baby. it's gonna feel scary, but i'm really proud of you."Â
even though he couldn't see her, samy smiled at his words. "i hope you didn't hate ryan too much.."Â
"uh..i may have threw a few punches at him, but i was being immature and irrational. i was upset he knew what i didn't. i got jealous that you went to him and gabe more than me," will frowned and so did samy.Â
"i never meant for it to be like that, will. i always wanna talk to youâ"Â
"i know you never meant anything by it. i shouldn't have made you feel like you couldn't come to me."Â
"we all learn from our mistakes. know i always wanna go to you for everything," will smiled at her words.Â
"so we're good then?" the boy asked and samy nodded.Â
"we're always good."Â









