#whining really

my brain is over fried lately and I just get miserable looking at all the fantasies of stuff im probably not going to have

Our North Carolina work trip next month, that I’ve been looking forward to all year, has been cancelled. I don’t know why yet, I just got the e-mail from my boss and we haven’t discussed it, but I’m feeling so disappointed.

Just after I got that e-mail, the phone rang and it was a customer, yelling at me and refusing to talk to my manager and insisting that we’re crooks for selling him the wrong part when he won’t tell me what the part number is for the part so I can actually look into it and try and fix the problem. Luckily, my boss understood and called him back to ream him out and tell him never to come to our shop again but it always sucks getting yelled at and feeling that you can’t fix the problem.

I think with our consistent temperatures below -10C in the day and -20C at night, I'm getting a bit of a case of the cold weather blues.

I have an absolute lack of motivation, I have 0 desire to leave bed, I'm consistently tired in spite of 8 hours of sleep, and I have a lack of energy. 

It doesn't help that everyone in my life is going on vacation but we can't afford it.

Last night was a perfect example. We got home after work, and since I wasn't hungry yet, I decided to start the movie (Men in Black 3) and cook later. 8:30 rolled around, I still wasn't hungry. But you can't exactly go without dinner for no damn reason, so I just made a thing of oatmeal (and later, apples and peanut butter). But I'm always hungry when I get home from work, where did it go yesterday?

I used to love skiing in the winter, but with the plummet in temperature (and with the cats peeing on my boyfriend's equipment earlier this season) we haven't gone out once yet. Now all I want to do is hide inside in front of a heater and the tv.

Perhaps my lack of exercise is what's bringing me down? Or a lack of vitamin D? In the summer, I walk a lot and horseback ride, but it's far too cold for that now. I also think my diet is getting worse since I've been turning to junk food. 

I just need to feel the sun warming my face again, instead of the wind burning it. I need to have a desire to be outside again, instead of only a desire to be inside. I miss skirts, I miss shorts, I miss driving on the track, I miss horseback riding, I miss beaches, I miss having the window down in the car and hearing birds, I miss greenery...