#whevs

hope is like looking across a tight rope bridge over a jungle. how wide does the ground beneath your feet need to be for you to comfortably walk?

I like parallels,

are we walking on the inside or the outside

one is bristling, brimful,

movement by association by the agreed measure and weights and scales

poured through again and again,

and over and over,

to look out a stationary window as though on a train - being plunged through the world,

in a way discordant to proper appreciation of its virtue,

not to look out the window and see ants on an ant hill, no, i don’t think,

it can never be detailed enough

the inner working can never be seen, the iceberg under the waterline

the thing incomprehensible until further inspection,

you cannot suffer vertigo from the inside, blood does not fear it’s journey

so vital as it is, from the inside it is cautionary.

To the outside,

any spill is a disaster, one wrong move is game over pal,

the air is sharp, vicious, rapacious,

it can swell and boil and pus and sloven,

and far more perilous to resist - the comfort once know is shattered,

but here decides the action, the dramatic awe inspiring, god inducing

beauty beyond beauties. It’s right there. Just there.

So still. So close.

It lays itself whole, bare before you, unravels in ecstasy for your eyes.

The World has no shame in being beautiful. And the root

is timeless, whatever the case may be.

to continue thus in a foreign land, one must walk the tightrope of their values,

the display they offer, both sides, head and tails, and you in-between

i failed my mother and i failed myself i forgot to take care of myself and i forgot to remember that i'm the most important person there is in my own goddamn life it's freaking december and i regret so much about 2014 i could cry all over again

the first half of my summer was shit and i had deep convos on a rollercoaster with a complete stranger bc there was no one else to talk to the second half of my summer spiraled out of control and there was no place to go bc nowhere was home for a solid week january was shit and february was worse march taught me nothing and april caught me off guard june proved me worthless and july was my killer august revived me for a little and september could have been the end for me if it weren't for october where i remembered that i'm worth something

and so on and so forth

but whatever and so long