Write Me! AKA I know too much about y’all for it to even be healthy.
Andy Gray came to San Francisco to bake mandrake cupcakes and to be gay. The Bay-Area Baking competition was hours away when they decided to add something special to their mix. All good decisions should be made spur of the moment, thought Andy, sampling the batter. As they ducked forward again, eyeing their fondant critically, a shock of dark hair fell into their face. “Should I cut it?” Andy thought, pushing the stray lock back behind their ear. “No!” came the collective shout from Tumblr. Funny, Andy hadn’t posted anything concerning a haircut, but it was as if Tumblr and Andy’s brain were becoming one. “They’re mine,” growled KP, half-asleep on the kitchen island. “But do what you want with your hair, we’re in a secure and trusting relationship where both parties retain personal autonomy.” This made Sirius Black Andy Gray smile, thin lips pulling back to reveal perfect, shining teeth. They momentarily blinded KP, who squeezed their eyes shut tighter, at once completely asleep. A peppy melody forced KP’s eyes wide open. It was as if the song were all the sweeter when Katie was calling them. “KATIEEEE!!!” KP had accepted the call before Andy moved a muscle of their willowy frame. “Hey!” Katie grinned beatifically. “So, I heard you were cutting your hair?” “Where—?” Andy began, wondering if it was the raw egg, or the special ingredient, that was prompting this madness. “You can’t do that! I mean,” Katie chuckled once, “you can, you can do anything, Andy Gray! It’s just that I’m the haircut one now, you’re the smirk one always.” To illustrate this point, Andy smirked directly into the camera. All of Tumblr descended into madness. It was a weird day. “What am I?” asked KP, wary, as ever, of being called that horrible B-word. “You?” Andy turned to their dear DM, reaching up to taking their face gently between their long fingers. “You’re a legume. The legumiest legume. You’re the legume all the other legumes wish they were,” Andy promised Remus Lupin KP. With a sigh, KP nodded their acceptance. Being a legume was arguably better then being a bean. “AND WHAT AM I?” bellowed Lunday, swinging the kitchen door wide open to reveal a face we, quite frankly, don’t see enough of anymore. “You’re Lunday!” each member of the Fab Foursome answered as one. Rays of sunlight bounced off each wide grin; the heat cooked the mandrake cupcakes to perfection. “They’re of consenting age,” said Andy Gray, holding a cupcake to their mouth. “Time to kill them for the greater good.” “Isn’t that essentially the plot of Harry Potter?” asked the narrator, breaking down the fourth wall because we’re at the end of this little story. “Essentially,” replied Andy. “Have a cupcake.” All was well gay.
(I am so sorry, not to Andy, who asked for this, maybe not this exactly, but whatever but for the three of you who literally did not. If it’s of any consolation you didn’t consent, therefore by the laws of this story you cannot be killed! @siriusly-not-over-remus; @whompingwillovv; @girlswillbeboys11; @lundayy)
