#wilcowednesday

And I know that it won't be The easiest to set free And I know that I won't be the last Cold captain tied to the mast

I'm on the other side I'm satisfied I'm a spirit dove I'm looking for your love

I'm simple as a matter of fact A punch in the nose don't overreact I will still love you to death And I won't ever forget how

And I know that I won't be The easiest to set free And I know that I won't be the last Cold captain tied to the mast

And I know that I won't be the one To securely know when it's wrong But I hope I know when it's past And I hope I know when to show you my Whole love Whole love Whole love Whole love Whole love Whole love Whole love I won't ever forget how

I love this song (the whole song) every time I hear it! Let’s start with that opening stanza: My gold marigolds attack My black bed of roses I'm going to bring 'em all back With hypnosis ah

I was immediately struck by the use of gold and black in this opening stanza because that is Jungian language to describe our unconscious self. My understanding of the unconscious self is that we all have parts of ourselves that can’t be accepted within society, and these parts get pushed by our ego into the unconscious. We are no longer aware of them, even though these parts have some sway over our everyday lives.

That which is gold in your unconscious would be the powerful and beautiful aspects of your personality that society found unacceptable. Perhaps you were very gifted at math, but because you were a girl you weren’t allowed to reveal this intelligence (intelligent women are a threat to a patriarchal society). Or perhaps you cried as a little boy and a parent told you that big boys don’t cry. Intelligence and tenderness are gifts, but because of the reaction they got, your ego put them under the table (out of sight) and into the unconscious. It is a survival tactic so we can maneuver throughout society.

Then there is the black side of the unconscious self. Anger, pride, passion, sexual desires and willfulness all might be things we put out of consciousness because we learned that they hurt others or made us socially unacceptable. I would be inclined to compare it to the sea, or perhaps a wild bear: frightening, powerful, and unpredictable.

I have found that I can see the fingerprints of my unconscious in the ways I view other people. I can project my black onto people and really hate them for it. For example, I have found myself the most angry at Christians for their apathy when I myself was very apathetic about my own spirituality. We can also project our gold onto others. When we admire someone for their commitment to a cause, it is possibly because they reveal our own deep capacity to be committed to something. The issue with projection is that it lets us off the hook of responsibility and puts it onto the projection screen. So we project our black roses onto politicians we hate, and we make them sub-human, that way we don’t have to feel badly about the state of the world--it is their fault! We also project our gold onto politicians we love, and again we escape responsibility for making the world a better place. And when we find out the politician isn’t perfect we become bitter and resentful.

The Jungian expert, Robert Johnson, in his books about the unconscious, makes the case that in our lives the black and the gold need to be brought into consciousness slowly, and in balance with each other. This goes against our grain. We are tempted to only uncover the gold, but with it comes the black side of the unconscious. And so, when our gold marigolds attack our bed of black roses, the journey to wholeness requires us to create space to name and respect the dark side of who we are. Ways to create space for the black roses include meditation, contemplative prayer, fasting, various forms of therapy, dream work, and (I suspect) hypnosis--ah!

This work of bringing the unconscious self into consciousness is very difficult. Our ego is always resisting the process, and even finding new ways to thwart our efforts. At the same time, it is very liberating because it requires a tremendous amount of energy to keep these aspects of our identity buried in the unconscious. When we are tired or hungry or disoriented the unconscious self will pop to the surface and take over our lives. Once we begin to honor the unconscious self by looking for its fingerprints in our lives, then we have a tremendous amount of energy available to actually live life. But again, the ego is resistant, and will need to be bound to the mast of our ship--like a cold captain.

And what does all this liberated energy help us to do? It moves us to a place of simple freedom. Our value and identity are not pushed and pulled by the thoughts and actions of others. We can take a “punch in the nose” and not “overreact.” In our core, a desire for love pulses, which is more powerful than labels such as “other” and “enemy.” Arriving at this place feels like we’ve reached the “other side” where we are “satisfied.” And yes, we are dwelling in a deep awareness, like a spirit dove, looking for the deepest love.

Jung described this spiritual journey as leading to individuation, and others speak of wholeness. When we bring our unconscious self into consciousness we are becoming a more whole person. And while wholeness is liberating, the truth is we can’t show everyone our gold and black. They aren’t ready for the rules and roles of society to be shattered or shifted. But with those who love us unconditionally, with those who can accept our extremities, then we can reveal our whole self and our whole love.

Deeper down, he felt the insult of a kiss

Deeper still than we can go

Further out than triremes row

Drowning slow

His memories persist

Out beyond the telescopes pry

Up above the tallest dutch dope high

He realized, this mystery is his

Underneath the ocean floor

The part of who we are, we don't explore

I adore the meaninglessness of the this

We can’t express

By the end of the bout

He was punched out

Fists capsized, muscles shouting

Deeper down, he felt the comfort of a kiss

I believe it is true that we are transformed when we remain present to our suffering. Suffering is the space where we are pushed beyond our own resources. It looks different for each one of us. Defeat, loss, humiliation, and failure are possible spaces for suffering. And with every experience of suffering, there is the insulting kiss, a feeling of betrayal by someone or something. We can be betrayed by others, by God, and most commonly by our own self. What makes a betrayal insulting (deeper down, he felt the insult of a kiss) is the response of the false self, or the ego. It is our constructed self that must turn suffering and loss into an insult.

Side note: Is the insulting kiss in the lyric a reference the the gospel betrayal of Jesus by Judas?  

If we stay with our suffering, then we begin to move past the offended reaction of the ego. By not projecting our disappointment onto someone or something else we begin to move deeper down. We move further out than triremes (an ancient boat, used effectively for battle by the Athenians) into uncharted space, and all the while, the ego continues a slow, drowning-like death. And in a paradoxical revelation, as we sink down we also begin to rise up to a higher level of consciousness. This awakening of consciousness is more profound than anything that can be produced through mind-expanding drugs, hence the “dutch-dope high.”

But deeper still, “underneath the ocean floor” perhaps the unconscious self, we begin to discover a True Self, our soul, which is the connection point with God. There, in that space we experience that which is bigger than us and yet includes us. It is that which is indestructible. I believe Jesus is hinting at this when he talks about the kingdom of God. With the ego demoted through defeat, we taste our deeper identity which cannot be expressed. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” (Gospel of Matthew ch. 5)

The discovery of the true self sets us free from the tyranny of the ego and transforms our defeats into victories. And now, the kiss, which was once an insult, is now a kiss of comfort.

What does this song say to you? I would love to hear.

To hear the song: