#while half asleep

they are a different type of

tiger, though.

these ones do not

want to bite.

they are howling

silent curses to me and i cannot

look away.

the clock is not ticking.

all is quiet except the roar of

engines in my ears and my pencil 

guiding itself on the paper.

i miss my friends. 

the screen is off, now,

and the only thing whispering to

me is sleep, but i am happy

here in my way-too-late-at-night 

high.

i can breathe now, but it

is not easy.

my hair is soft, and 

there is a mark on my cheek

from accidentally scratching myself.

it takes me a moment to write

each word.

drowsiness is making my

vision blur, and sleep promises

less difficulty.

“Look who finally showed up.”

‘What?” Chess looks up, startled.

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To visit me?” Riley says. She sits down on the chair opposite them and rests her handcuffed wrists before her. She looks exactly as she did the night she was arrested; there’s no signs of weariness, or surprise tattoos, or remorse, or anything, really, that Chess had been expecting to see.

“Yeah, about that,” Chess says, the words of her carefully-prepared question rolling around in her mind, but she chickens out last-minute and blurts, “it’s Cairo’s birthday next weekend and we’re planning a surprise party for her but we can’t decide between a Red Velvet or Tiramisu cake and thought you’d know.”

She can feel Eva’s eyebrows arching behind her.

Even Riley looks confused. “Um, neither. The only flavor she likes is Strawberry.”

“Great. Wonderful. Good information. Really helpf-”

“That’s...that’s not why we came here, actually,” Eva interrupts before Chess has the chance to regurgitate the thesaurus. 

“No, it’s not,” Riley smirks. “You came ‘cuz I asked you to.”

“We came because Cairo asked us to,” Chess says, confidence rising in her chest again. “And she’s our captain, and this is important to her, so we’re here.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Riley says. Suddenly, she grins, her eyes lighting up. “Wait, how did regionals go? Cairo wouldn’t tell me anything, apparently she didn’t want to make me ‘feel bad’”—Riley makes air quotes with her fingers—“but I need to hear all the deets!”

“We didn’t go” - “It was fine,” Eva and Chess say at the same time. Eva immediately clamps a hand over her mouth. 

“You. Didn’t. Go?” Riley practically shrieks, loud enough for the officer nearby to start walking toward their table. Chess quickly offers them a short smile, and the officer stays put. 

“We didn’t have the funding,” Eva offers, clearly in an attempt to remedy the situation.

“No, no, that’s not it,” Chess says, and as soon as she does, her adrenaline rush immediately disappears. Riley’s eyes narrow. Fuck. 

Under the table, Eva squeezes her hand slightly. You’ve got this.

Chess takes a deep breath. “It just felt wrong to be there without two of our teammates, who deserved to go as much as we did, but didn’t, because you killed them.”

“So you’re saying it’s my fault, somehow, that you skipped out on the most important event of the year?”

“Your words, not mine.”

“Well, I’ll have you know, Chess,” Riley sneers, “if I had done my job properly, you wouldn’t have even had a decision to make, because you wouldn’t be here.”