#whoc

1. Who would ask “would you still love me if I was a worm?” and how would the other(s) respond?

I could see Whirl asking. He heard it somewhere and he never misses a chance to fuck with people. Havoc just sort of stares at him with an unreadable expression for a moment, processing what the fuck he just asked her, then responds with a deadpan "It'd be an improvement". He loses it.

2. Who comes up with the best date night ideas?

It ain't me that's for sure

I'd say it really depends on your definition of best. Havoc likes a romantic and intimate atmosphere, Whirl prefers to do something that involves action, and none of that mushy stuff. Most of the time, he wins out (Havoc is happy enough to go along with his plans as long as they aren't too wacky, and she knows he's not that comfortable with intimacy). But on some rare occasions he'll go out of his way to plan something romantic for her. Don't ever tell anyone about it though, he'll deny everything.

3. Who’s better at carnival games?

We all know it's Whirl. He fucking slays at the shooter games especially (and Havoc gets a giant teddy bear as a prize).

Havoc is banned from Whack-A-Mole because she whacked too hard and broke the board (but she did technically hit the mole. Whirl got into a fight with the owner about denying her her rightful prize). But you know that game with the hammer where you gotta hit it as hard as you can to ring a bell on top of the pole? Whirl saw it and YANKED Havoc over there. She broke that too. Whirl also got a giant teddy bear. He gave his a makeover. But he also kept it, which seems like a good sign.

4. Who drags the other(s) onto a rollercoaster?

Definitely Whirl dragging Havoc. He's so used to wacky flight maneuvers that a rollercoaster is nothing to him. Meanwhile Havoc is not having fun. She's not made for speed. Why would you make her do this. Why did she agree to this.

5. Who does the most chores?

Havoc. Rip. It's not that Whirl does nothing, but Havoc's spent long enough as a medic to be a bit particular about organization and cleanliness, while Whirl honestly doesn't really give a fuck. So if she wants their habsuite to be in some sort of order, it's on her to upkeep it. She does make Whirl patch up the holes he puts in the wall though. After patching up the holes he put in himself in the process.

6. Who gets drunk the quickest?

Despite her size, Havoc's actually quite the lightweight, mainly because she just hardly ever drinks. She's not against it or anything, but she's constantly on-call in case there's a medical emergency, so it's very rare for her to let herself get intoxicated. She needs to be able to drop whatever she's doing and perform emergency surgery at any point. There are no vacation days.

7. Who watches the most reality tv?

They both do this for date night. Just put on whatever dumb shit they can find and then spend the whole evening dunking on it.

Havoc at some point gets really into human medical drama series and comes out with a very skewed impression of human medicine.

8. Who insists their way is better even though it’s objectively the worst way?

Probably Whirl, considering his problem solving methods usually involve multiple guns. Have you ever considered rational thought? He has not, and he is offended by the very notion. Havoc is so tired.

9. Who believes in ghosts?

Unironically? Neither, at least not the funny spooky kind. Whirl might get into it for the bit (and Havoc might support him for the bit if they're messing with someone else).

The spirits of their countless fallen comrades haunting all those that still live? Yeah, that feels like a thing, but it's, like, normal at this point. You learn to live with it. Don't worry about it.

10. Who texts the most memes to the other(s)?

Do I even have to say Whirl. The moment he realizes the possibility, he'll start communicating exclusively through memes. After being on the receiving end of this for far too long, Havoc in turn is now aware of every meme known to man and mech. And she does know how to use them, though she uses this knowledge so seldom, no one ever sees it coming until she drops one in the group chat and everyone goes wild. Whirl is so proud.

11. Who makes the most typos/autocorrect mistakes?

Both. Havoc needs to keep autocorrect on because her fat fingers make it difficult to hit the right keys on the tiny keyboard, and she usually pays attention but sometimes things slip by.

Whirl meanwhile can't type for shit with his claws but he also gives zero fucks about it. He would NOT bother with autocorrect. You get what you get. Good luck deciphering that shit.

But if Havoc sends one word wrong, she will never hear the end of it.

It's probably easier for both of them to just give each other a call instead.

12. Who’s a more nervous flyer?

Definitely Havoc. Whirl's an aerial bot, he's obviously made for all that, but Havoc's a whole tank. Do not put her in the air. Big ships like the Lost Light are obviously fine, but dear Primus do not lift her up or anything crazy like that. She does not like heights.

13. If they have matching pfps, are they cute, funny, weird, etc?

Oh you know Whirl would do the silliest fucking thing he could think of. I can't even give you an example because he's funnier than me. Havoc humors him, and is kind of touched he wants to match with her even if it's for a joke (but she's not doing anything obscene, please, this is a professional account).

14. Who’s better at writing professional emails?

Surprisingly, Whirl. If he bothers to sit down for it and do it properly at least. Which he usually doesn't. Havoc's never been that great with wording stuff, and though she's gotten a lot better over the past couple of million years (a good few million years of practice do make a difference) she still prefers to have someone proofread her writing. Preferably someone like Ratchet though. Whirl might edit it to make it worse on purpose.

15. Who steals the other(s)’ food?

Whirl just straight up sticks his face in there and vaccuums it up before Havoc can stop him. If she holds him back at the shoulder he'll manage to elongate his neck somehow. He's worse than a cat. Menace.

16. Who’s more willing to commit murder for the other(s)?

Whirl's always down to commit murder, it's hardly even special. Sure, he'd commit murder for Havoc, but he'd commit murder for a corn chip. Literally just "I'd kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you." / "No, Whirl."

Havoc would kill for him too if she had to, but only as a very last resort. She hates killing so much. She has centuries of trauma. But if it was that or losing Whirl, she wouldn't hesitate. She does still have the old instincts, however buried they may be.

17. Their child is chanting “McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!”, who says they have food at home, joins the chant, or buys a single black coffee and leaves?

Whirl is chanting. You know Whirl is chanting. There isn't even a child present. Havoc is the one who insists they have food at home.

If there's other guys with them, Whirl could also be the one who gets a black coffee and leaves, though he might also get himself a Happy Meal. And not share it. He just wanted the toy, and maybe some nuggies. Havoc can have one(1) nugget, because she's special.

Not if it's Sparky wanting McDonald's though. Sparky would get her McDonald's. Hell, Whirl would get her a whole guy if that's what she wanted to eat. "Whirl. Put down the gun. We have food at home."

18. Who uses more slang?

Whirl uses the worst slang terms he picks up from god knows where specifically to piss people off. Tell me Whirl wouldn't say skibidi rizz if he knew what that meant. Or even if he didn't. Look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't.

Havoc has no idea what the fuck he's talking about but she just sort of goes with it.

19. Who uses emoticons?

Havoc somehow gives me the distinct vibe that she'd use emojis like an old lady. Probably has the fucker saved in her phone as "Whirl 🚁".

Whirl just spams them indiscriminately and with abandon. It's like hieroglyphics.

20. Who would absolutely slay at the met gala?