#whitepeoplesuck

I am so very thankful to have a relationship with my brother and father, but there is a but. I know I have changed; one you begin to see, you can't unsee. But spaces where people do not understand other people (and in this case, skin color) are frustratingly uncomfortable.

It was a Google phone commercial that I left their house at. I guess this new phone helps people of color take clearer pictures. I don't know. But that was humorous to my family. It dawned on me; who cares? If I (or we) don't have an issue where our skin color doesn't show up and that thought has never crossed your mind, who cares if now this exists for people who it has been a challenge for? Just be quiet. Just continue trying to process Snoop Dogg and why dancers were doing those very weird and obscene dances (their interpretation of that).

The things that don't matter to us, that we don't see, or even consider. Of course we like Eminem. Of course we love our white, college boy Joe Burrow. Of course we are comfortable and don't have to consider the uncomfortablity of people who aren't represented. But we are put out by a cell phone camera because it takes pictures of people who don't look like us?

I have to write something about something I’ve been thinking about lately. I’ve been scrolling through my tumblr feed and I’m realizing how much problematic stuff I’ve been posted. I am ashamed, and I want to say that I’m sorry.

I had dreadlocks and felt entitled to them, used AAVE language without acknowledging it’s significance and where it belongs, I used to wear bindis doing the whole “eat pray love” thing, I tried to reclaim the t-word then got criticism based on the fact that I’m not a target of the discrimination towards trans women and trans feminine people. I’m grossed out by my whiteness and ignorance. It’s nothing to be proud of.

It’s unfair how a white person can post a picture with dreadlocks, with words that don’t belong to white people and get a bunch of likes. Generally apropriating other people’s cultures and making it “cool” and “trendy”.

If I could go through my feed and delete all the problems I would do it this instance, and maybe I will one day but first; I want to be humble and say that I regret my actions in ignorance. White people suck. My tumblr feed is a perfect example of this. Probably not the worst but I’m not trying to justify my actions. They are not okay.

I think everyone is searching for themselves, and I tried to find that person on the internet. I found representations of myself everywhere (because the world is dominated by white people stealing the culture of everyone else) and I felt entitled to all of it. But I’m not. White people suck.

I’m trying my best to change my ways and educate myself on the complex layers of our society. I try to listen to the voices that usually gets blurred out and erased by ignorant white people feeling like they own everything.

I don’t wanna be that person. I really hope no one will, but I understand I have these toxic tendencies. I will try to be more cautious from now on. When I dress up, when making art, when I write tags, or captions and so on. No one deserves to have their uniqueness and identity taken away from them.

So again I’m sorry and ashamed. I will try my best, and when/if I receive criticism I will try and take it to heart. I don’t expect people to call me out because I don’t see other people as a representation of a specific identity. I will try my best to educate myself and become a better alley. Because I believe that no one is free until everybody is.