Everyday
when I come into school
I sew the skin over my bones
paint a glassy layer across my sandpaper body
and everyday
I put on the mask I painted in fourth hour Art class
and everyday
I wonder how so few can see through my layers
it may be because
when I’m screaming on the inside
I sit in silence
and when I’m speaking up because what you just said
was not only homophobic but transphobic and just plain problematic
I sit in silence
and when I’m melting and there’s too much noise
and colors are blending together and I can’t read the textbook
all I want to do is leave
and watch the stars
because they understand
I sit in silence
and I wear my layers
and I wear my mask
because school
isn’t a place
I can show my bones
21% of high school students
are diagnosed with depression
4% have a form of ADD,
and anxiety and other mental illnesses
are more common than ever before
and even if we appear to be okay
we’re still putting on shells
and digging ourselves wells to hide in
is this the solution?
I wish we could just speak up.
but, on on top of everything
you give is us boxes
and all the little boxes
the little girls trapped inside
the little boys
little innocent people
filled with creativity and joy
curiosity almost
just almost spilling out
wide eyed rabbit tailed
forest spirited children
radical ideas and bare boned faces,
lost.
what does it matter if my poem doesn’t rhyme
it says more than I ever have
I learned to tell time watching the clock
waiting for school to be over
cause after seven hours my paint is cracking
and my throat is aching for use
so that I can finally get out
and tear down the walls
your box of social constructs gone
I can peel off my papercut skin
and the crocodile paint
and its me
bare boned skeleton fairy-tale me
I just want to grow
take me out of this pot
cause your shell is too small
and I think I’m a fish
so give me water to swim in
I’m choking on air
don’t you realize
in your drive to standardize
you’re killing the children?!
what we need is a change
a chance to grow
to learn
to be ourselves
show our beautiful bones
no matter how broken
just see us as individuals
and the fish will blow bubbles
the lions will roar
and the children will be let out
of their boxes.
